by Gerard Denza
-I don’t care about your damn dreams.
-Howard?
-Yes, Max?
-I had no trouble sleeping, either. Why do you ask?
-I am looking for a common thread. There has to be a reason why we’re here.
Michael spoke. He held his half finished beer in his hand.
-I’ve always been a loner, but nothing like this. Even my parents-
-Go on, say it! I feel that it is important.
-Don’t rush me, Howard. My parents kept away from people and encouraged me to do likewise.
-Strange advice to give to a young man. Why?
-Don’t pressure the boy, Howard. Let him talk.
-Very well, Melody.
-My Mom and Dad were kind of afraid of other people. I never really knew why. It was after the war when it started. I heard my parents talking about being trapped in a bomb shelter for a couple of days and that’s where they first met. I wish I knew more.
-Howard, my own parents spoke of something quite similar to Michael’s parents’ experience.
-Tell us about it, Yvonne.
-It was also after the war when things were still unsettled in France. My parents had been trapped in an underground vault. They thought that they were going to die, but they were saved at the last moment just when the air was about to run out. It was strange. I remember my mother saying that the people who rescued them were somehow different...almost menacing, even though they had been her co-workers for many years.
Max downed the rest of his drink and spoke up. His speech was a little slurred, but intelligible enough.
-Howard...everyone...I was a young boy just when the war had ended. I remember how brutal the winter had been. But, the spring was lovely. It was on a spring day when I quite accidentally locked myself in an old bomb shelter just outside of London. It took me the better part of a day to get myself out, but-
-Continue, Max. Your story is sobering you up.
-I heard strange noises...horrible sounds, really. I was almost afraid to come out. Afterwards, things seemed quite odd. It was as if the world had quietened down to a silence that one could almost feel. It was quite ghastly. And, everyone seemed different. I can’t really explain how.
Irene spoke. She had downed her gin and tonic and was staring into the empty glass.
-Howard? Everyone? My sister, Rose, and myself have always been, shall we say, set apart from other people? I’ve always been uneasy around others. I really don’t know why. It might explain my being such a bohemian. Rose, dear?
-Irene’s right. Our mother and father were almost recluses. They never went out, at least not if they could help it. The blinds were always drawn, the door always locked. We weren’t allowed to go to school like the other kids or even play with them. We never had any visitors.
-That would explain your own eccentric behavior, Rose.
-Don’t be a smart aleck, Howard.
-But, we are all eccentric, Rose. Becky? Melody? Oshido? Sean? Have you or your own relatives shared similar experiences?
Sean spoke up from behind the bar.
-Leave me out of this, man. I didn’t get any sleep last night, remember?
Melody spoke.
-I didn’t sleep, either, Howard. But, all my life, I’ve felt separated from other people. It was as if they felt me watching them.
-Were you?
-Yes, Howard, I was. I don’t know why. It just seemed that I was an observer who had been placed in a strange land as an outcast.
Becky blew her nose and spoke.
-Oh, Melody, that’s just how I’ve always felt, except for a feeling of resentment and-
-And, what Becky?
-Hatred. I felt their hatred, Howard. It was a hatred that was brewing just beneath the surface. It makes me scared to even think about it.
Oshido put down his drink and addressed the group.
-Outcasts. That is what we are. All of us have been outcasts all of our lives. Isn’t that what you have been getting at, Howard? Either we or our parents experienced something dreadful. I will relate a brief experience of my own. Like Max, I, too, was alive after the war. I was living in SanFrancisco with my family. We were visiting my uncle’s antique store. Somehow, I wandered into the back room and found myself going into his storeroom in the basement. An unusual Chinese trunk caught my attention. It had been placed in an upright position. You would call it an armoire. It was opened and I decided to climb in.
Oshido took a deep breath and continued with his story.
