She shook her head, her lips pinched tight. This was the first case Forrester had put her on. Her first chance to show her mettle. If she didn’t produce something, it might be her last.
“I’ll go back through the files,” she said, her voice wavering, her coat almost slipping from her hands as she found her way to the door. It was difficult, with the way her eyes had gone blurry. “There’s got to be something we missed.”
She headed straight for the file room and wrenched the Giordano boxes from a shelf. After placing them on a table, she pulled out a binder full of files and tried to ignore the way her throat felt like it was closing up. It wasn’t just because of the way Forrester had spoken to her, though. Her mind remained haunted by the change in her nightmares.
Last night, it wasn’t Damien who turned away from her in her dreams. It was Jack.
It was only a dream. A figment of her imagination, her fears from the past morphed and brought into the present.
Pushing the binder she was looking through aside, she took out the next one. Then the one after that. All the depositions read exactly the same as the last seven times she’d looked at them, and none of them showed a single chink in the Giordano armor.
Frustrated, she put the boxes away and went to her desk. She booted up her computer and stared blankly at the screen as yesterday’s events flashed through her mind. Jack had taken her home after Brady and his family left. They’d never made it back to the playroom, and Lilly missed reconnecting, missed being “Sir” and “little girl” again after hours playing the part of platonic friends.
There’d been no option but to put up a front with Brady, coming up with that lie and saving Jack from a situation he obviously didn’t know how to handle. Still, it hurt to have to pretend—to act like there was nothing between them. It reminded her too much of Damien.
Lilly shook the thought away. The two were incomparable.
Determined to focus, she loaded the Giordano database and scanned the columns, avoiding Simon’s incriminating entry and onto the data that followed. She tapped her finger on the mouse, once again wondering what “MOD_dt”, and the numbers listed under it meant. It irked her not to know, but it was an insignificant detail and they were out of time.
She put her head in her hands. Forrester believed in her, and she’d promised she wouldn’t let him down. So much for that. There was no way she had the skills to investigate everything on a case as big as this. After all, she was the one who’d never done her research at Northwestern, never bothering to look into a single thing about BDSM.
Lilly believed Simon was telling the truth. If only she believed in herself half as much.
Hoping to find some shred of proof, she went back to work. She hadn’t moved hours later when Gabe and Cassie found her.
“You’re still at it?” Cassie asked. “It’s dark already.”
Lilly sat up, shocked that the sky agreed with her. “I guess I lost track of time.”
“Have you eaten?” Gabe asked.
“Not since breakfast.”
“You’re done.” He picked up her coat and held it out for her. “Nick’s meeting us for dinner and you’re coming. Shut down the computer.”
She complied, too exhausted to argue. Outside, the pavement was wet, the air clean from a storm that must have passed through during the day.
Cassie linked an arm with Lilly’s as they walked down the street. “I guess it rained.”
“A brilliant deduction,” Gabe drawled, imitating Forrester. “I’m so glad you’re my associate.”
“Shut up. I like spring. The blossoming trees, green grass. Not that we see any of it cooped up in the office all day.”
“True. They should put a disclaimer on all JDs,” Gabe said. “‘Doctor of Jurisprudence, which is conferred with all the rights and privileges pertaining thereto. You will never see the light of day again.’”
Lilly laughed wearily. “Someone remind me why I wanted to be a lawyer?”
Cassie squeezed her close. “Because you’re passionate about making sure the bad guys get what they deserve.”
The reminder made Lilly stand a little taller.
Inside a bistro on the corner, Nick was seated and waved at them through the window. He gave Lilly a kiss on the cheek and she sat down next to him.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said as Gabe flagged the waitress and ordered a bottle of wine. “I need to make sure you know about Friday night.”
Lilly propped her head up with one hand. “What about it?”
“It’s Jack’s birthday.”
The announcement was like a club to her head.
“Oh?” she asked, feigning disinterest. “Are we having a cake at the pub or something?”
“No, Patrick is having a big party at his place. It’s black tie. I know it’s last minute, but you must have something to wear, right? A dress from one of your college formals?”
She knew Nick was talking, but she couldn’t hear him over the thoughts stampeding through her mind. Jack’s birthday was in four days, and an event worthy of an evening gown was being held in honor of it.
Wasn’t that a detail worth sharing with her?
“Lilly?”
She jerked her head up. “I’m sure I have something.”
“Well, I don’t.” Cassie crossed her arms and frowned. “There’d better be some single guys at this party if I’m going to have to buy a dress for it.”
“Patrick will be there,” Nick said with a wink.
“I said guys. Not pigs.”
Lilly forced a smile. The waitress set down a glass of wine in front of her, and she stared at it for a second before downing half of it in one gulp.
Nick eyed her strangely. “You okay?”
“Fine,” she insisted on a swallow. The little tidbit of information he’d given her was the big fat cherry on top of today’s ice cream sundae of a shittastic day. “I’m great.”
