by Lucy Gordon
‘Well, he’s not the most reliable man in the world.’
‘Other women?’
Joanna laughed.
‘He did his best to be faithful, but nature didn’t make him that way. As I said, it’s easier to be friends with him now that I’m not married to him, and his waywardness doesn’t matter. The nicest thing I know about him is that he’s a terrific father. Billy adores him, and with reason.
‘Mind you, I think that’s partly because Freddy’s still a kid at heart. And he’s such an impractical dreamer. He’d invent something, and I’d give him the funds to market it, but it always flopped. Then there’d be something else.’
‘And you always funded him,’ Gustavo said in a voice with a slight edge. ‘I wonder if that had anything to do with- No! No, I didn’t say that. Please ignore it.’
He dropped his head into his hands, appalled at himself. Joanna rocked with laughter.
‘You mean he may have married me for my money,’ she said at last. ‘Surely people don’t do that these days?’
‘Please, Joanna!’ His voice was muffled because his head was still sunk in an agony of embarrassment. ‘Must you throw that up at me?’
‘Throw what? Oh, that?’ She clutched her head as though just remembering something. ‘You mean because you were going to marry me for my money?’
He ground his teeth. ‘If you choose to put it that way.’
‘Oh, don’t be so silly!’ she chided him, smiling. ‘That was completely different.’
‘All right, laugh at me, but it was different. I really liked you a great deal. It would have been impossible otherwise.’
‘I know, I know,’ she said soothingly. ‘I’m sorry, Gustavo, I didn’t mean to make fun of you. Well, perhaps I did, but only to cheer you up. You’ve got to admit it has its funny side.’
‘Me, presuming to accuse your husband of mercenary intentions, you mean?’
‘Not just that. Everything. The whole sorry mess. Oh, Gustavo, it wasn’t meant to end like this. It wasn’t what I…’
She had to stop and brush tears from her eyes. They had come suddenly, chasing away her laughter as she was swept by a sudden sense of futility.
‘Wasn’t what you what?’ he asked. ‘Joanna-’
‘It’s all right,’ she said hastily. ‘I only meant-it wasn’t what I thought was going to happen.’
‘I suppose what we expect never happens. Maybe there’s no point in making plans at all.’
‘You can’t get through life without making plans,’ she said wisely. ‘You just have to be flexible about them.’
He passed a hand over his eyes. ‘Perhaps I should have had a little less whisky. It’s time I went to my own room. Before I go-what are you planning to do after this?’
‘Well-’
‘I ask because I’m invited to a wedding in a couple of days.’
‘What wedding?’ she asked with sudden suspicion.
‘Lady Henrietta Rannley to Lord Askleigh. It’s at Rannley Towers. I expect you’ll be there too.’
‘Well, she is my second cousin, once removed.’ Her lips twitched. ‘I suppose Billy’s been talking again.’
‘Billy was very helpful,’ he said carefully, ‘about more than the name of your hotel.’
She regarded him, telling herself that this was a time for straight, clear thinking. But it was hard to think at all, confronted by the discovery that he had fixed all this to be with her. In fact, it was impossible to do anything but feel happy.
I must have a word with Billy, she thought. And tell him, thank you.
‘So it looks like we’re both going,’ she said. ‘Imagine that! I’d planned to go tomorrow and stay the night at Rannley Towers, before the wedding. I’m beginning to think you’re bound to have made the same arrangements, so why don’t we go together?’
She’d avoided looking at Gustavo while she said this. Now, receiving no reply, she turned back to him and discovered the reason for his silence.
Gustavo lay back on the sofa, his head resting on the cushions, his eyes closed.
‘Hey,’ she said gently.
He didn’t respond and she suddenly realised that he was deeply asleep. It had come on him suddenly, leaving him no choice but to yield. It would be unkind to awaken him.
Moving carefully, so as not to disturb him, she raised his feet until he was fully stretched out, then fetched a blanket from the bedroom and draped it over him.
