“Nay, not about the day itself, but she did tell me how happy she’d been the first year of her marriage. That was before she knew Lord Torquil to be the scoundrel he was. Your mother had great prospects. She could have wed the Carmichael laird himself, but after one dance with Torquil—”
Yes, Hester had great prospects. Why had she rejected Barthram Carmichael when she had the chance? “She loved Torquil from the start,” Alana mused aloud. “I wonder if he showed her any affection that first year.”
“Aye. She told me how he’d bring her jewels or trinkets when he returned from his trips. He was always journeying somewhere.” Mina set down the brush and looked off into space. “I remember she told me how he never came back empty-handed. He’d bring her something if it be just a bouquet of wildflowers.”
Alana could well imagine a young bride being pleased by such attention.
“But if you ask me,” Mina continued, “he was just soothing his guilty feelings until he lost all feelings and went off to London where he met that woman.”
“You mean Miriam?”
“That’s what they called her. I called her a witch.”
“Everyone does, yet my mother continued to love…my father.”
“Aye. It was heartbreaking to see how hard she tried to get him to stay away from Miriam. But I knew. Every time he left, she’d weep into the night.”
Mina patted and poked at Alana’s already perfect coiffure, skillfully arranged to hide her ears. “But my lady never gave up. I remember her knitting a lap robe for Torquil one winter. Night and day she’d set, happy for once, because he’d asked her to knit the robe. Well, after she’d given it to him, he goes off on one of them trips, and what do you think?”
“What?”
“He brought Miriam here. My lady dinna know, of course, and flew out to meet the carriage. There her husband’s mistress sat, as bold as brass and wearing the lap robe.”
“Poor Mother.”
“Aye. Then he moved that English whore into a fine cottage by the loch. Flaunted his mistress right under my poor lady’s nose.” Mina sighed deeply. “Lady Hester stood it as long as she could, then went to Stonecrest where she was killed in that horrible massacre. I know he’s yer father, dearie, but I cheered when he met his end. Tis a pity that witch wasna killed at the same time.”
“What happened to Miriam?” Alana had heard all sorts of rumors.
“Like most evil people, she prospered, I suppose. I heard it said she went back to London and married some lord who was deep in the pockets.”
Rising, Alana allowed Mina to adjust her panniers and smooth out her skirt. The maid stood back to survey her handiwork. “There, now you look like an angel. Here’s the veil. You ken wait till you reach the kirk to put it on.”
Alana took the length of delicate lace. Running it through her hands absentmindedly, she murmured. “I hope the gown and veil bring me more fortune than my mother, but I fear my husband will be…may be of the same mind as my father.”
“Now that’s nothing for ye to be dwelling on. Lord Carmichael will fall in love with ye before the night’s through.” Mina gave her a knowing wink.
“But I’m certain Torquil had affection for my mother at first.” She couldna refer to Torquil as Father. A shudder ran through her. “You said so yourself. Mother was likely happy on her wedding day.”
Mina shrugged. “I wouldna ken about that, but you can ask Sir Angus about Hester and Torquil’s wedding.”
Alana couldna ask Grandfather. It always pained him to discuss his wayward son. She grimaced. “I fear I’ll do something stupid when I arrive at Stonecrest. I’ll be expected to go out among the people, do good works, be a credit to the chieftain.”
“Indeed ye’ll be a credit. Ye’ve got the heart of a helper.”
“But Grandfather never lets me help our crofters.”
As if her thoughts summoned him, Sir Angus tapped on the door. “Are you ready, lass?”
She gathered up the folds of the gown’s sweeping skirts while Mina opened the door, and Sir Angus hooked her by the arm.
Aye, she was ready, but for what? Ready to get the ceremony over with, ready to go to her new home. But niggling fear stalked her. She dare not let herself love.
She’d marry Gavin Carmichael with an obedient heart. What choice did she have other than live here in seclusion? She’d become his wife because she desired children, but she’d never give him her heart. To fall in love with this man would be disastrous. She’d suffer the same fate that had befallen her mother.
