“How about you pass by before going to the hospital tonight?”
“I wish I could, but we have to go back to the studio. We only have a two-minute break.”
“I’ll call you or text you. Grégoire got you a new phone with a new number, it should be delivered to your apartment tonight.”
“Thank him for me.”
“I will.” His voice turns lower, like he doesn’t want anyone to hear it. “I’m going to miss you. Is that crazy?”
“I don’t think so. I hope not. Because I’m going to miss you too.”
Alisha makes kissing sounds next to me and I chuckle.
“Bye, Jennifer Harrison. Wait, what’s your middle name? Tell me it’s Laura.”
I don’t want to hang up, so I stop walking. “My middle name is Sana—like my great-grandmother.”
“So why Laura?”
“It’s a stupid story.”
“Oh come on…” There’s a smile in his voice and hearing him happier warms my entire body.
“About two years ago, I was having coffee in the city. I was by myself and some random dude hit on me…and his first line was ‘Please tell me your name is Laura because my psychic told me I was going to meet a Laura today.’ When I told him my name wasn’t Laura, he then said, ‘Then you must be the angel she said I would kiss.’”
Lucas cracks up and I do too…that guy didn’t understand why I didn’t give him my number.
“That makes sense. And that’s a much better story than me using my middle name.”
There’s a scuffle in the background and the very annoyed voice of Grégoire comes through. Something about Lucas needing to remember his priorities.
“Go,” I whisper. “I’ll hang up.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you later tonight or tomorrow.”
“Bye.” And I hang up quickly because if had waited, I think I’d fall asleep with the phone in my hand.
I ignore the alarm in my head reminding me how much Olivia and he have in common. I ignore the alarm in my heart telling me I could get hurt again. And I ignore the alarm screaming in stereo in my ears that I need to remember that falling for Lucas could be a bad idea.
Because what if it isn’t?
What if taking a risk is what I need?
I’m already falling.
CHAPTER 43 – LUCAS
The studio is even fancier than the last one we used. The leather couches are comfy, the table in front of us has a basket full of fruits and fresh pastries. And there’s this brand new smell. The studio was renovated recently. The walls are covered with awards and with pictures of famous French singers with the producers.
Olivia’s running slightly late and she rushes inside the room. Everyone—Steve, Dimitri, Grégoire and Fabian—turns to look at her. “Sorry. Sorry I’m late. Lucas, can I talk to you quickly?”
Grégoire pushes the guys inside the studio—except Fabian, who stands with his crew and the music producer behind the glass.
There are tears in Olivia’s eyes, and I’ve seen her cry only a handful of times before. When we were looking for Benji and when he was found dead, when she told me about her little brother dying and when her pictures got stolen from her cell phone. When we broke up, she tried very hard to not show me her tears. She ran off. “What’s wrong?”
Olivia tugs my shirt. “Whoever sent the pictures of Benji released them. They’re online. Don’t look. Don’t look at them.” She sniffles and I pull her into a hug. She sobs in my arms and for a split second, I’m back in those terrible days. Days that never seemed to end.
“I’m sorry you saw them. I’m sorry you saw them,” I repeat and I caress her hair in a comforting way. “Let’s tell Grégoire so he knows and then”—I tilt her chin up and try to use a soothing and calming voice—“and then we concentrate on the music. Because that’s what Benji would have wanted, okay?”
She nods and I pull her inside with me. After we tell Grégoire, we both keep our word and focus on the music.
Being in the studio is like living in a bubble. For hours, I forget the time, I forget everything. I let myself get wrapped up in the music, lose myself in the music.
“This is fucking awesome,” Steve yells and then throws his fist up the air. “We’re absolutely killing it.” And then he stops and his eyes dart to me. “What I meant to say is…”
I cut him off, because right now, he’s right.
Everything makes sense again. The music, the band. My eyes dart to Olivia. And her smile is small, but it’s there.
“It’s an amazing song,” she says and her laugh is forced at first but then turns into her signature giggle. “Much better than the first one we ever wrote together, do you remember?”
“You mean, the one that rhymed everything with blue?”
“Tell me it wasn’t a masterpiece.”
And I laugh along with her. Because we do need to move on. Somehow.
CHAPTER 44 – JEN
My new cell phone is delivered early evening and after catching up with my parents and Emilia, I text Lucas and wait for his call. I re-watch old episodes of Parks & Rec, chuckling every few minutes. But soon enough my eyes can’t stay open. And I crash. My dreams are a mix of the past and the future. Mia smiles as she meets Lucas, but then Lucas runs off, telling me we will never work. He runs into Olivia’s arms.
And there’s a loud buzz. I swat the bee that’s trying to sting me but it keeps on darting back. I turn around and fumble to find my phone. Morning came way too fast. But it’s not my phone either. And it’s only nine in the evening.
I grab a sweater and tiptoe outside of bed, relishing the hardwood floor under my feet because it means I was indeed dreaming.
I press the intercom. “Who is this?”
“It’s me.” Lucas’ voice does things to my insides, but then worry takes over.
“Is everything okay? Is Grand-mère Julie okay?”
