“We could help him raise her. That’s if he wants the job.”
She tilted her head and stared at him. Why hadn’t he objected to the marriage? “I thought Dawn would be the logical choice. They both lived with Indians.”
“I don’t think that would work. Heath and Dawn are making their way, and Dawn still has nightmares. I just think it’s too early in their marriage for them to raise a child they don’t know.”
She closed her eyes briefly and tried to make her expression normal. It wouldn’t be too early in her and Zander’s marriage since he probably didn’t expect to stay around. They didn’t need to get used to being married. She should be grateful he was willing to help but her heart began to ache.
“Let’s get married now. It’s almost bedtime.” She led the way to their fire where Reverend Paul and his wife Della already waited.
She managed to squeeze out a smile for everyone. She said all the right words and received a kiss on the cheek from Zander, all while her heart crumbled. While waiting for Big Red to come back with witnesses, she watched Zander and Leona have a lively discussion. It wasn’t a happy one, and it ended with Leona running to her wagon in tears.
Tara was at the end of her emotional rope. She climbed unassisted into the wagon and began making room for the two of them. When she heard Big Red’s voice she stood at the back of the wagon and smiled as Big Red swung her down. He took her hand and led her away from the wagon.
“I’m pleased you’re married to the man you love, but I see shadows and sorrow in your eyes. I should have just said no and never told you getting married would help. I only wanted happiness for you.”
“Well since you’ll be adopting her, I’m supposed to help raise her. I thought maybe Dawn should, but Zander thinks her marriage is too new to bring in an unknown child. I guess it shows what he thinks of our marriage.” She gulped in air to keep from weeping. “I need to have faith we’re doing the right thing, but Big Red it hurts something awful. I guess it will be the three of us making a life in Oregon and it’ll be just fine. Zander never wanted to marry. But I think—” Her voice hitched. “I believe we’ll be just fine.” She lifted her arms, and he bent so she could wrap them around his neck. Then he lifted her into a hug and carried her to the wagon.
“I love you, Tara.”
She nodded and went inside. It had been a long hard day made even harder and exhaustion hit her. She lay on the straw tick, still clothed, and waited.
The next morning, Zander watched as Tara’s horse was exchanged for the young girl. He found out her name was Rhetta Knobs. Tara was still sleeping and he’d been getting sly looks all morning.
Cora and Luella helped Rhetta to bathe and dress. She was a pretty girl with long dark hair and green eyes. She’d been walking alone and was stolen and adopted. She’d been with the Nez Perce for about a year. They set her by the fire while they quickly took a dress someone had donated and cut it down then sewed it back up in her size. It was a very simple blue one, but the ladies who were helping all said they’d make more.
Rhetta seemed to be very quiet and reserved. Not the unmanageable girl Zander had been led to believe she was. She watched everything and sat close to Big Red.
“I’m going to make sure the oxen are grazing. Sometimes you have to lead them to the better grass. If Tara wakes before I’m back, can you tell her I’ll see her soon?”
“Will do,” Big Red said with a bit of suspicion in his eyes.
Big Red had nothing to worry about, Zander thought bitterly. His precious Tara was still untouched.
Zander felt shanghaied into the marriage, but he went along with it to keep the peace. Now he had his regrets. Not because the marriage hadn’t been consummated. He just didn’t know his own mind and didn’t appreciate others making decisions for him. He’d gotten as far as the Blue Mountains without getting hitched.
Now what? Were he and Tara supposed to sleep in a tent while Rhetta slept in the wagon with Big Red underneath? He never should have gone to the fire last night to see what Tara was up to. He should have minded his own business. Tara was lovely, for certain, but if a man had any type of aspirations she’d pull him down. Would she go back to wearing her buckskins now that she didn’t need to look nice? Oh sure, and he didn’t mind them, but for presenting herself to townsfolk? No matter where they lived, people wouldn’t take kindly to her wearing them. He’d probably have to teach her manners the town women would expect from a wife. Not that he was even an expert. They’d peg him for a backwoods dweller with no education. Did she know how to set a table? What about pouring tea for women who’d come calling? If Leona wore a corset, Tara probably should too. He wanted to elevate his position in life, and in America he’d hoped to do so.
