by Kenna Gordon
“We won’t!” Myles put his arm around Kasey to comfort her.
It had been a long and arduous few days for everyone, and waiting for news of Katelin was difficult. James held Joanna while Myles impatiently paced back and forth.
“Sit down,” Bryan said. “You’re going to wear a groove in the floor.”
Myles glanced over at his friend; Bryan’s arm was around Kasey, her auburn hair, her fair completion, and the gentle curves of her lips were Katelin’s. Looking at her made it hard for Myles to control his emotions, and so he continued to pace.
Kasey was resting her head on Bryan’s shoulder when, gasping for breath, she sat straight up and grabbed her chest.
“Kasey, what is it?” Bryan asked.
“I lost her for a moment.” She had an anxious look on her face that concerned Bryan. “Lost who...Kate?”
Kasey shook her head refusing to reaffirm her brother’s words, but Bryan could see something was troubling his sister.
It would be several hours before the doctor came out to the waiting room. The intricate surgery to stop the internal bleeding, repair Katelin's pelvis, and remove her ruptured spleen lasted more than ten hours.
James stood as the surgeon entered the waiting room. “How is she doctor?”
“Kate made it through the surgery, but she isn’t out of the woods yet.”
As the doctor continued, he noticed Kasey sitting on the couch and paused for a moment, his tone and demeanor softened. Kasey looked at him and nodded her head as if to say she knew that sometimes people saw the two of them as the same person.
Addressing Kasey directly, the surgeon said, “You’re sister lost a lot of blood during surgery. She went into shock causing her heart to stop—but she’s a fighter.”
“I know,” was Kasey’s simple replied.
Myles and Bryan looked at Kasey as tears began to fall down her cheeks.
“The next few days are critical,” the doctor warned the family.
“Thank you doctor,” James said shaking his hand.
Katelin had managed to cheat death, but remained in a coma. The swelling in her brain finally went down, and the recent brain scans looked good. However, the longer she remained unconscious, the more concerned the doctor's seemed to be. They were not optimistic about her recovery, but it wasn't like the Quinn family to give up hope.
Kasey had read up on her sister's condition and was sure that while Kate was unable to respond she was still aware of her surroundings, and thought that hearing familiar voices might speed up her recovery. She had organized family visits into shifts. James and Joanna would stay with Kate during the day, while Kasey, Bryan, and Myles took the night shift. Kasey brought her copy of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility to read to her sister; it was one of Katelin's favorites. Kate told her that the banter between Elinor and Marianne Dashwood reminded her of their loving yet contrasting relationship—the thought made her smile. While Kasey read, Myles sat in the corner and serenaded the two of them, and every now and then Bryan would interject his offbeat sense of humor by telling a joke.
It had been more than two weeks since the surgery. It seemed like any other Tuesday night; Kasey was gathering up her books, and Myles took Katie's hand to tell her good night. The nurse had allowed them to stay beyond visiting hours, but it was 10:00 pm, and they knew that it was time to go. Bryan bent down and kissed Katelin on the forehead, as he had done every night before they left.
“Myles look!” Bryan exclaimed, before running out of the room to find a nurse.
Myles looked down to see Katelin's beautiful blue-green eyes staring back at him. “Katie?” Myles gently squeezed her hand.
She didn't say a word, but he noticed a single tear running down her cheek and onto the pillow. A minute later, one of the nurses came rushing into the room to examine Kate. She didn't want to say anything until the doctor made his rounds in the morning, but the nurse was cautiously optimistic, and reminded them that the healing process would take time. It was hard for the three of them to leave Katelin that night, but for the first time in weeks there was hope that Katie would be all right.
Katelin was confused and agitated for the first few days, but eventually they were able to wean her off the ventilator, and over time she began making humming noises while Myles played his guitar. She even smiled when Bryan told one of his racy jokes. Her speech was slow and calculated; there would be months of physical therapy, but the family was prepared for the tough journey ahead of them. What they weren't prepared for was the night she would say her first word—“Nick”. They had been so busy worrying about Katelin that they hadn't stopped to think about what they were going to say when she asked about Nick.
