by R.S. Grey
My heart was pounding in my chest with such intensity I was sure he could hear it through the phone.
“Are you at the athlete complex?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes. Meet me outside, by the U.S. flag.”
I inhaled his words, biting down my smile.
He was coming for me.
After I slid my phone back into my purse, I turned to the mirror and dabbed on a bit of lipstick, fluffed my hair, and checked to make sure there wasn’t any mascara under my eyes. My dress was tight, the sweetheart neckline accentuating my small frame, and I smiled confidently as I left the bathroom.
Molly and Lexi were right where I left them and though they weren’t happy when I told them I was heading out, neither of them tried to stop me. I guessed they could sense how little I wanted to be there.
The elevator was empty when the doors slid closed and the silence in the space amplified my nerves. My hand shook as I leaned forward and pressed the button for the ground floor. I pressed my other hand to my stomach, trying to get ahold of myself, but my heart was really to blame. It wouldn’t slow down. The elevator descended slowly and my nerves grew, multiplying until I could hardly breathe.
I clenched my fists by my sides as I strolled through the lobby, pausing briefly when I caught sight of Erik through the glass doors. He was leaning against the side of a cab, staring up at my building. He looked ready for war: mussed up sex hair and a dark scowl marring his handsome features. His dark jeans stretched across his long legs and his arms were crossed over his black shirt.
His armor was in place, but he didn’t need it any more. I’d wipe away that scowl and kiss away his frown.
I’ll be the one to surrender.
His gaze skimmed down the building and locked onto me as I pushed open the glass doors.
I smiled and stepped closer as I felt him take me in slowly.
“You’re early,” I said, holding up my phone.
The right side of his mouth tipped up in a smirk, but he made no move to greet me, not like Hudson. He’d bent and kissed Rosie’s cheek, but Erik kept his distance, standing a foot away from me, waiting for an explanation.
“I called you because I want to talk to you about…” I wet my bottom lip and glanced away, trying to collect my thoughts. “About us, I guess.”
His brow arched.
“I’ll admit I never went into this process expecting to think of you as anything other than my coach…”
A group of athletes tumbled out of the doors behind us, laughing loudly. Erik reached out and gripped my hand, dragging me away from the cab and down the block until we were standing in front of the closed post office. It was as private as we would get out on the street.
“I’m listening,” he said, nudging his head forward for me to continue.
I stared down at where he held me, his hand tight around my bicep, and when he followed my gaze and realized he was still holding me, he didn’t let go. Warmth bloomed through my body and I stared up at him, more sure of my feelings than ever.
“I like you,” I said, the words practically tumbling out of me. “As much as it pains me to admit it, I actually have feelings for you other than, well, lust.” His thumb caressed the back of my arm as I continued. “I know most of the time we can’t stand each other, and I enjoy pissing you off more than I’d like to admit,” I said, hiding my smile in the crook of my shoulder before he reached out and nudged my chin back so I was staring up at him.
“But I don’t want to keep playing this game,” I said, pointing back and forth between us. “I want the real thing.”
“Erik? Brie?”
I whipped my head to the left just as Valerie came into view a few yards down the sidewalk.
“Hey!”
Erik pushed me away from him so fast I nearly got whiplash. Valerie stepped closer and scanned between us, glancing to the spot where Erik’s hand had been on my arm a moment before. It definitely wasn’t there now, but she’d seen it. She had to have seen it.
“Congratulations, again, Brie! What are you two up to?” she asked, registering the fact that I was dressed for a night out.
I opened my mouth to reply, but Erik beat me to it.
“Going over a few things about individual finals.”
I knew why he was lying. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to prance around the Olympics with me on his arm, and yet the fact that he’d lied to Valerie of all people felt like a slap in the face—and it fucking stung.
She smiled and leaned forward to pat Erik’s arm. “You never stop working do you?”
Tell her to stop touching you. Tell her you’re seeing someone.
He didn’t say a word.
Valerie cleared her throat and pointed over her shoulder. “I actually just went up to your room to get you. Are you ready?”
Ready?
For what?
“Oh, it’s a coaches thing,” Valerie said with an eye roll, having noticed my confusion. “They’ve been dragging us all over Rio the last few days. Did Erik tell you about the longest lunch in history they forced us to go to yesterday? We had to sit through a forty-five minute speech before they served food. I wouldn’t have survived if Erik hadn’t been cracking jokes the whole time.”
Cracking jokes? This man didn’t joke. He had one expression: a scowl.
The silence settled and I realized I was supposed to respond; she’d been talking to me.
“Oh. Yeah, that sounds fun. I’m glad you two have each other to stay sane.”
Erik narrowed his eyes at me, but I didn’t meet his gaze.
Tell her you aren’t going. Tell her you need to stay and be with me.
“Anyway,” Valerie said, smiling at Erik. “Are you ready? I don’t want to be late.”
Please don’t leave with her.
Please.
“Yeah.” He nodded and turned away, and it was in that simple act that I felt my heart start to break. “Let’s go.”
