by Wendy Teller
"Of course. You would study languages."
She let this idea settle.
"And women aren't the only ones denied an education, even just a rudimentary education. In fact many Hungarians can't read or write." He shook his head. "How can we be a wealthy modern country if people are illiterate?"
"It's not like that in Germany?"
"Yes and no." He tilted his head toward his raised shoulder. "But not nearly as bad."
Ella hugged her legs to her chest and rested her chin on them. "But how do you change these things?"
"I'm not sure." Ede shrugged. "But I start by going to Budapest."
"Why Budapest?"
"The capitol, where the power is. And I have the names of some people who think as I do. People who think there are ways to make Hungary more like the Western countries, less like the East. All Hungarians, men and women, need to be treated equally. The government should be for the people, not the other way around." He sighed. "We should be more like England. More like the United States."
They sat in silence, a little breeze cooling the air and rustling the leaves.
"It sounds important. Important and wonderful. But I don't want you to leave."
He locked his eyes on hers. "You could come too."
She stared at him.
He held her gaze, no hint of a smile on his serious face. "It is time that I marry."
Ella found this unlikely. "Most men don't marry until they are in their thirties. You're only 24."
"But I don't want to be like most men. And I'm lucky. I am well off. When my father died I received a large inheritance. "
Ella thought of Ede's father’s death, just last year. Ede had come home for the funeral and had stayed a while. When she had asked what it was like to have a father die, Ede had shrugged and said that Ella's father had been more of a parent to him than his own father. Perhaps that was true.
She sighed. "OK. I understand. You can marry."
Even though it was possible, Ede's desire to be married seemed strange. It seemed so sudden.
"But why do you want to marry?"
"The proper answer for a gentleman would be, because I love you Ella and I want to marry you."
She laughed. "But you are not a proper gentleman."
"No." His eyes twinkled. "You taught me to be ungentlemanly. Do you remember?"
"Of course."
How could she forget the ball, the fire, and how angry she was when he tried to protect her?
Usually when Ede reminded her of this incident he laughed, but now his hazel eyes were soft and serious. "The truth is I do love you, Ella, and I do want to marry you."
She grinned. "So you turned into a proper gentleman?"
"No. I love you. That is true." He blushed. "But it is also true that if I go to Budapest without you then the sorrows of sex will rule me. I need to conquer them. The best way is to be married."
She looked down and ran her hand across the grass. She wanted not to think about marriage.
"I know. You are young. Just 18."
She nodded.
"But you would make my plan perfect. You are my family, Ella. You and Uncle and Auntie and Miklos. But it is really you, only you who are my family. I cannot go to Budapest without you.'
"But what would I do? Have children?"
"Yes, yes. We would have children."
"Oh." Ella thought of her mother.
"But not only children, Ella. You can help with my plan."
"How?"
"I'm not sure. We'd have to figure that out." Ede took his watch from his vest pocket, looked at it and replaced it. "But we must go now. We're late and we must meet Therese and Miklos."
She stood, brushing the grass from her skirt.
He stood, placing his hands on her shoulders so that he could look into her eyes. "I know you are young. I know this is a surprise. But think about it. I will not talk to Uncle until you have said yes." He caressed her cheek, and, leaning down, placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
She inhaled his scent and clasped his hand. She wanted another kiss, but he led her to the path, back to Miklos and Therese, back to Mother's grim house.
A Misunderstanding
Therese seemed more relaxed about the next meeting, maybe because the first had gone smoothly. They had planned to go to city park this time and meet Miklos and Ede in the woods not far from the entrance.
Their beaus were waiting for them. Ede and Ella headed in one direction, Miklos and Therese in another.
Ede opened the blanket next to a little stone shelter and they settled on it. Ella stared into his eyes. "The answer is no."
"OK." Ede's eyes held hers, a serious even a stern gaze. "I accept it. The answer is no." He looked past her, through the trees of the park. "But I won't accept the no until you have explained it."
"I don't want to have children."
His chuckle seemed to expel his gloom. "I see. You don't want to have children now."
"No." Ella shook her head. "I don't want to have children ever."
"You might change your mind...."
"No." Her throat tightened. She didn't want to argue. "No children ever."
"OK. So we won't have children. Will you marry me if we don't have children?"
"But then we wouldn't...." She couldn't help grinning at him, because she knew she was poking his tender spot. "We won't solve the sorrows of sex."
"Oh." He let the word draw out, a smile on his lips. "I see the problem. There is a little misunderstanding here."
"There is? I thought you wanted to get married now to solve that problem."
"I do." His smile grew wider. "But one can have intercourse without getting pregnant."
"You can have intercourse...." She stared at him.
"Yes, Kis Maria, you can."
"But I thought the whole point of sex was to make children."
"Well, it is true as far as nature goes. But there are ways around nature."
"What are they?"
"There are a number of ways. Not hard. Not complicated. We can talk about them later. Right now, I want to know if you will marry me if we don't have children.
"Oh." She had thought so hard about this problem and had realized her reluctance centered on having children. But if that was not a problem, why shouldn't she marry Ede? Still it made her uneasy.
