My life is too complicated.
Another scream tears through the arena, and Damien looks away from Dorian, his eyes fluttering shut, as Dorian’s scream tapers off.
Dorian’s eyes stay open, but it’s as though the life inside him leaves. Vance tenses next to us, and Emit makes a sound in his throat, as he drops his gaze. I notice Damien’s father stands and turns to stalk out, not looking behind him, as he shakes his head.
“He never sticks around long. Damien makes him relive their past too often. Every single time he has to punish Dorian,” Zuela says, likely for my benefit, to explain the happenings around me.
“What’d he do to Dorian?” I ask, since even Idun seems taken aback by the limp, motionless, glazed-eyed man, who is still lying on the ground.
Damien stands, lifts some card from the ground, and tosses it on Dorian’s back.
“I’m still Head of my House. If anyone from my family enters Sanctuary without my direct consent, or without my escort, you’ll be punished just as severely,” Damien says with a sneer, glaring over at the seats where his father was. “Spread the fucking word.”
He glances over at us, holds my gaze for a long moment, and my heart breaks again. Damien’s the guy who makes jokes about himself and is openly pathetic.
I’ve never seen him so angry before.
He stares for a moment longer, and Arion holds me back when I try to go to him. When Damien cuts his gaze away, he heads out the door in front of him, and my gaze bounces back to Idun.
She’s giving me a look that screams, I’m going to destroy you.
I’m not sure why, but this is the most pissed she’s seemed yet. In the next beat, she blurs out of sight, a door slamming in her wake.
“Damien’s just given Dorian the ultimate punishment among his people. It’s possible Dorian may not ever pry his way out of his own mind, unless Damien left him at least one way out,” Vance says like he’s explaining something I should understand.
“He’s stuck reliving his entire life on a loop, trapped inside his own head. Just like the Van Helsings, when the Portocale curse strikes,” Zuela says as though he’s lost inside his own thoughts.
My gaze darts to Vance, who bristles and shoots his father a glare for saying that so casually.
Even Arion tenses.
Zuela exhales harshly. “Dorian’s life has been a cruel one to have to relive at this point.”
“Damien’s never bestowed this punishment on anyone in his family, because he’s privately tended to me numerous times when I’ve been downed by the Portocale curse,” Vance says. “He knows how bad it is for me, and I’ve been a much better monster than Dorian.”
I know that’s a hard admission for him, because he looks away, his entire body tensing. Unlike the others, Vance really does try exceptionally hard to do everything right.
There’s just no such thing as doing everything right, because right and wrong is a matter of perspective, based on the majority vote.
They’ve lived a really, really long time. They’re monsters for a reason.
This day started out so promising.
Four boys were in my bed and mending the heart I thought was broken. It took me a second to realize I was just hurting. Not breaking.
I’ve never been good at relationships. Jerome was just good at being a boyfriend, I’m realizing. It’s me who sucks.
Oh shit. Jerome! I forgot all about him! When did he leave?
Damn it, I’ll put a pin in that for now.
I exhale a tired breath, leaning back on Arion, as the audience continues to dwindle. It’s just the four of us after a little while, aside from the immobile Dorian, who is stuck in his own personal hell.
I let Idun win too, because I started doubting that this cycle would ever end.
She really does fuck with your head, even when you’re trying to ignore her.
“She knew Dorian would give anything to provoke Damien into a fight, didn’t she?” I ask, piecing things together, now that I’m not blinded by pain and panic.
My phone chimes with a text, and I glance down, seeing I’ve gotten a new message from the relentless Talbot Lane.
“Of course she did,” Arion answers on a long sigh. “And Dorian played right into her hand. You won’t even let me tear his head off. That’s much nicer than what Damien has gone and done to the fucking idiot. He’s powerful, but weak.”
Again, Emit and Vance turn their very incredulous looks to Arion.
Arion, this time, notices their looks. “Don’t give me that look that calls me a hypocrite. I was actually in love with the bloody woman. Of course she manipulated me. It wasn’t for the fact I had a weak mind. It’s for the fact I didn’t give two shits about wrong or right. It was the five of us against the world, and she was the center of my universe.”
His arms curve around my waist, and he nuzzles my throat, as I read the text to myself.
TALBOT: My alpha will be weakened. The only one he’ll feed from is you. If he had a beta, that beta would request you feed him, because he’ll be in pain, otherwise. His house in forty minutes.
“I may be soulless, but I still have my own piece of hope. It was all in Idun. Now it’s all in Violet. Every last fucking piece,” Arion says as though it’s another casual confession.
No pressure, Violet.
The vampire who willingly bows at his woman’s feet is now dubbing you his new center.
After you broke up with him.
And the sexual deviant monster will only feed from you, after doing something that killed him to have to do to his brother. For you.
“One day, you will understand that I’m twenty-six, and I’ve known about monsters for less than two years. You have incredibly complicated lives, which makes me dread making my own history. In the grand scheme of things, I’m doing exceptionally well. Lower your expectations,” I state in a dry tone, annoyed with how very different we really are.