She paused a moment to study his face, relaxed in sleep, yet still with the shadow of tension on it. With his guard down at last he seemed different, more like the very young man she remembered.
Was she only imagining that he looked like a man relieved of a crushing burden after many years?
She turned off the lamp near his head and dropped a kiss on his forehead.
‘Goodnight,’ she whispered. ‘Sweet dreams.’
She went back to her room calling herself all kinds of a self-deceiver. When she’d thought of meeting Gustavo again she’d been so sure of herself, so convinced of her own strength and wisdom.
If he’d approached her with ardour, she could have coped. She still believed that. Instead he’d reached out to her in friendship and need, and by doing so he’d breached all her defences.
It was too late now. They had spoken not one word of love, and yet the feeling between them that night had been more intense than many lovers ever knew.
She would have laughed, years ago, to think that her love could come to this, but now it had happened and it was the sweetest, most joyous thing that had ever happened to her.
She wanted to shout her happiness aloud to the world. The way ahead was no clearer than it had ever been, but she had become his rock.
And if I have to be content with that, she thought, then I will.
But then-
The hell I will! I won’t be content with second-best. This time I want it all.
In the morning she found the sofa empty. Gustavo appeared just as she was finishing breakfast.
‘I was going to leave you a note to apologise for my boorish manners,’ he said, ‘but I couldn’t think what to say. So I just crept out like a criminal and went to my own room.’
‘Don’t make so much of it.’ She smiled. ‘I’ll be ready to leave in an hour.’
‘I’ll be waiting for you downstairs. And, Joanna-thank you for everything.’
He made no further reference to the evening they had spent together, and the revealing things that had been said.
The train took them the fifty miles to the station near Rannley Towers, where they were met by Max, best man and brother of the groom. He’d never met Gustavo, but when he heard his name he looked startled and started to blurt out, ‘Hey, aren’t you the guy who…?’ Then stopped and went red.
‘Yes, that was me,’ Gustavo said pleasantly. ‘Shall we go?’
When they reached the house Etta came running to meet them. She too remembered Gustavo. As a child she’d been told little, but as a bridesmaid she’d worked out a good deal. Luckily she had more aplomb than Max, and the moment passed without trouble.
The huge house was rapidly filling up with guests staying the night. Many of them remembered Joanna and recognised Gustavo, but it was an old scandal, and after a few curious looks they forgot this odd couple, and concentrated on the bride.
Joanna had dreaded coming to this place for a wedding, fearful of the memories it would disturb. But suddenly everything was different. She was here with Gustavo, knowing that she was the person whose company he wanted. When everyone congregated for a meal that night she went down on his arm.
Passing through the hall, she caught a glimpse of the two of them in a long mirror and was struck afresh by his good looks, his upright bearing and a certain indefinable ‘air’ that would make any woman proud to be seen on his arm.
Her own appearance too had been transformed. She was no longer the gauche girl with no confidence in her own looks or personality. Now, in her soft blue gown, with
diamonds in her ears and around her neck, she had the air of a woman who could take on the world and defeat it. Above all she looked as though she belonged with this handsome man.
As they walked, he turned slightly to glance at her. But for the mirror, she would never have noticed, but she saw the reflection of his quick look, the slight smile on his lips, the hint of pride in his eyes as he regarded her.
Then they moved on out of sight of the mirror. And when she next looked at him he was staring ahead, apparently oblivious.
It was a buffet meal so that the kitchen staff could concentrate on the demands of the wedding next day. This left the guests free to wander as they liked and Joanna’s time was filled with renewing old friendships and catching up with her relatives.
Lord Rannley was particularly curious.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked. ‘You and him, here together?’
He was a charming man in his early fifties, with prematurely white hair that did nothing to mar his good looks. Joanna liked him, except that he was a little too eager to secure family advantage.
‘Tommy,’ she said now, ‘if you’re thinking what I’m thinking you’re thinking, you can forget it.’
‘So where’s his wife? I heard rumours-’
‘That’s over. They’re divorced.’
