“That’s sad. You were on your own for a long time and so young.” Her voice was so soft it warmed him.
“I learned to survive and not get caught. The last two years in Ireland people were starving in the street. Every morning there would be dead people all around. I had less to eat than normal, but I ate. They came to the cities thinking there would be work, but there wasn’t any and there wasn’t food or lodging for them either. I thanked God for a week straight when I got the job.”
“Do you still speak to the Lord?”
“Not as much, I suppose,” he admitted.
A gust of wind shook the wagon, and for a heartbeat, Zander feared they would be toppled, but it quickly calmed, though it still howled like an angry wolf.
“My father’s Bible was missing from our wagon,” she said, picking up the conversation again. “I know many of the verses, but sometimes just holding the holy book comforts me. I must find a new one, I suppose.”
He chuckled. “You’re in luck. The minister has a wagon full of them. He also holds ten-minute services on Sunday.”
“I’d wondered what that was all about. It was so short I didn’t think much about it.”
“The captain waits for no one, not even God. Many thought we’d stop on Sundays and were upset when we didn’t. I’d just as soon do what the Captain tells us. He’s made many successful trips. I think he mentioned this was his last trip, and he was going home to his wife for good.”
“She must be one understanding woman. He’s gone more than he’s home,” she remarked.
“If they can make it work…” He shrugged.
“You never did answer me.” She shifted in the cramped space and pinned him in her gaze. “Will no one ever marry me because I wear pants?”
“I don’t know. Usually when a woman is trying to attract a man she wears something pretty. She acts all sweet and nice.”
Sorrow briefly pinched her face. “That’s the thing. I don’t even know if I’m sweet and nice. I can cure your ailments and I could take down your enemy, but I don’t think that’s what you mean. I can dress a deer and make clothes from the skin. I can even light a pipe if needed. I’ve helped to build a barn, and I’ve patched the roof more times than I can count. I must admit I set a good trap too.”
Zander smiled.
She smiled back. “A man wouldn’t care about my skills, would he? He might not even like them. My pa often said I’d have a hard time finding someone to share my life with, but he also told me never to settle. He told me there was love out there, I just needed to find it. The problem is I don’t know where to look.” A scowl drew her eyebrows together. She certainly was expressive. “Eli keeps looking at me but it’s not a loving look, it’s more like he’d like to bed me look. My pa called it leering. It makes my skin crawl and I feel not quite clean.”
“It’s best to keep your eye on Eli. He’s been known to drink too much.”
“You frown on drinking?”
Zander laughed. “I was raised on the stuff, but there’s a difference between having a drink and being a drunk. You just be careful.”
“I’m glad we’re friends again. It feels nice to just sit here and not worry if I’m doing something wrong. I don’t feel as though you’re judging me. You just listen.”
The wagon shuddered against the rising wind, this time tilting so far Zander knew a wheel had come off the ground. It shifted, and they were back on the ground. Her eyes opened wide. “Are we safe in here?”
“Truthfully there wasn’t a place to take shelter, so this is it.”
“What about trees? Maybe we could climb up high enough and get out of the dust.”
“You climb trees too?”
“How do you think I hid from the men I borrowed the bedroll from? I climbed higher as they got closer.”
An easy chuckle slipped past his lips. “You are a minx!”
The wagon almost tipped once more, and Zander pulled Tara onto the floor under him, tightening his arms around her as the wagon tilted again.
“I need to let the oxen go!”
“Don’t go out there!”
“If I don’t they’ll die for sure.” He didn’t wait for a reply. He grabbed his wet cloth and climbed out the front. The wind was fierce, and he thought he’d end up going through the air. It was almost as hard to breathe as it was to see. He didn’t wait to watch where the oxen went He jumped back onto the wagon and climbed in.
The canvas was flapping madly, and he was afraid it would rip. “Sit up in that corner while I redistribute the weight in here.” He unstacked what he could and pushed what he could to the side the wind was coming at. He left a small spot for him and Tara, against the very back. Then he paused to grab the crock of water and drank right from it. He placed quilts down then had Tara lay on her side with her back to the tailgate while he eased himself between her and a trunk. If the wagon flipped, he hoped they’d land on top.
He pulled the last quilt over their heads and all and then waited until his eyes adjusted. Tara never once screamed or wailed; she just did what she was told to do. Her eyes were wide and he wrapped his arms around her holding her head to his shoulder.
His face and neck hurt as though tiny shards of glass had cut into him. The wind grew louder and the wagon teetered again and again.
“If we flip, roll away from the wagon as fast as you can,” she told him, her voice somehow calm but urgent.
He smiled. She’d be a helpful wife to some man.
“Are you scared?” she asked, her breath against his neck.
“Yes, but having you here, helps. You’re like a port in a storm.” The wagon lifted and flipped, crashing down hard enough to splinter it. It took Zander a moment to realize with her arms around him, she had rolled them away from the wagon. He really hadn’t thought it would work. The trunks lay in chaos, but they were all intact.