Two hours and three glasses later, her stomach not full enough to balance it out, Lilly was home and beyond buzzed, torn between feeling sorry for herself and being pissed as hell.
“Screw this,” she muttered, dialing Jack’s number. He owed her an explanation. The second he said hello, she dug right in. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”
Her accusation hung in the silence that followed. It was rude, but it was a weekday and she wasn’t on her knees in his playroom. Besides, he’d hurt her. She had some ground to stand on.
“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” he finally answered. His voice had an edge to it too.
“Really? It seems like a big deal from the black-tie party Patrick is having, which, by the way, I found out about from Nick.”
“I didn’t ask for the party,” Jack snapped, then took a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry you found out that way. I meant to tell you, but things were a little overwhelming this weekend and I forgot.”
His tone was softer now, repentant. “You were so wrapped up in me you forgot to tell me about a party in your honor?”
“I guess I did.”
It was almost comical. The knot in her stomach deflated, replaced with a need to smooth things over.
“I suppose seeing you in a tux will make up for it. I’m looking forward to that.”
“I wish I felt the same.”
“You’d rather be naked with me in the playroom.”
He laughed, but it was a tight sound. “Listen, Lilly. You did a great job yesterday of making sure Brady and the girls didn’t suspect anything. A lot of my peers will be at this party, so I’ll need you to act the same way there. Can you do that for me?”
Her heart sank. It shouldn’t have, though. He’d been clear about what he wanted. No one in his life suspected what he did behind closed doors, and the same was true for her. Still, would it be so horrible if people knew they
were together, and not what they did when they were alone?
“This is the way it has to be if you want to keep doing this.”
She pinched her eyes shut and shook Damien’s words out of her head. Her ex had entirely different motives when he’d said that, the distance he’d put between them a reminder of how little she meant to him. Jack wasn’t rejecting her. He was simply trying to keep his private life private.
“Sure. I can do that,” she said. “No problem.”
“Thank you.” He lowered his voice. “You know, I may not be looking forward to dressing up myself, but I am excited to see what you’ll be wearing.” His tone dropped another notch. “And taking it off you, after.”
Her body reacted to his words, her muscles going slack, but her heart…
God, her heart.
“Me too. Good night, Sir.” She needed to say that, needed a small verification that this thing between them was real.
And then he gave it to her in words that made her whole again.
“Good night, little girl.”
Lilly’s phone rang on Friday night as she was fastening her earring. She threw it on speaker.
“I’m here,” Cassie said.
“Be down in a second.”
She reached into her closet for her purse and wrap, nearly toppling over in the four-inch heels she hardly ever wore. Rumbles stared from his spot on the bed, tail flicking.
“I’ll be back in a few hours,” she told him, scratching his head. “And then we’ll go to Jack’s.”
Outside, a taxi idled by the curb. The bottom of Lilly’s dress caught underneath her heel, and she reached down to unhook it, feeling like a foal on new legs. She hadn’t worn this dress since Northwestern’s Barrister’s Ball. It was an emerald silk crepe that picked up the green in her eyes, a wash of color that draped from her collarbone to her ankles.
Cassie cooed when Lilly climbed into the backseat next to her. “Your dress is beautiful,” she said as the driver pulled away from the curb.
“So is yours.”
“Thanks. It cost almost as much as this contraption I’m wearing under it to keep everything sucked in.” Cassie dug her thumbs in by the underarms of her sequin-covered cocktail dress and hiked it up. “I’d better not actually meet someone tonight, or I’m going to be pulling a Bridget Jones in some guy’s bathroom.”
Lilly thought about where she’d be when the party was over and looked out the window at the passing scenery, smiling to herself.
She’d been so upset before she and Jack talked, not sure where they stood, but as today got closer, Lilly remembered she was the person he wanted to go home with. She’d taken a lot more time with her appearance than usual, breaking out her curling iron and shading her eyes in a smoky charcoal. She wanted to be his birthday gift, to be perfect for him, even if it meant keeping up the farce he seemed to need. Then they’d retreat to his playroom, and she’d drop to her knees and take him in her mouth until his hands were knotted in her hair and he was groaning out his release.
“Why are you smiling like that?”
“No reason,” she lied, feeling the heat in her cheeks.
Cassie’s eyes lit up. “I knew it! You are hoping to meet someone.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Gabe said Nick was hoping you’d start dating again, and Patrick’s supposedly invited some decent, single guys. Well, hopefully better than decent, but anyway, I’m so glad you’re finally moving on from Damien.”
Warning bells went off in Lilly’s head. She’d only been prepared to pretend so much. Now how far was she going to have to go?
Cassie leaned forward, forcing herself into Lilly’s line of vision. “Am I missing something?”
“No, I just—”
“Aw, come on, Lilly. You look awesome tonight. It’s time to get back out there. Hey, maybe we’ll meet two lawyers who are best friends and they’ll fall head over heels for us.”