-Once inside, the lid slammed shut and I was trapped. My first impulse was to call out for help, but something cut short my breath. I heard terrible noises outside. I could make out people screaming and running in the streets above. I was frozen with horror. Had the city been invaded? Had something descended from the sky to wreak havoc? I put my hand to my mouth to stifle a cry. Was it the end of the world? I dared not move. And, then, I heard something crawling...yes...crawling down the stairs as if it were looking for me. I heard- no- felt this thing crawl along the trunk attempting to open it, but this thing could not release the mechanism. I wanted to cry out in terror, but could not. And, then, a silence descended. It was a silence that was shattering. It was the most dreaded silence in the universe. Life on this planet had been obliterated. I am certain of this. And, then, I could hear movement once again. It was as if life had come back to the wor ld.
-Oshido? Who let you out of the trunk, man?
-I managed to release myself, Sean. I found the hidden mechanism. I went back upstairs and I saw my mother and father and uncle cleaning up debris. I don’t know what else to call it. It frightened me. They frightened me.
-Had your relatives seemed changed in any way?
-You ask perceptive questions, Sean. Yes. They were changed. The images before me were not my parents. I know this. But, I dared not voice my thoughts.
-Well, something happened, that’s for sure.
-I agree, Sean. But, what?
Irene, who was rummaging in her “carpet” bag, spoke without looking up.
-An Armageddon so horrific that we can’t even imagine what it could have been. I think the year it might have occurred was 1947. Yes. That must be when it happened. I’m sure of that.
-When what happened? Please tell us, Irene.
-I don’t know, Yvonne. I don’t know. I don’t want to know.
Max, who had ordered another drink from Sean, spoke to the group at large.
-Well, luv, we’d better bloody well find out. You’re right about the year, Irene. That’s just about when my little experience occurred. It gives me the willies just thinking about it.
Oshido looked at each of us in turn as he spoke.
-My first thought when I awaken and my last thought before I sleep is of that horrible day.
The mood was too tense. I decided to cause trouble and awaken the others from their reverie and their fears.
-So, tell me, Michael, do you have a girlfriend? Have you screwed her, yet? Assuming, of course, that you are big enough.
-You bastard!
Michael reached over and tried to grab me. Sean stopped him and pinned his arm to the bar.
-Take a joke, man, and cool off. Howard, here, didn’t mean anything by it. Did you...Howard?
-Tell him to lay off me, Sean.
-Just cool it for now.
Yvonne spoke to us in a slow, but angry, voice.
-I grow tired of these games. You bore me, Howard. You are not at all clever because you are so damned obvious. Yes. I see through you. We’ve more important things to discuss, eh? Why did you change the subject? Mon Dieu! Not even this shawl can keep the chill from seeping through! This cold is quite ghastly. Have any of you noticed?
Yvonne was right. The air was cold and stagnant. It hung about us and penetrated us to the bone.
-Yes.
Abraham had an opinion...interesting.
-I’ll say! The lights are on, but its getting darker. Maybe, the electricity’s st
arting to go? That’s all we need!
-Dear Rose, please don’t start a panic. The electricity is not going but, perhaps, candles are what’s called for and even a lantern? Sean, be a lamb and look behind the bar for these few articles, would you? And, by the way, does anyone have the time?
Before answering Irene’s question, Max gulped down his drink: his third? his fourth? I lost count.
-It’s just half past nine, Irene. I think.
Sean looked up from the bar.
-The only thing behind this bar is liquor, Irene. Maybe, my friend can find us some candles? How about it...Howard?
-There are some candles in my room upstairs and an oil lantern. Wait a few moments, and I will get them. I haven’t finished here yet.
Rose looked up and strained her neck over the bar to face me. Her face was flushed with defiance. It was the defiance of a simple-minded child who is about to erect a defensive wall about herself that a lighted match would incinerate in a second. She began her tirade which was loud and clear and directed at me.
-Hey, I’m sick of listening to you, Howard. Maybe, you can pick on poor Abraham and get away with it, but you can’t get away with that crap with me!
I laughed long and hard.
-But, Rose, I have not chosen to insult you just yet. I thought that I would incite your sister, Irene, to do that for me. I am sure that she could do it far more effectively.