***
The wedding passed in a blur of commotion. The clan people were all waiting for her outside the kirk. Dressed in their finery, they raised a cheer as she and Sir Angus stepped onto the cobbled courtyard, then fell in step behind them. The kirk bell began to ring.
The rain had stopped, though the skies were still lowering, and a dark cloud hung over the kirk. An omen her mind whispered, and she chided herself for the superstitious thought.
Catching sight of her reflection in a rain puddle, she was reminded of the heathen custom of sacrificing virgins. Here she was perfumed, coiffured, and dressed in a white dress with silver and blue embroidery—presented as a sacrifice to the clan’s honor.
The wedding service began as soon as Sir Angus led her inside the stone building. She glanced up at Gavin’s handsome face as he turned to receive her, then quickly averted her head.
Through her veil she observed the old vicar standing in front of them. A moment of panic seized her, and she had the mad desire to run out. She imagined the stunned faces that would greet her. The murmurings. Sir Angus’s recriminations. Gavin’s anger.
He’d not given her the impression of a man easily given to anger, but she doubted he’d ever experienced rejection. Unless Vanora— Nay, she’d not think about Vanora on this day.
As soon as they arrived at Stonecrest, her cousin would doubtless tell her what had happened between her and Gavin. Alana refused to give Vanora another thought.
Never at any time in her life had she held so much power, and she still flitted with the idea to stop the wedding just to see what would happen. A little smile played at her lips as the vicar droned on. The thought of Lord Carmichael, heir to the great chieftain, being brought low by an inconsequential lass from the highlands amused her greatly.
But, of course, she dinna turn and run. Her sense of duty wouldna allow it. Gavin had said that he was marrying her only to save the honor of his clan. Weel, she was marrying him only to save her own clan’s honor. That at least was one thing upon which they could agree, though that might be the only thing they held in common.
She heard, as if from far away, the minister asking for their vows. Gavin’s clear baritone filled the building followed by her own mumbled response.
Gavin lifted her veil, and she felt his cool lips brush against hers. The kiss brought her back to reality with a jolt. For the life of her, she couldna prevent the rush of sensations the kiss evoked. The reminder of what was to come tonight only intensified those sensations.
What power she possessed was extinguished as swiftly as a candle flame in a gust of wind.
He grasped her hand and turned her around to leave the kirk. She now belonged to this man for better or worse. From now on she must depend upon him rather than her grandfather. She must obey him as both her husband and her laird.
There was so much she wanted to ask him. She dinna even ken if they would be leaving for Stonecrest right away, or if they would be staying for a while. Would he take her on a honeymoon? Not likely with the old chieftain so ill. She wanted to take her horse, Orion, and above all, she wanted her maid, Mina, to accompany her.
They emerged from the kirk just as the sun broke through the clouds. Alana blinked against the blinding light. Gavin looked down at her, offering her a dazzling smile. He looked happy. “I must have a word with you,” she ventured. Not knowing how to address him, she added, “my lord.”
“We’re friends as well as m
arried, Alana. It’s Gavin to you always.”
She flashed him a relieved look, but the people crowded around, shouting their best wishes, and questions were impossible.
Back at the house, they stood in the reception line as an endless stream of Scots neighbors and crofters filed past. “Are you tired, Alana?” Gavin asked during a lull.
“Rather.” She grimaced to emphasize her reply.
“We’ll soon go into dinner, and then we can at least get off our feet. We should enjoy it while we can. There’ll be no celebrating at Stonecrest.”
“Because of your father?”
“Aye, and because of him we must leave in the morning.”
Now would be a good time to broach the subject of taking Mina with her, but the moment was lost as another crowd of wedding guests rushed toward them.
She dinna get a chance to say a private word to her husband at dinner. Toast followed toast and speech followed speech throughout the meal.
Finally, Angus rose. “Now tis time for me and Gavin to bestow the coins to the crofters. Alana, my dear, t’would be a good time for you to take the ladies upstairs.”
She stared at him, stupefied for a moment, before realizing he referred to the custom of the lady guests preparing the bride for bed.