“I want to be the one to tell her. I think it’s what Nick would have wanted,” Myles said as he and James stood in the hallway just outside her room.
“I agree.” James put his hand on Myles shoulder. “Thank you for being there for her.”
Myles stood in the doorway for a moment and watched as Katie finished her dinner. He didn’t want to tell her about Nick; he wanted to protect her from the pain of knowing that the man she loved was gone.
The nurse removed Katelin’s dinner tray as Myles came into her room.
“That was terrible,” she said with a slow and deliberate tone.
“I’ll bet you miss Meggie’s cooking.” Myles pulled up a chair and waited patiently while Kate worked on composing her next sentence.
“Yes...Where are Kasey and Bryan?” She asked tripping over her words like a newborn learning to walk for the first time.
“They couldn't be here tonight. Will I do?”
“Yes,” she smiled and took his hand.
“Katie....,” he began. The last time she had seen that look on someone's face was the day her mother passed away. Tears began to well up in Katelin's eyes. She knew in her heart what he was about to say, and before he could find the words to tell her she said, “Nick is gone.”
“Yes...” Myles stopped for a moment in order to regain his composure.
There was a long and agonizing pause. Kate tried frantically to catch her breath; she suddenly felt as though every last bit of air had been sucked out of the room.
“...No...Oh God, no...” Katelin began to sob; her body trembling as she grieved.
Myles climbed into the hospital bed next to Kate. Pulling her close to him; Myles wrapped his arms around Katie and held her tight until she cried herself to sleep.
Chapter Three
The air was still, and Kate could smell the green of spring. Nick and Katelin had hiked around Devils Thumb many times as teenagers. The trail, an abandoned road, was shaded by a canopy of trees, making its way through a beautiful mountain meadow filled with wildflowers of every color imaginable. Katelin took photos, while her dog Lucy chased butterflies in and out of the Asters, Larkspur, and Red Clover that dotted the landscape.
“Kate let's go,” Nick hollered to her as he continued up a steep path on the other side of the meadow.
He wanted to make it to Lake Jasper by noon, where they had planned to stop for lunch. When they finally arrived, Nick pulled two brown paper bags from his back pack. Maggie had packed sandwiches, fruit, and Katelin's favorite oatmeal cookies for both of them.
“What would we do without Meggie,” Nick commented as he devoured the sandwich and cookies.
“I don’t know, you’d probably go hungry.” Kate smiled at Nick as he snatched one of the cookies from her bag.
After finishing their lunch Katelin, and Nick, continued up the rugged trail. Just a few miles after reaching the tree line they saw a small lake nestled just below the large rock formation they call the Devils Thumb.
Katelin loved the majesty of this place; the snow capped mountains jutting toward a brilliant blue sky. The two lovers sat in silence at the top of the ridge as they took in the awe-inspiring view.
Suddenly a high-pitched, beeping filled Kate’s room as the monitor next to her bed went off; making a loud and unp
leasant noise that woke her. She was confused for a bit, but as she opened her eyes Katelin saw a strange man standing next to her bed. The distinguished looking man had light brown hair that was graying at the temples, and it was hard not to notice his bright blue eye.
She heard him say, “Mo cailin milis,” as he gently touched her auburn curls.
My sweet girl, Katelin, thought. She had heard Meggie say it many times, with the same southern Irish lilt.
“Is she going to be all right then?” He asked as a nurse rushed past him to adjust the crimped oxygen line.
“She'll be fine.” the nurse responded, but as she turned to look at him the man was gone, as unexpectedly as he had appeared.
“Who was that man?” Katelin asked the nurse, uncertain if the stranger had been real or part of her dream.
“You don't know him?”
“No, I've never seen him before.”
“He left these for you, maybe there's a card.” The nurse pointed to a vase filled with the most beautiful long stem white roses.
Checking for a note the nurse concluded, “You must have a secret admirer.”
