by Golden Angel
A tight ache filled Lexie's chest, pushing her dangerously close to tears as Olivia walked past and out of the room. So even if Olivia said she hadn't been avoiding Lexie, it was clear that she was on Patrick's side about this. Lexie was acting like an adult, she knew there would be consequences to her actions, but she thought that her friends would give her the benefit of the doubt too. She didn't think they'd turn on her. Then again, she hadn’t really thought through coming here tonight, had she? She’d just taken it for granted that everyone would act like they always did – protective of her and indulgent of whatever mess she got herself into. She’d just assumed they’d have her back, no matter what she did or how she acted… Maybe Olivia’s words had hit so hard because there’d been a large measure of truth to them.
Something about showing up tonight had definitely royally pissed Olivia off. She was a mother-hen to all the subs, but if she really thought they’d done something wrong… well a mother-hen was no stranger to touch love. Lexie had just gotten a big dose of it herself, something she couldn’t remember ever happening before.
Gripping the sink next to her, she took several deep breaths, pushing back the tears that threatened. She was not going to cry. Turning, she leaned forward, staring at her face in the mirror. Although her eyes looked a little watery, there was no other outward indication that Olivia's words had upset her.
She took a couple more deep breaths before straightening up and putting her shoulders back. Olivia wanted her to accept the consequences for her actions, huh? Okay, fine. A few of her friends were pissed. She would go home and give them the time to get over it and figure out how to act around her. Even if Hilary was being a little weird, and Olivia and the guys thought she'd done something wrong, they wouldn't abandon her or shut her out. Olivia hadn’t told her to fuck off, she’d just wanted Lexie to own up to her actions. She could do that. She'd had arguments with all of them at one point or another, including Patrick. Maybe not quite like this, but eventually things would go back to normal if she just acted normal.
Maybe Olivia was right and she'd been taking things too personally. Her emotions were just too raw right now. Time to go home and regroup. If she felt up to it, she'd come back next week and try again.
Hopefully by then she and Patrick would have at least talked to each other.
******
The cheerful chime, indicating an incoming call, made Patrick's muscles tighten in tense anticipation. He hit the accept button on his computer and came face to face with his best friend. Jake raised his eyebrows.
"Damn. You look like shit."
"I look better than I feel," Patrick said, his voice grating. Last night had been another late night, minus the alcohol. He'd just had trouble sleeping. Every time he closed his eyes, he'd seen Lexie, walking into Stronghold without her collar. As good as he was at reading people's body language, he still couldn't quite figure out her motivation. She'd looked defiantly at him, as if she expected him to come over and kick her out... or maybe come over and drag her off to a theme room?
But, even though she hadn't said a safe word, she'd effectively ended whatever they had between them when she'd left the way she had on Thursday. Still, he had debated all night whether or not he'd done the right thing by hunkering down in his office, instead of talking to her. Not that he'd really wanted to talk to her with everyone else around. Besides which, he didn’t want to validate her tactic of trying to top from the bottom and pushing him into talking with her, which she’d obviously been trying to do. Forcing him to stake a claim the last time she’d come in with Michael had basically worked in her favor, so she’d tried to do it again. As a Dom, he couldn’t let her get away with that kind of manipulation. Plus, he'd still needed to talk to Jake.
None of those justifications had made it any easier to sleep.
"What's up? Although I'm pretty sure I know." Jake's expression turned more serious as he folded his hands down on the table in front of him.
A fission of panic combined with dread slid through Patrick. "You do?"
"I mean, I assume it has something to do with my sister. She's the only person I know of that can make you look like this." The little chuckle that accompanied his words made Patrick feel a bit better. Obviously Jake didn't actually know.
"I want to date her."
He'd spent another good chunk of last night going over ways to say what he needed. None of them had seemed right. Eventually he'd come to the conclusion that blunt was best, because he didn't want Jake to misunderstand him. Also, he didn't want to drag this conversation out any longer than he needed to.