They’re more desensitized by thousands of years’ worth of harder times. The age thing is starting to be a problem.
My problem or their problem? I don’t even know.
What I do know is that Idun has finally crossed a line. I saw tears in Damien’s eyes, because she sent his brother to do her dirty work. She loves that power she proudly abuses.
I hate feeling powerless to do anything about it, but I can’t ignore it anymore.
I decided to counter her, and I built Sanctuary to protect all the ones she hurts that no one cares about.
Now they’re fighting my battles for me.
She’s hurting the ones I care about.
The least I can do is be a better fucking girlfriend.
I make shampoo for fun, and fight for my right to talk to my creepy ghost friends, who are all possibly psychotic.
I’m twenty-six-years-old.
How the hell do I be a better girlfriend to monsters who’ve lived for this long, and suffer this much history?
Another text chimes, and I glance down to read it.
Talbot: My alpha is severely weakened. If you show up, understand that his monster will break free. You don’t understand how significant today’s events surrounding Dorian are. Now my alpha is riled from a very costly alpha fight. I’m warning you, he will likely be in little control once you arrive. He’ll be the sexual deviant, and not in the charming, semi-perverted way you’ve come to expect. It’ll be subtle at first. He’ll lure you in like prey. And then…
I stop reading the text, since it seems like Talbot is worried about possibly setting Damien up for failure. Damien’s hurting so bad he’s struggling to keep a leash on his monster, because he just did something as severe as put Dorian down indefinitely.
I can tell this is a huge deal, simply because the guys are still sitting in the arena, processing all that’s happened.
“I need to go to Damien, but I need to make a stop first,” I say as I climb out of Arion’s lap, my gaze moving to Emit. “Will you take me?”
He doesn’t hesitate
to stand.
Vance almost looks relieved when I run my hand over his, but I’m just happy to see some of the tension finally leave him. His eyes look tired.
I’ll deal with him later.
I’m more worried about Damien than anyone right now.
Chapter 7
DAMIEN
I crash into the wall, my legs trying to give out, as I struggle for a breath that isn’t painful. My monster would love to break free and go chase after someone to feed on.
I can’t do that until I take Violet as a Flame. Then my monster can break free whenever it wants, because it’ll only seek her out.
A somewhat crazed, maniacal laugh escapes me, because my head is foggy and aching, and my emotions are switched on higher than they’ve reached in too long.
It took every ounce of strength I had to attack Dorian that aggressively. Another ten minutes, and I would have collapsed in the arena in front of everyone.
“That fucking bitch better be scared after I pulled that off,” I mutter, feeling drunk and dazed, even though I’m simply starved and hurting.
When I start to fall again, there are suddenly hands grappling me, righting me, and then my arm is slung over a set of shoulders.
I look over to spot a straight-faced Talbot Lane supporting me.
“What are you doing in my house?” I ask on a tired sigh. “I’ll kill you for seeing this. I’m attempting to look impossibly strong right now.”
A part of me does want to kill him. Because that’s how close to the surface my monster is. If he had a vagina, my monster would be craving something else.
It has particular tastes.
“I’m aware, Alpha. No good beta shares their alpha’s secrets,” he says as though that’s somehow going to make me magically trust him.
I stumble, but he keeps a firm grip on me, easily guiding me to the couch.
I’m grateful to collapse on it, and in the next instant, he’s next to me with a cup of water.
“I already told you that you’re not my beta,” I grind out, glaring at the fool, even as I accept the water.
My throat is burning. I feel dehydrated, starved, and every bone aches. The urge to hunt is so damn potent, desperately craving a soft body to feast on.
“I doubt Violet understands the magnitude of that show of power. Even if it’s explained to her, she still won’t understand the gravity of—”
“That was to show Violet I will always put her first,” I interrupt, grimacing as I put the cup down. “Putting him down so fast, and walking out like I wasn’t affected, in spite of my starvation diet, was to make Idun think I’ve grown impossibly stronger. She needs some fear in her, especially if she’s willing to come after Violet that hard.”
He pauses, staring down at me, as he puts his phone away.
Starving is one thing.
Starving after using every ounce of power I have inside me, while tapping into my monster’s darkest strengths to subdue Dorian, is something else entirely.
“Spit it out,” I tell him when I see him reluctant to share whatever it is that’s on his fucking mind.
I don’t have the patience for this, and he doesn’t seem to understand that I’ve already considered ripping his heart out. Twice. Just for fun.
A good beta would recognize how dangerous their alpha is on days like these.
He’s got a thousand years of rogue beta experience, and knows more about me and my House than any other I’ve ever spoken to. It’s infuriating, and…annoying. Annoying, because I’ve forgotten what it was like to have a beta.
I’ve never actually had a good beta.
Fucking Arion gets them in droves, even though he stabs them all with sharp objects.
Vance has some of the finest, most loyal ever, despite the fact he’s a rigid hardass.
Even Emit has numerous betas looking after him, even though he only keeps the worst ones the closest.
“Idun’s eyes were on Violet after the match ended. I think she was jealous, since you showed nothing but restraint when Dorian and she—”
At my glare. He stops talking.