Kate couldn't imagine why the stranger had come to visit her.
As her thoughts returned to the dream Katelin began to cry, the salty tears stinging her eyes; it was only a dream, and yet it seemed real. She could feel the mountain breeze on her face, smell the scent of pine, and for just a moment she was holding Nick's hand. Katelin quickly closed her eyes hoping to see his face one last time, but there was nothing but darkness; and an immense sadness that seemed to swallow her whole.
Kate had been quiet and withdrawn since learning of Nick's death, but who could blame her. Her life, as she knew it, had been turned upside down, and there was nothing anyone could do to ease her sorrow.
“Are you okay?” Kasey asked as she and Meggie entered the hospital room.
“Did you see him?”
“See who?”
“The man, the one who brought the white roses.” Katelin pointed to the bouquet of flowers on the table next to her bed.
“No, what did he look like?”
As Kate began to describe the stranger, Kasey watched as the color drained from Meggie’s face.
“Are you all right Meggie? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.” Kasey helped her to the chair next to Katelin’s bed
“It’s the flowers,” Meggie quickly responded. “They were your mother’s favorites don’t you know?”
“I know,” Kasey took Meggie’s hand to comfort her.
As she examined the flowers, Kasey couldn’t help but think that Meggie knew more than she was letting on. Did she know the man? If Meggie knew him, why was she keeping his identity a secret?
Katelin's recovery was slow. The surgeons had pieced her pelvis back together with a titanium plate and several large fasteners which, according to Bryan looked like the deck screws they used for building. Sitting was painful; standing was painful, and when it was time to learn to walk again—the pain seemed unbearable. Her gait was stilted and awkward, and the therapist was constantly scolding her for dragging her left leg. Kate wondered if she would ever graduate from a wheelchair to crutches.
The doctors tried to manage her pain, but there were nights when the pain was so terrible Kate struggled to fall asleep, and if sleep finally came, she prayed she wouldn't wake up. Katelin knew her body would heal in time, but how could her broken heart be mended?
September had come and gone; the leaves outside were now shades of amber and red. The doctors had warned Katelin's family that it might take months before she could finally go home. What they didn't realize was how determined Kate could be when she set her mind to something. Twelve weeks after the paramedics had wheeled Katelin into the trauma center, Kasey took her sister home.
It was a crisp October morning; Kasey carefully pushed Katelin’s wheelchair up to the entrance of the pool house.
“Can we stop here?” Kate asked.
“Sure,” Kasey pushed the wheelchair up to the door to the pool house and stopped.
“I don’t want anyone to see me like this.” The wheelchair made Katelin feel weak and helpless.
Kasey handed her sister the crutches. “Are you going to be Okay?”
“I’m all right,” Kate said as she stood and steadied herself.
Katelin recalled the last time she was here, in the pool house. Nick was sitting on the bed next to her; she could see his smile and deep blue eyes. As Kate remembered the fateful day, she touched her lips and thought of his kiss before opening the door to the pool house.
“Surprise!” Katelin’s friends and family cheered as she opened the door.
“Welcome home Cailin,” Meggie said kissing her on the forehead.
“It’s good to have you home.” James gently hugged his daughter.
Lucy ran around Kate wagging her tail wildly. “It’s good to see you too girl,” she said greeting her Irish setter.
Meggie had decorated the little pool house with brightly colored balloons and a large welcome home sign that had been strung across the living room wall. She wanted to make sure they celebrated both Kate’s birthday and her homecoming; she had spent her nineteenth birthday in the hospital. But what Katelin really wanted—was to be left alone.
Everything around her seemed to move in slow motion, and all she could think about was Nick. Kate felt stuck in a quagmire of despair, and it was slowly pulling her under.
Her demeanor seemed pleasant, but as Myles watched Katie from across the room he could see that her pretense was hiding a sadness—a sadness he fully understood.
Myles couldn’t stop thinking about Kate and how unhappy she had been since learning of Nick’s death. It had been a week since her homecoming; Katelin wasn’t answering her phone, she reluctantly went to physical therapy, and she was trying to push away the people that cared about her the most.