Valerie laughed. “Aren’t you going to say bye to Brie?”
I wanted to throw up. I wanted to throw my clutch at the back of Erik’s head and shout at him for being so fucking stupid. If he had feelings for me, if he cared for me in any way, he needed to turn around and give me a sign.
And yet, he didn’t.
“Oh, he already has,” I said before turning on my heel and walking away.
I heard her whisper something to him, probably confused by my abrupt departure, but I didn’t care. Let her think I was crazy. I held my chin up high as I walked away from them, my heels clacking on the sidewalk with a confident air. I felt strong and independent, like I’d just slapped him or something, when in reality, he was the one who’d struck me.
I passed in front of the athlete complex and kept walking, feeling the confidence starting to seep out of me. My shoulders sagged and my chin dipped toward the ground. I’d gone down to meet Erik so I could surrender, and I had. I’d laid down my sword and armor, and in return, he’d stabbed me square in the chest. It was an ambush.
I kept walking, keeping my head down, until I couldn’t resist the temptation. I glanced over my shoulder and watched the two of them walk away together. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and she was talking animatedly. She nudged his shoulder with hers and he nodded.
The logical part of my brain knew he wasn’t going out on a date with her. They weren’t going back to his apartment and making love, but I’d just thrown myself at him, declared everything I was feeling, and he was walking away with another woman.
I pulled my phone out of my purse, prepared to text him an angry message—Forget everything I just said and go fuck yourself—but I knew I wouldn’t survive his flippant response—Okay. Fine. Sounds good to me.
Erik wasn’t a good guy. He wasn’t going to run after me and plead for a place in my heart.
In reality, I meant as little to him as I had a month and a half ago, and now that I’d surrendered, he likely wanted nothing to do with me.
Game over.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Erik
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I should have left Brie alone from the very beginning, but now it was too late. She was stubborn and appealing and seductive. I wanted her without thought of the consequences. Somehow in the last few weeks, she’d gone from being a thorn in my side to a desire so constant, it consumed me night and day.
Despite my better judgment, I thought about calling her. She’d put her heart on the line and I’d walked away. I wasn’t a blubbering idiot. I knew how much that had hurt her, but what was I supposed to do? Declare my love in front of Valerie? No. I needed to tell her how I felt, but it couldn’t be out on the sidewalk in the middle of the fucking Olympic Village. She wanted answers, but she didn’t want to wake up the next day and see herself splashed across gossip sites. I knew she was thinking with her heart and not her head. If she took a step back, she’d see there was no point in making the next five days harder than they had to be. If I came out and paraded her around the Olympics, the media would have a field day. She had five more days of competition and the only thing she needed to concern herself with was gymnastics.
After the coaches’ dinner, I went back to my condo and rolled my cell phone between my hands, trying to think of something to say to her. I typed out a text and erased it. I didn’t want to tell Brie I liked her over a fucking text message. This wasn’t high school—not to mention “like” was a shitty word. I “liked” spinach. What I felt for Brie couldn’t be summed up in a few typed words.
“Erik, my boy! To what do I owe this pleasure?”
I smiled at the sound of my grandfather’s voice through the phone. I’d been sleeping like shit in Rio; waking up before my alarm had become par for the course over the last few days, so I decided to put my time to good use.
“I’ve got a few minutes before practice,” I said, staring out at the Rio landscape past my condo’s window. “Thought I’d check in. It’s been a few days since I’ve talked to you.”
The condo was sparse, not nearly as nice as where the athletes were staying, but I didn’t care. I only had five more days and then I’d be flying home.
Home.
Wherever that was.
“Right, well, things have been pretty busy over here.”
“Yeah? Have you talked to your neighbor yet?”
“I baked those cookies Brie talked about and the first four batches burned.”
I laughed. “How’d you manage that?”
He groaned. “Don’t ask me, the damned oven burned them!”
“You’re baking these for the neighbor across the street?”
“Yeah, Brie thought it’d be a good idea.”
I smiled and turned away from the window. “So you take love advice from Brie, but not from me?”
He chuckled. “When’s the last time you put time or effort into your love life?”
I scowled. “Just a few weeks ago, I had a friend over and we—”
“No, I’m not talking about opening a bottle of wine before you take a girl up to your room.”
Jesus.
“I don’t have much time for all that.”
“Take some advice from an old man: make the time. You’re going to wake up one day seventy-nine years old and wishing you’d made the damn time.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“How’s Brie?”
I frowned.
“She’s fine.”
“Have you been seeing much of her in Rio?”
“Yes,” I said, trying to figure out where he was going with the line of questioning. “I’m her coach, remember?”
He hummed and I could hear his amusement.
“I think, for the first time, you’ve met your match.”
My gut clenched.
“Until we’re done with the Olympics, it doesn’t really matter.”
He chuckled. “I’ll tell you one thing: if you expect love to come when it’s convenient, you’ll be waiting your entire life. If you love her like I suspect you do, I wouldn’t wait. I would—what was it you said?—ask to borrow a cup of sugar. Then tell her before it’s too late.”
