by Kitty Neale
It was as though a light had switched on inside Derek’s eyes and they glowed with happiness as he looked at her. He grinned, and Pearl found herself grinning back. His wasn’t a handsome face, but suddenly Pearl loved it.
‘When things have calmed down, come round to see me. Maybe in a week or two.’
‘Wild horses couldn’t keep me away,’ Derek smiled, and as Pearl finally opened the door he stepped outside. ‘Take care, love, and if you need me before then, you know where I am.’
Pearl was smiling as she closed the door, walked back upstairs and into the living room.
Bessie said, ‘Right, let’s hope that’s the last caller. I can’t face cooking a meal so me and Nora are off to get some fish and chips.’
‘I’ll get them,’ Pearl said.
‘No, love, we’ll go, but it’s nice to see you smiling again. That Derek’s a smashing bloke.’
‘Yes, he is,’ Pearl agreed.
‘You could do worse.’
‘I know,’ Pearl said, but this time she wasn’t going to rush it. She had learned her lesson, and would take things slowly. Yes, she cared for Derek, but didn’t know if it would grow into love. It wouldn’t be fair to give him false hope, and she’d have to tell him that from the start, but it would be nice to go out with him again.
When Bessie and Nora returned, they sat around the table to eat, Nora’s portion the first to disappear from her plate. She then got up, moving across to play with Johnny, whilst Bessie said, ‘That woman who turned up today – it’s a bit strange really, but with so much going on I’ve only just realised where I’ve seen her before.’
‘Miss Rosen was my art teacher during my last year in the orphanage. I must admit I was surprised to see her.’
‘She’s the one I saw in my vision, the one I told you about, who was sitting up in bed looking at your face in the newspaper.’
Pearl frowned. ‘I wonder what she wanted to talk to me about?’
‘Well love, you’ll find out when she comes back tomorrow.’
Pearl found herself puzzling about Miss Rosen for the rest of the evening, but it had been a fraught day and she was yawning widely by nine thirty.
‘I think I’ll have an early night,’ she said.
‘Yeah, you do that, love,’ Bessie agreed. ‘Me and Nora won’t be far behind you.’
Pearl took Johnny upstairs and, after changing his nappy, laid him gently in his cot. He gurgled, his smile wide as he held his arms up. Unable to resist, she picked him up again. She held him against her fiercely for a moment, thanking God that Dolly had been caught, but then, yawning again, she put him back. He protested, so Pearl sat on the side of her bed with a hand through the bars, holding his until he went to sleep. She then lay down but, tired as she was, her mind was still restless, her thoughts again turning to Miss Rosen as she wondered why her old art teacher wanted to talk to her.
42
When Pearl got up the next morning, she found Johnny soaking. He didn’t seem to mind as he gurgled happily to see her.
She tickled him under the chin. ‘Come on, darling, I think you need a bath.’
Bessie was up, but there was no sign of Nora when Pearl finally got her son bathed and dressed. He was starting to cry now, obviously hungry, so Bessie took him while Pearl went to prepare his bottle and rusk, something her son had taken to with relish.
‘Blimey, Pearl, he’s getting to weigh a ton,’ Bessie said when Pearl returned.
‘Yes, I know,’ she said, smiling fondly as Johnny’s mouth opened like a baby bird waiting to be fed.
‘Thank Gawd it’s Sunday,’ Bessie said, ‘’cos I don’t know about you, but I still feel worn out.’
‘I’m fine now, and just glad that Dolly didn’t get away with it.’
Nora appeared, hair sticking up like a brush, but she made straight for Johnny. ‘Me hold him, Pearl?’
‘Yes, when he’s finished his breakfast.’
It was a leisurely morning, but at eleven o’clock someone knocked on the door. ‘I’ll get it,’ Pearl said.
When she opened the door, Miss Rosen smiled, ‘Hello, my dear.’
‘Please come in,’ Pearl invited, thinking that the woman looked frail.
Emily Rosen followed Pearl upstairs, but after saying hello to Bessie and Nora, she said, ‘I’m sorry to sound rude, but would it be possible to talk to Pearl alone?’