"'Oh' is not an answer to the question." He clipped his words, like a teacher waiting for the proper response. "Will you marry me?"
"I...." She looked down and pulled at the grass. "I don't know."
"OK. Then tell me why you don't want to have children."
"Because... well, look at Mother. She has children and she is angry all the time and does nothing interesting. She never laughs. She just complains."
"So you think if you have children you will be like your mother?"
"Of course...."
Again the sweet laugh.
"It's easy for you to laugh because you aren't...." She didn't want to say it, but she did, "Because you aren't a woman."
"But women like children."
Ella exhaled and pursed her lips. "That's what men say."
"You like Clara."
"That's different."
"I don't know. Is it?"
"Yes. Because Clara isn't my child." She exhaled an exasperated huff. "I don't know. I want something else than children. I don't want to lose my mind. I want to think and...."
He looked confused. "You won't stop thinking if you have a child...."
"I don't know...."
"OK. So you don't know. That's fair, but will you marry me if we don't have children?"
Ella was silent, not knowing what she wanted.
"I think you will like being married to me."
She flashed him a smile. Being with him all the time, what else could she want?
"We would have lots of thinking to do." His eyes shone. "You will meet interesting people. People who want to change Hungary."
"What happens if I don't agree with
you?"
They had argued about abstract things, but maybe she would think he was wrong about something real, something important.
Again the melody of his laugh.
"Of course, you will think I'm wrong. And we will argue. That's the way to find solutions. That's the way we've always worked, ever since you were four. That's why I love you."
Ella put a blade of grass between her thumbs, placed her lips to her thumbs and blew. A razzing sound interrupted the silence. She dropped the grass and looked up at him. She wanted to be with him forever. She wanted to say yes. She thought about all their discussions, about whether it was better to be a serf than a slave, about how Twain's English was the same language as Dickens' English, whether gypsies were evil or just misunderstood. Going to Budapest, the capitol! Talking to Ede about his plan. Talking to people who made a difference. Being part of something important. Was that the something she wanted? Yes. It was. That was the inexplicable something she wanted. She looked into his beautiful eyes.
"Yes."
"Yes?" He swallowed. "Yes, you will marry me?"
"Yes."
"Oh!"
He slid over so his hip touched hers.
"Oh, yes!"
He brushed an auburn strand of hair behind her ear. He kissed her.
"It will be heaven. You will see."
A tremor thrummed through her. She touched her cheek against his and then stared deep into his eyes. Her lips brushed his and returned to his again.
As she inhaled his scent, her throat tightened.
She felt like laughing and crying at the same time.
His laugh boomed.
"It will be heaven. You will love it."
He wrapped his arms around her.
"Maybe, when you get older, you will even change your mind about children."
Therese's Problem
Therese, who had seemed so carefree yesterday, when they had met with their beaus, sniffled as she wiped her eyes. "I'm not feeling well."
"What's wrong?"
"Just my time."
Strange, Ella thought. She had cramps when she had her period, but it wasn't so bad. Maybe it was different if one were small and slight like Therese. Ella was not ungainly, but tall and slender. She had rose in her cheeks, especially when she ran, or rode, or swam, or sledded, or skated. All things Mother discouraged. Mother wanted her to stay indoors. She thought young ladies should be pale, like Therese. But if being pale meant your period made it too painful to go out, to meet with your lover, then she'd rather have rose in her cheeks and look like a peasant.
Ella leaned against the bed. "But we must at least go out to tell Miklos and Ede we cannot stay. And you must come, because Mother won't allow me to go out alone."
"No, no." Therese tucked her handkerchief into her sleeve. "I cannot go out."
"Maybe Mother will let me go out with Clara," Ella wondered whether this would be a good idea. She didn't want Clara to know more than she already did.
"No, it will be all right." Therese sat up straighter, taking control of the situation. "They will wait and when we don't come, Miklos will come home to find out what's wrong."
Ella didn't like the idea. "I'll go with Clara."
Therese explained the situation to Mother and suggested that Clara could chaperone in her stead. To Ella's surprise, Mother agreed. Ella and Clara rushed to the park where Ede and Miklos were waiting.
Ede jumped up from the bench. "You're late."
"Oh, look who's here," Ella said, pretending this was an accidental meeting. Surely Clara would smell a rat. But Clara was smart and could keep a secret. At least Ella hoped so.
"Where's Therese?" Miklos asked.
"She wasn't feeling well, so Mother allowed me to go out with Clara." Ella met eyes with her brother, hoping he would take the hint.
"What's wrong?" Miklos held Ella's gaze.
"I'm not sure. Maybe you should check on her. She's at home."
Miklos turned toward home, his steps quick and determined.
"Well, I can walk with you two lovely ladies," Ede said, placing his hand on Ella's elbow and guiding them away from home.
"I don't think it would be a good idea," Ella said.
"Just the three of us? Who could object to the three of us taking a little stroll?"
"Mother?" Clara chimed in.
Ella laughed. "Smart little sister I have!"
"Yes, yes," Ede ruffled Clara's hair, "But I will tame Mother, just as I will tame Clara, and even you, Ella."