‘And now he’s here with you? Hmm!’
‘I said forget it.’
‘Really, my dear, you can’t expect me to pass up the chance of adding a prince to the family. He slipped through our fingers last time but-’
‘I’ll tread on your toes in a minute.’
He grinned and dropped the subject, but a few moments later she saw him making friendly overtures to Gustavo. She could only hope that he wouldn’t be too blatant about it.
She couldn’t help noticing that, when Lord Rannley had left him, Gustavo wasn’t at ease. The people here knew him only in connection with a past scandal, and he hated the feeling. But he’d wangled an invitation and braved the stares, simply to be with her.
‘It’s getting late,’ she said to him at last. ‘I’m going to bed.’
‘Me too,’ he said, as all around them guests were beginning to drift away.
They said their goodnights and went up the stairs together.
‘It’ll be a long day tomorrow,’ she said.
‘And perhaps a hard one.’
‘We won’t let it be,’ she promised. ‘Goodnight.’
She hugged him. He hugged her. And they went their separate ways.
In her new mood of contentment Joanna nodded off as soon as her head touched the pillow, and slept without a break until dawn.
But then she was unceremoniously awoken by someone plumping down on her bed. Hands shook her fiercely and an urgent voice said, ‘Joanna, wake up, please. Something absolutely terrible’s happened.’
‘What? What’s happened?’
Joanna struggled to awake and found Etta there, her face distraught.
‘It’s dreadful,’ she wailed.
‘What’s dreadful? What’s happened, Etta?’
‘Gina’s got flu,’ she wailed.
‘Hell!’ Joanna said, not mincing matters. Gina was the matron of honour.
‘Darling, could you do it for me, please? You’re the same size and shape, and you’ll fit into her dress.’
‘Yes-yes-all right,’ Joanna said, still half-asleep.
Etta gave her a resounding kiss. ‘Bless you. Go back to sleep.’
She vanished, leaving Joanna to fall back on her pillows, eyes already closed.
She awoke again a couple of hours later, and immediately sat up in bed.
‘Whatever did I say I’d do?’ She dialled Etta’s room on the bedside phone. ‘Etta?’
‘Yes, darling. Come right along and try your dress on. I’ve had your breakfast served here.’
Joanna hastily threw on her dressing gown and was in Etta’s room a couple of minutes later.
‘Did I imagine last night?’
‘No, poor Gina’s feverish. She’s refusing all visitors until the wedding’s safely over. Come and look at your dress.’
Joanna’s eyes widened at the sight of that dress. Etta had had the idea of dressing her bridesmaids and her matron of honour in gowns identical to her own, save for slight variations of colour.
Etta’s gown was satin-covered lace, cut on slender lines, with sleeves that trailed the floor. As befitted a bride, it was gleaming white.
The six bridesmaids all wore the same, but in pink, while Joanna’s dress was also the same, in ivory. The only thing different was that the bride wore a long veil, while her attendants each had broad-brimmed hats of organdie, adorned with real flowers.
‘It fits perfectly,’ Etta said triumphantly when Joanna tried the dress on. ‘You’ll look wonderful. Now take it off so that we can have breakfast.’
In a daze Joanna ate some bread rolls and washed them down with coffee, listening to a stream of instructions, nodding and trying to concentrate.
‘OK,’ she said at last, donning her dressing gown. ‘I’ll dash back to my room for a shower, then I’ll come straight back.’
She slipped back into the corridor, so preoccupied that at first she didn’t see Gustavo. It was his sharp intake of breath that alerted her.
‘Oh, good,’ she said, laying a light hand on his arm.
To her astonishment he flinched.
‘I was going to find you,’ she said, ‘to say that I won’t be coming to the church in the same car as you after all.’
‘I see.’ His face was tense.
‘The reason is-’
‘There’s no need for you to tell me the reason,’ he said coldly. ‘I should have realised.’
‘Realised what?’ she demanded, more and more puzzled by his strange tone and manner.
