by Nick Svolos
I took a few quick steps, grabbed the heavy-duty roll cage of one of the ATVs and threw it at Sledge. It arced through the air and the villain blasted it just before it hit him. I’d thrown it so that the fuel tank would bear the brunt of the attack, and it erupted in a fiery explosion when the superheated ionized gasses hit it. Burning gasoline geysered in Sledge’s direction, covering the area and the interior of the elevator he found himself blasted back into.
Feeling pretty damned pleased with myself, I glanced toward Herculene. Rather than an adoring look of approval and admiration of my clever stratagem, she shot me an angry glare and pointed behind me. I turned to see a small army of robots coming out of the ladder well. Between that and the sound of Sledge recovering and unleashing a blast at SpeedDamon, I understood her reaction.
I’d screwed things up. While I was trying to do Herculene’s job for her, I’d left my own role unattended. That left our little team open to attack from the robots. To make matters worse, by setting the elevators on fire, I’d made her job even more difficult. She had been hiding behind the crates because she wanted Sledge to come out and look for her. She could have engaged him in the open, where she’d have room to maneuver. Now she’d have to fight the villain in a burning elevator car. The flames wouldn’t damage either of them, but it would hurt. Her only other alternative would leave Sledge free to blast away at us with impunity.
I threw myself at the robots, turning my frustration at my mind-boggling stupidity into action. Hulks of machinery tore like tissue paper in my hands as I worked my way back to the ladder.
“That’s it, Stand-in. Stay on mission. Once you get the ladder clear, go!” Herculene confidently ordered over the comms. “We’ll hold ‘em off here.”
I hesitated. Leaving my friends behind just didn’t seem right. Leaving my girlfriend behind only made it worse. It had never been a problem before. I was used to watching her do her stuff from behind a camera lens. But, now that I had the ability to help, I wanted to stay behind. Protect her. Yeah, it was stupid, but nobody ever said the Y chromosome made you smart.
As I pummeled the last robot between me and the ladder, I realized Herculene was right. We were here for a reason, and I had a job to do. “Good luck guys. See you upstairs,” I said as I leaped into the ladder well and headed up.
More robots were on their way down the well toward me, whirring blades and grasping claws lashing out at me, but I just kept punching through them and willing myself upwards. Something fleshy and snakelike wrapped around my leg and started pulling me back down. “Gotcha!” I heard Polymer shout, his voice echoing up the cylindrical space.
No, you bastard. I got you. I reached down, grabbed his elastic arm and squeezed as hard as I could. The Professor howled in pain and let go. I reached up, found a conveniently placed robot, spun and sent it spinning down the shaft, right into his rubbery blue-clad head. He followed the robot’s sparking remains down the shaft, his limp, rope-like body trailing behind. I turned and went back to pounding my way through the Doctor’s mechanical guardians. I took a bit of satisfaction with each kill, knowing that I was burying the stretch under more and more heavy heaps of smoking wreckage. He’d be alright. It was damned hard to seriously damage a guy whose body took on the consistency of molten rubber, but you could knock him silly. Even if he came to, the fight would be long over before he managed to disentangle himself from the wreckage I was dropping on him.
Schadenfreude ran out of robots about the time I made it to the lab level.
“Well, well, well, who have we here?” he said casually as he lounged at his computer console, legs crossed, and exuding confidence, one finger poised above his terminal’s keyboard. A set of displays showed the battles raging down below. “It seems a new hero has come to thwart my plans. I must say, Mr. Conway, you are certainly full of surprises.”
I shrugged off my disappointment that he’d already figured out who I was. I hadn’t had a lot of hope of remaining anonymous once I got this far, anyway. I had to get him talking and didn’t have a way to disguise my voice. Still, blowing my ID in the first fifteen minutes didn’t augur well for my career as Captain Stand-in.
“I owe it all to clean living,” I replied, stepping into the lab. “How’d you know it was me, Doc?”
