She seemed to want them to go ahead of her, so Gerard started across the big hall, with Nick following. Bliss House was much less brightly lit than it had been the night of the party. It took every bit of mental strength Gerard had not to stare at the rug where his wife had lain just a few days earlier. Was Nick trying not to look as well? It was, of course, the first time Nick had been here since the party. He had to be thinking of Karin, too. When they reached the doorway, Gerard sent Nick in ahead of him, and turned to thank the girl. But she was gone.
Their footsteps must have been too quiet, because when Rainey looked up from the kitchen table, she seemed startled. In the stark overhead lights, she was hideously pale and looked even more exhausted than she had that afternoon.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “Nick?”
Gerard fell back a step. Nick had been right. It was way too soon. She would probably try to take out a restraining order against him. He felt like an idiot.
“I didn’t know you would be at their house,” he said. “I’m sorry. I had no idea about the judge’s wife. I’m sorry, Rainey. Very sorry.”
Nick touched his arm, signaling him to be quiet.
“I know it’s late, Rainey,” he said. “It’s been a very long day for you, and I know this is an imposition.”
“Gerard, the police told you to stay away from all of us. This isn’t staying away.” She stood up. “And I still don’t know what you’re doing here, Nick. Are you trying to apologize for him?”
Nick shook his head. “I’m here as his friend. You know that Karin and I were close.”
Even with Nick beside him, Gerard couldn’t help himself. He wanted Rainey to understand why he’d beaten up her cousin. Why Jefferson Bliss had to be responsible for Karin’s death. Should he tell her the whole truth?
No, I can’t do it. Not yet.
“Please,” Gerard said. “I need you to understand. I’m not proud of it, but I want you to know they were lovers. Jefferson and Karin. Maybe even in this house. If he had something to do with her death, we all need to know the truth.”
“Isn’t that what the police are for, Gerard? You could’ve told them. He’s not even twenty years old. You might have killed him. How could you?”
“He did okay for himself,” Gerard said. “He’s no kid.”
Beside him, Nick tensed. “We’ll have Detective Chappell look into whatever involvement he had, right away. I think Gerard just wanted to tell you . . .”
“It was all so wrong,” Rainey said. “If you could’ve seen Jefferson after he discovered Bertie, you’d know how wrong it was, no matter what he did with Karin. It’s going to break Bertie’s heart when she comes out of this and learns what you did, on top of everything else. How are you going to face her, Gerard?”
The exasperated tenderness in her voice surprised Gerard and made him feel like more of an asshole. He should’ve taken the phone to the police and offered it as evidence.
Surprise! Look what I found! Now, arrest that little silver-spoon turd who was screwing my wife.
No. It would never have happened that way. He couldn’t expect Rainey to fully understand.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have gone after him,” he said. “It was a mistake.”
He didn’t hear the girl come into the kitchen, but he saw Rainey’s eyes cut past him.
“My mom wants you guys to leave.” Ariel’s voice sounded deeper, more mature than it had when they first arrived. “I think you’d better go.”
She was taller than her mother, but still well short of his six feet. Her manner wasn’t agitated, but it was clear she felt like she had some authority.
“That’s a good idea.” Nick looked pointedly at Gerard. “Everybody needs a chance to do some healing, here. It’s time to go.”
“We’ll talk in a few days?” Gerard said to Rainey. He hadn’t gotten to say all that he wanted to say, but he knew that hanging around was only going to make everything worse.
“You’ll apologize to Bertie?” she said. “What you did to Jefferson wasn’t just unfair to him.”
“I will.”
“We’ll see ourselves out,” Nick said. “Good night.” He gave Gerard a nod and headed for the door.
Gerard said good night to Rainey and followed Nick. But something made him stop in the doorway.
“Ariel, Jefferson was here the night of the party,” he said. “Did you see him? Upstairs, maybe? Did you see him with my wife?”
Something flickered in the girl’s eyes.
“You did see him,” he said.
“I didn’t see anyone,” she said. “I didn’t see anyone all night except . . .”