Rose’s bloated face grew a shade redder as she turned to her sister.
-What have you been telling him, Irene? Bitch!
-Why nothing at all, dear. And, if you all don’t mind, I think I’ll remove myself from this little group scene. I’ve more important things to think about.
-But, I would mind a great deal, Irene. I want you to stay and enjoy the party. No one will leave the bar until I give them permission to do so.
-And, who in hell died and left you boss? Howie-boy’s taking over the joint!
-Are you a strong woman, Rose? And, please tell us why you have never married for surely there were offers.
-I am strong. I am strong!
Sean was laughing his damned head off.
-Careful, man, you’re gonna’ knock over your friend’s drink.
Irene tried to intercede.
-Rose dear, please try not to make a spectacle of yourself. We really have much more important things to worry about. And, why do you let Howard goad you on? You are a child.
Oshido spoke from his end of the bar. He was not pleased with our behavior.
-Stop this at once. You are accomplishing nothing by these games. We have much to do before we reach the midnight hour when, in all likelihood, the moon will set. Perhaps, you haven’t thought of that occurrence, but I have given it a great deal of thought. What will happen when it occurs? Can anyone answer that? No. I have no answers, either, except that we must begin our seance before midnight. We must also establish questions before we can seek answers.
-What are those questions, Oshido?
-Where are we and what has become of all other living beings, Melody. How did we come to be here and what force or purpose has brought us together? We are all outcasts in some sense of that term. Perhaps, we were brought here to be eliminated? Perhaps, we are a threat to someone? There are more questions to be asked, but those are the ones that we must answer.
-Oshido is right, Howard. We can’t begin to do anything unless we have a sense of what’s happened to us.
-You are right, Melody. Or should I say that Oshido is right? I have been wasting time. Sorry.
Max, who was still sober, spoke to me.
-You haven’t been wasting our time so much as filling it, Howard. We’re trapped here now and I don’t see any means of escape...escape from what and into what? And, that noise out there is terrifying, rather.
We listened with the darkness creeping in about us and the hell voices outside becoming more distinct.
Abraham spoke, but it was difficult to hear him.
-All this should not be happening to me. This morning, I went to synagogue and said my prayers. I have nothing to atone for, so why is it that I am- I do not know. I was late for temple, but my intent was there.
-Just as I thought, Mr. Abraham places himself above us all. He shouldn’t be here? But, you are here, Hasid! You are here with us and so no further pretense is necessary.
-Dear Howard, how you delight in upsetting us all. However, Abraham has just found the common thread that may have acted as a spiritual catalyst in bringing us here.
-Get a load of my crummy sister!
-You’ve recovered your wits, Rose? How fortunate for us, dear sister. But, as I was just saying, most of us didn’t sleep last night and there must be some significance in that.
Yvonne emerged from her half-drunken stupor.
-Hmm...I wonder.
-Yvonne, what is it that you wonder. Perhaps, the alcohol has enlightened your perceptive powers?
-Oh, you’re so mean, Howard.
-Don’t talk to him, Becky. Don’t pay any attention to him.
-Your boyfriend, Michael, orders you about?
-No one orders me about, Howard. Go to hell!
-I wonder...
-Yvonne, spit it out, please. Sean, pour Yvonne another drink. Perhaps, she needs to be drunker, still?
Yvonne spoke up with a look of realization in her eyes.
-I wonder if we’re all dead? It is a possibility, no? Perhaps, we are in purgatory.
-I don’t think we are. I still have that sense of hope that the answer is so simple, but still so awful.
-Death is simple, Melody. That is why I state it. If we’re dead, we’re dead and there’s nothing more to say. That’s it. Where is my drink, bartender? How shabbily you all treat Yvonne. Pity me! I need a drink!
-We may have been cast on the other side of the glyph.
-Eh? What are your saying, Abraham? I have heard of this glyph: this Jewish symbol. Tell Yvonne...
