by Rosie Clarke
‘I thought you might stay home this evening,’ she said to him as he smiled and greeted her. ‘I’ll put a casserole in the oven, it only needs reheating…’
‘I’m sorry, Rachel—’ William hesitated, then, ‘—look, I know I haven’t been around much lately. I’m sorry – but I’m trying to get things done and these evening meetings are important.’
‘I thought we were important, William,’ she said, looking at him sadly. ‘But go if you must.’
‘I can’t tell you,’ he said mysteriously and for a moment she saw emotion in his face. ‘Soon perhaps – but for now you will just have to trust me, Rachel. I do love you.’ He gave her a hurried peck on the cheek. ‘I’m sorry. I must go – but we’ll talk soon. I must leave now or I’ll be late…’
Rachel nodded. She wouldn’t beg, but his abrupt departure left her feeling bruised and lonely.
She switched on the oven. The thought of eating alone again did not appeal, but the food would be hot and nourishing and she must eat. At Harpers she had friends and work she loved, but when she came home at night and William wasn’t here, she sometimes felt so unbearably alone.
Pushing thoughts of her own distress from her mind, she wondered about Marion Jackson. She’d been looking a little pale of late. Rachel thought something must have happened because she’d been glowing only a day or so before.
14
Marion did her best to put the incident with her father out of her mind, but at first, she felt as if a shadow was hanging over her. Reggie was convinced that Sam Kaye had been scared and that it would be a long while before he showed up again. He said he would ask his father and the two brothers that were still working on the docks to look out for her. Her husband said she should forget it and after a few days she decided he was right. She knew Reggie had spoken to the local police, so perhaps Pa had heard they were looking for him and scarpered.
Back at work, she was drawn into the busy life of Harpers and now that Mr Marco was back in charge of the windows, she found it exciting to work on them. He seemed to be as full of ideas as ever and they began to sparkle again with that magic something that had been missing.
No one knew why Mr Marco had returned to the store when the war was still raging. He was wearing a wedding ring and that caused some speculation, but Marion didn’t like to ask questions. All sorts of rumours were going about and Shirley actually asked Marion if she thought he was a deserter. She got quite cross with her.
‘I’ve no idea why he isn’t still serving overseas,’ she told her, ‘but Mrs Harper said it might be temporary, so perhaps he’s just been stood down for a rest.’
Shirley flushed and went back to her counter. Marion reflected that the younger girl hadn’t been at Harpers before the war and didn’t know Mr Marco well enough to know he couldn’t be a coward or a deserter.
She knew, because Reggie had told her, that deserters were often shot after a trial by a summary court as an example to others. Most men were eager to get back to the front line after being patched up following a stay in hospital, though some were terribly wounded. Mr Marco had been wounded; you could see sometimes when he put a hand to his chest and asked her to reach for something that he was in pain and had done his bit. If he chose to return to Harpers while resting, then that was all right with her.
However, no one else questioned his return in Marion’s hearing. He was popular and most accepted he was probably considered unfit for Army service, which happened to quite a few men injured in the service of their country.
When, at the end of his leave, Reggie left for his new camp, Marion felt a bit weepy, but she knew she’d been lucky to have him home that long. For a few weeks he might not get leave, but after that he expected to get home some weekends. He and Ron had agreed on a plan for the future and his letters home were full of his excitement at what they’d decided. They were going into business for themselves and Reggie couldn’t wait for the war to end.
When it began, I wanted to do my duty and fight the enemy,
he wrote in one of his letters.
Now, I’m bored with being stuck down here with the new recruits. An older man could do this, Marion, and I’d rather have a gun in my hand and shoot the so and so’s, but they want me to train others because I’m a good shot…
Marion didn’t much like the idea of Reggie lying in a ditch shooting at the enemy and being shot at and was much happier that he was on English soil and training others, but she knew it made him restless. She sighed over the letter. Like Reggie, she longed for the war to be over so that he could come back to her. She’d read in the newspapers about the uprisings in Russia that year, but thankfully the Russians were still fighting the common enemy. They knew the war was not yet won, just as she and Reggie did. Much as she longed for peace, she knew they just had to carry on as best they could in the meantime. At least she was getting his letters regularly now.