Irritation washed over him at the sudden change in his plans.
They had slept back to back last night, and he was the one who stiffened if they happened to touch. She just muttered and moved. She had money, though. He patted one ox and shook his head. He supposed some men—most really—would consider what was hers to now be theirs. But not him. Her money was hers, and he shouldn’t be thinking of his wife in such a way.
In truth, he couldn’t complain about Tara being his wife. He’d have liked to have been the one to decide to marry or not, was all.
He was walking back toward the wagons when Leona stepped out from behind one and blocked his way.
“Why? You trifled with me and then you married another? Why?” Tears started to spill down her face, and she flung her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. He gently patted her back wishing he could just walk away. But nothing she said was false. He had shown her interest and he had married another woman.
Tara and Rhetta rounded a wagon and almost ran into them. Hurt flared in Tara’s eyes, then she looked down at her feet as though shamed while Rhetta narrowed her hardened eyes.
Tara stepped away. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were here.” She didn’t look at them. She walked to the river with Rhetta following her, each carrying a bucket.
“Leona, you need to let go of me. I’m married.” Zander gently set her away. “I never trifled with you. I never kissed you.”
“Still you led me to believe you were falling in love with me.” A sob escaped as she turned and ran to her wagon.
He never meant for anyone to get hurt. He didn’t like Leona as a person let alone a wife. It was as though he was in the middle of a bad dream and he couldn’t wake up. He needed to get away from her. He’d best go make sure the wagons were in good shape.
By the time he got to the wagons they had all been taken care of. What was he supposed to do? Big Red already had the wash tub on the fire heating water. He grabbed his clothes out of the wagon he’d shared with his friends and put them in a pile next to the fire.
“Rhetta seems like a good girl,” Big Red said.
“Yes she does but didn’t they say she was too much to handle?”
Big Red laughed. “As soon as she is away from here, she’ll show that side of her. She’ll be keeping me busy.”
“None of the other women have objected to you adopting a girl. I mean you don’t have a wife.”
Big Red shrugged. “I expected some upset, but no. They know that Tara is with me too.”
“Not really, since she’s my wife.”
Big Red sat down poking more branches under the wash tub. “Is she? I know you haven’t even been married for a whole day yet, but you’ve held Leona more than you have Tara.”
Ire rose within his chest. “How can you possibly know that?”
“I saw Tara when she came out of the wagon this morning. Her bottom lip was trembling, and she was wearing the same thing she had on yesterday. I handed her a cup of coffee and she wouldn’t meet my gaze. She didn’t even react when I told her the mare had been traded. You see, my Tara is feisty. She’s not a sad woman. Then I saw you with Leona and what happened when Tara met up with the two of you. You still had your girlfriend in your arms. You surely didn’
t act sorry, but I could tell by Tara’s reaction that she’d sunk as low as she could go. She’s been through an awful lot in a short amount of time, and she never took a moment to mourn or feel bad, but now…”
Zander nodded. “I have bridles to check and repair.” He walked away as quickly as he could. He looked over the tack and then found a place to sit by the river where he couldn’t be seen unless someone came looking for him.
It was too early to go back to the wagon. He wasn’t sure what to do. Why couldn’t he just jump on a horse and ride away?
“Here he is, Declan,” Heath called.
Heath and Declan each sat on one side of him. “Sorry about how things happened,” Declan said.
“No one said anything to us about this. We were surprised by the marriage too. Dawn thinks you’re a hero,” Heath said.
