I can’t turn around to see his reaction and instead inch closer to Mrs. Jackson. My pain reflects in her eyes. It’s like she knows exactly what I’m feeling. She sees the darkness because it lives in her too.
“Okay, but please let me know when you get there and when you leave. Don’t let her out of your sight. Keep Brayden and Connor with you all the time. They’re there to keep you safe.”
“We will.” Mrs. Jackson places an arm around me. “Let’s pack a bag before we leave. Come stay with us. No one will bother you there.”
Hearing that she’ll stop the people from coming makes me nod.
She helps me pack. When we leave the house, she walks between Eli and me. When I get into the backseat, she closes the door and says something to Eli that I can’t hear.
Even though he nods, I can see he’s not happy with what she said.
It’s better this way. He needs to be protected from me and the only people who can do that are Mr. and Mrs. Jackson.
When we stop outside Roy’s house, it looks totally different from when I last saw it. It’s still the same house, same garden, but it has a barren feel to it.
The sheriff’s car pulls up behind us and I’m relieved to see that they’re getting out. Only when we walk toward the house do I notice the police tape. Connor opens a piece for us so we can walk through.
When we get closer to the front door my legs grow heavy, moving slower with each step.
Mrs. Jackson pulls me to her right side and it’s only then I see the blood stain on the ground. I close my eyes as a wave of pain and guilt slam into me.
Eli.
Mr. Jackson’s face pops into my mind and I see his tears. I’ll never forget the look of fear and anguish on his distraught face while he was holding Eli.
Somehow, I make it inside the house. It feels as if I’m outside my body. My actions are robotic as I walk to Mrs. Douglas’ room. I open her closet and take a lavender outfit from it. I’ve seen her wear it a lot.
There’s blood on the plush carpet, once again reminding me of how I failed Eli. I step around it and rush to Roy’s room to get away from my guilty conscience.
When I open Roy’s closet, my heart shrinks until there’s nothing left of it. His scent overwhelms me and the sight of all his clothes is crushing.
Mrs. Jackson reaches past me and takes a suit from the closet.
“He’ll look handsome in this one,” she whispers.
I can’t even nod. The urge to run from this horror-filled place bites at my heels.
Just before we reach the front door, I start to walk towards Mrs. Douglas’ sewing room. I don’t know why I want to see it. Maybe it’s because I want to see the work we did together and cling to that happy memory.
I walk into the room and a silent scream falters on my lips. Until this moment, I never thought about how she died. There are bloody marks on the walls and floors, as if she was clawing at them to get away from her murderer. The white material is covered with drops of blood, and it’s a stark reality of what happened.
Nausea hardens my stomach until it’s a burning ache. Every good memory I have of them blackens to ash that threatens to suffocate the life out of me.
“Let’s go,” Mrs. Jackson whispers. She takes my hand and pulls me from the house.
It’s the day of the funeral. My eyes burn from not sleeping. My mind feels as if it’s been stretched thin and it will snap at any moment. It’s still early when I walk out onto the porch. I look in the direction of Eli’s house but I can’t see it through the trees.
“Would you like some coffee?” Mr. Jackson asks from my left.
He’s sitting so still in the corner, I didn’t see him.
I shake my head, unable to eat or drink anything right now.
“Take a walk with me,” he says. He gets up and walks down the stairs. He doesn’t wait to see if I’ll come but for some reason I -follow anyway.
When we reach the beach, he stops. I stand next to him, not really taking in the sounds or sights around me.
“I was going to marry Leah,” he starts to whisper and I’m actually surprised. Mr. Jackson is not a big talker.
I glance up at him. There are no emotions on his face. Eli looks just like his father, only Mr. Jackson’s features are harder and more unforgiving. He used to scare me in the beginning, but with time, I felt more at ease around him.
“She was hanged.”
The words shudder through me. Air rushes into my lungs and my eyes meet Mr. Jackson’s. He looks at me and I get the same feeling I always get when Eli looks at me, like they can see so deep inside of me and that no secret is safe.
“My father was a bastard. He took a sick pleasure in hurting those around him. He knew I loved Leah. He knew that going after her would hurt me most. I never got the proof but I know he killed her.”
Why are you telling me this?
The words are a faint whisper in the back of my mind.
“I blamed myself, Quinn. That guilt ate away at me over the years until nothing but bitterness and hatred remained. I don’t want that for you. Nina’s love saved me because I was too weak to save myself.” I want to hug him, but I can’t bring myself to touch him. “Don’t push Eli away. If you love my son the way I know you do, then let him in. Let him help you find your way back.”
It will be wrong to love Eli. I look away so he won’t see the words in my eyes.
“Just because I love Nina, doesn’t mean I never loved Leah.”
I nod and as we walk back I keep thinking over everything Mr. Jackson said.
Before we reach the house, my hand darts out and I grab his arm. The action shocks me. He turns to me and his eyes scan over my face.
My breaths start coming faster until they’re racing over my lips.
His arms come around me like steel bands and he hugs me. There’s no repulsion, just the crushing pain of losing two people I loved, and the fear of losing Eli.