“Except who?” Gerard couldn’t keep the hope from his voice.
Ariel smiled her strange, lopsided smile. “My mother, of course.”
“My wife is dead,” Gerard said. “I want to know why she died.”
Without warning, Ariel put her own hand on Gerard’s upper arm.
“What did you do to Jefferson?” she asked.
They all stared at her.
“Tell me.” There was a threat in her voice.
“Ariel?” Rainey said, alarmed at the sudden change in her daughter.
Behind Rainey, a glass rattled in the sink, and Gerard felt the foundation of the house shake, like the aftershock of an earthquake.
“Jefferson’s okay, honey,” Rainey said.
“You said he almost killed him,” Ariel said, staring at Gerard.
Gerard didn’t like what he saw in the girl’s eyes. She looked crazed, maybe dangerous. He had to remind himself that she was only fourteen and no threat to him.
“This isn’t your problem or your business,” he told her. “This is between Jefferson and me. No one else.”
“You’d better leave,” Rainey said softly. “Honey, let’s sit down. I’ll tell you what’s going on. You don’t need to worry.”
“Your wife was a slut,” Ariel said. “That’s what your problem is. She was a slut who got herself killed, and you want to blame someone else.” She smiled. Her facial scars were flaming red now, making her look strange. Frightening.
“Ariel!” Rainey said, approaching her daughter. “You shouldn’t be in here.”
It took every ounce of willpower Gerard had not to slap the smile off of the girl’s face. He hated how he felt and acted in this house. Ever since he’d arrived for the housewarming party, it had made him edgy. He wondered what sort of people Ariel and Rainey had been before they moved in.
“Gerard, let’s go,” Nick said. “Right now.”
“Excuse me,” Gerard said, walking around her. “I’ll be in touch, Rainey.”
Ariel turned around to watch him go, the same hideous smile on her face, her eyes shining with malice. Rainey was speechless.
As Gerard followed Nick through the hall, he felt a breeze like a cold sigh on his neck. His hands were shaking, and he was glad Nick was there to get them out of the house. Outside, a silver-white curtain of moths shimmered over the light beside the walkway. Gerard was watching them, distracted, when the foundations of the house shook again. His foot slipped on the loose brick on the front steps, and he fell onto the walk, his ankle twisting awkwardly beneath him.
At the same moment, inside the house, a speechless Rainey caught Ariel by the arms as her daughter collapsed, fainting, to the floor.
Chapter 49
Ariel woke on the floor, opening her eyes to her mother’s worried face. Her head throbbed.
“Oh, God, you’re awake,” Rainey said. “Don’t get up yet. I want to call an ambulance.”
Ariel held onto her mother’s arm. “Don’t. I’m not dying.” She struggled to sit up. Her head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.
“Ariel, please.”
“No, Mom!” Ariel’s own voice made her head throb, but she didn’t want to see any dumb EMT people or the inside of a hospital ever again. “Why am I on the floor? Why am I in the kitchen?”
She closed her eyes.
“I went to answer the door, and it was that contractor guy.”
“They’re gone,” Rainey said, helping Ariel slowly to her feet. “He’s going to stay away for a while.” To hear herself say it made Rainey feel regretful. She’d been angry, but a part of her still pitied him. Unlike the police, she didn’t think for a minute that he’d killed Karin, and everything that he’d done since that night could be traced back to the tragedy. What thoughtless, stupid things had she done since Will’s death? And that had actually been her fault.
She walked Ariel to a chair. Ariel sat down and let her head fall onto her folded arms, blocking out the light.
Rainey stood looking down at her. She’d seen someone else in Ariel’s eyes when she was talking to Gerard. Someone who scared the hell out of her. This wasn’t her precious child who had flown across the lawn wet from the sprinkler to greet her when she came home from work, and who cried when her best friend’s parakeet died.
