Crap. No, reverse, reverse! Rewind and erase. She couldn’t have said that. They couldn’t go there. As much as she wanted… Tyler’s eyes darkened and his smile became that familiar flirtatious smile. He gripped her hips and tugged her forward gently. If they made contact, she was certain that she’d find him hard and ready, and the ache inside of her kicked up another notch.
“Well, if that’s the case then I can fight all the time for you.”
They couldn’t.
Tyler’s eyes moved to her lips. His intentions clear. Bernie’s mind raced around all over the place. No one thought stayed longer than a second. They couldn’t. She wanted to. But she had to stop it. Xavier was only three months old, she wasn’t supposed to feel desirous until he was at least a year old. She was meant to be too tired and her hormones were supposed to be all out of whack. This was a dream. They couldn’t do this. There was too much…
His lips brushed against hers. Soft and supple, yet demanding. The texture was as smooth and silky as she remembered. Tyler pulled back softly. He panted as he stared into her eyes, and she stared back. His hands were still on her hips and he pulled her flush against him. Just as she had known he would be, he was hard beneath his jeans.
Bernie moaned with desire and frustration. It was all that Tyler needed. He kissed her again. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her even tighter against his body. His lips teased hers open and he thrust his tongue into her mouth. Bernie pressed herself against him. With a grunt, she threw her arms around his neck.
“Ouch!” Tyler pulled back slightly. He grimaced. “Careful with the nose there, babe.”
He leaned in to kiss her again but the moment had passed. Bernie tensed and pulled away, shaking her head. Tyler’s eyes widened as he released her. Frustration, shame, and anger hit her square in the stomach. She turned away, cursing herself and the situation. Every inch of her body screamed at her to just throw herself back on him. But mind and emotions took precedence to physical wants. After all, she could mostly take care of herself physically.
“But I can’t do this emotional rollercoaster again.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
Bernie sighed as she turned back to Tyler. “It’s not something to be sorry about. Just something that can’t happen. We hadn’t talked about it, but there can’t be anything between us. I’m a mother, I need to focus on taking care of my baby. And quite frankly I can’t do that when I’ve got a relationship mess running around in my head.”
Tyler nodded. He gazed at the floor. “I understand.”
Now she felt like she needed to apologize, but didn’t. If she did, it would send mixed signals. Instead, she took a deep breath and put more distance between them. “Thank you for telling me about Bill. I’ll figure out how I want to deal with him. I should probably just tell him directly that I’m not looking for a mate.”
Tyler nodded again.
There was nothing left to say. Bernie quickly left the bathroom. Her heart pounded and her mouth was dry. She wanted so much to turn around and go back to him. But that would be a mistake. So, she went back to her bedroom, to where her son was waiting for her and shut the door.
Chapter Eight
Tyler
By the time morning rolled around his nose was fixed and the bruises were all gone. There were still dark circles under his eyes though and he couldn’t blame that on his fight with Bill. He hadn’t slept a wink the previous night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Bernie, felt her against him and was shocked back to wakefulness by the knowledge that they couldn’t get involved with one another again.
All in all, it was not a pleasant night. When he woke, he found himself wanting Bernie more than ever. The frustration of not being able to hold her led to him spending an hour in the gym before breakfast, beating on the punching bag he’d put in last year.
Just when he finished showering, Polly told him that Gilbert was here to see him. Tyler went downstairs. Gilbert was dressed in a casual shorts and t-shirt combo and greeted Tyler warmly.
“I was just going to try out the new riding lawnmower I bought, want to come check it out?”
Tyler grinned. “Do I?”
The lawnmower was state-of-the-art, with luxurious seats and three speeds. It was a blast to ride around on, like a tame ATV. Which made Tyler want to break out the ATV and go out on the trails again.
“So, I saw one of your friends skulking around last night,” Gilbert said when they took a break from ‘mowing the lawn’. “I nearly called the cops on him before I saw his jacket. Part of that club you belong to. You better tell them to be more careful, ‘cause I’m certain I’m not the only one who almost called the cops.”