He didn’t reply but his eyes roved over her dressing gown.
‘You left it a little late to emerge,’ he said. ‘I believe discretion usually suggests an early-morning departure. People are so censorious.’
Suddenly his meaning dawned on her.
‘Are you saying that you think-that I…? Gustavo, do you know whose room that is?’
‘No,’ he said, almost fiercely. ‘Nor do I want to. You owe me no explanations.’
‘I certainly don’t. But you owe me an apology. How dare you think-what you are thinking? You ought to be ashamed of yourself.’
‘Joanna…’ he said uncertainly. Something in her blazing temper had got through to him.
‘You really thought that I-?’
‘I don’t know what I was supposed to think.’
‘Well, actually, you weren’t supposed to think anything, because whose room you see me coming out of is none of your damned business. And that is especially true when you jump to insulting conclusions like some demented jack-in-the-box.’
‘I did not mean to insult you-’
‘Oh, really. Then would you like to give me a blow-by-blow account of exactly what you thought I was up to in there?’
‘No, I wouldn’t,’ he said furiously, going slightly red.
‘But you’ve got a really brilliant picture inside your head, haven’t you? I doubt it bears any relation to the reality.’
‘As you have said, it’s none of my business. Now, if you don’t mind-’
‘But I do mind. You don’t just make accusations and walk off-’
‘I have not made any accusation-’
‘Haven’t you? Then what was that remark about early departures? Does that come from experience? How early are your departures, Gustavo?’
‘I see no need to discuss it.’
‘I’ll bet you don’t. But of course, if she has an apartment in Rome you don’t need to leave early, do you? Or does she have nosy neighbours? Do you hide your face as you leave?’
‘What the devil are you talking about?’ he snapped.
‘I’ll tell you what I…’
But it was no use. She couldn’t keep it up. Amusement was strong
er than anger, and the next moment the laughter welled up in her, bursting out so strongly that she had to clutch the wall.
‘Joanna-’
‘What an idiot you are!’ she choked. ‘But I suppose I’m an idiot as well. Just forget it.’
‘Forget it? You make your opinion of me very clear and I’m supposed to forget it?’
‘Well, you made your opinion of me very clear, but I forgive you.’ Another gale of laughter swept over her. ‘Oh, heavens, I shall die of this.’
His brow cleared a little at the implications of her amusement. His heart was beating as he had seldom felt it before. Not for twelve years, in fact.
He longed to ask her to tell him how wrong he was, but for the life of him he couldn’t have got the words out.
Then, from behind the door, he heard a sound that seemed to restore him to life. A burst of female laughter. The next moment the door was flung open and Etta appeared. Over her shoulder he could see at least three other women in the room.
‘Joanna, thank goodness you’re still here. I’d like you to- Oh, hello.’ She’d just seen Gustavo, and pulled the edges of her dressing gown together.
‘Joanna’s helping us out,’ she explained. ‘She’s going to be my matron of honour instead of Gina, who has flu. Have you managed to explain to him yet, Jo?’
‘I haven’t had the chance,’ Joanna said through quivering lips. ‘Gustavo, I was going to find you and say there’s been a change of plan. I’ll be on duty with the bride.’
‘Thank you for telling me,’ he said stiffly.
Etta’s eyes were like saucers as she looked from one to the other then made a tactful withdrawal.
Gustavo’s face was tense and embarrassed, reminding Joanna of just how miserably uptight he could be, and how he, more than anyone, suffered for it. He was the last man in the world who could cope with this situation.
‘How could you?’ she said, amused and reproachful together.
‘I apologise for-for-’
‘Oh, shut up!’ she said tenderly. ‘I’ll see you in the church.’
With one hand she touched his face while her lips just brushed against his other cheek. Then she slipped away without looking back.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE wedding was held in the great church in the nearby town of Rannley Hayes. From ten o’clock a stream of cars began to leave the towers, and Joanna’s sense of life playing back increased.