I laughed derisively; but, I didn’t care.
-The Jew and the drunk! How amusing. Continue and don’t let us interrupt you, Yvonne.
-I can’t speak of it for I am ignorant of its many complexities. My Aunt Madeline was versed in the Qaballah, Howard. But, she was a secretive and superstitious woman. She didn’t trust anyone.
-Continue, Yvonne. Don’t let my laughter distract you.
-Yes! That’s it! I remember. The glyph that has taken so many forms throughout history. The Tree of Life in the Garden and there was something else...my aunt spoke of it once, but the memory fades. It took other forms, as well evil, living forms. What was it? The other side of life: the Qlipthoth! The dark side of the universe.
We were silent for a few moments. Melody broke this silence.
-It’s past ten o’clock, Howard. I’ll help you find the candles and the lamp. Let’s hurry.
Oshido was the first to leave the bar. He sat down in the far corner and assumed an asana position: the lotus position with his right hand placed within his left.
Irene made her way through the darkening room until she found the chair where she had placed a small but comfortable cushion. Gently, she sat on it. I gave out a laugh. Was her backside made of fine crystal? How delicately she placed her rump on to the chair.
Max stayed at the bar. He felt comfortable there and, with Sean behind the bar, he would not be alone. He decided to strike up a conversation.
-Sean?
-What’s on your mind, Max?
-If it’s none of my business, just tell me.
-Keep talking, man.
-Are you married?
-No.
-Do you live with family.
-No.
-When I met you at work today, you just didn’t fit in with the corporate structure. I say that as a compliment because as a bartender, you’re quite yourself.
-Meaning?
-Oh, I don’t mean anything by it, mind you. I was wondering why you would even think of working-
-Hey, Max?
> -Yes?
-Mind your own fucking business.
Yvonne sat down next to Max. She also had no desire to leave the bar. The company of two men was not unpleasant to her.
Becky, Michael, and Abraham were about to leave the bar to find themselves a table to sit down at and, perhaps, chat amongst themselves: young people becoming more intimate. I could not allow this. I lashed out at Abraham.
-So, tell me, does Abraham know that he is with a pretty girl? Or does his manhood not know how to respond and grow hard like a man? Perhaps, Becky does not excite him? Michael, get away from those two. I have my suspicions about Becky.
Abraham cowered in the dark. Becky launched a verbal assault, but I heard not a word of it. Michael came flying at me with his dukes up and ready to box. I put up mine and we fought. I threw the first punch and Michael skillfully ducked. He threw a punch and I deflected it. I threw a left-hook and caught him on the jaw. Michael went crashing into a table. Good! I threw my body on top of his and started pummeling.
Everyone crowded around us. Becky cried. Rose cheered Michael on and looked for an opportunity to trip me up. She found none. I saw to that. Max looked to separate us. Irene paid us no attention. Oshido remained silent in his corner. Yvonne kept out of the way. Melody stood near Sean who laughed at us. I knew that Melody waited for an opportunity to separate us.
I grabbed Michael by the waist and threw him and myself against the wall. He lost his cool and missed all of his punches. I liked this boy in spite of everything.
Michael’s foot caught on the velvet curtain and it came down on top of us. We were now covered by the soft fabric and this inhibited our fight. We could not see the spectacle that we had just uncovered. The screams stopped our fist fighting.
-That’s Becky screaming. Let me up, Howard.
-Wait a moment until the shock at what they have seen has worn off.
-You wait, man. Just let me up!
Michael couldn’t be stopped, so I did not waste my time in trying. From where I sat on the floor, I had a full view of what the “naked” window revealed. The full moon was just above the horizon and it looked huge, as if God’s hand had brought His beacon of light closer to us: not for us to examine, but for Him to examine our souls.
Shadows moved about outside. They were shadows that pressed against the glass pane leaving impressions upon the glass...the outline of a hand, a finger, a torso, but never a complete human form. The buildings and the street outside appeared distant as if the darkness not only robbed them of light, but of existence, as well.