Bessie stood up. ‘Of course it would. Come on, Nora, we’ll make ourselves scarce for a while.’
‘Please, sit down,’ Pearl said as the door closed behind them. ‘It’s lovely to see you again, but I must admit I’m puzzled. What do you want to talk to me about?’
‘Oh, my dear, I’m afraid this is going to be another shock for you, but when you didn’t respond to my letter I began to think the worst, that … that you didn’t want to see me.’
‘I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t want to see you. I left the café just over a month ago, and maybe the letter arrived after that. If Dolly found it I’m not surprised she didn’t pass it on.’
‘Never mind, I’m here now, and only sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I’ve been rather ill and until now, unable to travel. Anyway, my dear, I don’t know how to break this gently, so I’ll just tell you. You see, I’m your mother.’
Pearl’s jaw dropped. ‘What! But you can’t be!’
‘I am, my dear, and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to find you again.’
‘But … but I don’t understand. If you’re my mother, why didn’t you tell me when you came to work at the orphanage?’
‘I’m afraid it wasn’t that simple.’
Johnny awoke, crying loudly. Pearl picked him up and, as she comforted him, bitterness rose like bile in her throat. No matter what, she could never abandon her son. She would die first. She glared at the woman who claimed to be her mother. Emily Rosen had dumped her on the steps of the orphanage, but now had the cheek to turn up all these years later. Where had she been when she had felt so alone? Where had she been when she needed her?
Taking a seat again with Johnny perched on her lap, she voiced her thoughts. ‘Do you know I grew up dreaming about my mother, wondering why she had left me. The only comfort I could find was in thinking that she was ill, too ill to keep me and that she’d died. What other excuse could there be for abandoning me?’
‘Oh Pearl, I didn’t, really I didn’t. Please let me explain.’
‘No,’ Pearl cried. ‘You can’t be my mother! You just can’t.’ And, holding Johnny closely, she ran sobbing from the room.
‘What’s going on?’ Bessie demanded, but Pearl ignored her shout as she reached her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
Bessie frowned and, marching into the sitting room, she demanded, ‘What the hell’s going on? Don’t you think that girl’s been through enough without you turning up to upset her?’
‘Please, I didn’t know she’d take it like this. Like me, I thought Pearl would be overjoyed.’
‘She didn’t look overjoyed to me. What did you say to her?’
For a moment Emily hesitated, but then said quietly, ‘I told Pearl that I’m her mother.’
Bessie’s face stretched in shock. ‘What?’
‘I said I’m Pearl’s mother.’
For a moment Bessie just stared at Emily. Then, heaving a deep sigh, she pulled out a chair. ‘Come on, tell me about it, and start at the beginning.’
Nora came into the room, Bessie snapping, ‘Go and make your bed.’
The tone in Bessie’s voice was enough to have Nora scuttling out again, and for a moment Emily said nothing. She then looked deeply into Bessie’s eyes, and as though seeing someone she could trust, she began, ‘It’s a long story.’
Bessie listened, thinking that the woman still showed signs of illness, and didn’t interrupt until her story came to an end. Then she said kindly, ‘Well, love, it’s a sad tale, but once Pearl has heard it I’m sure she’ll come round.’
‘Oh, I do hope so. Now that I
’ve found her, I couldn’t bear to lose her again. I can’t offer her much, but I have a small cottage and hoped to offer her a home.’
‘As I said, she can’t fail to come round, but if she moves in with you, I’m gonna miss the girl. Anyway, Emily, I should think she’ll have calmed down by now. Go and talk to her. You’ll find her on the top floor, the room at the end of the landing.
When Emily left, Bessie sat thinking. She had no doubt that Pearl would leave to be with her mother, and she felt a wave of sadness. It seemed that some people came into your life and remained, yet others came only briefly. Yet as paths crossed, each person brought a new experience, a new lesson to learn. Sometimes it would be a bad experience and you’d hurt someone, or be hurt – others were good – but no matter what, it brought the opportunity for spiritual growth.