All traces of amusement were swept clean as Jake stared at him, looking... not shocked, but definitely surprised.
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"No, I know you're serious, but you seriously insisted on talking to me about this today? This couldn't have waited until I got home?"
"Trust me, I wanted to wait."
"Dude... I have a mission tomorrow... I need to be on point." Jake groaned, running his hands over his face as he leaned back in his chair. Guilt immediately assailed Patrick. Dammit, he knew he should have waited. "I don't need to be thinking about you and my sister doing... what you do..." He made a face, sitting up straight again to look at Patrick through the webcam. "Does she know exactly what you do?"
"Um... I've been training her."
Jake closed his eyes, his lips moving slightly, and Patrick knew that his friend was counting to ten. It was a leftover from their childhood when Jake had struggled with anger issues. He had control over his temper now, but little exercises like counting helped him a lot. So had the discipline of being a soldier.
"I needed to make sure she could handle it," Patrick said, when Jake opened his eyes again. "I didn't trust anyone else to do it right or without taking advantage of her."
"So, you're not taking advantage of her by being the one to train her?" Jake said, sarcastically.
"She knows it was just training, not a relationship."
A tiny smile curved the side of Jake's lip. "I can't believe you just said that with a straight face."
"It's true," Patrick insisted.
"Sure it is." Jake sighed. "So, what... you've started training her, figured out that she can handle what you need..." He winced, running his hand over his face again, obviously not wanting to think about that too hard. "Now you look like shit because you were this worried about talking to me about it? Because you were just so damn impatient you couldn't wait?"
"Not exactly. I was fine waiting till you got home to talk to you."
Jake abruptly sat completely upright, his brown eyes focused on Patrick's face on the screen. "You told Lex you had to talk to me first, didn't you. You dumbass."
"What, you didn't want me to talk to you first? You're my best friend." Patrick glared at him.
"Of course I wanted you to talk to me first, asshole, but you shouldn't have told her that you needed to talk to me first."
"I wasn't going to lie to her."
"So now that you've got my permission to date her, you think she's just going to jump into your arms?" Jake asked dryly.
"No, she's too pissed that I wanted to talk to you first."
"You know why, don't you? What would you do if I said fuck no, stay the hell away from my sister."
Patrick sighed. He knew what Jake was getting at. "I'd try to talk you around, and I'd tell you that you aren't ultimately responsible for our decisions. But I'd also try to talk her around to giving you more time to get used to the idea."
"Good answer. Does she know that?"
"I don't know... I don't know what's going on in her head, she won't talk to me." He growled as he admitted that, his hand fisting in frustration.
"And you're letting her get away with that?" Jake eyed him in surprise. "Although, she always was good at pushing you around, compared to everyone else. I wouldn't be surprised if she's waiting for you to come to her."
"She's been ignoring my calls and texts.
If she does wait till I come to her, she's not going to like the consequences," he said darkly, meaning every word of it. He'd come to the realization that he wasn't prepared to let Lexie go yet. Not without knowing for sure that he really wasn't what she wanted. Which, he couldn't find out until she damn well talked to him.
Groaning again, Jake pretended to cover his ears. "Gah, I don't want to know... I don't want to know..."
"Oh shut up," Patrick said, grinning. It was amazing how one little chat with his best friend could completely change his mood around. Although, that was also because Jake was taken everything really well, all things considered. "Don't worry, I'm not going to say anything to ruin your virgin ears."
"Ha." Jake snorted, his smile fading just a bit. "I'm trusting you with this... because I know you care about her."
Patrick held up his hand, placating. "I swear, she wants this. She's been pushing for it, and she's got the same... ah, needs and desires that I do. Otherwise I'd reject her and give her the space to get over me." He hesitated, because they'd never really talked about this. "You know I love her."
Nodding somberly, Jake seemed reassured. "Good enough. Good luck with that though, especially because, I know you. You'll tell her that you've already talked to me."