“She is. She’s great actually. We got some shitty news about pictures of Benji being leaked but that’s not why I’m here. I just wanted to see you before leaving tomorrow.”
“Come on up.” I buzz him in and there’s no nervousness in my chest, just a happy feeling I could get used to. Quickly.
A few seconds later, I let him my apartment. It’s weird how he already looks like he belongs, like it’s perfectly normal for him to come over. Maybe because I feel like we’re friends…even with this intense chemistry between us, we’re friends.
I wrap my arms around him and he hugs me back tightly. His breath tickles my neck and I cuddle closer. His body against mine is strong and I melt against him. I entirely melt against him: my body, my mind, my heart.
He steps back first and softly kisses my lips.
My mouth forms an “o.” “I thought we needed to obey the rules.”
“Screw the rules. Shit, life is too short.”
“I usually obey the rules…” I blabber. The only time I didn’t follow them, I almost died of an overdose. But then he kisses me again and I forget everything.
His energy is all over the place, like I’m helping him forget the pain. His hands are in my hair, his mouth is on my neck. His lips trail down my shoulder and I moan loudly.
I pull him with me and we end up on the couch. His fingers trace an imaginary design on my stomach while mine struggle with his jeans. Instead, I pull on his shirt and he takes it off. My hands explore every inch of him. I never want to stop.
“Shit, my fucking phone.” His lips touch mine again softly. I’m breathing hard and so is he. “It could be the hospital, I have to get it.” He shakes his head, annoyed. “Stupid Grégoire.” His phone beeps with a text and then rings again.
Lucas rubs the back of his head in his signature I’m annoyed move. “What do you want?”
He listens intently. “You’re fucking kidding me. Of course, it’s not her.” He nods and glances my way. “Uh-huh. How is Olivia doing? Okay, uh-huh.”
A
nd then he hangs up. He stays on his phone for a few more seconds, his face blanching.
“Can I ask you something?”
Okay. This is not how I expected the evening to continue. “Of course. What’s going on?”
“So if we did wait to get together, when would we be able to?”
“What?” I raise both eyebrows as high as I kick my leg in an arabesque
“I’m gone for the week, then we film the rest of the video within three days and then we’re done, right?”
“There’s that show at my ballet company.” And then I want to take the words back, because he stares at me in such a way that I feel like he’s questioning everything, like he’s questioning me.
“What if I didn’t do it?”
“Why?” I’m tempted to say it’s okay, that I understand, but I don’t. Before I might have let it go, I might have smiled and pretended I’m fine. That’s what I would have done with Nick, but I feel more myself around Lucas than anyone else, and I don’t want to lose that because I’m afraid to lose him. “Why wouldn’t you do it?”
“Is that what you want?” he asks and his voice is bitter and I don’t understand it.
And this throws me off. I thought we were getting closer. “I don’t know—you tell me.” My tone is harsh but that’s either that or I let my voice break. “You have to explain because I’m lost.”
“Here.” He hands me his phone.
And I read the headline of the new trashy website that gathers millions of views every single day. Olivia McRae’s brother died because of their mother’s negligence.
“What?” My eyes widen and I’m still lost. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last something shitty is written about him, about them.
“The only people who know some of the details inside that article are you, Olivia, Benji and me. And Benji is dead, so you do the math.”
“I didn’t say anything to anyone.” I flinch. His words sting more than the bee from my nightmare. “I wouldn’t blabber. It must have been Olivia. She’s done it before, right?”
“She would never say anything about her brother, just like I hope you would never say anything to the press about your sister.”
That’s a slap in the face. “Don’t tell me what I can and cannot say about Mia. Don’t you dare bring Mia into this.”
He rubs the back of his head and walks to the other side of the room; he’s pacing. “I don’t want to believe you had any hand in that article.”
“Then don’t believe it, because I didn’t. Can you tell me why would I do that? I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t even understand the appeal of being in those magazines. Maybe it’s Grégoire.”
“Maybe it’s all about that show, your company.” His voice is sad and unsure and I want to shake him, because what the heck? I wrap my hair up in a knot, not caring he knows that’s what I do when I’m stressed. How did he go from almost making love to me to being mad at me? For something I didn’t even do.
I stand up, step toward him. “This show could save the company. It could save the jobs of my friends. Of course I want you to do this show. I don’t understand why you’re so pissed.” Anger now rises within me. I clench my fists before showing him the door. “Honestly, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but the simple fact you think I could do that is beyond me.”
He shifts on his feet. “It’s not just that. Grégoire said Igor was not the one who leaked the news about you getting the role.”
“And you think I did that too? You think I want my private life on display?” I seethe. “I would tell you I don’t care about the show, but it would be a lie. It’s not only me who’s on the line with you joining our last dance. It’s the entire company.” I throw my arms in the air when he still doesn’t answer and point to the door. “You have to go. You have to think about everything you just told me, and then you have to think if you’ve really moved on.”
“Moved on?”
“Even if you’re over Olivia—which I’m still not sure you are. You’re clearly not over the fact she used you. I’m not Olivia the Second. I won’t be Olivia the Second.” I take a deep breath. “Now, get out. I’ll see you next week for the filming by the Eiffel Tower.”