Blushing, she stumbled to her feet.
With her face aching from smiling through the reception and dinner, she would have liked nothing better than to fall into her comfortable feather bed and shut out the events of the day. That was impossible, as she well knew. The women of the party would have been sorely disappointed if they couldna descend upon her and prepare her for the marriage bed in the tradition of the clan.
Amidst cackles and giggles, they stripped her of her finery and dressed her in a white muslin nightgown and its lacy wrapper. Turning down the covers, they bustled her onto the bed and stood back, abruptly silent.
Mayhap they were reliving this moment in their own lives.
The silliness of it all struck Alana full force. She was being poked and primed. Served up as on a platter to Gavin. Nay, she wouldna be as docile as that. Gavin would come to her on her own terms.
She threw back the covers and slid out of bed. “I do appreciate all of you for making my wedding so…memorable.” She lifted a hand to the ladies as she strode toward the door. “I’m sure you understand I am fatigued.”
Mrs. Dugan tittered. “Och, she’s right. Tis best to get rest while she can. She has a long trip in the morning.”
The other ladies moved to leave. Mrs. Dugan turned around as she reached the door and took Alana’s arm. “Fear not the marriage bed, lass.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Just remember to submit yerself to yer husband. Tis God’s will.”
“I’ll remember.” Alana kissed the old lady on the cheek, and firmly closed the door behind her.
Aye, she’d submit to Gavin because she wanted a child and for no other reason. God willed other things besides a wife’s compliance, such as a husband’s fidelity. Gavin would have to prove himself trustworthy to earn her trust.
Her new resolve did nothing to comfort her. Despair crouched in on her, and tears sprang into her eyes to roll down her cheeks. She reached the bed and sat on the edge, clasping her hands together in prayer.
Now would be the time to seek God’s solace. She’d never found any comfort in the stilted prayers at services. Even here in her room, prayers seemed to reach no further than the ceiling.
All those fears she’d been pushing to the back of her mind burst forth.
I’m so afraid.
More tears fell. No one wanted her at Stonecrest except the old laird, and he was dying. She promised herself to make Lord Barthram’s last days as comfortable as possible. The servants and crofters must already hate her for who she was. Heavenly Father, help me find a way to change their minds.
If only she could take Mina with her…to have at least one friend. Mina cared for her, but as far as she knew Stonecrest had maids aplenty. Besides, Mina had friends here she wouldna want to leave. Throughout Alana’s life everyone else had had friends, while she stood alone.
She’d longed for someone to care. Grandfather was kind, but he was a busy, harried man who had little time for her. That’s how it would be with her husband, too. She was nothing but an encumbrance to add to his already bulging mountain of responsibility.
Would it be presumptuous to ask God to make it possible for Orion to go with her? He was just a horse, but still the only one who preferred her to all others.
It wouldna be presumptuous to pray for a child. Many women in the Bible had done so.
Dear, dear Heavenly Father, make me conceive soon…tonight. Give me a wee bairn to love. I’m not even asking for a son like those in the Bible did. I’d rather have a daughter.
A loud knock jarred her attention. Gavin?
With pounding heart, she scurried to the door and opened it with trembling hand.
Not Gavin.
Vanora stood on the threshold, her bosom heaving like she’d run all the way from Gilmour Hall.
Before Alana could collect her wits, her cousin rushed inside and hugged her warmly. “Oh dear Alana. It’s sorry I am I couldn’t get here sooner.”
Alana searched Vanora’s troubled features, taking in her disheveled hair. “Why are you here?” She’d not seen her cousin in several months.
“I don’t have much time. I’ve come to warn you. It’s not too late yet.”
“Vanora, you’re talking in riddles.”
Vanora huffed a great breath, her gaze sweeping over Alana’s nightgown. “I know I am. Let me explain. The Carmichael crofters are enraged that you’ve married Gavin. They’re sure you’re bringing tainted blood to the clan.”
“But they admired my mother. Gavin told me.”