“I wasn’t given a choice, and she’s upset. She walked by when Leona was crying and telling me she had been thinking I’d marry her. Leona also had her arms around my neck. Both Tara and Big Red are angry, but I’m angry too. I’m glad we saved the girl, but I’m tied to Tara for life. I can’t picture staying home, raising kids.”
“It looked to me as though you and Tara were getting close,” Declan said.
“A little at a time. We’re very different, and we tend to read each other wrong. I’ve hurt her, and she’s hurt me, and it’s all been misunderstandings. We decided to be friends and see what happened. Big Red said she came out of the wagon this morning ready to cry. I didn’t even touch her. I haven’t had an awful lot of happiness in my life and I always thought my wedding day would be a happy one. I’m frustrated about the whole situation, and somehow it’s my fault. I swore when I got off that ship in Boston I would be free. And now?” He snorted a sarcastic laugh. “I don’t know how to talk to her or how to act around her.”
“Listen Zander,” began Declan. “None of us expected to get married for a long while. I wanted to get the ranch going and a house built first, but things happen. I was forced to marry too, and I thank God every day for Luella. Look at Harrison. He was grieving his dead wife when he ended up marrying Cora. Heath here, I secretly think he got what he wished for. Nothing is easy for any of us. We all have to work with our wives to learn to love and learn how to get along. There have been so many who have died making this trip. We’re at the bottom of the Blue Mountains. We make it over these mountains, then the Cascades, and then we’re in the valley of land and opportunity. You have to remember Tara lost her father not too long ago.” Declan patted Zander on the back.
Harrison wandered over. “Cora is putting together a picnic for you and Tara. You need some time to get to know each other. Life is too short to be miserable. I know firsthand. Plus we saved a young girl. That’s a good thing. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her. Are there people looking for her?”
“She has a family somewhere. We’ll get it figured out.” Zander stood. “I’ve been alone for so long, you can’t imagine how I feel now, knowing I have friends who care. Thank you.”
“Friends?” Heath chuckled. “Who said anything about friends? We’re family.”
Zander smiled and looked toward the wagons. He might as well go and see what Tara was up to. He cared for her, but he still had his doubts. Would they ever work through them? Doubts or not, she was his wife and he needed to act like a husband.
Chapter Nine
The Blue Mountains were enough to make anyone agitated. The first day was a long steep hard drive and although the oxen had rested, many were at the point they could no longer go on.
Tara willingly left many of her trunks behind to lighten the load. She only kept things they used every-day and warm clothes. Quilts were a must. She hadn’t realized her father’s things were still in the trunks.
Big Red was excellent driving the oxen, and they trusted him. The climb wore her out, and Rhetta didn’t have much to say.
Tara worried about Cora and Luella. They should be riding in their condition, but that wasn’t the way things happened. They walked under a thick canopy of trees, and when they got to the top, they stopped. And the trail was just flat for a few miles after that, at least.
The men had a hard time with the cattle and horses, and she worried. Zander and Heath didn’t make it back for supper.
She still didn’t know what to think about her and Zander. He promised to keep his vows and he swore he had never touched Leona. She believed him. He had a slight twinkle in his eyes when he gazed at her, and that warmed her and thawed her cooling heart.
He’d held her that night but nothing more. She was too embarrassed to ask her friends if it was normal to just sleep. She did finally find out about the corset insult. Leona meant she didn’t have a nice figure including bosoms a man would be interested in. She’d laughed as Luella turned red explaining it to her. “I am as God made me, so that can’t be a real insult. To think I spent time wondering about it.”
She set out crates and made the women sit. Dawn didn’t want to, but Tara had heard about Dawn’s torn up feet. Rhetta was a great help and soon they all sat, said grace, and ate.
“Tara, you have so much energy,” Luella exclaimed.
“I’m used to moving, not sitting. Where I’m from, you don’t work you don’t eat, and sometimes the game wasn’t near where I was. I’m used to walking a long ways up and down mountains. Tomorrow looks to be just as bad going down. Feel free to lean on me.”