He opens his mouth but I don’t want to hear it.
I close the door behind him. I don’t slam it because my anger is already receding into hurt. I lean against the door and let the tears fall.
CHAPTER 45 – LUCAS
I’m tempted to knock at Jen’s door and ask her to forgive me for doubting her, but the thing is: my doubts linger. Olivia would never speak about her brother that way. She told me about a year after we started dating, and she was crying so hard. The pain was still raw; it’s not a story you go blabber about. And Grégoire wouldn’t want to rehash that particular past, and then there’s another small article talking about my love for Parks & Rec. It’s too much coincidence. I only started watching it after breaking up with Olivia, so she doesn’t know about it. But the look on Jen’s face? That look was a mix of anger, hurt and confusion.
I march back to my apartment. Not closer to any solution.
Maybe it’s a sign we need to take it more slowly, maybe it’s a sign I jumped into this too fast. So what if she’s the only who’s made me feel alive in months?
In front of my door, there’s a silhouette sitting with her head in her arms. “Olivia?” I ask and the form moves. Her tears break my heart. No matter the time that has passed and the hurt between us, seeing her sad still pulls at my heartstrings.
“What’s wrong? Is it Grand-mère Julie?”
“No, it’s about that article…Mom saw it and she went into her depression mode thinking about Cody.” She sniffles and I take her hand in mine, pulling her up with me.
“Come on, let me make you some hot chocolate with marshmallows.” And there’s a hint of a smile on her face. It was always her favorite.
“Can you add some whiskey?”
“Sure thing, I think I need it today.”
And we hobble upstairs. We’re both exhausted after spending so much time at the hospital and rehearsing and Olivia simply wants to talk about her brother. So, I let her talk and when her eyes start to close, she asks if she can stay over. Sending her away while she’s so sad doesn’t seem right—especially when she explains how alone she feels right now—so I let her sleep on my bed, while I take the couch.
Until the next morning, when my doorbell rings. Olivia’s up before me. She’s making her signature crêpes. “Do you want me to get it?”
“That’d be great.” I turn and crack my neck. The couch really isn’t that comfortable.
She hurries to the door. “Bonjour.”
“Lucas?” I recognize Jen’s voice. “Olivia?” And then before I can get to the door and tell her that nothing’s happened, “I get it. I’ll see you guys next week, have fun during your trip.”
I would go after her, but I’m still way too unsure about the leaks. It’s now the third one, and every single time she’s involved. It can’t be a coincidence.
Olivia frowns and she glances up at me, with one side of her mouth tilted to the right in her I’m sorry way. “Do you want me to talk to her? I can if you want.”
“No, that’s fine. I’m unsure about everything right now anyways.”
“Why? Talk to me. Last night you only said you were worried you were getting too close too fast.” She pauses and her hand reaches out…it’s like an automatism, she used to caress my cheek with two fingers whenever she wanted me to pay attention. Her hand drops before touching me and she glances away. “Are you worried she might hurt you like I did?” She clears her throat, still not looking at me. “I’ve done a lot of wrong. To you, to a lot of people.”
And then because I need to know, I ask. “All those rumors about you and Benji?”
This time her eyes find mine and her shoulders square back. “They weren’t true. Of course they weren’t true.”
And I want to believe her. I want to believe my best friend and my girlfriend didn’t go at it behind my back. I want to believe they didn’t betray me.
I’ve had enough betrayals for a lifetime.
CHAPTER 46 - JEN.
When my doorbell rings, I think it’s Lucas coming back to apologize, but it’s Olivia. Her eyes are red and she’s not wearing any makeup.
I open the door, poking my head out. “What do you want?” My tone could be more welcoming, but it has been a hard day.
She glances down and then back at me. “I just want to let you know that nothing happened between Lucas and me.” She tilts her head. “Can I come in? I’ll be quick I promise.”
I let her inside my apartment. She’s got circles under her eyes. And she shifts from one foot to another, she’s far from the confident Olivia I’ve seen before. I’m not sure which one is the real one or if like the rest of us, she’s made of many layers and is still learning who she is. “Your apartment looks nice.” She glances around and then winces as if she’s not happy with what she said. “Okay, the walls are kind of bare and it’s a bit sad but…nice.”
I’m tempted to chuckle at this entire situation. Because if I don’t laugh, I might cry. What are we doing? Are we about to braid each other’s hair and talk about our feelings? I don’t think so. I don’t want to be in the middle of whatever they may have going on, but at some point, she should also leave me alone. My eyes must still be red from the crying. “Listen, I appreciate you coming here. Even though I wonder why because if I’m honest with you, I think you want Lucas back and I think you don’t like me very much. It’s a feeling I have.”
She purses her lips and nods as if she’s thinking and then she tilts her head. The sympathy look is gone from her face, it’s more restrained. “I want what’s best for him.” She pauses and steps towards my couch. Her hand touch the picture Mia drew for me. “And I still want you to know that nothing happened between me and him yesterday.” She shrugs and plops on my couch and I’m not sure what to do. Ask her to leave? Offer her coffee or water? “It’s not easy, that’s all.”
Love in B Minor Page 18