Tyler frowned. Which of his friends would have followed him home? None. His nostrils flared as he considered who else it could have been. “What did this guy look like?”
“Didn’t get a really clear look at his face, but he was big. Huge. Brown hair, maybe black. Looked pretty tough.”
“Bill.” Tyler cursed under his breath. “He’s not my friend. Next time you see him, call the cops on him. I don’t want him poking his nose around here.”
Gilbert rose a brow at him. “Uh-huh… well, there is a story there if I’ve ever heard one. So, who is this guy? Boyfriend of a former lover? Boyfriend of a current lover?”
“I don’t sleep with women who have mates or husbands or boyfriends,” Tyler snapped. It was a common assumption that people made when they heard about his many affairs, but how many times did he have to tell his own friends before they believed him? He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He’s from the club. He’s an asshole and we got into a fight last night. I don’t know what he was doing around here unless he was looking to settle scores.”
Gilbert frowned. “That’s pretty serious. If this guy is threatening you—”
“I don’t think he’d do anything in actuality. But I still don’t want him around here. Not with Bernie and Xavier here. I don’t want Bernie to have to worry.”
Gilbert smirked. “Sounds like you’re falling for her. I have to say, I’m surprised that you haven’t been like your usual self lately. Something’s on your mind. I guess it’s her.”
Tyler looked at the sky. What was he meant to say now? That yes, it was Bernie. But not the way Gilbert was thinking. With their history and the lingering feelings and everything else that was all screwed up in his head…
“I think Xavier is my son,” he blurted. “The timing is right and he could be. But Bernie… she’s made no indication either way. She has to realize that it’s what I’d think. So, she is either waiting for me to ask or hoping I won’t. I don’t know what to do, but I think he’s my son, and I have no freaking clue what happens now.”
Gilbert’s eyes widened with every word that Tyler spoke. He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Wow…”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” Gilbert shook his head. “Okay. That is… that is… Here’s what you do. You go back to your house, find Bernie and ask her. Simple as that. You can’t dance around the issue. It’ll only drive you crazier than you are already.”
Tyler glared at him for a moment, but he was right. He was a dragon, not a kitten to do all this pussyfooting around. He should just go to Bernie and flat-out ask her. The timing was right. If Xavier was his son, he needed to know why Bernie was keeping it a secret from him. And if he wasn’t his son? Well, then he needed to know why Bernie wouldn’t have told him that when she knew that the timing was right.
And then he’d find the dirtbag who got Bernie pregnant and abandoned her and beat him into the ground.
Tyler thanked Gilbert and hurried away. His body hummed with nervous energy as he considered what wording he was going to use. Direct, or hint at the question before he asked? No, that was pussyfooting again. He was going to ask directly. Just go up to her and ask her if Xavier was his son. Then she would have no choice but give him a direct answer. The band-a
id would rip off and they would face the consequences one way or another.
He found Bernie with Xavier in the living room. She was singing the alphabet song while clapping Xavier’s hands together. They looked so peaceful and happy that, for a moment, Tyler hesitated. Maybe he should wait for a different time. A better time, when he wasn’t going to interrupt such a special moment.
If I do that, I will always make excuses about why I can’t ask at that moment.
He sat down on the couch so that he was facing her. She smiled at him and Xavier twisted on the floor to look at him as well. Tyler smiled back, but it was stiff.
“Bernie… Is Xavier my son?”
Her eyes widened. He could actually hear the hitch in her breathing. She took a deep breath in. “No.”
Disappointment swept through him but even as it did so, Bernie flinched. It made Tyler frown. “No?”