When Ella returned home, she found Therese in their shared room, hugging Miklos in a tight embrace. Her cheeks were red and shone with tears. Ella started to back out of the room.
"No," Miklos said, untangling himself from Therese. "I must go now. I have things I must arrange."
Ella scanned her brother's face. His bloodshot eyes avoided her gaze. Therese was not the only one who had been crying.
"Stay with Therese." Miklos pleaded. "She needs company right now."
Ella twisted the strand of hair at her right ear. "Of course."
Miklos bolted out the door.
Ella, by pure instinct, sat next Therese on the bed. She didn't like this fragile French woman, but they shared a secret, and she knew she must be kind. "I could get Cook to bring you some tea."
"No!" Therese's swollen eyes searched Ella's. "No one must see me like this."
"If you would like, I'll get you some tea."
"It's not necessary." Therese sat up straighter and, pulling her handkerchief from her sleeve, wiped her face. "Maybe, if you could get some cold water, so I could freshen up?"
"Of course."
When Ella returned with a jug of water, Therese was putting some things in a little satchel, the satchel Ella had not seen since Therese's arrival six weeks ago.
"Are you leaving?"
Therese turned toward Ella. Her lower lip trembled. "I hope not."
Ella glanced at the satchel, as if to ask why she seemed to be packing.
"I need to see the herbalist."
"The herbalist?" Was this Dragica, the woman Zsuzsi mentioned?
Therese ignored Ella's apparent question. "Miklos thinks that she will be able to make me feel better. He's gone to find her and arrange for me to see her."
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing that important." Therese said, pouring water into the basin. She took a cloth from the hook, dipped it into the basin and squeezed the excess from the cloth.
"Nothing you need to worry about."
Marketing with Clara
The next day Ella and Clara walked along Fő út toward Erzsébet Square where the market was held. Cook was busy and Therese did not feel well, so Mother had allowed Ella to go as long as Clara accompanied her.
"Mimi, why doesn't Mother want you to see Ede?" Clara's question was a demand. The magic of being a spy must have been worn thin by the child's curiosity.
"Mother said that if we met Ede we were to leave immediately, no matter what. Why?"
"Mother is mad at Ede."
"But it is more than that." Clara stopped walking and stared at Ella. "Mother didn't forbid me from seeing him. Just you."
Ella considered what to say without getting everyone in trouble. "It's hard to explain."
Clara continued her defiant stare, waiting for a real explanation.
"Clara, if I tell you more, you must swear that you will tell no one. Not Moni, not Miklos, Not Cook or Maid or Father. And especially not Mother."
Clara's lower lip protruded and her brows furrowed.
"No. Clara. I mean it. You must swear!"
"Of course." Clara's words were staccato. "I'm not a snitch."
"I know, but sometimes you let on, just because you don't think of the consequences of what you say."
"OK." Clara sing-songed. She took in Ella's intent stare and her voice grew serious. "I swear. I won't say anything."
"Not even anything close to the topic?" Ella saw that Clara was listening intently. "Like ta
lking about Ede's paper?"
"Ede's paper?"
"Yes, Ede's paper. But first you must say you won't talk about anything even closely related to what I tell you now."
"OK." Clara nodded, her eyes serious.
"Well, the first thing is sex." They started walking again. "But not a word to anyone. Otherwise Mother might not even allow you to see me."
Clara stopped and shook her head. "She couldn't do that. You're my sister."
That was the argument Ella should have used to start. "Yes. But Mother wants to keep certain things secret. From you. And from me. And she is willing to separate us."
Clara nodded again.
"So about sex."
They reached the market place and sat on a bench to finish Clara's first sex education lesson.
"So why does Mother not allow you to see Ede?"
"Because Ede wrote a paper about sex, about how much men want to have sex."
"But I thought you had sex because you love the other person."
"I don't know." Ella let out a little snort. She had had the same notion. "According to Ede's paper that is not true."
"Oh."
Ella could see Clara was digesting this information.
"So," Clara said, "Ede wants to have sex before he's married."
Ella drew in a deep breath. This was blunt. She hadn't thought of it in this way. But it was true.
Clara’s face darkened in confusion. "Does that make him a bad person? A sinful person? Isn't there a commandment that says 'Do not lust'?"
"But there is also a commandment 'Do not lie'. What do you do when one commandment tells you to do something and another commandment tells you to do the opposite?"
"I don't know. What do you do?"
"I don't know either."
Clara looked off in the distance, biting at her thumb nail. Her curiosity seemed diverted to moral dilemmas, a more comfortable place from Ella's point of view.
"I'll buy you a poppy-seed cake and then I'll get our provisions."
"OK." Clara's face was bright with a huge smile. "But if you see that sinful Ede rush right back to your safe sister!"
Ella laughed.
After she delivered the pastry to Clara, Ella went about the marketing. First some sweet paprika. The table at the spice seller's was crowded with little bags, each containing a different spice, the aromas mixing chaotically. Mother wanted a specific paprika, which the seller had. Placing the little parcel in her shopping basket, Ella moved on to the tents selling potatoes.
