The kiss seemed to go on forever, and yet when Lucas lifted his head, it was over too soon. Far too soon.
He pressed his forehead to hers. “This is just so complicated.”
Complicated? For Brooke, everything had come into shocking clarity as they’d kissed. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man. They’d known each other less than a month, but after waiting so long, she knew this was what she wanted.
She felt Lucas take a deep breath and step back from her. Brooke’s fingers numbly loosened their grip on his shirt as he took another step away. The fabric slipped out of her grasp as she realized that he moving away from her. Just like he had earlier, he was putting distance between them.
Stupid. Stupid. When would she ever learn?
“Brooke…”
“Never mind, Lucas. Set up whatever you have to to make you feel like you’re still in control of your world. Just stay out of mine.”
“Brooke. Wait.”
She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her run, but Brooke spun on her heel and moved as quickly as she could for the path leading away from him. She’d kissed him and all he’d said was that it was complicated.
Why had she thought Lucas would be different? He wanted to control her life just like every other one of his responsibilities. She had clearly misread every interaction they’d had.
Stupid.
As soon as she reached the end of the dock, Brooke took the path that led to the cabin where her family was. She broke into a jog and then a flat out run. She had to get away. This would be the last time—ever—she would make herself that vulnerable to someone. She had been stupid to think that Lucas would look past all that lay in their way to see how they could be together. Instead…all he’d said was how complicated it was. Well, she hoped his complications kept him warm at night.
Brooke slowed as she neared the cabin then pulled up short when she spotted her dad sitting on the top step. His head was bent over his folded hands. She considered retracing her steps but then thought back over the conversation she’d had earlier with her mom. It came as a surprise that right then she wasn’t viewing him through the anger and resentment she had for so many years.
“Dad?”
His head jerked up as she walked up the stairs. “Hey, Brooke.”
She settled down on the step beside him, pulling her knees close as she stared out at the dark water of the lake. It had been years since she’d sought out her dad’s company. But she’d realized over the past few days—as she’d struggled to make difficult decisions for Danny—that it would just kill her if her son looked at one of the decisions she’d made as bad and decided not to talk to her for years. Granted what her father had done had been more than just a bad decision, but everything lately was making her rethink the way she’d dealt with her relationships as an adult.
“Everything okay?” Her dad spoke the words softly, tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure how she’d receive them.
“Not really. Everything has kind of gotten all messed up, and I think I’m just making everything messier.”
“It’s a difficult situation,” her dad agreed. “A strange twist of events, that’s for sure.”
“What would you do?”
“Me?” He paused then let out a long breath. “If I were in your position, I’d do what you’re already doing. You’re doing your best to protect Danny while at the same time letting him make some of the decisions in this situation for himself.”
“I feel like I’m forcing him to view Lincoln as his father. I feel like Lincoln is also forcing himself into the role when he has no memory of Danny’s existence.”
“Ideally, what would you like to see?”
“Ideally? I guess I’d like Danny to be able to choose who he wants to view as a father in his life. Choose a man by their contribution to his life rather than because they donated half his gene pool.”
“And for yourself?”
“I’d like to be seen as more than a responsibility. Someone that needs to be taken care of.”
Her dad chuckled. “Unfortunately, some men are born with a strong drive to take care of those they care for.”
“Well, Lucas must have gotten Lincoln’s dose along with his own.”
“Sometimes it’s the only way a man knows how to express his love.” He paused then said, “And sometimes it’s the only way a man can show his love.”
Brooke thought of the bags of groceries he and her mom had brought her. As she sat there, she realized just how selfish she’d been. Her dad had made a mistake—a big one—but by all accounts he’d done what he could to rectify things. She had just been unwilling to forgive him. And what right did she have, really, to continue to hold it against him when the person he’d wronged the most had been willing to forgive him?
“Why did you do it?”
The silence that followed her question was long, and Brooke wondered if her dad was even going to answer her question.
Finally, he cleared his throat. “Is that what it will take for you to forgive me, Brooke? Me answering that question?”
Brooke couldn’t honestly say. “I just need to understand. What was it about Sherry that made her more important to you than your family? Mom. Me and Eric. The babies.”
“Any reasons I try to give will only sound like excuses and what I did was inexcusable.”
Brooke turned to look at him, but he was staring out at the lake. “Was it something Mom did?”
His head whipped around to her. “No. Don’t for a minute think that your mom played a role in what happened. She didn’t. The blame for that rests squarely on my and Sherry’s shoulders. We made the decisions that led to what happened. My failings as a husband actually started long before that incident in Africa. I didn’t take the spiritual lead the way I should have. I was determined to live my life the way I thought it should be led according to the knowledge I had in my head, and God let me do it. He let me tear it all down with my own prideful choices so I’d have no one else to blame. It’s a real wake-up call to be sitting in the midst of the rubble of your life and realize that the only person there for you is God.”
