"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"I have a younger sister Leonora who lives in London. No brothers," she added. "Leonora is married to a barrister. Do you know what that is?"
"Yes, a lawyer," I said. "I think he's the kind who actually argues cases in court."
"Very good," she said, her eyebrows rising. "I guess you are a good student. How did you manage that living under the conditions Megan describes?"
"I don't know what my mother told you, but Mama always wanted us to do well in school. She wouldn't permit my sister Beni and me to work parttime jobs after school because she thought it would hurt our school work, and we could really have used the money," I said.
"I see. Well, your Mama does sound like a wise person:'
"She is, and a loving person, too. What's happened to us isn't fair."
My grandmother's eyes grew narrow and cold.
"Why was she so eager about giving you up?"
"She wasn't eager about it," I countered sharply. "She wants only the best for me and she was afraid for me after Beni was murdered," I said.
"Tell me about that," she commanded.
I briefly described what had happened and what sort of things had been happening to me afterward. She listened attentively, sipping her coffee.
"Tried to set you on fire?" She shook her head. "From the way Megan described your Mama, as you call her, it sounded like she was blackmailing us. Now that I hear more detail, I can appreciate her sacrifice. I would do anything I could also to get you out of there."
I smiled, relaxing. Could I have a good relationship with my real grandmother after all?
"However," she continued, "even though I, am presenting this ...arrangement to the public as an act of charity, I don't want you to think that I don't expect you to respect all my wishes and demands. If at any time you betray my trust, you'll be on your way faster than you can blink. Am I understood?"
"Yes ma'am," I answered, my heart thumping again. She was like the faucets in our old apartment that could run hot and then unexpectedly turn cold.
"You're well-spoken. I like that and I deplore these profane and dirty expressions children use these days. My grandchildren constantly spew that garbage. They think they're being cute or what do you say, bad, cool?"
"I don't know what I would say. I never met them."
"You will, although as I told you, not often," she admitted, which made my eyes widen with curiosity. "I'm not exactly their favorite person to visit."
"Why not?" I asked, too quickly and too vehemently perhaps, but I couldn't hold back my curiosity.
She stared at me for a moment and then lowered her coffee.
"It always amazes me how young people today have no sense of decorum. When I was your age, I wouldn't dream of cross-examining my elders, but in this day and age everyone is almost proud to talk openly about their weaknesses. You turn on the television set, which I rarely do, and all you-see are people revealing their most intimate secrets. Disgusting. No one has any self-respect anymore.
"I imagine," she went on, "that some other grandmother would announce you to the world, parade you about, maybe even get on a talk show. If you take anything away from your stay here, I hope it will be discretion," she concluded.
She sipped her coffee and a silence fell between us. Minutes later we heard a loud rapping at the front door and Merilyn came hurrying out of the kitchen.
"Are you expecting anyone, Mrs. Hudson?"
"It might be Victoria," she said. "It's like her to arrive just as we've finished dinner," she muttered.
Merilyn went out to the front door.
"You know who Victoria is, don't you?"
"Your younger daughter."
She didn't reply. She sat back and watched the doorway. I turned when Victoria followed Merilyn back. Merilyn stood to the side.
"Good evening, Mother." She turned to me. "And this is Megan's charity case?" she added.
In person my Aunt Victoria didn't look much different from the way she looked in the photographs in the office. Her hair was still as short and dull, her figure just as lean and bony. She was somewhat taller than I had envisioned from the pictures, and her eyes were a darker brown, if not just as coldly analytical. She wore a light tweed skirt suit and a frilly collared blouse. Her shoes had thick, wide heels, which were what gave her an extra two or three inches of height. As the pictures indicated, her features were harsher, and her complexion paler than my mother's.
She wore a rather big-faced, manly looking wristwatch and what looked like a school ring.
"If you are referring to the young lady seated at the table, her name is Rain Arnold," my grandmother said. Her eyes moved toward the ceiling, ordering me to stand, which I did promptly.
"How do you do? I' m pleased to meet you," I said extending my hand.
She looked at me and then laughed.
"Have you been teaching her manners already, Mother? I would have thought you would give it a day or two."
My grandmother's shoulders stiffened and her eyes turned hot with indignation.
"Obviously, I've done a poor job with you when it comes to that, Victoria. The girl offered you a proper greeting."
"Yes, yes, she did." She reached out to take my hand, touched it, muttered a hello, and then moved around the table.
"Were you intending to have dinner with us? When I spoke to you yesterday, you told me you didn't think you'd be here in time and--"
"No, I had something to eat at the office," she said. She looked at Merilyn. "However, I will have some coffee, Merilyn, please." She sat across from me.
"Very good, Miss Victoria," Merilyn said and went to get a cup and saucer. She paused in the doorway. "Will you be having any trifle?"
"Trifle? My, my, we are out to make a good impression on our new little guest, aren't we? No, thank you, Merilyn. It's always been too rich for me.
"So," she continued turning her attention back to me. I sat. "Do you have any idea of how lucky you are?"
I glanced at my grandmother. Something in her eyes told me that Victoria knew absolutely nothing about the truth.
