by D. N. Hoxa
“He must’ve been an asshole,” I mumbled. Just like mine had been. I was glad he left. I was more than lucky to have run into Dublin. Who knew what would’ve become of me?
“At least he turned me,” Tif said.
I laughed dryly. “How is that good?”
“I asked him to,” Tif said.
“He’s an even bigger asshole.”
Tif stopped walking. I stopped, too.
“Careful there, Mask. That’s my Doyen.”
I was tempted to laugh again.
“He’s dead, isn’t he?”
He could call Ray every name he chose to for all I cared. I’d only join him. Tif was definitely weird.
“Yeah, that he is. And I would have been, too, if it wasn’t for you.”
“You were screaming,” I said, and he flinched.
“Thank heavens I was, right?”
“I guess. I wouldn’t have heard anything otherwise.”
I had been too far from them to hear a normal conversation.
“So, where are you headed?” he asked. Too casually.
“Who was your Doyen?” I asked instead. I didn’t really care, but I didn’t want to answer his question.
“Can’t say,” Tiff said. “But you sure as hell sound a lot like him.”
This time, I stopped walking. “Hammer?”
Tiff grinned. “The one and only.”
What the hell? Nobody had told me Hammer was a Doyen.
“Anybody else told you that you sounded like him?”
If he only knew. “Yeah, a friend mentioned it.”
“Did you know him?” Tiff asked.
“Who?”
“You know,” he said, flinching. “My Doyen?”
“Your Doyen?” I couldn’t understand why he looked so uncomfortable.
“I can't really say his name. He forbade me. He forbade all of us from telling anyone his name. Good thing you guessed.”
I really didn’t like Hammer.
“No, I didn’t,” I said. “How many of you are there?”
“Three, as far as I know.”
“Why can’t you say his name? He’s dead.”
Tiff shrugged. “Don’t know. Just can’t.”
I didn’t understand, but time was wasting, and I needed to find shelter.
“You never told me where you’re going,” Tif said.
“You shouldn’t be following me,” I said instead.
“But you saved my life,” he said, like that was supposed to explain it.
“And I told you that you didn’t need to thank me for it. I would’ve done the same for anybody else.”
“But you did it for me.”
“You only have a few minutes left. You better find shelter.”
“Can’t I come with you?”
I turned around to face him.
“Listen, Tif, I’m busy. I’ve got shit to do, and you’re not helping. Can you just be on your way?”
He seemed like a good guy, and I realized now what it meant for a vampire to be without a Doyen, or at least a guide. He acted and spoke as if he was younger than me. At least I knew not to trust any vampire with everything he’d just told me.
“Okay, fine.” He stepped back. “Just wanted to buy you a drink. I value my life a lot.”
“Don’t you have stuff to do yourself?”
He frowned. “Not really. I’ve been on hold for more than a year now.”
“By Mohg?” He nodded. “I’ll let you buy me a drink if I see you again. How does that sound?”
He immediately grinned. “Sounds good.”
***
The wall around Manhattan stood proud and huge in front of me. Bugz hadn’t let me stop to look at it when we’d passed it on our way to Florida. She’d said it was too dangerous. She was probably right, but now that I saw it, I couldn’t look away.
It was tall and curvy, and it looked brand new. The black water that surrounded it on all four sides looked like a huge mirror. I could hear faint noises from the inside if I concentrated hard enough. Manhattan, New York. I would’ve given an arm and a leg to be there with my mama and my sisters.
I found a very nice shelter not too far away from the wall. Up on the fifteenth floor, with unbroken doors and windows. The room was small, but I didn’t need big. I settled there and spent the second night inspecting every inch of the buildings around me. No sign of other vampires.
I found three humans, but I didn’t find Dublin for two weeks.
Well into the third, he found me.
I hadn’t understood Bugz when she said that there was power in a name. But while I walked around the endless place, roof upon roof with my ears strained, I heard my name being called.
“Matias.”
It was like a whisper from the wind, and it stayed in my mind until I had a clear direction. West. It was coming from west.
I ran and ran for an hour, until I heard it again. I recognized Dublin’s voice, but I couldn’t even begin to understand how I’d heard him when he was an hour away from me. It must’ve been what Bugz was talking about.
He was on the roof of a six-story building, and I barely noticed him. Since I couldn’t jump that high, I took the stairs, running like mad, until he was finally in front of me, looking exactly like he had the last time I’d seen him.
“Where the hell were you?” I said. I’d spent more than two weeks searching for him.
“What are you doing here, Matias?” he said. He didn’t look happy to see me, and I wasn’t happy to see him, either.
“Looking for you, Dublin,” I spit. “I’ve been here for more than two weeks.”
“You’re a fool,” he whispered.
“Fool or not, I needed to talk to you,” I hissed. He didn’t need to make this any harder.
“Come on,” he said, and simply jumped off the roof.