“I thought Mom stuck by you.”
“Oh, physically she was there, but in every other way, she was gone from me. And for weeks she wouldn’t even look at me. That more than anything else up to that point, broke me down. She had once looked at me with love and admiration—not that I deserved either—but then it was anger and hate. I knew it would take time and hard work, but it was important to me to make amends as best I could for what had happened in Africa.”
Brooke pondered what he’d said. She wasn’t sure what had started it, but the hardness she’d harbored for so long against her dad was slowly eroding. “I think what made me the most angry at you back then had more to do with the babies than Mom. I didn’t understand the affair part at the time the way I did later. It just added to what I was already feeling toward you.”
“The babies are fine, sweetheart.”
Brooke straightened. “What?”
“The babies—well, they’re not babies anymore—are doing just fine.”
“How do you know?”
“Your mom kept in contact with the orphanage they’d been in and another missionary family took them in. We’ve been helping to support them financially over the years.”
“Really?” Brooke felt a rush of emotion. Until then she hadn’t realized just how much it had weighed on her, not knowing what had happened and imagining the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m not sure. I thought we had, but with everything going on back then, I guess we didn’t. And it never came up in later years.”
“Do you believe in love at first…or second sight?” Brooke knew she was jumping all over the place, but it was a reflection of her emotions because they were all over the map, too.
“Sure.” It appeared her dad didn’t have a problem keeping up with her changes in topics.
“Why? Lots of peo
ple don’t.”
“Well, your mother and I have been praying for a long time that God would bring someone into your life.”
There was a hitch in her heart at her dad’s comment. “But that doesn’t explain why you believe in love at first sight.”
Again he chuckled. “Well, we might have also prayed that love would come quickly so you wouldn’t have too much time to think or over-analyze it.”
“Seriously?” Brooke found herself smiling for the first time that evening.
“Seriously. We knew that it would take a very special man to make you reconsider your opinion of the male gender. And it was pretty clear it would have to be something that happened quickly or you’d be able to talk yourself out of it.”
“And you think Lucas is that man?”
“Don’t you?”
“I did, but it seems he’s more interested in seeing the complications in the situation than the possibilities.”
“This is all a very complex situation, sweetheart. You need to cut him just a little slack. The very things that draw you to him are the things that make him feel the way he does about what’s going on.”
Brooke sighed. “So what am I supposed to do?”
“I would actually suggest you pray about it. Trust God to work this out.”
She wasn’t surprised at his suggestion. What did surprise her was that her usually knee-jerk response to the suggestion of praying didn’t kick in. Maybe it was time for a change in that relationship, too.
Brooke pushed up off the step and then, for the first time in longer than she could remember, she bent over and pressed a kiss to her dad’s cheek. “Thank you, Daddy.”
Before he could respond, she walked down the steps and headed for the water’s edge. It was time to really think about everything. So far, her emotions had been ruling her reactions more than anything else. She needed to take a step back and gain some perspective on it all.
Lucas could hear the footsteps as soon as the person stepped onto the dock. He had a few guesses who it might be, but none of them were people he wanted to talk to right then.
“Guess things didn’t go well, huh?”
Lucas looked over as Lindsay settled into the chair Brooke had been sitting in earlier. “Not so much.”
“So now you’re sitting out here trying to sort out all the world’s problems by yourself?”
“At least the ones in the Hamilton world.”
Lindsay let out a snort. “When are you going to learn?”
“Learn what, exactly?”
“That it’s not your responsibility to make everything right for all of the rest of us.”
“I have to at least try. Once Dad died, that became my responsibility.”
“Really?”
He could hear the disdain dripping from that one word.
“Dad didn’t take responsibility like you do. In fact, the only place he truly cared about his responsibility was to the company. It certainly wasn’t to us kids or Mom. As long as he provided money for the lifestyle he wanted us to have, he figured he’d done his part. That has never been how you’ve approached things.”
Lucas couldn’t argue that. But it was partly because of his dad’s lack of responsibility that he’d picked up the slack. Particularly where Lindsay and his mom were concerned. “There are so many lives tangled up in this mess right now. I’m just trying to figure out a way to sort it out with the least collateral damage.”
“Honestly, Luc, the only people who are messed up in it are you, Brooke and Danny. Mom’s happy to have her son back and to have her grandson. I’m pretty sure any decision you make with regards to Brooke and Danny, as long as it doesn’t take them out of her life, she’ll support. Me, well, I’m dealing with my own stuff and it has nothing to do with you. So you don’t need to fix things for me. I’m a big girl and can deal with it on my own.”
“And Lincoln? What do I do about him?”
“You accept that he had his chance to be a father to Danny, and he abandoned him. You accept that anything he and Brooke had in the past is just that…in the past. Lincoln remembers none of that. I think right now he’s just trying to fill the roles people are telling him he needs to.” Lindsay stretched out her legs. “Danny needs a good, stable man in his life and you’re that man. And while I don’t quite understand it myself, Brooke seems to have taken a fancy to you. If you’re feeling anything similar for her, well, I think you should give it a whirl.”