Cora beamed at her. “You know, I wasn’t sure what to make of you when you joined us. You have a very generous soul.”
“She sure does,” Zander said as he kissed Tara on the cheek.
“Sit down. I’ll get a wet cloth, I know it was branches that got to you but you look like you were dancing with a bear.” She hurried and got a wet cloth, and then she cleaned each cut and scratch.
“How’d we do?” Harrison asked.
“We did fine. It’s the others that lost some. Only a few of ours tried to stray. They did, however, take the path with the most trees.”
“I can drive tomorrow and free up one of the men,” Tara offered.
Harrison looked her over. “You think you’re strong enough to hold the oxen back from running down the steep hills?”
“I’ve driven a filled wagon down mountains many times. It was with mules, though, and we never had a covering.”
“What do you think, Big Red?” Harrison asked.
“If anyone could do it, Tara could. She might not look strong, but I’ll just tell you never wrestle with her.”
“We’ll give it a try.”
She fixed a plate for Zander and handed it to him, and he didn’t look at her. Her stomach began to knot. What had she done now?
“It’s all right if I drive, isn’t it, Zander? Is that why you’re mad?”
“I don’t enjoy talking about our private business in public.” He finished eating, put his plate down, and left.
“I’m sorry, Tara,” Harrison said. “I should have asked what he thought instead of Big Red.”
“So, that is why he’s mad? Oh bother, I can do things to make him much madder.”
She noticed most were trying not to laugh. “You all go rest. Rhetta and I will clean up. It’ll be another long day tomorrow.”
“I can help,” Dawn said as she stood.
Laughing, Heath swept her up in his arms and took her into their tent. Envy went through Tara. If only…
“Tara? Are you in there?” Zander called.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Zander entered the tent. It was dark, and he was waiting for his eyes to adjust. “It’s a colder night.”
“Yes it is. I put on a pair of your socks to keep warm.”
He smiled at her and then he took off his coat and boots. He climbed under the covers and pulled her back against him.
“I’m sorry I walked off like that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I guess I was hurt that no one thought to consult me. Not that I’m in charge of you, but shouldn’t I have some input
?”
“Harrison apologized about asking Big Red and not you. I know you know I’m strong. I’m not one for showing off so if I have trouble I’ll let Harrison know. Big Red will drive so Declan can help you with the livestock. I’ll drive ours. It’s lighter than most. I do need to get my money out of the other wagon in case something happens.”
He was silent for a moment.
“Zander, was I supposed to ask you if I could drive the wagon before offering? I don’t really know how husbands and wives do things. I don’t remember a lot about my ma and pa let me do pretty much whatever I wanted.”
“No, you weren’t supposed to but when it’s a big decision, I would like to be included in the discussion. It’s dangerous to drive down a mountain, and if going down is as steep as coming up was there could be many problems. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Tara, do you even like me as more than a friend?” He felt her stiffen in his arms.
“Of course I like you. Zander I care for you in a way I’ve never cared for another. I don’t know if it’s love or not. I know I was jealous and hurt when I saw you with Leona. I even felt envy as I watched Heath swing Dawn up into his arms and carry her to their tent. I feel like I’m out of my natural habitat, and I don’t know what to do.” She sighed, then added softly, “I liked it when we kissed.”
“We’re on the right road then. We have time before we—”
“What? Before we what?”
His face burned. “Before we have relations.”
“Oh.”
He could tell by the sound of her voice she had no idea what he was talking about. “Usually when a man and women get married, they have a wedding night together.”
“Night comes after day.”
He wanted to groan. “You know animals mate, right?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” He kissed her cheek. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
She sounded confused. He’d have to think on how to explain it to her. Maybe the subject wouldn’t come up again until the time was right. Even as the thought danced in his mind, he discounted it. No, he really didn’t think so.
Tara's Trials (Romance on the Oregon Trail Book 4) Page 10