So many changes. So much pain. She hated the helpless feeling she got when she thought about this Ariel, who was barely even a teenager let alone someone who had nearly died in agony. It was like there was someone else inside of her. She looked at the elaborate robe she was wearing, the one she had found, and wished she could sneak it away and get it out of the house.
“Honey, what are you feeling right now?” she said. “Can you tell me?”
As used as she was to therapists and her mother trying to draw her out, the question took Ariel by surprise. She lifted her head.
“I feel like someone hit me on the head and then ran away. I feel empty.”
“What do you mean by empty? Like something’s missing?”
Ariel searched her mother’s eyes. “I’m not sure what I mean.”
What am I trying to ask? Are you possessed, sweetie? Do you think there’s someone inside you, someone who wants you to look different? Sound different? Do and say things that hurt other people?
“Do you feel like yourself? Does that make any sense?” Rainey shook her head, dissatisfied with her own question. “Did you know that the house shook right before you passed out?”
Now Ariel understood. Just when she was sure her mother didn’t know her at all, didn’t have any clue who she was or what she was like, her mother pulled out something like this. Like she could see right through her.
The tears came fast, unbidden and unwelcome.
“Mommy,” she said with a rush of emotion. Fear. “Help me, Mommy.”
Rainey fell to her knees.
She wrapped her arms around Ariel and buried her face in her daughter’s hair. Ariel smelled of soap and warm perspiration. If she could have, she would’ve absorbed her daughter into her own body to hide her and keep her safe.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m sorry I brought you to this place.” She rocked Ariel gently. “I was selfish. And you needed me to take care of you.”
Ariel’s shoulders shook with sobs. Her frame was so slight, so slender, that Rainey feared she might crush her by holding her so close.
“I want Daddy,” Ariel said, her voice clotted with tears. At that moment, she wanted to see her father more than anything she’d ever wanted in her life. Not the strange shade that had appeared in her room, but her real flesh-and-blood father. The missing point of their broken triangle.
“Yes,” Rainey said. “Yes, baby. I know. I miss him every minute.”
“I don’t know if I believe you,” Ariel whispered.
The words broke Rainey’s heart in two. She could feel real pain burning and suffocating her as it spread through her body.
How can you? she wanted to say. But of course Ariel could say that. When was the last time either of them had mentioned Will’s name without fighting? They were both guilty of—not exactly forgetting him, but of not keeping him alive between them.
“We never should have come to this place,” Rainey said, unwilling to draw Will’s memory into their pain. “We should’ve stayed in St. Louis where we knew people. Where some new, terrible thing wasn’t happening every day.” She seemed almost to be talking to herself. She stood, leaving one hand touching her daughter’s hair so they would at least be connected. “It’s this house, isn’t it? If we hadn’t come here, Gerard’s wife wouldn’t be dead, and Bertie wouldn’t be dying.”
Ariel lifted her head slowly. “And I wouldn’t be healing,” she said. “You knew it was happening just as much as I did.”
“You’ve made some progress, yes.” Rainey stopped.
“Look at me!” Ariel said, raising her voice. “Look at my face. Look at my hand.” She took Rainey’s hand and held it up to her cheek. “Feel it. Feel how soft it is. It’s new skin. New. I’m becoming new.”
Rainey didn’t know what to say. She heard the manic joy in Ariel’s voice, but she just couldn’t see what Ariel saw.
“Why don’t I need my cane anymore? Why can I see out of this eye almost as well as I could before the accident? Why won’t you admit it?”
Rainey shook her head. “I don’t want you to get hurt anymore, baby.”
“I’m living some kind of miracle, and you’re worried about me getting hurt? That’s crazy, Mommy. Plain crazy.”
“They said there would be some healing. We need to get you to the new doctors. We’re not going to miss that appointment.”
Ariel shook her head forcefully, even though doing so caused the pain inside to ratchet back and forth.
“No doctors. Not anymore,” she said. “I’m through. They did enough to me already.”
“I don’t want to have to make you go, honey. Please don’t make me.”