It was high. Too high, and I couldn’t jump. I’d break a leg if I was lucky, so to spare myself the pain, I took the stairs again. I followed his steps and the scent of him for another fifteen minutes. He led us into the basement of a large, one-story building. He locked us inside a room with a couple of chairs and some books on them, but nothing more.
“You were supposed to be with Bugz,” he said.
I raised my brows. “I take it you haven’t seen Bugz in a while?” He only shook his head. “I haven’t been with her for a long time.”
“She should’ve told me,” he said.
“Listen, Dublin, I appreciate all you’ve done for me, I do.” More than ever, after my talk with Tif. I realized how much better prepared I was compared to him. “And what Bugz did, too. But I’m not here to talk about that.”
“Then what are you here to talk about?” He took a small bottle from the pocket of his coat and drank. That reminded me of my own poison.
“Morta Fox.” He stopped swallowing, and his brows narrowed. “She came to talk to you.”
“She did,” he said reluctantly.
“You lied to her.”
“You spoke to her?”
“Why did you lie to her, Dublin?”
He sighed and turned his back to me. I would’ve rolled my eyes if he could’ve seen them. Vampires really loved drama.
“You told her you’d taken me from Spain after I was turned, because I reminded you of Hammer,” I hissed. “You didn’t.”
“Some things are best left unexplained,” he said.
“Maybe, but not this one.” Since he didn’t seem like he intended to face me, I moved in front him. “Why did you lie to her?”
“Because it’s better that way.”
“Who are you to decide that?” I said, laughing dryly.
“I’m the vampire who took you in. Protected you from day one,” he hissed.
“And I already said that I appreciated that, but that doesn’t give you the right to lie about me, does it?” His dark eyes were on fire with anger.
“I did it to protect you. I didn’t think she’d come after you,” he hissed.
>
“She didn’t. I went after her,” I said. “Why did you think you’d need to protect me from her?” She’d never even threatened me.
“There are some things you won’t understand unless you—”
“Yes, you’ve said that already. What I want to know is why you lied to her about me.”
“Because she would think you were Hammer, too.”
It was a lie and he knew it when he said it.
I laughed. “Let’s cut the bullshit, Dublin. You think I’m Hammer. Bugz thinks I’m Hammer. Morta is the only one who knew I wasn’t him.” And for some reason, that sucked.
“She did?” He seemed surprised.
“Yes, she did. She wouldn’t even speak to me.”
“It’s better that way.”
Now he seemed relieved. It pissed me off.
“That’s not for you to decide,” I hissed.
“Trust me, Matias, you are better off like this.”
“Why? Why is it so important that she doesn’t think I’m Hammer? Or speak to me?” He took another sip from his bottle but didn’t answer. “Don’t you realize how all of this sounds to me?”
“Because nothing good can come out of it,” he said. Like always, he sounded like he knew exactly what he was talking about, but for the first time, I had the feeling that he didn’t. The way I felt about Morta Fox made no sense to me, either, but the way he acted, the way Bugz acted at the mere mentioning of her name, made it all the more suspicious.
“How would you know?”
“Because she’s delusional. She’s already started with accusations she shouldn’t have dared to make,” he said, shaking his head.
“She came to you asking for help, right?” I asked, and he nodded. “Did you help her?”
I already knew the answer, but I wanted him to tell me himself, and then explain. He looked away from me, and frustrated, I took my mask off. He didn’t look away from my face again for the rest of the night.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s delusional. I told you, she thinks…”
“Mohg is involved with Chandra.” His brows narrowed. “That’s right. I know all about it. And I kind of get the feeling that Morta could be right.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dublin said, and went to sit on one of the chairs.
“Maybe I don’t. Like I said, it’s just a feeling.”
“Where is all of this coming from, Matias?” Dublin said in a tired whisper.
“Let’s see.” I sat down across from him. “She came to see Bugz while we were still together, and Bugz ran from me to talk to her. She had never done anything like that before, so I followed. When Bugz saw me, she didn’t even let me speak in front of her. She practically forbade me from going after her, which was a bit weird, don’t you think?”
“Which is why that’s exactly what you did.” He sighed.
“Exactly. And when Bugz found out, she went even crazier. Told me how I would always go after her. Figures, since she still thinks I’m Hammer. Am I right?”
He didn’t say anything, which was all the confirmation I needed.
“Bugz refused to help her, and you did, too. Also, you lied to her, which made me really curious, because why would you?”
“I already told you, Matias.”
“What you told me was a lie.” He knew I could tell. Why he even bothered wasn’t something I understood. “And when I asked you about her, all you had to say was that I had to stay away from her,” I said. “Because nothing good can come of it.”
“And I still stand by that,” he said, and raised his chin.
I sighed and rested against the chair. “Do us both a favor and stop considering me to be a naïve fool, because I’m not. Anyone could tell you how much this smells,” I hissed. I was tired of going in rounds. I just wanted some straight answers for a change.