"Yes," I said. "Not being born into all this, I'm hardly one to take it for granted."
My grandmother laughed. It was the first full and sincere laugh I had heard in this house.
"I believe the expression is touche, Victoria," she told her. "This happens to be a very bright young lady."
"Really?" Victoria said dryly. "How did Megan ever become involved with such a person?"
"Megan does her own good charity work from time to time, which is something you should think about, Victoria. Working like a Wall Street businessman all day and all night is not all there is, you know. It doesn't leave you any time for any sort of social activities, charitable or otherwise."
"We've had this discussion ad infinitum, Mother, must we have it again in front of a stranger?" Victoria said in a tired voice.
Merilyn brought Victoria a cup and saucer and poured her some coffee.
"Will there be anything else, Mrs. Hudson?"
"No," my grandmother said sharply. She kept her gaze locked on my Aunt Victoria, who sipped her coffee and peered across at me.
Did she know everything anyway? She looked smart enough to figure it all out, I thought. It made me very nervous.
"My daughter Victoria," my grandmother said, "has taken over my late husband Everett's business enterprises. Usually, she only visits me to have me sign documents or lecture me about the cost of things, especially this home."
"I don't see why you insist on keeping all this, Mother," Victoria said with a wide gesture. "You're by yourself. You don't need the overhead heating and air conditioning all this space, and keeping it clean, and these grounds--"
"I think I'm the best one to decide what will be over my head and what will not," my grandmother fired back. "Besides, what will become of all my money if I simply accumulate interest upon interest and dividends, Victoria? It will only be left for you and Megan an
d her children to squander."
"I don't squander money, Mother. I'm only giving you prudent advice. I'm not after any
inheritance or trying to make it bigger."
My grandmother shifted her eyes back to me and in them I saw her skepticism.
I couldn't help but be fascinated with how the really rich talked among themselves. Despite their wealth, money seemed to be an ever present concern, a subject that found its way into every discussion. I tried to imagine a similar conversation about inheritances between Mama and me or Beni or Roy. It nearly made me laugh out loud.
"So," Victoria said putting down her coffee cup, "what do you and Megan hope to accomplish with this bright but poor young girl? Is she back to her causes, her days of protests and rebellion?"
"Why don't you ever call her and ask her those questions yourself, Victoria?"
"She never bothers to call me," Victoria replied, slipping into whining, which suddenly made her look younger. It wasn't hard to see there had been some significant sibling rivalry. Would I get into the middle of all that now? "Whenever I send them any
information about the business, she has one of Grant's accountants call me."
"Megan was never one to understand or care about money," my grandmother said.
"I wonder where she gets that from," Victoria mumbled.
"That's enough," my grandmother snapped. "Rain has lots of time to smell the dirty laundry. She doesn't need it waved in her face her first night here."
"Oh, excuse me, Rain," Victoria said, smiling and bowing her head with about as phony a grimace as anyone could muster, "I didn't mean to upset you." She turned to my grandmother. "Where is she sleeping?"
"In Megan's old room."
"Really? Not one of the guest rooms? That's a surprise," she commented.
For a moment my grandmother looked like she would stammer, but she pulled herself back quickly and shook her head.
"It really doesn't matter where she sleeps and Megan's room has everything all set up for her."
"Isn't that where you usually put Alison, though? Won't your granddaughter be upset?"
"When was the last time Alison stayed overnight with me, Victoria? I don't even think she would remember where she slept," my grandmother said.
"You're sending her to Dogwood?" my Aunt Victoria asked, looking at me disdainfully.
"That's correct."
She spun around in her seat to fully face my grandmother.
"Do you know what the costs are at that school? I happen to know that they've gone up considerably since Megan and I attended and--"
"Why don't we leave that worry up to my accountant, who gets paid plenty to worry," my grandmother said.
"I just don't see why she can't attend the public school here as well. You pay enough taxes. You could send her there with no difficulty and it wouldn't cost you anything."
"Yes, well, that's not your decision to make, Victoria." Aunt Victoria glared at me as if I had forced my grandmother to send me to the private school.
"I don't understand all this," she said shaking her head. There was a deep moment of silence. Grandmother Hudson glanced at me and I looked at her, then down quickly.
"But then again," Aunt Victoria said, "I don't understand half the things Megan does and three quarters of the things you do, Mother:'
"Isn't that unfortunate?" my grandmother said in the same tone of dry understatement Victoria had used earlier.
Victoria shook her head, sighed and then sat forward, turning away from me and to my
grandmother again.
"I have a few business issues I want to discuss with you, Mother," she told her. "Can we excuse Rain or go to the office?"
"Can't it wait, Victoria? I'm exhausted today."
"Did you see the doctor this week?" Aunt Victoria followed quickly.
"No. I'm not running to the doctor every other day. There isn't much he could tell me that I don't already know."
What was. wrong with her? I wondered.