It was a beautiful fall day, and as he approached the pool house Kasey opened the door to greet him.
“Good morning Myles,”
“Hey Kasey, is Katie here?”
“Yes, she's in her room. She refuses to eat—I am worried about her Myles.” He squeezed Kasey’s hand hoping to put her at ease before making his way to Katelin’s room.
Opening the door, he found Katie, sitting in her rocking chair tightly holding a picture to her chest; it was a picture of her graduation. Nick had his arm around Kate's waist, and she remembered how he pulled her closer to give her a peck on the cheek. It was a perfect day; they were happy and had a world of possibilities ahead of them. But the cold and unforgiving reality of Kate’s loss hit her as Myles opened the curtains filling the room with autumn sunlight. Gently he removed the picture from Katelin's grasp and placed it on the nightstand next to her.
“Katie, I am not going to let you sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Grab your jacket and Lucy; we're going for a ride”
“Myles...” Before she had a chance to protest he grabbed her jacket, the crutches, and Lucy's leash.
“I won’t take no for an answer,” Myles stated as he helped Katie up out of the chair.
Myles loaded Lucy and Katelin into his jeep and head up into the mountains.
He had decided that a ride through Guanella Pass to view the autumn splendor was just what she needed. The Aspens had turned, covering the mountains with groves of shimmering gold leaves, Cottonwood and scrub oak provided splashes of red and orange beneath the jagged landscape of the Rockies. As they made their way up the winding pass, Kate noticed the creek, which ran parallel to the scenic byway. Without warning, a dramatically vivid memory of the accident played in her head like a terrible movie. The memory of Nick’s bike toppling end over end into the mountain stream filled Kate with an overwhelming sense of panic.
Just before the accident Nick had turned to look at her, she would never forget the expression on his face—it was the last time she saw him. Katelin placed her hands over her ears trying to stop the terrible screeching sound in her head.
Sensing her distress, Lucy began to bark.
“Stop!” Kate yelled.
Myles quickly swerved toward the side of the road, before he could even brake; Katelin was struggling to climb out of the jeep to get to the creek below. Myles brought the vehicle to a sudden halt.
“Kate, wait for me.” Taking hold of her arm, he pulled her back towards him.
Katelin turned to Myles and buried her face in his chest. He could feel her warm tears as they soaked through his shirt.
“Why?” She sobbed, “Why wasn't it me?”
“Katie, don't say that.”
Myles missed his brother terribly, but he couldn't conceive of life without Kate.
“I didn't even get to say goodbye to him Myles—I just wanted to say good-bye.”
“I know.” He held her a little tighter.
Pulling away from him slightly, Katelin looked up at Myles as if she was trying to find an answer in his eyes. He couldn't help but be moved by her vulnerability and beauty. Myles had tried to restrain his feelings for her, but they had only grown stronger with time. Without thinking, he reached over to brush a strand of hair from her face, caressing her cheek he instinctively took Katelin's face in his hands and slowly ran his thumb over her soft pink lips. The unexpected gesture stirred something inside Kate. Before she could respond, Myles kissed her with a passion that left her breathless. Resting his forehead against hers he sighed, their kiss had been as warm and wonderful as Myles had imagined.
“I'd better get you home,” he sighed.
Myles could feel the emotional battle that raged inside of him as he wrestled with his desire for her—he could only imagine Katelin's confusion.
As Myles drew away from her, their eyes met, it was then that she saw the emotions he had tried to keep from her for months. As quickly as their eyes met she looked away; her relationship with Myles suddenly seemed very complicated.
The next few months were awkward for Myles and Katelin, as the vivid colors of fall turned into the stark, cold white of winter. Katelin's pain lessened with the passing of time, but the scars of that terrible day had managed to transform the very essence of her. Myles had hoped that the changing seasons would ease the awkwardness between the two of them, but their conversations were short and sometimes uncomfortable. It was as if they both had a secret that they didn't want the other one to know—and they did.