However, she enjoyed being at work and found herself looking forward to the time spent window dressing more and more. Mr Marco was lovely to work with and she was curious about his wife and son. He didn’t often speak of them and of course she couldn’t ask, though she would have loved to know more about them. However, his wife had been into the shop to buy some clothes once and she’d met her briefly so she knew she was pretty and kind – and, of course, she thought the world of Mr Marco.
‘Why don’t you go down and visit Maggie Gibbs?’ Marco asked Sadie when he got home that evening at the end of July. ‘Your mother would be glad to have Pierre for a while and I’ll fetch him home in the evening. Stay down there overnight on Saturday and come back Sunday. You can visit her more than once then. I know you miss her and I’m sure she’s lonely. Mrs Harper was saying she just hasn’t had time to visit her and Mrs Burrows isn’t up to making the journey. She has her second child in a few weeks – September, I think Fred said…’
Sadie looked at him gratefully. ‘You really wouldn’t mind?’ she asked. ‘It seems a bit unfair leaving you to cope with everything, Marco. I already owe you so much.’
‘You owe me nothing,’ he told her with his gentle smile. ‘I enjoy having you both around, Sadie. The boy is a delight and you’re a good friend. It will cheer Maggie up to see you.’
‘Yes, her last letter sounded as if she could do with it,’ Sadie replied. ‘She says they won’t let her go back to what she was doing and she’s not sure what to do.’
‘Fred told me she has a home with them if she wants it.’
‘But that would bring back all the memories of how much she has lost,’ Sadie said. ‘When she was there staying with them, she was engaged to Tim and had everything to look forward to one day. Now she has nothing.’ Sadie smiled at him. ‘I’d be in the same boat if it were not for you, Marco. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all you’ve done. My parents think you’re wonderful and you’ve given me hope for the future. Maggie has nothing…’
‘She has friends,’ he said, ‘but sometimes that doesn’t seem enough.’ He frowned as fleeting memories of Julien went through his mind. ‘I know she must be lonely, Sadie. That’s why I think you should visit.’
Sadie nodded. ‘Yes, I shall, thank you. Mrs Harper told me how much everyone likes you when I visited the store to buy a few bits and pieces. She saw you give me some money and came to tell me that I was entitled to a staff discount on everything as your wife. She is nice, Marco, but she likes you – everyone does…’
‘I’m lucky in my friends. Ben and I go back a long way.’
‘It isn’t just the Harpers, though – the staff. One of the girls – Marion Jackson – she told me she loves working with you on the windows. She said Harpers was lucky to have you – and I’m lucky to be your wife, Marco.’
‘You’re happy then?’ He looked at her a little oddly. ‘I wondered if you would be…’
‘Yes, I’m happy,’ Sadie said and held the sigh inside. She was happier than she’d expected or had any right to expect.
15
M
aggie looked at the picture in her newspaper. The war was still raging in France and Ypres was under constant bombardment from British planes, despite heavy losses. Although it was summer, rain had been falling constantly and, combined with damage done by the British bombs, the dykes and riverbanks had given way, turning the field of battle into a sea of terrible sucking mud that could pull unwary men under its suffocating stickiness if they slipped from the duckboards. It was the third large battle of Ypres, which had started at the end of July, and the heavy rain was making things so much worse for the embattled soldiers. Maggie could imagine the discomfort and hardship they were enduring far more clearly than anyone who had never been out there.
She wondered why they kept fighting over the same ground, day in and day out, when nothing ever seemed to change and no victory was ever seen. Yet she knew that for the men out there it was just a question of orders. Hang on for another day and wait for your turn to be sent back down the line to a period of relatively safety and rest. The papers could write articles about General Haig trying to prevent the enemy bringing up fresh troops and the way the war was going well, but for the Allies it was just sheer, relentless slog every hour of the day and night.