“No. I mean, yes. I mean…” She squared her shoulders and looked into his face. “Yes. Xavier is your son. I don’t know why I lied, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
Tyler leaned forward. His elbows rested on his knees as he hid his face in his hands. His mind whirled around in circles. His emotions were all over the place. He was a father. To a beautiful, sweet, even-tempered little boy. His son. But Bernie didn’t tell him. Her first instinct was to lie when asked. Tyler knew he wasn’t exactly the most upright person in the world, but to be so desperate to keep him out of his son’s life…
“What did I do?” He glanced up to see Bernie flinch. “Well? Clearly, you didn’t want me to know that I had a son. Even without my number, you were working with Shane. He could have easily contacted me, got me back to the dig so you could tell me. A year. A whole year!”
“I know.” Bernie gathered Xavier up and sat on the couch next to him. “And I thought about it hundreds of times.”
Tyler bit his tongue hard to stop himself from demanding to know why she didn’t tell him, then.
“I know it’s not fair to put it all on you. But… but you left. All you gave me was a number. I thought that if you really wanted me in your life, you’d come back. You’d do something to let me know. I wasn’t going to call and call and beg for you to come back when you clearly didn’t want me. And when I realized I was pregnant… I didn’t think you wanted that sort of intrusion in your life.”
“Well, you were wrong.”
Bernie’s eyes lit up for a moment before she dropped them. “I’m sorry.”
Tyler wasn’t ready to accept that. Not yet. “I have always wanted to be a father. And yeah, I left but I didn’t just disappear. I gave you my number so you would phone me. When you didn’t, I thought that it meant that you didn’t want me. That you were over me and didn’t want me in your life. You could have called.”
“And you could have stayed. How was I meant to know that you wanted to be a father? All we did was have sex a few times. We didn’t talk. We didn’t tell each other about ourselves. There was no reason for me to think that the phone number was anything more than you not wanting me to feel used.” Bernie stood, holding Xavier tight. The baby fussed and squirmed. “I should have told you, I know that. But I didn’t. I was too scared that my hopes would get up only to be dashed. I can’t… I can’t have a man disappoint me again. And I will not have my son’s father disappoint him like my dad always disappointed me!”
Those words shocked everything Tyler was going to say out of his mouth. He had forgotten. He didn’t speak, only held out his arms. Bernie hesitated but passed him the baby.
“I am never going to be like your father, Bernie,” Tyler promised. “I want to be part of your life and Xavier’s life. I’m lucky in that I don’t really have anything holding me down. I can go wherever you go. I didn’t have a dad in my life, either. Shane always tried to be my dad and my big brother. My mom is amazing. But if I could give Xavier what I didn’t have?”
Bernie sank back into the couch. Her lip trembled and she sucked in a deep breath. “Thank you. And I’m sorry for not telling you. Keeping it a secret seemed like the best idea at the time. I know I was stupid.”
“You were scared. There’s a difference.”
Bernie snorted. “Not much of one. I guess I just don’t know how to have a proper, healthy relationship.”
“Yeah. Me, either.” Tyler propped up Xavier so he could see the world around him. Now that the tension had decreased between his parents, he’d gone back to the normal, relaxed baby he was. “Normal and healthy. What does that even mean?”
“So that’s why it’s best to leave our relationship how it is. Polite, friendly. And that’s it.”
Tyler opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn’t. She was right. Sex and emotion made things too complicated. If they kept their distance from anything that could screw this up, then it would be the best thing for Xavier. “Yeah. That’s probably the best.”
“It is.” Bernie looked disappointed too but smiled at him. “Well… I’m glad that’s sorted. Now things are going to be much better between us.”
“Yes. It will be.”
Chapter Nine
Bernie
“And we squish your face!” Bernie laughed at Xavier’s giggling. It was still a little choppy, like he hadn’t quite figured it out, but it was the sweetest sound in the world. She had hold of his ankles and rolled him up to press his feet against his cheeks. He blew snot bubbles and grinned as she relaxed him back down. Only to break into peals of laughter again when she brought his feet to his cheeks again. “Squish your face!”