He raised the other hand, halting my progress with, “Ah, ah. Not one step further, if you please. All I must do is press this button to activate my nanobots. Even with your newfound abilities, I don’t think you will be able to stop me.”
He was right, of course. There was at least forty feet separating us. There was no way I’d be fast enough to stop him.
“It was simplicity itself, my boy. After your escape, I reviewed the security logs. Imagine my surprise to find Doughboy with you. And then, of course, I learned that you left for North Korea on Wednesday. Astounding! To learn that time travel actually is possible. I believe my next project has been laid before me. The only question remaining is whose powers you took. I see Ultiman hasn’t taken the field yet, so they must be his, yes?”
“Got it in one, doc,” I said, feeding that ego. “Mind if I sit?”
“Not at all, my boy. A pity you didn’t borrow your powers from SpeedDamon, eh? You might have had a chance. At least this way, we have time for a little chat.”
I reached out, pulled over a rolling task chair and sat down. People are less threatening when they’re seated. The last thing I wanted to do was to spook him. I needed things to be nice and calm.
The scientist smiled. “I suppose you would like to talk me out of my ‘mad scheme’, yes?”
“No, not at all. Go ahead and press that button.”
The look on Dr. Schadenfreude’s face was priceless. I memorized it. I wanted to remember it forever, to take it out and gaze upon it at some future date when I felt low and needed a boost. I’d just blown the mind of a guy with an IQ three times my own.
“W-What?” he stammered. He made an effort to recover his smug superiority. “What are you playing at?”
“Nothing. I’m just protecting my interests. You know, making sure the story goes the way I wanted it to.” I leaned back and crossed my legs.
“Are you saying you still wish to be my chronicler?”
“Well, not exactly,” I replied casually. “Not yours, anyway. I’m working for Philodox, now.”
My senses were assaulted by a half dozen shocked exclamations of “What?” One came from herr doktor across the room from me, the rest from The Angels listening in on the comms.
“Philodox, that witless fool! He has nothing to do with this! Nothing to gain. Explain yourself!” he ordered.
I shrugged, idly pulling a sliver of robot out of my skinsuit trousers and flicking it off to the side. “He made me a better offer. During my conversation with Glorious Leader, I explained how you set him up to take the fall for Santa Monica. I think he’s holding a bit of a grudge about that, by the way. He made the introduction. They’re good friends, as I’m sure you know. It turns out he’s a very reasonable man, although he doesn’t seem to like you much. Something about Buenos Aires? Anyway, once I told Philodox about your magnificent scheme, I’m sure you can imagine his interest. So, we worked out a little deal. Ten million dollars in an offshore account, I get to keep Ultiman’s powers, and I still get to break the story. The only alteration is, well, this might be the part you don’t like, we’re writing you out of the story, Doc. This was all Philodox’s doing.”
“Impossible!” he blustered.
A chorus of shocked responses erupted over the comms, and I heard Herculene shout, “Reuben, how could you? I’ll kill you for this!” She could barely hide her amusement behind her outraged tone, and I smiled. She knew what I was up to.
I laughed. “Oh, I’m afraid it’s quite possible. Isn’t that what guys like you and Philodox do? Make the impossible possible? Anyway, he’s got a great publicist. He’s already booked on Meet the Press tomorrow, to take credit for the new world he’s creating.”
“
This cannot be,” he erupted. His hand was off the keyboard now, his threat forgotten in his outrage. “This is my greatest triumph! That red-skinned buffoon could never conceive of such a plan! No. Nobody will believe this lie. Absurd!”
“Ah, but they will. After all, I’m a voice the people trust, remember? And, if that’s not enough, Glorious Leader released the journalists he’s been holding. After their captivity, they were quite agreeable to seeing things in a, shall we say, positive light? They’ll back the story. All I need is for you to press that button.” I rose. “Or, would you prefer I sent the command?”
“Nein!” he shouted, blocking the console with his body. “I’ll double his offer! Triple it!”