Lilly looked toward the high-rise they were nearing with trepidation. Her palms went sweaty. “Cassie, I’m not—”
“Okay, maybe the odds of that are pretty slim, but it could happen. And then they’d never complain about our long hours or income brackets.”
The cab pulled in front of Patrick’s building. As Cassie reached for the door, Lilly yelled, “Cassie, stop!”
She froze. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t, okay? I can’t talk to any guys tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because.” Lilly rubbed her palms along her dress and glanced nervously toward the lobby. “Because there’s someone else, okay?”
“There is?” There was far too much excitement in Cassie’s voice as she let go of the handle and slid across the seat. “Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone?”
“I’m not seeing him. Not really.”
“Hey, ladies, you two getting out here or what?” the driver barked.
“In a minute,” Cassie yapped back. “What do you mean, not really?”
“I mean, we’re not dating. Like traditionally.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m…” Talking about this was defying Jack’s request, but it had been too hard, keeping silent for so long. She’d been honest with Cassie before and her friend had understood. She didn’t have to go into detail—she didn’t even have to say who the guy was. She only had to say enough to make sure she didn’t end up spending the party doing tequila shots with some fifth year associates.
Besides, she was ready to own up to this part of herself, to feel confident that this was who she was.
“I’m his submissive.”
Cassie’s mouth opened, brows pointing together in a look of complete horror. She rummaged through her purse for some cash, threw it to the driver and grabbed Lilly’s hand.
“We’re walking.”
Cassie pulled her across the seat and out the door. She locked her arm with Lilly’s and led her quickly toward the edge of the parking lot.
“I don’t understand. I thought you never wanted to be in something like that again.”
“This isn’t like what it was with Damien. Not at all.” Lilly tried to keep up with Cassie’s pace and tripped in the process. She stopped walking and pulled on her friend’s hand until she turned around. “He’s made me see how it could be if I trusted him, and I do. I’m completely safe with him.”
“How do you know? How can you be sure he didn’t read about it in a bad novel or something and decided he could do it too?”
“He has tons of experience. He and his wife did it for years and—”
“He’s married?”
“Shh!” She held her hands up, trying to quiet Cassie’s screech. “He was married. He’s a widower.”
Cassie glanced at the building behind them, then back at Lilly.
“Lilly,” she began warily. “Is he—is he Jack?”
Her pulse pounded, but she couldn’t lie anymore. “Yes.”
“But he’s almost twice your age!”
“He’s not. He’s only sixteen years older. Seventeen now, I guess.” She grabbed Cassie’s hand. “Please don’t let him know I’ve told you.”
“So he keeps you hidden too, huh? How different is he from Damien, then?”
The words stung, but this wasn’t the same thing. Not the same at all.
“It’s not like that, I swear. He makes me happy, Cass.”
Cassie was quiet for a moment as she looked out at the horizon, where the sun was now a low sliver along the river’s edge.
“Diablo,” she muttered. “Does Nick know?”
“No.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
Lilly rubbed her hands over the gooseflesh rising up on her arms. “I haven’t decided yet, so please don’t say anything to him or Gabe
, okay?”
Cassie sighed and put an arm around her. “All right.” They walked back to the building, but Cassie stopped her at the doorway. “Just promise me you’re being careful. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Jack would never hurt me.”
She was sure of that.
They rode the elevator up to Patrick’s apartment and stepped inside a large, open space filled with people and live music. An attendant took their wraps, and Lilly scanned the room for Jack. Her heart picked up when she found him in a black tuxedo, all sharp creases and lines that accentuated his broad shoulders and cinched together at the waist. She stood in the vortex of guests, waiting for him to see her. But when his eyes caught hers, skimming once down her body and back up, he did the same thing he did in her dream.
He turned away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jack couldn’t look at Lilly, not if he wanted to stop himself from throwing her over his shoulder like a caveman. He could already imagine how soft her curls would feel around his fingers. And dear God, that dress. The sluice of green hung so delicately from her skin, pure sin spun out of fabric. It was torture to turn away from her, but he had to. It was the only way he was going to survive.
“It’s so good to see you, Jack,” Carolyn What’s-her-name said. “It’s been too long.”
Jack squared his jaw and took a sip from his drink. He’d had about all he could handle of conversations like this one.
“I was hoping you’d turn up at an alumni dinner,” she added. “But I know it must’ve been hard without your wife.”
Jack forced a polite smile. “It has been, yes. Maybe next year.”
She wished him a happy birthday before he moved on, the next group waving him down. The room was filled with former law school classmates, a slew of Harvard faculty and some members of the Massachusetts Bar Association. He managed small talk with them for a mind-numbing hour, all the while keeping his distance from Lilly. At least this ridiculous night would be over soon, and he’d have her all to himself.
When he’d finally greeted everyone, Jack canvassed the room, relieved to find Lilly chatting with Cassie and Nick.
His Contract: Legally Bound, Book 1 Page 22