“Can’t you just trust me when I tell you that you’re better off staying away from all of this?” he said.
“Why would I?” I shrugged.
“Because a war is coming, and you are not going to like it.”
“I know that.”
“No, you don’t. If you had any idea, you would’ve been preparing,” he hissed.
“Is that what you’ve been doing here? Hiding away from everyone? Is that why people were after you?”
I hadn’t forgotten about the vampires I’d killed for him.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. And if you’re smart, you’ll leave this all behind and come with me. I have enough space for one more vampire.”
That surprised me, and I leaned forward so I could see his face better. “So now you want me with you?”
“Yes,” he said, without missing a beat. “The preparations are done now.”
“Why would you offer me a shelter?” I said. “In fact, why did you offer me a shelter, and Bugz, in the first place?” His mouth opened, but he said nothing. “Because you still think I’m Hammer.”
“Matias, please stop this,” he said. He looked exhausted all of a sudden.
“Stop what? You’re the one who needs to stop, don’t you think?”
“You were always so stubborn,” he whispered as he rubbed his face furiously.
I began to laugh. This was so much worse than I’d expected.
“Stop talking like you know me,” I hissed when the laughter died.
“I do know you,” he said. His face was that of a defeated man.
“I am not Hammer.”
“Yes, you are. You are Hammer, Matias. Think about it,” he said. “You know a foreign language as if it was your own. You woke up in the middle of New York, when your last memory was in Spain. Everybody you’ve met thought you were Hammer. That’s because you are.”
I stood up, went to the nearest wall, and made a dent in it with my fist. It hurt, but it healed right after.
“Go ahead, get it out. It’s understandable to feel this way, since you can’t remember, but I’m telling you that you are Hammer. Or was,” he whispered.
“How the hell would you know that?”
I wanted to make a dent on his head next. My teeth were sharp and my head was pounding.
“I can’t believe you’re making me do this again.”
I found myself in front of him as soon as the words left his mouth, and my fingers wrapped around his throat.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” I hissed. He could see my sharp teeth, so he knew that I wasn’t kidding.
“You are Hammer, Matias,” he said, but didn’t even try to free himself from my grip.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about!” I shouted.
“Of course I do. I’m your father.”
I squeezed my fingers so tightly, I heard his bones crack. Yet he did nothing to push me away.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m your father, Matias. I’m your biological father,” Dublin said.
He was fucking crazy—that was it. I let him go, because there was no use in forcing anything out of him.
“I’m going to leave you on your own for now. You’ll be better tomorrow.” He stood up.
I pushed him so hard that his ribs should’ve broken. I didn’t care if they did.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
My thoughts were all over the place. I felt like I actually needed to breathe, but I couldn’t.
“Listen, you need to trust me, Matias. Last time, you were much more yourself after a day.”
My knuckles itched to meet his face, but I controlled myself.
“There was no fucking last time, you fool. I am not Hammer!” It should have been impossible to need to say that so many times.
“Okay, if you sit down and let me talk, I will explain everything to you.”
I wanted to laugh in his face hard, then kick the hell out of him. But he looked serious. Sincere. It made me want to throw up.
I rememb
ered the night my mama had told me about Papa. The night she decided that she had enough, and that we were going to leave for America. She said she’d met a stranger. She hadn’t even known his name. And he’d gotten her pregnant with me.
I hadn’t asked how, because it had been too painful as it was. I thought I’d have time to know all the details. I thought I’d hear all about it once we were in America.
“Did you rape her?” I hissed, as the ceiling fell onto my head. Not really, but it felt like it. He was my father? Was I supposed to believe that?
“Of course not, Matias. I’m not a rapist,” he hissed. He had the courage to sound offended.
“I’m going to fucking kill you.” I swung my fist with all my strength, but the next second, I found myself with my face against the wall.
“You need to calm down,” Dublin whispered in my ear.
“Get off me,” I hissed. I tried to push him away but couldn’t. It just pissed me off more.
“I will, if you promise to sit down and listen to me.”
“I’m going to kill you!” I shouted.
“Listen to me, damn it. I did not rape your mother!” he shouted back. “I met her one night as I was passing by your village with my cousins. She told me that her family was going to marry her to a man without her consent, and that she would hate for him to be the first man she’d ever be with.”
“And you did her a fucking favor?” I hissed.
“No, you fool! I didn’t do her any favors.”
“No, you just left her there!”
I couldn’t believe myself. I actually believed every word he said.
“I went back for her on the night of her wedding! My Doyen had turned me, and I was going to get her and get the hell out of there. But she was already gone. Married,” he said.
“Then how the fuck do you know that you’re my father?”
Maybe this was just a misunderstanding. Maybe nothing had happened the way he said it had.
“Because you were there,” he whispered. “I smelled you in her. More than a month old.”
My body let go then. He let me go, too, and I sat on the floor.
I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I needed to get it off me, whatever this was, but it wasn’t possible. It wrapped itself too tightly around me.