His big blue eyes never left her face. Such an attentive little baby. He loved watching everything that was going on around him. Bernie knew it was too early to start thinking about what profession (or professions, as the case might be) he might have when he was grown, but she wondered if he was going to have an artistic flare.
There was a knock on the door. Bernie turned to it. “Come in.”
Tyler stepped inside. He frowned at her, cocking his head. “Did you forget?”
“Forget what?”
Since their talk, things had been… cordial between them. The burning desire she felt for him hadn’t lessened, but the self-control that she exerted in his presence had increased. No longer did she imagine jumping over him on the kitchen table or while they watched TV. It didn’t stop her hot and heavy dreams, though.
Tyler sighed. “You really did forget, didn’t you?”
Bernie rolled her eyes and stood. “Once more: what am I supposed to have forgotten?”
“The fundraiser ball. You know, the one that Gilbert is putting on? We got you a dress and everything. Remember?” Tyler continued to frown at her. “I know there has been other stuff that we’ve been focusing on, but that still happened.”
“Yeah. The ball. I remember.” Bernie’s own face fell into a frown.
He had mentioned it a few times and she’d gotten a new dress for it, yeah. But it had been so long since he brought it up, not to mention their agreement to just be friends. She had honestly forgotten all about it and probably would have continued to forget about it until someone brought it up again. Social parties weren’t her scene, unless everybody was wearing a month’s worth of dirt, they were holding beers (or other beverages, if they didn’t drink alcohol) and they were sitting around a campfire, telling stories.
The dress she had was gorgeous, though. And it had been tailored to her, too. She hadn’t had tailored clothing before and the way it hugged her curves made her feel like a goddess.
“I didn’t think I was still invited. Because you know, it’s a ball and we’re just friends. You can take Polly. If she doesn’t have anything to wear, she can take my dress. We’re about the same size.”
“Gilbert gave Polly her own ticket.” Tyler inched forward. “Look, it’s a fundraiser. We’ll be rubbing elbows with a bunch of other rich people. They’ll all talk behind their hands that the only reason I’m here is because Gil’s my friend and Shane is stinking rich. I can’t face that crowd on
my own. We can go as friends and make fun of them. Please? I don’t have anybody else to take.”
Bernie wrinkled her nose at that. Being the last-ditch replacement wasn’t very flattering. But, she supposed, she was replacing herself so that wasn’t a reason to say no.
“I don’t have anybody to watch Xavier. I’m sorry, Tyler. I just don’t think that it’s really possible right now. If you’d given me a couple more hours but… what time do you need to leave by?”
Tyler came in to kneel beside Xavier. “Bernie, I told you that I was going to arrange a babysitter for the baby. And I did. Her name is Jasmine, she’s a professional nanny. She even works for the Emperor’s parents. I have her background check if you want to take a look at it.”
Bernie rolled her eyes. “I also want a DNA swab and fingerprint analysis. Get on that stat.”
She settled next to her son and his father, leaning against the bed. So, everything was arranged already so that she could leave Xavier and go to this ball, if that was needed. A shiver ran down her spine, even though she knew it was ridiculous to be afraid. The community was well guarded and there hadn’t been any stirrings from the people who had abducted her.
There was that Bill Johnson, though. Apparently, he’d come around and skulked behind the gates a couple of times. She was still hoping that he’d just leave her alone on his own. After Tyler told her about the fight, she’d had him call Bill for her and very patiently explained that she wasn’t looking for any commitments at the moment. He’d tried to convince her to meet up, but she wasn’t into giving men false hope.
Not to mention that meeting up with a strange, violent man who was already obsessed with her seemed like a pretty blockhead move.
“I don’t know…”
“Well… it’s your choice but I’d really like it if you came.” Tyler looked up at her. His blue eyes were like two flecks of the ocean, pulling her in. The yes rose against her will in her throat. If she opened her mouth she’d agree for sure, so she kept it shut.
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