The wind kept blowing. Tara was wriggling under him and he realized that they lay on a big quilt. He helped her to wrap it over them and then use their body weight to keep it anchored. His heart was pumping. He’d been in many tight spots but that was the closest to death he’d ever been.
“I hope the others miss this weather,” she yelled into his ear. She kept wiggling under him.
“I, um, Tara you need to stay still.”
She was still for about a minute.
“Tara, if you don’t stop, I can’t be responsible.”
“For what?”
“For this.” He kissed her softly and gently and then he groaned, deepening the kiss. Her mouth was all he could think of. Her lips were soft, and she tasted like coffee. He never wanted to take his mouth from hers, but he knew better. He knew he had to find it within himself to stop.
He raised his head and shifted them both so only her head and top part of her body lay on him. He pushed her legs to the side of him all the while holding on to her. Something rumbled. Was that thunder? What kind of weather did America have?
“I’ve never been kissed before. It was nice,” her voice was so full of doubt he felt bad for her.
“It was nice. It was very nice, and I wish I could keep kissing you, but it could lead to other things we’re not ready for.”
“You never want to marry, do you?”
“Not if I can help it. I’ve lost too many people already and I know I can keep myself warm and fed. Anyone else… I don’t know if I could keep them alive. I just don’t want be responsible for anyone else.” Strange how his voice didn’t carry the usual conviction. Her kiss set him off balance.
“I’m not sure what my plans are now that my wagon is fire tinder. Well those men should leave me be now. It makes me feel a bit lost, but I’ll be just fine. I know where I’ve been and how to get back if need be, and I also know how to get to Fort Hall. I will never allow myself to be lost again. I was thinking a soldier might take me for a wife. Surely he’d understand my need to carry weapons.”
“Soldiers seem to like women they have rescued or are from the east so t
hey can bring culture to the fort.”
“You’re teasing me, aren’t you?”
He gave a slow shake of his head.
“Well, I have to decide before long. Once we’re too far from the mountains, I won’t see any trappers. I’m appreciated in their world. It’s something I know. Or do I want to continue on and see what my father was up to? If you really think about it, we’ll get to Oregon too late for planting. Cabins will have to go up quickly. I’ll need to buy the tools needed, but I can get four walls and a fireplace set up before the first snow. I can hunt. I suppose I should worry about what I’ll do when this storm ends. First things first, right?”
Had he let her down? Had she begun to hope that they would become a couple? The kiss was opposite of what he said. She didn’t know about desire. He shouldn’t have kissed her. His heart hurt when she moved a bit away from him. He never meant to hurt her. Where would she fit in? Her list of prospects will probably be short. She’d make a widower a nice wife, if he lived pretty far away from the nearest town. His mother had always tried to be a lady with dignity right to the last. She held her head up and pretended not to see the pity and disdain on others’ faces. Tara was as far away from being a lady a person could get.
“The wind is starting to let up.” He gazed down at her pale face.
“Yes, it’ll be nice to have a bit of fresh air. I keep wondering what I’ve done wrong. Everything keeps getting taken from me. I’d like to visit with the minister sometime soon. Do you think God abandons people?”
“Never. I know it feels that way sometimes, but that’s the wonder of faith. He’s always with us, and we never walk alone. I had to keep that knowledge in my heart after my folks died. I think I might have just crumpled and died if I didn’t have faith.” Though he’d been a little distant from God lately, he admitted to himself.
“It’s hard.” Her voice was full of unshed tears.
“I know it is, honey. I know.”
The pounding of horse hooves startled them. They quickly got up and both pulled a pistol. Zander was relieved it was people from the wagon train. There wasn’t a place to hide. He smiled when he saw Heath and Declan. They had become his family.
He somehow got separated from Tara, but he caught a glimpse of her talking to Reverend Paul. She clung to her new Bible and turned away, walked away from the circle and stood alone looking out at the view. Zander didn’t know if she felt alone or not, but he felt it for her.
Later, she stood near her trunks. All had survived, though most required being dug out of the sand covering them. But their survival didn’t solve her problem. How would she get her things to Fort Hall? She’d have to leave much of it behind. But she was alive and so was Zander. Her belongings didn’t really matter in the long run.
“I guess it’s up to me to give her shelter,” a man said. She didn’t recognize the voice and wasn’t in the mood for a confrontation.
“Why would you give her shelter?” a second male asked.
“I’d teach her how to mind a man. She’d be wearing skirts or she wouldn’t be able to sit down without pain. I didn’t mention marriage. I’m saving myself for a proper wife.”
She started to seethe.
“I’d marry her, myself. This way the law couldn’t do a thing when I beat her into submission. I bet she’s been with plenty of those mountain men. That’s what they do — they have one female and share her.”