She’d known that she and Pearl were destined to meet, that for a short while the girl would need her, just as she now knew it was time for her to move on.
Bessie sighed heavily. It had been a two-way thing, of course. She had let the shop, and herself, go, but when Pearl turned up it had given her a new lease of life. That was the lesson: a reminder that there was always a reason to carry on.
Nora came into the room, her expression nervous, but Bessie smiled at her and, visibly relaxing, Nora smiled back. Bessie was fond of Nora and knew she shouldn’t have snapped at her. As with Pearl, the two of them needed each other. The circle was turning, and as one door was closing, another had opened. She had Nora now. Thanks to Pearl the shop was doing well, and between them they’d keep up the good work.
Yes, she and Nora would rub along well together, and somehow Bessie knew it would be for many, many years.
When Emily Rosen knocked softly on the door before walking into the room, Pearl cried, ‘Leave me alone. We have nothing to say to each other.’
‘Oh, Pearl, I didn’t abandon you. Please let me explain.’
Part of Pearl wanted to know, to hear the story, but the other still held bitterness. Yet the woman looked so sad, so frail, and something touched Pearl’s heart. ‘All right, I’m listening.’
‘This is going to be a long story, and I’m afraid not a pretty one, but I hope you won’t judge me too harshly.’ Emily walked towards the bed, wringing her hands. ‘I think I had better start at the beginning. You see, I’m afraid I was unmarried when I fell pregnant with you, and my father almost threw me out of the house. I had disgraced him, had a love affair with a gardener, and I think that was more unforgivable to him than the pregnancy. It was only my mother who stayed his hand, but I was kept virtually a prisoner until you were born.’
Pearl stiffened. It sounded ridiculous, like something out of a Victorian melodrama. If this was her mother, she was making it up, trying to make excuses. ‘You say my father was a gardener. What happened to him?’
‘Oh, my dear, I’m afraid he was sacked. He never knew that I was pregnant, and it was many years later before I had news of him. By then it was too late. He … he had died in a farming accident.’
Pearl closed her eyes momentarily. So, her father was dead – well, that was if this story was true. ‘What was his name?’
‘Jack – Jack Peterson.’
Unable to help herself, Pearl blurted, ‘What was he like?’
‘Oh, he was a fine man, and I can see something of him in your features.’
Pearl’s voice still held bitterness. ‘If you really are my mother, how come I ended up in an orphanage?’
‘I was told you were stillborn, Pearl, and I find it unforgivable that I was lied to. I had no idea what a devious man my father was, and it seems he paid someone in the orphanage to keep you there.’
‘This is all sounds a bit far-fetched. I mean, if you thought I was stillborn, how did you find out I was alive?’
‘I only found out when my father became seriously ill and, I think, wanted to make his peace with God. He said he’d planned to tell me one day, but not until you had left the orphanage, making it impossible for me to find you. Oh, it was so cruel, Pearl. He wanted me to suffer twice – to grieve when I thought you were stillborn, and then to suffer all over again when he told me you were alive. I can’t tell you how I felt. I was angry, yes, but full of joy too.’
‘So why did you come to the orphanage as a teacher? Why didn’t you just claim me, tell me who you were?’
‘Pearl, it wasn’t that simple. My father arranged for you to be taken into the orphanage without identification, and claimed he didn’t know what name you’d been given. I wrote to the orphanage, giving your date of birth, but they denied any knowledge of you. I found this very odd, but because I knew you only had a year left before leaving, I was desperate. I used another name and applied for the post of art teacher.’
‘Another name. Why?’
‘Because I had already written to the orphanage for information using my own name, and didn’t want to arouse suspicion. My real name, our name, is Harmsworth.’
Pearl looked away. The story still sounded too fantastic to be true, but if this woman wanted to make excuses, wouldn’t she have found a simpler explanation? Emily then gasped and Pearl blurted, ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, don’t worry, it was just a spasm.’