“Then don’t,” Ariel said. “Tell me what happened before I passed out. Please stop acting like it’s some kind of secret. You asked me, but I can’t remember. You know something! It’s me, remember? I’m the same person I was two days, two months ago. You have to trust me, Mommy. If I say I’m okay, then I’m okay. I promise. I’m not a little kid anymore. Stuff has happened to me.”
Rainey couldn’t bear the pleading in her daughter’s voice. “You are different,” she said. “I believe you. I see it.”
“Then tell me why you looked like you saw a ghost or something when you looked at me a minute ago. Tell me why you’re afraid of me. What did I do to make you afraid?” Ariel squeezed Rainey’s hand. “It’s not how I look, is it?” she said, feeling like it was the first truly adult thing she’d ever said to her mother. “There’s something else. I know there is, and you don’t trust me enough to tell me.”
Rainey wanted to tell her something, but had no idea what to say.
Chapter 50
Gerard stopped his truck in front of Nick’s office, and Nick got out.
“You’re sure you don’t want me to drop you at your house?” Gerard said.
“I want to walk. Call me if you need me. Please, just stay away from everybody named Bliss for a while, okay?”
“Smart ass,” Gerard said. His cheek and jaw were still swollen, so it was hard for Nick to read his face, but he thought he saw the hint of a sardonic smile.
He watched the truck drive off, its taillights the only color in the darkness.
Poor bastard.
Karin had really left a mess behind her. She’d screwed with her husband’s head for so long that he didn’t know which way was up. The collapse of that arrangement had been overdue for a long, long time. He wondered what had made her so reluctant to dump the guy. Had she really loved him that much?
It seemed to Nick that a woman who really loved her husband wouldn’t spend so much of her time making him look like a dickless wimp. They had both deserved much better. She’d never have found what she needed in Old Gate, of course, which was a damned shame. Sometimes he thought about leaving this place, where the chances for his own happiness were getting slimmer every day. Charlottesville wasn’t far away, but it seemed like the men he met there just got younger and younger, while he couldn’t help getting older.
It had bee
n more than three years since he’d felt anything but mild contempt for a lover. He’d lost his chance for happily-ever-after.
Scott Selden hadn’t been classically handsome, but his smile and gentle manner had caused Nick to look beyond his rather plain Anglo features and tall, softly rounded body to discover the person who might complete him. He was wholly Nick’s opposite: where Nick was polished to a shine, Scott was relaxed and down-to-earth. Where Nick was sarcastic, Scott was forgiving and optimistic. When they traveled—the only time they could comfortably be out together as a couple—Nick had noticed more than a few frankly curious looks from other men. He ignored them and held Scott more tightly when they were alone. Back home, they kept their affair deeply buried. Scott worked as a partner in his father’s law office in Culpeper, and Nick—while he didn’t hide the fact that he was gay—preferred to keep his sex life discreet.
After they’d been together a year, Scott told Nick that he wanted to come out to his family, to at least let them know how happy he was. Nick didn’t think it was a good idea, but they never got a chance to find out. Scott was at the office one Tuesday afternoon when his appendix burst. His father got him to the hospital, where they performed surgery, but Scott also picked up a vicious staph infection. He was dead within the week.
Unable to get anywhere near the room where Scott lay in isolation, Nick had to settle for a couple of late night phone calls, the last of which had been the day before Scott died. After the nurse helped Scott end their last call, Nick sat holding the phone, staring at the empty fireplace grate, until sleep temporarily released him from the hideous knowledge that Scott wasn’t going to recover.
There was no real goodbye. Only a brief memorial in the gracious garden behind Scott’s parents’ home, an urn with Scott’s ashes lonely in a sea of white roses and boxwood. Nick was just another in a line of lawyers, clients, and old school friends who waited to shake the parents’ hands. Scott’s mother accepted his sympathies with kind eyes that moved on to the next guest even as her hand slipped from his. Afterward, Nick went to the studio apartment he kept in Charlottesville (which Karin had used so frequently that it often smelled of her perfume) and drank and slept for days.
Bliss House: A Novel Page 23