“Chuck, you made that up. They wouldn’t bother to share they’d just steal themselves a woman.”
Well, at least she now knew one of the men. Chuck Klass, who had run away from her wagon, afraid of ghosts.
“Well, someone has to take her. Women can’t travel alone. I thought a marriage between her and Eli was understood, but he says no, we’re welcome to her.” The man snorted. “I have to warn you, Eddie, she carries a gun.”
“That’s just not right. She’s a female,” Eddie said.
“Tell her that! She doesn’t seem to know it except probably under the covers,” Chuck said.
She whirled on them and drew her gun. “Take your crass talk and get out of my sight.” She waited until they were gone before she stepped away from her trunks and let herself be sick. Now she knew what people thought of her. Some morals in the mountains weren’t the same as down here, but she’d saved herself for marriage. Every man up there knew not to tangle with her.
No one had stepped up and offered to help her. It had been a long tense day, and a lot of it was due to her. People were probably sick of her.
After sweeping the sand away, she opened her trunks and rearranged the items. She lifted one and carried it to Dawn and Luella’s wagon. No one was around so she left the presents she had collected for them on the ground. She took Cora’s out and carried the pot down to her wagon. No one was there either.
Glancing around, she saw many people gathered around the livestock. She walked over to see what was happening. Chuck and Eddie were pushing each other back and forth while yelling out their claim to her. Eddie fell to the ground, and Chuck held his hands up in victory.
“That little hellion is mine!”
She took a step forward. “I’d rather be left behind.” She turned and glared at the people in the crowd and almost gasped when she saw the captain plus all the people she had called friend. “No one asked me about this! I have no rights? To think I was looking forward to going to Oregon. Not anymore. I’m done with all of you!” She turned on one foot and ran to her trunks. She filled a couple burlap bags full of supplies. Then she went in search of her mare. Poor baby, she did need a name. She vaulted onto the horse’s back and rode toward Fort Hall. She’d be able to hide well enough in case those men came back. She’d have to find a way to get her money back, but that was the least of her problems. And she trusted Zander. Thankfully, it would be dark soon; she’d need to find a place to hide.
Chapter Six
It had been two days since he’d seen Tara. At first he didn’t realize she’d taken her mare. By that time, it was dark. He’d found her trail a few times, but it disappeared every time. This morning he was standing with the others at a grave. People said it had been a snake bite. Why didn’t people just ask for help? Was it easier to die than to ask a favor?
Dawn was busy cleaning the wagon out; she’d claimed it for Tara. She and the other wives were determined to find her and bring her to Oregon with them. He’d seen their speculative looks. He was as worried about her as anyone but she would not be his wife because he felt sorry for her. Marriage was for life. He’d get over any pity he felt soon enough and he’d be left with a woman who didn’t know how to be a woman.
She was a quick learner; he supposed. Her cooking was better than passable and she looked pretty when she smiled, but that did not mean she’d be a good wife. He was young still and he wanted to take his time looking.
They were ready to ride out. Eli was driving Tara’s new wagon, and they would be to Fort Hall the next day. Was she already there? Was she being treated with respect? Zander’d love to strangle both Chuck and Eddie. Where had they gotten the ridiculous idea that they could marry Tara?
Just thinking her name made his heart beat a little faster. He missed her. They had become good friends, and he’d thought them to be closer than ever after the storm, but she had so easily rode away without a word to him. If he was in the admitting mood, he’d might say he was a tiny bit hurt.
There had been a bevy of shady characters riding in and out of Fort Hall most of the day. The wagon party was taking its sweet time getting there. Maybe she should go back and make sure they were all right. Her stomach knotted. No one had come looking for her. She’d thought, hoped… It didn’t matter. There were many things that weren’t meant to be. She opened her bible and leaned back against a tree and read. Waiting a while longer was probably a good choice.
The day went on, growing later and later. Tara stood, stretched, put her Bible in one bag she’d tied to her mare and then led the mare out of the tree line. Sh
e’d go on in., she could protect herself. The fort was white adobe and smaller than she’d imagined. There were several teepees set up and a lot of trading going on. She felt the stares of the Indians and the trappers as she walked by. She also saw the cold shoulder type of looks people from another wagon train gave her. She entered the fort and tied the mare to a hitching post before she walked into the store. She wanted to laugh when she saw the prices. They were double those of the store at Fort Bridger, and more than three times the prices she and her Pa had paid at trading posts near her home, and she had a feeling those had been on the high side to begin with.
Looking around, she noticed some dresses. None were new, but they were in good shape. Maybe Zander was right, maybe she needed to dress like a woman. She could live by herself but did she want to? Maybe she’d have to meet a few fellas to know. She picked out three that looked clean and next to new. Then she added a few hairpins and a bonnet. Finally, she had the proprietor put cheese and bread in with her order.
Tara's Trials (Romance on the Oregon Trail Book 4) Page 6