“Give it a whirl?” Lucas laughed. “I’m afraid this is way past the give it a whirl stage. And when Danny’s involved, I’m not going to do anything lightly with Brooke.”
“So you’re worried about how Danny would react if you and Brooke did get together?”
“No, I’m more worried about what would happen if it didn’t work out. It’s not like we can both just move on without having to deal with each other ever again.”
Lindsay fell quiet for a bit then said, “I guess this is where you have to decide if it’s worth the risk. I know you’re not the risk-taker in the family, but maybe—just maybe—this is one case where you should be.”
“Maybe.”
“You overthink things, Lucas. You throw up obstacles that don’t need to be there.” She paused. “Have you prayed about this?”
Lucas shot Lindsay a glance. Though his sister did attend church regularly with him and their mom, he was more involved in the church than she was. It was rare that they had any sort of spiritual discussions. “Yes. I’ve been praying daily about all of this since the day we opened that will and found out about Brooke and Danny. Of course, the prayers have changed as circumstances have shifted.”
“I think it’s maybe time that you and Brooke sat down and had a real heart to heart. Although I kinda thought that was going to happen earlier.”
“Things kinda got a little…intense.”
Lindsay kicked at his foot. “Do tell.”
“I don’t think so,” Lucas said with a laugh.
“You’re a tease.”
“You could say I learned from the best.”
“Ah, fine.” Lindsay sprang up from her chair. “I’ll just leave you to your thoughts. But as you’re figuring out all the problems to fix, remember to leave my life out of it.”
Lucas sighed as he watched her march away. For the second time that night, he was basically being told to butt out.
Then she turned and called back to him, “And maybe you should find Brooke and have another intense moment.”
He doubted Brooke would be interested in a repeat of earlier. Something told him that he was now top on her list of men who’d messed with her life.
He stared at the water, reliving those moments when he’d held her in his arms, his lips pressed to hers. It had felt so right. And she had been the one to initiate it, which told him that he hadn’t been alone in what he’d been feeling. Surely if she felt for him what he felt for her, it wasn’t so easily dismissed. Ever since she’d walked away earlier, he’d been fighting an emptiness edged with desperation. He couldn’t let this evening end without at least trying to talk to her again.
Resolutely, he pushed up out of the chair and followed the path both Brooke and Lindsay had taken. As he neared the cabin she was staying at with her family, he saw her father sitting on the porch.
The man turned toward him as he approached the steps. Lucas figured he’d have to ask to see her, but instead, Doug McKinley gestured toward the lake. “She’s down by the water.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Brooke’s father stood up. “I’ll leave the two of you to some privacy.”
Not sure if Brooke had heard him talking with her dad, Lucas approached slowly. She sat on the small dock that served this area of the island. It wasn’t as big as the one by the boathouse, but it still had small lights along its edges. There were no chairs on this dock so Brooke was seated at the end of it with her feet dangling over the edge. She had her hands braced on the wood, her head bent.
/> “Brooke?”
She didn’t turn to look at him or in any way indicate she’d heard him. He couldn’t blame her for that. It was what he deserved.
With a sigh, he slipped his shoes off and sat down beside her, his feet dipping into the cool lake water. Still she just sat there, not acknowledging him at all.
Lucas turned to look at her and that’s when he saw them. The trails of tears down her cheeks turned silvery by the moonlight. His heart clenched, and he found it difficult to breathe. He had done this to her. From what he knew of her, Brooke McKinley was not a woman given to tears, and yet here she sat…crying. Because of what he’d done.
“Baby, I’m sorry.” With little effort, he turned and slid one arm behind her back, one under her legs and lifted her onto his lap.
Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shirt. And then it was more than just tears. The sobs were harsh, pulled from somewhere deep within her.
This depth of emotion scared Lucas. Was he responsible for this? Had he really hurt her this badly? He wrapped his arms more tightly around her and just held on.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured against her hair. “Just hang in there.”
The ache in Lucas’s heart grew with each shuddering sob that shook Brooke’s body. When he’d walked into their lives, he had wanted to make things better for them, but right then it felt like all he’d done was make things worse. So much worse.
Dear God, please give me the words to make this right. Give me the words to let her know how sorry I am for everything that’s happened. Help her to find peace in the midst of all this. I just want it to all work out and everyone to be happy. I need…wisdom and strength. Please, God.
Gradually, her sobs lessened in intensity though her breaths still came in shuddering gasps.
“It’s going to be okay, baby. It’s going to be okay.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
AS THE intense emotions finally receded, Brooke continued to rest against Lucas, drawing on his strength the way she’d longed to almost from the day they’d met.
Forever My Love: A Christian Romance (The McKinleys Book 2) Page 20