Vanora’s mouth twisted into an ugly sneer. “They don’t believe you’re Hester’s daughter.” She pressed a hand on each side of Alana’s startled face. “You know how superstitious they are, and Agatha Kilgarney has come back. She says she has proof you’re the daughter of Torquil’s mistress.”
Alana jerked out of her cousin’s cold touch. “Who’s Agatha Kilgarney?”
“She was Hester’s maid at the time of your birth and came with you to Mother after Hester’s death. Agatha married into another clan years ago, but she’s back at Stonecrest. She has relatives who are given to insurrection, I fear. They were incensed when you were to marry Rory, but now that you’ve wed Gavin—”
“What can they do? I’m well and truly married.”
“They’ll likely do nothing as long as the old laird lives, but they’re already suspicious of Gavin. He went off to be educated in London. He comes back an Englishman. They don’t trust him. That’s why I couldn’t marry him. None of the clans trusts him.”
With all within her, Alana wanted to tell Vanora to leave, but the words wouldna come. Her legs gave out, and she sank onto the chaise lounge. “I’m certain Gavin kens what goes on.”
Vanora sent her a pitying look. “He’s weak, Alana. Your husband is a weakling and stupid if he thinks he can force his will on them.”
“I shouldna allow you to speak this way.”
“Very well, but you’ll learn the truth soon enough. Gavin knows what I’ve told you about the unrest. Yet he ignores—defies what is staring him in the face.”
“Stop saying such things about my husband, Vanora. Explain this, if you can. I doona understand any of it. Some maid has returned with secrets about me and has everyone up in arms. Tis ridiculous.”
“I don’t have time. If Gavin should find me here—” Vanora sent a fugitive glance over her shoulder and grasped Alana by the shoulders. “I fear for you, Alana. I want you to know the Gilmour will do anything we can to protect you. I’ve talked with Agatha and made her promise that she’d do nothing. Unless you bear a child.”
“You what?” Alana shot from her seat.
“If there’s no child, they have no reason to fear you, but they won’t stand fo
r a child with tainted blood to be heir. Indeed, Agatha says that if she learns that you are with child, she must go to her relatives. Oh, Alana, I fear for you. They’ll kill you before the child is born.”
Alana stared at her cousin, knowing how deceitful Vanora was, yet try as she might, she couldna dismiss it.
She forgot to breathe for a long moment, then drew in a ragged breath as she followed Vanora to the door. “Even if what you say is true, and I must hear it from Gavin before I believe a word, what can I possibly do about it?”
Vanora backed out of the door. “You know what you must do, Alana, or rather, what you must not do.” She turned and ran down the dark hall.
Alana closed the door and glanced around the room. The snowy white wedding bed mocked her, even as she tried to ignore what Vanora had said.
She knew Vanora well. Her spiteful cousin was a liar. Jealousy had brought her here with these wild tales.
If only she could convince herself nothing had changed. If only her cousin’s words dinna keep bouncing around her brain.
The sound of the pipes called her to the window, and she looked out at the scene with a calmness that scared her. The revelers still celebrated, and she supposed Gavin was with them.
Was he weak and foolish, as Vanora had said? She didn’t ken him, but she knew these people. They always looked around for a leader to tell them their misfortune was the fault of enemies. Dark forces. Nature. Anything, but themselves.
Fear motivated them as nothing else could. The least hint of trouble could be magnified until all reason was gone. No one knew this better than Vanora. She wasn’t a blatant liar. She spoke in half-truths, sprinkling nuggets of truth in between the lies.
Turning from the window, she made her way to the bed and curled up in a ball. Gone were her dreams of having a child. She shouldna bring a child into this world to be ridiculed, harassed, mayhap even killed. Given enough time, she might be able to change the people’s minds, but she doubted it. God Himself couldna change them.
Chapter 7
Well past midnight, Gavin managed to slip past the drunken revelers. He didn’t blame the crofters. They rarely had an opportunity to enjoy such a party until the wee hours when the food and whiskey flowed continuously, and sottish men danced to the pipes.
The Chieftain's Choice (The Wolf Deceivers Series Book 1) Page 6