Sighing, she put down the newspaper, which seemed not to have a shred of good news and looked at the window. Perhaps she would go out for a walk instead of sitting here wishing she was back at the Front to help in the fight for the wounded. Just as she was about to get up and go, her door opened and she looked in surprise at the woman who had entered.
‘Sadie! How did you get here?’ Maggie jumped up with a little cry of pleasure as her friend entered the annexe carrying a bunch of flowers and various little packages. ‘I didn’t know you were back in England…’
‘I wanted to tell you my news face to face,’ Sadie said and laid her parcels down before hugging her. ‘How are you, Maggie love? You do look better than the last time I saw you!’
‘I suppose I must be much better than I was then,’ Maggie replied with a smile. ‘I hardly knew you were there at the end – though I vaguely remember you and Marie visiting me in the hospital.’
‘We thought we should lose you for a time,’ Sadie said, ‘but you are made of stronger stuff. All you needed was a good rest.’
‘Yes,’ Maggie agreed. ‘It had become very hard the last few months or so – but I’d like to go back…’
‘I doubt they will let you,’ Sadie responded with a frown. ‘Once you’ve had a fever like that it weakens your resistance and next time you probably wouldn’t be able to fight it. I’ve seen some of the men who have had recurring bouts of trench fever get so weak they either die or get sent home as being of no further use on the fighting line.’
‘Yes, I know but—’ Maggie laughed as she saw Sadie’s expression. ‘I know they may try to deny me, but I’m going to see if I can wangle it.’
‘Well, let’s not talk about that – I wanted to tell you… I’m married…’ Sadie hesitated. ‘I’ve been married for a couple of months… well nearly. I would’ve come before, but I was busy settling in.’
‘Oh, Sadie, that’s wonderful news,’ Maggie cried. ‘I’m so pleased – where did you meet him and, is he French?’
‘No, not French, though he has some French blood… You know him.’ She looked at Maggie uncertainly. ‘Marcel – or Marco as you know him…’
‘You married Mr Marco – the window dresser for Harpers?’ Maggie was unsure what to say. ‘But I thought—’ She stopped, afraid to say something she shouldn’t. ‘Congratulations! He’s a lovely person.’
‘Yes, he is,’ Sadie said and smiled. ‘He has been wonderful to me, Maggie – and yes, I do know that he is different sexually…’
‘He told you?’ Maggie looked at her. ‘At Harpers there was some talk when a friend of his committed suicide… after a bitter argument with his father because he was living with Marco…’
‘Marco told me about Julien,’ Sadie said. ‘I know what he was doing in France – all of it. Our marriage isn’t all that unusual, Maggie. Marco told me that a lot of his friends who have the same private preferences marry for various reasons. Sometimes it is for their family or career, to cover up their true feelings, because people are prejudiced, but for others it is because they get on well with a female friend and can be comfortable looking after her, while continuing their other lives in private. Marco felt he owed me because of what happened to Pierre – and he loves my son…’
‘Yes, I imagine he would.’ Maggie nodded. ‘I’ve always thought him gentle, honest and a good companion and friend. I think he will make a wonderful father and a good husband.’
‘That is exactly what he is to me and little Pierre,’ Sadie told her. ‘It means that once my son is a little older, I can return to nursing. It’s what I want to do and we’ve agreed that if either of us ever wants our freedom, we’ll have a civilised divorce.’
‘And are you happy with that?’ Maggie asked her and Sadie smiled.
‘Yes, I am, very happy. I know you may think I am missing something, but I can assure you I’m not. When I met Pierre, I lost my head and we became lovers, but I really wanted to be a nurse – not just in war, Maggie, but as a vocation. Now, I have my son to remind me of his father and I can hold up my head and my family still welcome me. Had I not married I would have been an outcast, now I’m respectable. Marco has made it possible for me to do that and I shall do all I can to make his life comfortable. We are not in love and yet we enjoy being together. I am very fond of him, even love him in a way – can you understand that?’