A tremendous burst of air erupted from the corridor behind me, almost bowling me over, and a streak of green sped across the room. Dr. Schadenfreude was swept off his feet to be pinned against the wall on the far side of the room.
I casually walked over to the computer and pressed the backspace key, erasing the nanobots’ activation command. “You’re a pro at this, doc, so maybe you’d be so kind as to give me a critique.” I met his hateful glare with a smile. “You see, I don’t get to gloat all that often. Am I doing it right?”
***
Herculene’s laughter filled the supply room while I emptied it of the Force gadgets it stored, filling a good-sized duffel bag with the things. SpeedDamon was back in the lab, working on cleansing the population of Los Angeles of its nanobot infestation. The other Angels were transporting Dr. Schadenfreude and the defeated members of the SchadenForce out to the desert where Ultiman had a few portable nullifiers set up and waiting. Jezebel and Egress were nowhere to be found, but we had bigger fish to fry. The Army was moving in to take control of the facility, and we didn’t want the tech here to fall into government hands.
“Did you really bring Philodox in on this?” she asked.
“Oh yeah. You don’t go around dropping the name of a guy like that without permission. Not if you know what’s good for you.”
She shook her head in admiration. “You and your crazy schemes. How’d you come up with this?”
“Guys like Schadenfreude, they all have the same Achilles' Heel. That big, fat ego. It doesn’t matter so much what he does just so long as everyone knows it was he who did it. All that talk about it being his greatest achievement? Dead give-away. So, when I found out that GL was buddies with Philodox, I figured he’d be all over a chance to really stick it to the Doctor. He doesn’t like him at all. Besides, he’s a super. He’d lose all his brain power mojo if this thing went off, so he had skin in the game.”
“Brilliant. Use one villain to thwart another.” After a pause, she asked, “So, you’re invulnerable now?”
I looked up and saw where she was going with this. She was giving me The Look. She was always worked up after a fight and I was her favorite way to burn off that excess energy. I believe I mentioned I’m a lucky man. “Yeah, for a little while, anyway.” I winked at her. “Wanna lock that door and make some questionable life choices?”
“Reuben!” she exclaimed in mock outrage. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
“You were giving me that look,” I said. “The Look.”
“I was so not giving you The Look.” She turned her head, red-faced.
“You so totally were,” I teased. For the record, she totally was.
“Alright, so maybe I’m a little curious,” she said softly. “I mean, I always have to be careful, you know, when we’re together.”
“Understood.” I reached past her. “Here, let me just close the door.” Yeah, I’m a jerk. I really enjoyed winding her up.
She laughed and slapped my hand away. “Not here, you knucklehead! We still have work to do.” She gave me The Look again, setting my mind and a few other parts on fire. “But later, once everything’s calmed down…”
“It’s a date,” I said with a grin. “Come on, let’s finish looting this place.”
XX
“Wait a minute. I think I had something crazy in my ears. It sounded like you said you don’t want your powers back.”
It was Monday. We were at the Tower, and things were quiet for a change. Between the cops, the Army and the superhero support Ben Johnson called in, the giant robots had all been disabled, most of them before SpeedDamon managed to issue the shutdown codes. There was a bit of property damage, but thankfully no casualties. The Angels hosted a barbecue on the roof the night before to thank the visiting heroes for having our backs. Orangutan took over the grill and cooked up several mean racks of ribs. He had to wear a full-body hair net, but the end result was worth it. Who knew a New Yorker could cook up an authentic Louisiana barbecue?
Through SpeedDamon’s hacking prowess, the nanobots were busily flushing themselves from their hosts. Dr. Schadenfreude’s greatest technological achievement literally went down the drain. The Army was firmly in control of the facility in the desert, but we had it cleaned out well before they made it to the site. You could call it dirty pool, but if there’s anything that costumed vigilantes have in common with reporters, it’s a healthy distrust of the government. We simply weren’t prepared to allow the madman’s technology to fall into their hands.
