“I don’t like it.”
“Neither do I,” he answers.
I sit down next to him again, letting the fire warm my front. Gabe inches closer to me until he finally reaches an arm around me, warming my back.
“You still love me, don’t you?” I ask. It’s a bold question that seems to catch him off guard, though asking it catches me off guard too.
He stares into the fire for a few seconds before answering. “I do,” he says.
“Well, you didn’t have to think about it for so long.”
The comment makes him smile, a dimple forming on his cheek. “No, it’s not that. It’s just, I feel like you want me to love you, but you just don’t want to feel the same way.”
It’s my turn to stare at the fire and think for a few seconds. He’s right. I’ve done so little to reciprocate any feelings that he has for me. I mean, it’s not easy for me to feel any romance for him. Losing Gilbert was hard for me. I felt betrayed—and I guess I was betrayed, but I already know that Gabe would never leave me like Gilbert did. He has already proven himself. He could have left me to die in the barn a month ago when Paxton and his men were trying to kill me. All he would have had to do was drive away and he would have been safe. But instead, he drove the truck into the barn, killing some greyskins and risking his own neck to get me out of there. Gabe loved me then, and he hasn’t stopped.
“What do you think a future together would look like?” I ask.
Gabe shrugs. “I suppose we would live together forever, fighting off greyskins till the day we die.”
“That’s a grim outlook,” I say.
“Or, we can finish what we plan to do here,” he says, “and help the world start to heal. Once that happens, I imagine we’ll find a nice place far away from the greyskins where we won’t be bothered by them.”
“Does such a place exist?”
“Somewhere it does. Somewhere, somebody is already living in it, waiting to have some neighbors.” He holds me even tighter. “You and me.”
“You’re right,” I say.
“About what?”
I take a deep breath and turn my head to meet his eyes. My heart is pounding in my chest. I truly don’t want to feel this way, but what is the point of keeping it to myself? If someone like this comes along, why would I give him up?
“I don’t want to love you,” I say, “but sometimes we don’t get what we want.”
He starts to say something, but I don’t let him. Instead, I pull him closer to me and kiss him on the lips. We hold the kiss for several seconds, the warm embrace making me feel safe. I finally let go of him, but my eyes never leave his. “This is stupid of us.”
“I know,” he says. “I love it.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Me too.”
Gabe and I sit and talk for a long time. Jeremiah has left, and Nancy and Ray have already gone to bed. I start to wonder where Waverly is. I think about going outside, but I don’t really feel like braving the cold, and I’m sure she’s fine. Our conversation eventually goes back to Evie. I worry so much that she was the one in Waverly’s vision of Jeremiah.
“Well, there is a way to find out,” Gabe finally says.
“What’s that?”
“Waverly could look into Evie’s future,” he says. “She can look at the exact same time to confirm it. It might even ease your concerns about Jenna and Mike.”
“I didn’t even think about that,” I say. I get up from the floor and start to make my way to the front door.
“Where are you going?” Gabe asks.
“To find my sister.”
Chapter 18 - Waverly
The cold bites at my nose and fingers as I pull my coat tight against me. There are about seven barrel fires lining the street, and each of Jeremiah’s men stand huddled around them. I make my way toward the car where Jenna and Mike sit next to each other, cold and alone. Jenna rolls down the window as I approach.
“Any chance of us getting out of here?” she asks.
“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I’m hoping that Jeremiah will let the two of you leave before he decides to go into Anchorage.”
“What reason would he have for us to go there?” Mike says. “We just want to get back home.”
“I understand,” I say. “I wish I had some pull, but right now I don’t. I will try to talk to him tomorrow.”
I think about the vision I had of Remi. I remember that the sun was orange and purple as if it was setting. But could it have been the rising sun instead? Perhaps I can talk to Jeremiah about letting Jenna and Mike leave, and then they could take Evie tomorrow morning.
“I wanted to ask you something,” I say.
Jenna looks at me intently, but doesn’t say anything.
I clear my throat. “The little girl, Evie, she’s lost her mother. Remi is just taking care of her until we can find a suitable place for her to stay. Where you’re from, do you have a place for a child? Do you know anyone that would be able to take care of her?”
Jenna and Mike look at each other. Jenna shakes her head. “We can’t take care of a little girl,” she says. “We have enough problems.”
“But what is your village like?” I ask. “Are there a lot of people?”
“Sure, but that doesn’t mean we have enough to feed extra mouths,” Mike says.
I nod, understanding. But that doesn’t mean they won’t take her. It just means they don’t know they will take her eventually. “It’s just, we don’t have a permanent home like you do. We think Evie would benefit from having a stable place to live again. Her mother died when she was born. The woman taking care of her, Lydia, was killed about a month ago. It’s been so hard for her.”
“It’s difficult for us all,” Jenna says.
Her words don’t feel cold, but she is right. No one really has room to take care of an extra mouth to feed. Life is bad enough as it is without adding more responsibility.
“I know,” I say. I want to ask them where they are from again, but out of the corner of my eye, I spot Ethan standing with one other person at a barrel fire. Upon closer inspection, I can see that he’s talking to Jeremiah. I would give anything to trade powers with Remi right now—to be able to hear what the two of them are talking about.