“You snuck into a private alpha challenge?” I bite out. “Yet claim to want to be my beta? Do you know how personal such a thing is?”
“I’m sorry. I trailed Violet when she ran out of Sanctuary. I keep an eye on her for you, Alpha. If I was allowed inside Sanctuary, Dorian wouldn’t have—”
“Dorian would have killed you. You never go against an alpha. You can’t even begin to compete,” I cut in, staring at the fool who claims to be old enough to know better.
He lowers his eyes. “I admit I couldn’t help but watch once I saw how quickly you’d downed him, but no one spotted me. Violet’s shampoo masked my scent, and—”
“Stop talking. You’re telling me new information I can’t deal with right now. The fucking shampoo? I can’t. I just can’t. How she causes so many problems with such innocence…”
I simply let the words trail off, unable to keep thinking about new things.
Shampoo that masks a scent?
From alphas?
Damn that girl for being so ignorantly brilliant.
“She’s a walking oxymoron that shatters the natural order,” I grumble, scrubbing a hand over my face.
I peer over at him, bristling now that I’m fully uncomfortable with how much he’s witnessed. If I’d started out knowing what I know now about January Violet Carmine, I’d likely consider her a threat, rather than the woman I crave more than anything.
I just barely rein my monster in, because the very thought of her is starting to send it into a frenzy.
“You’re not my beta,” I tell him more firmly.
“I sent a text to Violet Carmine the second you left the arena, requesting she replenish your strength. If she comes, then I’m officially your new beta,” he argues, not sounding defiant, but negotiable.
The last thing I need is for Violet to show up. Or maybe I do want her to show up so I can claim her as mine and be done with any threats Dorian has to offer.
Her body writhing underneath mine as I claim her in every possible way…
When I feel my sick and twisted grin form, I shake my head, forcing the monster back. Damn, I need a minute. Alone. To get myself under control.
“She’s not going to come just because you asked her—”
My door opens, and I dart a very confused look toward it when I smell the wolf stench roll in with the wind.
Emit is going to see me like this too?
I made a point of walking out without showing an ounce of weakness. The one time I try looking strong—
My thoughts cut out as Violet rounds the corner. Why the bloody hell is she wearing a trench coat on a warm day like this?
The scent of the wolf dissipates, as though he was just close enough to let me get a whiff of him, but he’s not here. His scent barely lingers on her, because that son of a bitch has already claimed her as his.
A growl tries to bubble out, but I swallow it down. My monster is more jealous and possessive than I am.
The sight of her…really relieves and infuriates me. I certainly don’t want her seeing what this has done to me.
Not when I’m this close to losing control.
I need a damn minute—
She drops the trench coat she’s donning, and my mind goes blank. She fidgets awkwardly, tugging at the lacy ends of the very scandalous black lace number she’s wearing, complete with garters and stockings.
The negligee is mostly transparent, revealing her scanty, devious underwear. She came to seduce me?
Take her.
Claim her.
Mark her.
Devour her.
She drops the high heels she apparently couldn’t walk in or something, and she juts out a hip, as I barely ignore the monster inside me.
With a firm tone, she says, “I think you should start feeding at least twice a week. At minimum. If you want me back, that’s going to be one of my new expectations. I
t doesn’t have to be romantic, but—”
“Talbot,” I say in interruption to Violet, as the incubus stares a little too hard at the very edible woman.
“Yes, Alpha?” he asks, almost absently, as Violet blushes, apparently not feeling as brazen as she did when she dropped that coat.
“Go away before I kill you for seeing her like this,” I inform him. “And you’re my new beta. Congratu-fucking-lations,” I tell him as I force myself to my feet.
I end up falling back to the couch, unable to wring out another ounce of strength.
Take her.
Claim her.
Mark her.
Devour her.
Talbot quickly exits, leaving me alone with Violet. With a concentrated amount of effort, I push the monster back.
“You should leave. I’m particularly dangerous in this moment,” I warn her, my vision blurring when the monster damn near rushes to the surface in protest.
She quickly crosses the distance between us, taking my hand, and then abruptly climbs onto my lap.
This isn’t helping me suppress the dark, starving beast inside me. Not at all.
Free me.
Free me.
Give her to me.
My arms go around her, and I fight the urge to rip the daring little outfit from her delectable, tempting body.
I can’t make myself release her. This isn’t going to end well.
Give her to me.
“I’m sorry. About Idun using Dorian. I didn’t understand how broken—”
“Don’t feel sorry for Dorian,” I tell her, closing my eyes and straining for control. “It’s been too long for him to still be this weak. He was weak to a demon’s influence, as he led our family into battle, unknowingly claiming his right as firstborn. He may have been influenced, but he’s made all his own choices. Just as we all have. I genuinely have few regrets, because my conscience is nothing more than a sliver. I’m a monster, I created monsters, and monsters need a monster to keep order. Dorian, however, is a broken monster. A man who couldn’t handle his life as a human and was forced into an alpha role by birthright.”
Gypsy Truths (All The Pretty Monsters Book 6) Page 7