‘Yes, I can,’ Maggie replied, nodding. ‘I’ve met someone here, Sadie. He is a very angry young man and probably stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life – but sometimes when we’re together, I see the person inside and I like him. He could be a good friend and companion if he chose…’
‘You’re not in love with him?’ Sadie asked, her eyes probing Maggie’s.
‘No, I’m not,’ Maggie said and sighed. ‘I’m not sure if I’m still getting over Tim or…’ She shook her head. ‘Whatever, I know that I’m happy to sit with Colin, but I’m not sure I could spend my life with him.’
‘That isn’t the same thing,’ Sadie told her.
‘No, but I might be asked,’ Maggie replied seriously. ‘Colin’s father was here yesterday. He wants to take his son home and thinks if he had a wife who could also help nurse him, he might agree to go. Colin is refusing to have a regular nurse; it is a matter of pride. His father looked at me so pointedly that I knew what he meant, but I didn’t answer. I don’t believe Colin would want to go home even if I agreed.’
‘Surely you’ll return to Harpers?’ Sadie looked at her in surprise. ‘I mean, I know you feel you should go back to nursing over there, but you also know they won’t let you. Mrs Harper told Marco that she is going to visit soon and will suggest there is a job for you.’
‘I always expected I might go back for a while after the war – until I married and had children anyway…’
‘And that’s what you should do,’ Sadie said. ‘Honestly, Maggie. You’re feeling better now, love, but nursing is hard work and that fever did things to your lungs. You need a nice, slower pace of life from now on.’
‘I feel fine now, but I do know that I might not be as lucky next time…’
After Sadie had gone, Maggie reflected on what her friend had told her. She seemed perfectly happy to be a wife in name only, but perhaps that was because she believed she would never love anyone the way she’d loved Pierre and didn’t want to be a true wife to any other. If one day she met someone she truly loved, she might feel differently and then… Maggie sighed. Sadie had gone into the marriage with her eyes open. Divorce wasn’t something Maggie could have contemplated lightly, but perhaps Sadie didn’t care that it carried the shadow of social stigma – though she had cared about returning home as an unmarried mother. Maggie hoped the marriage would suit both of her friends, for she counted Mr Marco a friend and would like to think
he was happy.
As she picked up the book Sadie had brought for her, the door opened again and Colin Morgan wheeled himself in. His expression was gloomy and she knew something had upset him.
‘Did you enjoy your visit?’ he asked and the tone of his voice told her what was causing his scowl. ‘I damned well didn’t enjoy mine!’
‘Your father came again today?’
‘I’ve told him not to bother but he’s a stubborn old goat.’ Colin’s face creased with something between anxiety and anger. ‘He claims to be suffering from a problem with his heart. Damn it, Maggie! He says he hasn’t got more than a couple of years to live and he begged me to go home and let him show me the ropes.’
Tears stood in his eyes and Maggie wanted to put her arms around him, but she knew that he hated any physical contact. He’d brushed her hand away once when she’d tried to touch his face to comfort him.
‘Are you sure it isn’t just emotional blackmail?’ From what she’d seen of his father, Maggie wouldn’t put anything past him.
‘I thought of that, but he showed me letters from his doctors warning him not to overdo things.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, understanding immediately that this altered things for him. As his father’s only son, he would inherit the land and estate, though not the title, which was not hereditary. His sister would expect him to look after things for the sake of the family, even though she was married and no longer lived on the estate. In families like theirs, it was expected that the eldest son would do his duty. For Colin it was like a nightmare. He was being forced to return to a place that he had hoped never to see again. ‘What will you do?’
‘Kick and scream like hell and then give in,’ he told her. ‘I don’t have a choice…’