"Yeah, but she needs to understand that it's necessary. She might get it. Olivia said she's already realizing that a relationship between us doesn't just affect us."
"That's good. She's a good kid, but we all spoiled her a little too much. Just don't let her push you around the way she always has."
"I'm not. That's probably half of what's bothering her now," Patrick admitted. That was something else he'd realized when he'd been deep in thought last night, trying to figure out Lexie's motivations. "If she's going to be my... ah, girlfriend," he said, hastily, replacing the title “submissive” with the more vanilla equivalent, "I'm not going to put up with a lot of what she used to get away with."
He'd always been particularly indulgent with her, far more than he ever had been with any of his girlfriends. But not since he'd started training her. There was a difference between being friends and being his submissive, his girlfriend, and it was probably going to take some getting used to for her. In the past, as her friend, he not only would have followed her home from Stronghold, he would have gotten out of his car and confronted her there. Now, he'd had to respect her as a submissive, and he also had to show his disapproval as her dominant. The dynamic was completely different.
When he did come to her, because he was pretty sure that's what was going to happen at this point, he wasn't going to be coaxing and placating her. He'd apologize for his reaction to her kiss and for blurting out the wrong words, but he was also going to hold her accountable for her behavior. It would be her first punishment scene.
That is, if she didn't completely reject him.
******
The doorbell rang. Once. Twice. Three times. Four times. In rapid succession.
"Oh my god, I'm coming!" Lexie yelled, wrapping her bathrobe around her as she launched herself off her bed. Yeah, that's right, she had a bed now. Something else that made her think of Patrick. Damn him and his disdain for her lack of furniture.
She'd been lying on it, awake, but uninterested in getting up. Eventually hunger would have motivated her, but she hadn't gotten there yet. Lolling in bed, just resting and not thinking, had been wonderful until someone decided to go bananas on her doorbell.
It rang again.
Worst alarm clock ever.
Yanking the door open, she scowled fiercely up at the big, brown man filling her doorway, a stupid grin on his face as he shoved a paper bag at her.
"Good morning, sunshine," Andrew said, pushing past her as she clutched the delicious smelling bag to her chest. In his other hand he was holding a beverage tray with two carryout cups on it, wafting the tantalizing scent of coffee her way. "Hungry?"
"Not yet I wasn't," Lexie muttered, pushing the door closed before yanking open the bag. Mmmm, bagels. Already sliced and toasted with cream cheese smothered on and then made into a kind of bagel sandwich. Yum. Her stomach growled, making a liar out of her. She reached in and pulled one out as Andrew set down the coffee and plopped onto her love seat.
He was so big that he took up two thirds of the seating space. Good thing she was such a skinny little thing or they'd be squished up together. Even so...
"Scoot over," she said, nudging him with her foot before she sat down. He shifted slightly but it didn't really make more room for her. Giving him the bag, so that he could take a bagel sandwich for himself, she picked up one of the coffee cups, popping off the top so it could cool faster. "So what are you doing here? Olivia said you all were trying to stay out of my business."
"Contrary to belief, Olivia doesn't know everything," Andrew said cheerfully. "I'm just here to tell you to grow up and stop being such a selfish bitch." The way he said it made the sting less severe, but she could tell that he was serious too. He just didn't seem to be angry with her, like he had been last night. Sometimes Lexie didn't get him.
"I've been trying for months to get you assholes to treat me like a grown-up," Lexie said, watching him take a huge bite of his sandwich. One of his bites was like three of hers. Cream cheese decorated the top and sides of his lips, and she snickered before he gave her a look and licked it away. "I don't know why everyone keeps insisting I'm not acting like one. I'm trying to have a relationship with Patrick, he's the one that's still treating me like a kid who needs permission to go out on a date with him."