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘I have a slight heart condition, angina, but don’t worry, I’ve had treatment and I’m recovering. Now, where was I?’ she continued, precluding any further questions about her health. ‘As I said, I was told you were stillborn and you were whisked away before I got even a glimpse of your face. It was a foolish dream to think I’d begin work in the orphanage and recognise you straight away as my daughter. There were so many children, so many of the right age, and though I looked at all their faces, I was still unsure. I tried asking questions, but Miss Unsworth was always evasive, keeping her records under lock and key.’
She paused again, shaking her head. ‘In the end, I knew that time had run out. I had waited a year, until all the children of the right age had gone, and with no longer any reason to stay, I handed in my resignation.’
‘So how did you find me?’
She smiled softly. ‘For the first time it seemed that God was smiling on me. When I went to Miss Unsworth’s office, she was in the throes of leaving too, and had a pile of files on her desk. She was in the process of tearing something up from one of them when I walked in, and thrust it back into the file. As luck would have it she was called away, and I’ll never know what made me do it, but I looked in that file. It was yours, Pearl, and inside I saw my letter, along with another that I recognised was in my father’s handwriting.’
‘What did Miss Unsworth have to say?’
‘I didn’t wait to confront her, Pearl. I had found you, saw where you had been placed, and that was all that mattered.’
Pearl gazed at Miss Rosen – no, Miss Harmsworth – wanting to believe her, but still she hesitated. ‘Why have you waited this long before coming to see me?’ ‘Oh, Pearl, you disappeared. You left the laundry, the hostel, and nobody knew where you’d gone. I was desperate to find you, and if I’d had money I would have hired a private detective, but my father must still have wanted to punish me, leaving me nothing in his will. I refused to give up, I kept looking but, shortly after, I was taken ill.’
‘So how did you find me?’
‘It was like a miracle, Pearl. I saw your picture in a newspaper, along with a story about your husband.’
‘Bessie was right,’ Pearl murmured.
‘What do you mean?’
Pearl told her about Bessie’s vision. Emily gasped, ‘My goodness, that’s amazing.’
Johnny stirred and Emily moved to the cot, leaning forward to cup his face gently in her hand. ‘He’s lovely, and … and I can’t believe I have a grandson. Oh Pearl, I mourned you for so many years. How could my father do such a thing?’ Her composure broke and tears began to roll down her cheeks. ‘I missed so much, Pearl. Your first smile, your first step, and I’ve never even hel
d you in my arms.’
Something jolted inside Pearl. It was true. This woman was her mother! Johnny’s grandmother! ‘Please, don’t cry.’
Emily dashed the tears from her face. ‘Oh, my precious girl, they are partly tears of joy. I’ve found you. After all these years, I’ve found you!’
Pearl saw the love in her eyes, and suddenly nothing else mattered. With a small cry she rose to her feet, running straight into her mother’s arms.
They clung together, swaying, both now sobbing. Pearl could feel how thin her mother was and as they drew apart she said, ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’
‘Yes, I’m on medication now and there’s nothing to worry about.’
She then took Pearl’s arm, drew her to the bed and they sat down. ‘We have so much to talk about, so much to catch up on.’
‘Yes, I know. Do you still teach art?’
‘Yes, my dear. I left a local school to come to the orphanage to look for you, but they were kind enough to take me back.’
‘I love art too, and until I fell pregnant, I took lessons.’
‘Yes, I recognised your talent, and even dared to hope for a while. But when you were one of the first to leave, I thought your date of birth must have been earlier in the year. Too early for you to be my daughter. Oh, Pearl, we have lost so many years and I can’t bear to be parted from you again. I … I have a cottage in Winchester. Please, will you come to live with me?’
‘With you?’
‘Yes, Pearl,’ she said, animated with excitement now. ‘It isn’t large, but there’s a spare room. I’d love you to live with me, to see my grandson growing up. Please say yes.’
Pearl gazed at her mother, saw the appeal in her eyes and felt her heart fill with joy. This woman, this frail but beautiful woman, was her mother and was offering her a home. For a moment her face straightened and she hung her head. It would mean leaving Battersea, and though this was something she had longed to do, it would mean leaving Bessie – Derek too.