I bury my face in Mr. Jackson’s chest and I wish I could cry. I wish I could scream and rage until the madness empties out of me.
“I’m scared,” I rasp. Once the first words leave me the rest just bubble over my lips. “I’m scared I’ll get Eli killed too. I’m scared Steve will come back and this time he’ll kill Eli.”
Mr. Jackson pulls back and his strong hands frame my face. His lips are set in a determined line.
“That won’t happen, Quinn.”
“How do you know?” I ask, wishing I felt the same conviction as him.
“Because I’m going to find Steve and I’m going to kill him.”
We stare at each other as the words sink in.
“Can you do that?” I ask, but I already know the answer.
“A father will do anything for his son. You’ll be surprised at what I can do.”
I feel a flicker of hope. It quickly morphs into a desire for vengeance, a need to eliminate the threat from my life.
“Can you show me?” I whisper.
He stares at me long and hard. Scared that he won’t want to help me, I say, “I didn’t do enough, Mr. Jackson. I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t fight hard enough. Maybe if I had fought harder, I could have saved Roy and Mrs. Douglas. If I had been braver, I wouldn’t have phoned Eli. He wouldn’t have been shot. Please show me so when it happens again, I’m able to fight back.”
“I taught Eli everything I know. Go to him. Quinn.”
I nod, feeling disappointed that Mr. Jackson won’t teach me.
“Eli needs you. He’s in pain too.”
He’s right. I force my lips into a smile. “Thank you, Mr. Jackson.”
He gives my shoulder a squeeze. “You’re family, Quinn. We look after our own.”
I nod and swallow at the tears that are constantly burning behind my eyes.
I start to walk towards Eli’s house, not knowing what I’ll do when I get there. I can’t make myself knock on his door so I sit down on the porch steps, thinking about what I’ll say once I have the guts to kno
ck.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting in front of Eli’s house when the door opens behind me. He sits down next to me and stares out over the trees.
I look at him and my eyes are instantly drawn to the bandage on his side. He’s only wearing a pair of jeans. He must’ve showered because his hair is still wet. I wonder who has been helping him with the dressing, and feel bad for not being there for him.
I open my mouth to say something but no words come out, and it thickens the silence around us.
I close my eyes and get up. I should go get ready for the funeral. I start to walk away but I only make it a few steps before something explodes inside of me. It feels like a vacuum that’s sucking all the air from my lungs. A strangled sound escapes my lips and I turn around. I run back to Eli where he’s standing on the porch. He opens his arms just before I slam into him. Dry cries tear through me, but there are no tears to ease the burn.
Eli wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly. Right now his strength is keeping me from crumbling to nothing at his feet. His hand slips into my hair and cradles me against his bare chest.
The heat of his skin seeps into the coldest depths of my soul.
I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes. His presence envelops me and it soothes me.
“You’re no longer my shadow,” I whisper against his skin. “You’re my sunshine.”
He pulls back and looks down at me with the same understanding I always see in Mrs. Jackson’s eyes.
“I’ll be anything you need me to be, Quinn. You won’t stay in the shadows for long.”
“I need …” I struggle to form the words, but push through. “Teach me the way your dad taught you.”
He frowns and brings his hands to my face. His fingers trail over my cheeks, and he frames my face.
“Teach you what?”
“How to kill him.”
His hands slip away from me and he takes a step back. His eyes pin me to the spot and I don’t bother trying to hide my feelings. Maybe if he sees the guilt and agony, he’ll help me.
He takes a deep breath and says, “We’ll take care of Steve. Dad already has a lead on where he might be hiding.”
I shake my head and rush forward. “No, Eli. I need to do it. I need to hurt him the way he hurt you. I need to kill him the same way he killed Roy.”
Sadness washes over Eli’s face and for the first time he looks vulnerable.
“Quinn, you’ve been through so much already. Let me take care of this for you.”
I lift my hand to his cheek and he leans into my touch.
“I love you, Eli Jackson. I have to bury Roy and Mrs. Douglas today. I’ve already lost them to that monster. When he shot you, I thought I’d lost you too, and it drove me insane. I have to do this. I called you, Eli. I made you come to that house. If I knew how to fight, that wouldn’t have happened. I know you can protect me, but I’m asking you to give me the strength to protect myself. I won’t call you next time. I won’t risk your life again.”
He covers my hand with his and closes his eyes. His other hand slips around the back of my neck and he pulls me closer.
He rests his forehead against mine and says, “I’ll teach you on two conditions.”
“Anything.”
“Move in here where I can protect you until you’re ready. I can’t fucking sleep. I need to know you’re safe.”
I nod because I wasn’t lying. Right now I’ll do anything so I can kill Steve.
“When you’re ready we do it my way. You don’t go after him on your own. I’ll talk to Dad and Ethan and the three of us will be there.”
I clench my jaw with frustration.
“Those are my conditions, Quinn,” he says with finality.
“Fine,” I lie just to put him at ease. There is no way I’m risking any of the Jackson men. Once I’m ready I’ll go after Steve before they can plan something else.
Eli
It’s been hell keeping my distance from Quinn for the past week. Knowing that she was with Dad and Mom gave me some comfort. When Dad called to let me know that Quinn was on her way, I went and stood by the window to watch for her.