"Still, I think--"
"Actually, I didn't expect you to be coming around at all tonight, Victoria, and I had intended to go to bed with a book and relax. Call me tomorrow and we'll make arrangements to have a business meeting. I'll call my accountant,"
"I wish you wouldn't involve him at every meeting we have, Mother. I think by now you would agree I have proven myself quite capable of handling things. I don't expect Daddy would have given me as much responsibility if he didn't think I could manage it."
"Yes, well, I can't manage it," my grandmother said rising. "That's why I need someone like Philip Gassman." She turned to me. "Be ready by seventhirty to be driven to Dogwood," she said. "My driver will be waiting outside. Merilyn already knows to have breakfast prepared for you by six-thirty. That should give you sufficient time:'
She started out of the dining room.
"You're going up to bed now, Mother?" Victoria asked, astonished.
"I thought I made that quite clear, Victoria."
"I wouldn't advise you to stay up too late, Rain," she told me, shifting her eyes toward Aunt Victoria and then quickly back to me. "You'll need to be as fresh and ready as you can for the challenges that lie ahead." She glanced again at Victoria and left me alone with her.
My heart paused and then pounded. Aunt Victoria glared at me for a moment and then sat back with a wry smile written across her lips.
"Exactly what do you expect you'll get from my mother?" she asked.
"Pardon me?"
"Oh please," she said, stabbing her fury at me with cold, sharp eyes, "you're not the first person to come around here hoping to con my mother into something or other. I don't know what Megan promised you."
"First of all, I didn't come around here, as you say. I was asked to come here, and second, I have no intention of taking anything from your mother other than what she wants to give me herself. I'm not a thief. I'm not going to fill a pillowcase with the family jewels and disappear into the night, if that's what you're afraid of, and Mrs. Randolph didn't make any promises to me."
She stared quietly for a moment and then sat back. "How did you meet Megan?"
"I don't know why I have to sit here and be cross-examined like a common criminal," I said. "I don't mean to be disrespectful or rude, but if you have any questions about me, you should do as Mrs. Hudson suggested." I stood. "Call your sister and ask her. I'm tired, too. Please excuse me," I concluded, turned, and with my heart thumping so hard, I was sure she could hear it as well, walked out of the dining room.
I was shocked to see my grandmother waiting just outside the doorway. She had been listening to the conversation. She stared at me with a strange, tight smile on her lips and didn't say a word. Then she turned and walked to the stairway. I watched her go up. As I started for the steps, Aunt Victoria emerged, gazed angrily my way and went into the informal sitting room to use the telephone.
There was a phone in my room on the desk. I thought about it for a moment and then picked up the receiver and dialed Mama.
The phone only rang once. Then there was a tiny bell sound and I heard a mechanical voice declaring the phone had been disconnected. My heart sank. I had hoped to at least speak with Roy. Where were they? It hadn't taken her long to pack up and leave. Roy must have gone too, I thought. I imagined neither of them wanted to be there when Ken came around, especially if he found out what Mama had done with me and how he would never get any money out of it.
But when would they call me? When would I hear from them again? Already I missed Mama so much it broke my heart, and I needed to hear her voice more than ever.
Maybe loving each other and caring for each other was a luxury in my poor home, but it was a luxury we shared. These people were rich, but they were a family in name only, it seemed to me. I once heard it said that people could love each other without liking each other. It was as if love was something that came included with being born into a family. It was expected, part of who and what you were. Mothers and daughters, father
s and sons, everyone was expected to love everyone, but when it came right down to it, personalities were so different and there were so many resentments floating around that liking each other was a real challenge sometimes.
This family was a perfect example, I thought. There didn't seem to be much love lost between my grandmother and my Aunt Victoria. No two people seemed more different. They were barely even civil to one another.
What would my place be in all this? I felt like someone who had to tiptoe on thin ice all day and night for fear I would say the wrong thing and crack the fragile floor that held up this artificial relationship.
I sat on my luxurious bed and gazed around at my wonderful room. Most of the girls at my school would imagine they were in heaven, but I felt I had entered a different sort of cage.
There weren't bars on these windows, Beni, I thought, recalling how she used to think of the Projects, but believe me, the people who lived here and who live here now are just as trapped as we were. I hope I haven't exchanged one prison for another.
I went through my wardrobe and chose the garments I would wear to my first day at this new school. Then I got into bed and watched television on the small set in the armoire until my eyelids felt too heavy to keep open.
When I turned off the set and the lights. I lay there listening to the silence.
How different it was from my room at the Projects where Beni and I could often hear the sounds of other people either in the hallways or through the floors and ceilings. There were no sirens screaming outside, no car horns blaring. I could see the half moon peeking between two large clouds and I saw some stars. The stars did seem brighter and bigger here. Being able to see so much of the sky made me feel smaller. I imagined I looked tiny in this large bed.
There was so much here, so many reasons to be happy and content, so many weapons with which to battle depression and sadness. These walls should be tall enough to keep out unhappiness; these hallways should be resounding with laughter and the mirrors should be worn out with smiles. How lonely my grandmother must really be, I thought, locked up in her room. The gap between us was as wide as oceans, but I couldn't help believing that when she gazed at me in the distance, she saw something she missed, something she needed, something she wanted very much to have.
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