"That's what I mean about being selfish," Andrew said with a dramatic sigh, giving her a pitying look. Somehow, coming from him, in his silly manner, didn't piss her off the way it would have if anyone else had said it. Probably because he didn't seem judgmental about it, or like he thought she was doing it on purpose. "You aren't thinking about him at all."
Okay, now that pissed her off a bit. "Of course I am, I do nothing but think about him. I've been bending over backward trying to show him that I want the same things he does, that I'm the kind of submissive he needs and he's the kind of dominant I need. I've practically been doing flips for months trying to get his attention."
Andrew pointed at her. "Yeah, I, I, I... it's all about you. Not about him. Yes, you two have the same desires, you can fulfill each other's needs, but you're not thinking about him. He never asked you to do flips for him. He never asked you to prove anything to him. You've been doing that yourself, because it's what you want. And now you're pissed that he wanted something from you that you weren't already giving? That he’s actually asking for something? That's what I mean by you're being selfish and being immature. All the things you gave, he didn’t ask for or require. You gave them; that doesn’t give you the right to demand whatever you want in return."
"What are you talking about? What does he want from me, he didn't say anything... if he'd said he wanted something I would have given it to him," Lexie argued, frustrated.
"He did, you just didn't want to hear it," Andrew said, looking so smug in his knowledge. Lexie would have kicked him, but she was too afraid of spilling her coffee. "He wanted time and patience, and he wanted you to understand that he needed to talk to Jake first."
"I'm not a little kid who needs permission to date him," Lexie growled, peeved that she had to keep repeating this. "I don't have the time or the patience for that, and I shouldn't have to."
"Selfish," Andrew said, succinctly. Lexie kicked him. Fortunately, she didn't spill any of her coffee, although it was a near thing. She'd drunk just enough that it sloshed almost to the brim but not quite. "Let me put it this way, let's say... Jake came home and one of your friends wanted to date him. Wouldn't you want a heads up from your friend, rather than hearing about it from someone else? Or hearing about it after they'd been dating for a while? Wouldn't you feel left out of the loop?"
She opened her mouth and then closed it. Point to Andrew. Of course she'd want to know before her brother started dating one of he
r friends. Just because she'd want to know, no other reason. "It's not the same," she said finally. "I wouldn't make her ask permission."
"It's doubtful she'd want to tie your brother up, whip him, and do all sorts of other dirty things to him... not to mention, take control of his day-to-day life. The kind of submission that Patrick wants is intense. Some people would see it as too controlling or a loss of freedom. They might even worry that it's abusive. Jake's your brother, he loves you, and he's going to worry about you no matter who you date. Knowing what kind of relationship Patrick wants might make it even harder on him. They're friends. Patrick's going to want to reassure him. That's what friends do. You're not thinking about anyone but yourself and Patrick, but what happens between you two affects all of us, because we're all friends with both of you."
Silently, Lexie took a bite of her bagel sandwich and chewed, thinking over what Andrew had said. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, as if judging how she was taking what he was putting down. So far, she thought she was taking it pretty well. She could see what he was saying, and yeah... she might have overreacted to Patrick wanting to talk to Jake.
"But what if Jake said no and Patrick just accepted it?" Even the idea made her furious. She took a ferocious bite of her bagel to vent some of her feelings. Andrew just snorted.
"Then he wouldn't be worth your time anyway. Come on, Lex, it's Patrick. Do you really think he'd just let something he wanted go?"
"He let me go," she said, disgruntled. "Even when I showed up at Stronghold last night, he barely even looked at me before he went to his office."
"Seriously Lex... you were doing so well," Andrew said, shaking his head like he was disappointed in her. Except that he was smiling too. "You ran from him on Thursday and hid in the locker room, and then instead of going to talk to him after you calmed down, you ran again. When you came to Stronghold, you weren't wearing the collar he gave you. You disrespected him in his own club. Exactly what claim on you do you think he has? What Dom do you think would tolerate being treated like that?"