I’ve wanted nothing more than to figure out why he is acting so differently, but there doesn’t seem to be an answer. Every conversation seems forced. Every interaction feels awkward. I miss him. I wish we could be there for each other like we were starting to be only a month ago.
It seems that time cannot heal all wounds. Some wounds continue to fester and rot until the relationship is gone forever. If Ethan doesn’t come around, I fear that is what will happen. I’m already to a point where I can’t trust him. I’ve already kept from him the most devastating revelation of our time—that the man he talks to at the barrel fire, is none other than the man that created the virus that brought the world to its knees. Jeremiah made it, and Olivia sanctioned it. To bring down Shadowface alone would be to pass the torch on to someone that is just as, if not more so, evil as Olivia. We would be fooling ourselves.
I suppose that the task of killing Jeremiah will be placed on me. I don’t know how or where. But if he wants me to lead him to Olivia through the sewers, then that means I will be the one near him. I don’t want to go in there alone. I don’t want to risk anyone else’s life either, but I could use the help of my sister. Her hearing ability would do wonders in the sewers. Then, when we get to Olivia’s office, she and I can finish this together. Shadowface will be dead, and Jeremiah will have no empire to take over. He won’t eat people. He won’t try to kill Evelyn.
I watch Ethan and Jeremiah talk until Jeremiah finally walks away from the fire, leaving Ethan alone. I don’t know why, but I feel compelled to talk to him—to reach out. I take a step forward, and he looks at me. At first, I think I see the hint of a smile, but when he turns back to the flame, I see that there is no sense of happiness in his face.
I approach the ba
rrel, palms out, hoping to talk to him without shivering violently from the cold. “What are you and Jeremiah talking about?”
Ethan shrugs. “I just told him that I want to go with you tomorrow night. Into the sewers. You will need my help.”
“What exactly is the plan?” I ask.
“Well,” Ethan says, “Jeremiah will explain it better tomorrow, but essentially most of the men here are going to attack the front gate of the compound, while a small group sneaks in through the sewers. Led by you, of course.”
“But that doesn’t explain how we get to the sewers,” I say. “The entrance is still on the inside of the walls.”
“Jeremiah has sent a couple of scouts ahead to look for a potential weakness. Otherwise, I think the plan mostly relies on the diversion. If we make enough of a commotion, then someone will be able to slip by.”
“Sounds like a foolish plan,” I say. “I think Jeremiah is too focused on attacking before Olivia reveals her identity. He should wait until he has a better scheme.”
“This isn’t his first fight,” Ethan says.
“Is Olivia still alive?” I ask snidely. Ethan doesn’t answer. It is obvious that Jeremiah has not been successful in his attempts on Olivia’s life in the past. “I just hope his past failures aren’t a representation of what will happen tomorrow.”
“He has learned from his past failures,” Ethan says. “He knows what he’s doing. The importance is not in the battle itself, but in the covert mission you will be leading.”
“Yeah, I got that already,” I say. “That’s what I don’t like.”
“If we die, it will be worth it.”
His words are passionate, but his delivery is passionless. He doesn’t sound like he means them at all. I wish I could bring it out of him. I wish I knew what was troubling him so deeply. I have asked him already, but he never gives me a straight answer. I decide to try again.
“Ethan, I wish you would tell me what’s troubling you.”
His eyes don’t leave the flames in front of us, but his jaw clenches over and over like he’s trying to keep himself from saying something—or perhaps that he wants to say something but can’t.
“Do you ever feel like you’re not your own?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
He shuts his eyes tightly, his hands ball into fists, and he lets out a short groan. “Forget it,” he says. With that, he turns and storms away.
I felt like he was so close to telling me. For a moment, I thought we were about to get to the bottom of what was eating away at him. But something took over him. For some reason, he can’t let himself say what he truly wants to say. But I saw a glimmer of hope. Perhaps there is still some of the old Ethan left.
After about an hour of standing in front of the barrel fire all by myself, I hear someone approaching me from behind. When I turn my head to look, I find Remi standing next to me.
“You’re awake,” I say.
“Obviously.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Gabe and I have been talking. I came out here because I was worried about you.”
I shake my head. “There’s no reason to be worried.”
“Why don’t you come inside and get warm?” she says.
I wish I could talk to her about Ethan, but what is there to say? My feelings are difficult to put into words. Remi already knows how Ethan is acting, but she can’t know how it makes me feel. So, instead of talking, I nod and walk with her back into the house, keeping my thoughts to myself.
“Come over here with us by the fire,” Remi says, as we walk into the house.
“I’m okay,” I say. “I think I’m just going to bed.”
“Waverly, wait,” she says, standing next to Gabe now. “I was wondering if you could do something for me.”
“What is it?”
“Come to the couch,” she says.
I pull off my coat and sit next to her, wondering what it is she could want me to do right now. I look at Gabe for some indication, but he only stares into the fireplace. Evie sleeps soundly in the corner of the room.
“I was just thinking about something,” Remi says. “About Evie.”
“What about her?”