I hated being scolded. I hated that he was right even more.
“What does it even matter?” I persisted, airing the questions that’d been floating through my head the last few days. “She lives in Texas and my home is in Seattle. In five days, we’ll be flying to opposite sides of the country.”
He hummed. “Yes, I suppose you could go back to Seattle after Rio, back to that lonely life of yours, or you could do what you should have done ten years ago.”
I squeezed my eyes closed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “All right. Enough with the lectures for today.”
“Fine. Tell me how the food is down there. I’ve been eating burnt cookies for the last few days.”
My grandfather, while annoying, was very rarely wrong. I knew my relationship with Brie was complicated, and the timing couldn’t have been worse. I didn’t exactly know what I wanted yet, but I knew I couldn’t lose her. The location, the logistics, the reality of what our feelings meant could come later; for the moment I needed to tell her I wanted her. Simple as that.
The team was already warming up inside the training facility when I arrived. Brie was stretching beside Molly with her headphones in place. Last I’d seen her, she’d been dressed to the nines, beautiful and made up for a party or something. Now she was back to the Brie I was used to, the Brie I dreamed about every night.
“Morning Coach,” June said with a smile.
I nodded and walked past her, heading toward Brie. She stiffened as I got close, but she made no move to glance up at me.
“Brie, can I speak with you for a second?”
Molly glanced between us, waiting for Brie to respond. When she didn’t, she nudged her with her elbow and pointed up at me. With a subtle eye roll, Brie tugged her headphones off and glared up at me with cold indifference.
The night before I’d seen a softer, vulnerable side to Brie that was just as appealing as the spitfire I’d had to deal with for the last few weeks. Now, I suspected I might not ever see that side again.
“What?” she asked, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes.
Her hair was tugged up into a severe bun. Her dainty features were breathtaking, but her eyes and her tight frown warned me away.
“I asked if I could speak with you for a minute.”
I motioned to the door of the gym and turned, hoping she’d follow after me. A moment later, I heard her emit a low groan as she pushed to her feet.
“This won’t take long,” she assured Molly, loud enough that I knew I was meant to hear as well.
Of course she’s still pissed about last night. I should have stopped her from walking away.
I stepped out into the hallway and held the gym door open for her. She was wearing her leotard and warm-up pants, rolled at her hips. When she noticed me looking at her, she crossed her arms over her chest and shot me a glare.
“What do you want?”
Her words were sharp, guarded.
“I want to talk about last night.”
She laughed, sad and annoyed. Her gaze shifted to the wall beside us and then back to me, darker than before. “Actions speak louder than words. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Bullshit.”
“Right. I have practice to get to, is that all?”
No. She wasn’t going to do this. She didn’t get to decide this was over because I hadn’t thrown her over my shoulder and hauled her off into the sunset the night before. I deserved one night to gather my thoughts. I deserved more than a quick dismissal.
“Last night you told me you wanted more between us, more than what we’ve been doing the last few weeks.”
She swallowed.
“I want that too.”
Her eyes narrowed, assessing whether or not she could believe me.
“Oh, but you wanted it after your night with Vale
rie? How was your dinner last night, by the way? Did you both have a good time?”
I shook my head and stepped closer, invading her space. “Don’t do that.”
“I’m not doing anything. Last night was a mistake. Let’s chalk it up to temporary insanity, all right?”
She spun around to leave, but I reached out for her arm and yanked her back to me.
“At the end of this, you’re mine.”
She laughed. “Funny that you think I’ll wait for you.”
“It’s five days, Brie.”
“Five days too late.”
I bent low and whispered against the nape of her neck. “Why are you fighting me?”
She scoffed and yanked her arm out of my hold. “Because that’s what we do, we fight. The fact that I thought we would ever work out as anything more than a quick fuck was ludicrous.”
I let her go and she spun around to face me, following her last insult with another.
“I didn’t ever want you.”
“You’re lying. You meant what you said last night.”
“No,” she insisted through clenched teeth. “I hate you.”
I wrapped my hand around her slender neck, pulling her toward me. “You love me.”
Her mouth dropped open in shock. For two seconds, I saw the reality there, the truth in her eyes, but as quickly as she dropped her mask, she recovered. “What is there to love, Erik? The bickering? The insults? A therapist would tell us to get the hell away from each other. This isn’t healthy. You…y-you are toxic.”
I wrapped my hand around her waist and tugged her body flush with mine. “I don’t give a shit about that—the fighting, the bickering. What do you want? A date? You want me to take you out to dinner and hold your hand? You want me to take you back to my place and strip you down, show you how much you mean to me? I’ll fucking do it.”
“Stop,” she said, shaking her head and trying to put distance between us. “Just stop. This is over.” She pushed against my chest, trying to shove me away. “For the next five days, do me a favor and pretend I don’t exist.”
“Impossible,” I said.
She kept pushing against me until I finally released her. She put a foot between us and kept building on it until I couldn’t reach out and grab her. She wasn’t mine anymore.