When she sat down on the steps, I had to hold myself back from rushing outside. I gave her a few minutes before I went to sit next to her.
I haven’t heard her voice in eight days, but it felt like years. When she finally spoke, it felt like a wave of relief crashing over me. When she let me hold her, my heart started beating again.
When she said that she loved me, it hurt because I know she meant it as friends. It hurt, and it made me feel like a fucking dick, because she had to bury her fiancé today. I had no right wanting more from her.
After the funeral, I called Ethan. It’s going to take some time before I can train her myself. I can feel her impatience. She needs to train now. I get a feeling that this newfound purpose of hers is all that’s keeping her together.
I hear Ethan’s truck pull up outside and go to meet him.
“Hey, thanks for doing this.”
I asked him to bring a few things over that we’ll need. He can show Quinn the basics until I’m better.
“No problem,” he says as he reaches into the back. He throws the punching bag over his shoulder. “Grab the lighter stuff. Don’t overdo it or Mom will kill me.”
We set everything up in the open space that was meant to be a dining room before I go get Quinn.
I find her in her room where she’s unpacking her stuff. Seeing her move around the room is one hell of a relief. She belongs in this house, here with me.
“Ethan is here,” I say. “He’s going to help us with the training until I’m better. Will you be okay with that?”
She hesitates for a moment, but then I see determination flash over her face.
“Are we starting now?”
“Yeah, we’ve set up some stuff in the dining room.”
“Should I change?”
I glance over the shorts and t-shirt she’s wearing. Her hair hangs loose, falling in soft blonde curls to the middle of her back.
“What you’re wearing is fine. Just tie your hair, so it doesn’t get in your face.”
“Sure.”
I watch as she quickly ties it into a ponytail.
When we get to the dining room, Ethan hands me a pair of gloves.
“Those should fit her,” he says. I’m glad when he doesn’t offer her condolences. I think she hates hearing the words.
I know she has to talk about what happened, but it’s too soon. I’ll give her a week or two to settle into some kind of routine, before I talk to her about that night.
“Let’s get these on you,” I say. “This is just for the first few days, so your hands can get used to the blows.”
She takes the gloves from me. “I can do it.”
The moment we had this morning is gone. She’s putting distance between us again and it hurts like a bitch.
Ethan puts on protective pads and comes to stand in front of her. He holds his hands up in front of his chest.
“Let’s get the first hit out of the way,” he grins. “Just hit the pad as hard as you can.”
Her eyes jump over his face and she starts to look nervous.
I go stand behind her and take hold of her right arm. Unlike earlier, she tenses under my touch. But I push through and bend her arm.
“Widen your stance so you have better balance,” I say, keeping my voice void of all the emotions I feel.
When she’s ready, I say, “Don’t think too much about it. Just hit the pads.”
She starts to throw a punch, but her arm drops to her side halfway through the swing.
“Pretend I’m Steve,” Ethan growls.
My head snaps up, but before I can respond, Quinn lunges at him with a growl. Her punches are wild and unfocused. Ethan has to move to block her blows. He starts to step back and she follows. He drops his arms and her next blow slams into his chest. He doesn’t move back or try to stop her next punch. He�
�s letting her get rid of the rage.
Her actions grow wilder and her growls turn to cries. Realizing that she’s losing it, I grab for her. I lock my arms around her and pull her back, which only makes a horrible scream tear from her. She fights against me, trying to get free. Her elbow connects with my side and I let go as blinding pain shoots through my body. I stagger back and sink to the floor, grabbing at my side.
“Fuck, Eli,” Ethan shouts and it makes Quinn spin around.
A look of horror drains the blood from her face and she runs from the room. I struggle to get back on my feet, and with Ethan’s help, I finally manage. Holding a hand to my side, I go after Quinn. When I get to her room, she’s struggling to take the gloves off. Her breaths are racing fast and her movements are erratic.
I walk over to her and start to help her with the gloves. She freezes and stares at my hands. When I finally get them off, she takes hold of my left hand and turns it over. It’s only then that I see the blood.
Fuck, some of the stitches must’ve pulled loose.
She grabs my shirt and yanks it up, exposing the blood-stained bandage. “We need to get you to the emergency room,” she says, her voice filled with panic.
“It’s okay,” I say to calm her down.
Her eyes dart to mine and I see every emotion she’s feeling. Her guard is totally down right now.
“How can you say that?” she seethes. “Nothing is okay. Nothing will ever be okay again!” Her voice pitches and then she screams, “Roy is dead. Mrs. Douglas is dead. You got shot. That animal is still out there. It’s not going to be okay!”
“I know,” I say calmly. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking,”
“No one is thinking,” she continues to rage. “Roy didn’t think that he would die. Steve didn’t stop to think about the damage his cruel actions would leave behind. I didn’t think when I called you. I didn’t think what would happen to you.”
I reach a hand out to her when I realize that she feels guilty over what happened. She blames herself and that’s just wrong. Before I can touch her, she steps away from me.
Redemption (Men of Honor Book 2) Page 6