“What if she isn’t the woman you saw in the vision?” she asks. “Do you think that would change your thoughts on taking out Jeremiah as well?” She looks around the room as she says this, probably thinking she said it too loudly.
“I don’t think so,” I say. “Because that’s not all I saw. Instead of eradicating the greyskin virus, he’s going to use the greyskins to make villages come to him for help. And what I was seeing was years and years from now. This is bigger than us. Bigger than Evie. Why, are you having second thoughts?”
“No, it’s not that,” Remi says. “I just worry about her. I don’t like knowing that she might be shot. I just want to know if she’s the same person.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Look into Evie’s future,” Remi answers. “I want to know if she’s going to have a good life after we give her to Jenna. I want to know if she’s going to survive the gunshot wound.”
I hate that she’s asking me to do this. I hate only seeing parts and glimpses, not really knowing the meaning or the context. But the look in my sister’s eyes is that of true concern—fear even. She cares about this little girl, even though she has barely spent a week with her. But I know what it is. I know that she feels responsible for her because of her mother. Then there is the connection she had with Paxton, and her actual mother. I will do it, but only because I can see the true concern on her face, and it pains me. But it doesn’t change the confusion of it all. I’m so tired of looking into futures. Trying to interpret them is impossible.
A deep breath passes by my lips and I get up from the couch without a word. Remi and Gabe both follow me with their eyes as I sit next to Evie. I’ve never tried to see into a future while someone was asleep, but I don’t see why it would be any different.
Evie’s hand rests on the hardwood floor next to my leg. I watch her for a minute, taking in her innocence. She deserves a better life than the one she has. I think we all do. But no child should ever have to endure the pain and suffering that Evie has already seen. I don’t want to see her future because knowing how much more pain she will see in her lifetime is a burden I will have to carry.
I take another deep breath and reach my hand to hers. When Our fingers touch, I see a bright light.
I try to go beyond the here and now. I look five years from now…ten… When she is twenty years old, it seems that a greyskin herd attacks her village, decimating it. She and others are forced to leave. They seek a place called Screven. I move forward a year or two, trying to remember when she was eating with Jeremiah and Mark.
I travel through her future like wind passes by a tree. Scenes move in front of me like a movie running in fast motion. When I want to move ahead a year, the scene fades and is replaced by another. I do this for what feels like hours. When I get to the point where she is sitting at a table with Jeremiah and Mark, I know. Evie is Evelyn.
The shooting. She is shot in the back. She runs through the woods. Eventually she finds help, however. Someone nurses her back to health. That means she won’t be killed!
I move ahead and find her talking with a man—a friend. She talks of her pledge to do whatever it takes to kill Jeremiah. Another twenty years pass. Jeremiah should be an old man by now, but when he stands in front of Evelyn again, this time in a dark room, he doesn’t look much older. He is dressed from head-to-toe, clothes completely covering almost all of his body. Only his face seems to show.
Evelyn is restrained. She is with another man in the room.
Jeremiah points a gun at her head. I can’t help but wonder if this is supposed to be Evelyn’s last moment.
“This has been a long time coming,” Jeremiah says to Evelyn. “I thought you might have lived a long life in a village somewhere, hopefully forgetting about your lover, and actuall
y moving on with your life. Instead you brooded for the past twenty years and now you’re facing the other end of a gun.”
She closes her eyes tightly, waiting for the bullet to come. “Wait!” she says. She looks at the other man in the room and then back at Jeremiah. “You took Mark away from me. He was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. At least let me kiss Jeffrey for the last time.”
“Him?” He looks at Jeffrey.
Evelyn nods. “You owe me that at least.”
Jeremiah walks over to Jeffrey and grabs him by the back of the collar, forcing him in front of Evelyn.
Jeffrey and Evelyn stare into each others eyes. Tears fall, but they don’t seem hopeless. Jeremiah points the gun at them, motioning them to move closer together.
“You see, this is poetic,” Jeremiah says. “In a way, I am merciful. I once took away your love, but I didn’t take love away from you.”
“You may live a long life,” Evelyn says, “but you can still be killed.”
“I don’t anticipate that anytime soon,” Jeremiah answers.
Evelyn leans forward and sets her head against Jeffrey’s, staring into Jeremiah’s eyes all the while. “When you die,” she says, “I hope I’m there. I hope I get to see it.”
Then, she vanishes.
She appears in a place far from where she was, lying on the ground next to Jeffrey. At first, I don’t understand what I see. It seems that either Jeffrey or Evelyn is a Starborn with the ability to teleport to a different place. She had just managed to slip from Jeremiah’s grip once again.
I keep moving ahead. More years go by. Jeremiah would have to be a hundred by now…surely he would be dead.
I go as far as I can. It’s bold, but I want to see how old Evelyn will be when she dies. I want to go to her last moment.
It isn’t pretty. There is a fight on a rooftop. There are people I don’t recognize. Two guys not too much older than me, a girl, and a woman who looks injured. She’s dying. Then, there is a bloodied body on the ground. It’s a man. He’s still alive and breathing, but he doesn’t have long. When I look closer, it seems like Jeremiah. But that couldn’t be. He looks too young. It has been too many years.
Into the Shadows Page 18