At the Jorgensen house, little Melinda was up and around, happily playing in her yard and rebuilding muscles that hadn’t been used in the two months since the fateful night when her coma began. Moonchild was all too happy to heal her once I explained the situation. It struck me that I might never have stumbled onto this whole caper if it wasn’t for her and her brother. Maybe it was a stroke of bad luck, but Panhandler and I thought Doughboy might have had a point. Maybe some things just had to happen. Plans were already being made to set up a training center for young superhumans at the Tower to try to prevent it from happening again. Herculene had made use of the team’s incarceration in North Korea to sell her captive audience on the idea. That girl just amazed me sometimes. They already had a name for it: The Karl Jorgensen Institute.
I spoke with Ultiman about the situation with Glorious Leader, and after discussing the matter with the team, we brought the information to Janice Kirk. Something had to be done, but it was too big to take on without some sort of government sanction. We were waiting on a decision, but I didn’t think the team would abandon GL even if the President decided it wasn’t worth the risk. We all believed the dictator’s story, and The Angels weren’t known for turning their backs on something like that.
It wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops, however. There was a funeral service scheduled for Wednesday for Sandoval and the two police officers who gave their lives in the shootout at the Jefferson Plaza tower. We’d be there to pay our respects, the team in their costumes and me covering the event for the paper.
For my own part, I filed my report on Saturday evening. It hit the streets Sunday morning and the Beacon’s press literally couldn’t print enough copies. Harry was ecstatic and gave me the week off. I planned to get out to Norco to see my dad and finally put the finishing touches on the woody, but I figured I should get one thing out of the way first: giving Ultiman his powers back.
He called an impromptu meeting of the team to discuss the matter. I should have known something was up, based on that alone.
“You heard me correctly, Mr. Conway. I am not taking them back.”
“Boss, you can’t be serious,” SpeedDamon said.
“I have never been more serious. My powers come with a curse. Immortality. I never thought I would be free of it. Now, I am. I can finally lead a normal life. I know it sounds odd, but it is something I have dreamed of for a very long time. I hope you will all understand, but my decision is made.”
Three Dollar Bill commented, “Yeah, I get it. Guess we can’t fault you for that. But it does leave us another man short. There’s also the question about the continuity of the team’s leadership.”
“I can train whoever is willing to step up to that role.” He looked around the room at his team. Nobody volunteered. “I would
rather one of you take the reins. You all have untapped leadership potential. Believe me, I know what to look for.” Still, silence answered him. “Or, if nobody wants the job, I can continue for a while, I suppose. I propose we give it some time to sink in.”
“Very well,” Suave said, “but, we still haven’t found a replacement for Phoenix Fire. Losing you will put a serious dent in our capabilities.”
“Agreed, but I have a thought on that matter,” Ultiman looked my way, sending a chill up my spine.
He wouldn’t!
“I thought perhaps Captain Stand-in would be the perfect replacement.”
All eyes turned to me. “Oh no. No no no no no. No way.”
Mentalia reached out and touched my arm. “It does make sense, Reuben.”
“You could be Captain Permanent.” SpeedDamon joked.
“Guys, I can’t. I just…” I struggled to find the right words. “Look, I don’t want to let you guys down, but this isn’t me. I’m a reporter. It’s what I do. It’s what I want to do. This is just too much.”
“You don’t have to give up your day job, man,” Bill explained.
“Oh, so I should be a reporter by day and a crime-fighting superhero by night? I’m sorry, that’s just a little too much.”
“I’ll admit, it is a little on-the-nose,” Bill nodded in grudging agreement.
I thought it over for a moment. Despite my protests, I was trapped. I couldn’t leave the team underpowered. If something happened to them, hell, if something happened to Helen, because they didn’t have backup, I’d never forgive myself. But I couldn’t take them up on their offer.
“Alright, look, I can’t leave you guys understaffed, but I can’t take this on forever. Like Ultiman just said, immortality comes at too high a price. You guys need to hold a recruitment drive, and I’ll fill in until you get some fresh blood.” I looked around at the team. “Does that work?” Their nods and smiles assured me that it did.
