“I want to taste you,” I beg, kissing the tip and holding it with both hands first. Opening my mouth, I take him in deep, bobbing twice before I suck the head. His legs tremble. He grasps my hair, pushing himself in deeper. My tongue swirls around his length as I release him, and give him a knowing smile. He’s at my mercy. “Why are you quiet?”
“Worried about leaving you with graduation approaching and all the wedding preparations. I’m also praying that we grow old together.” He breathes. “These have been the best four years of my life.”
The air in the room disappears, my lungs have trouble working. No, I can’t let him start his “if I don’t come back” talk. I hate when he does this. I take him again, he has to forget about tomorrow and stay with me for the next twelve hours. It’s only us for the night.
“Fuck, we can’t.” He stops me, his lids heavy and his breathing shallow. He takes his boots, socks, and everything off. “I need to be inside of you before we do other things, baby. I haven’t had you in a long time.”
He bunches the skirt of my dress up, running a hand over my soaking underwear and rubbing my needy heat. “Promise to make it up to you later.”
His hand moves away. I gasp, thrusting my hips desperately for release. Those blue eyes are promising me that I’ll have the time of my life. I take a step back, waiting for his next move. He shoots me a heated glance, his hands propped on his hips and his expression loving. He reaches for me, trying to pull me into his grasp.
I open my mouth but snap it as I hear “Papa Don’t Preach.” Squeezing my eyes for a few seconds, I wait until the call goes to voicemail. It only takes a second for it to start ringing again. “Dad,” I exhale, searching for my lab coat, and fishing for my phone. “Hey, Dad.”
“You haven’t called me, where are you?” I stare at the ceiling, praying for strength. I adore my father, but his constant need to control me drives me insane. “You have only two jobs to do, well no, three. Go to school, get good grades and call me, so I know you’re safe.”
I take two deep breaths, winking at Michael. “Sorry, I was famished when I got home and forgot to call.”
“It doesn’t take much to dial my number and let me know you’re safe, Aspen,” he chides me. “Your mother and I are disappointed in you. Where are you?”
My eyes shift to the floor; he’s not going to be happy. “I’m safe, in my apartment with Michael.”
“Why is he with you? This relationship is too codependent!”
There he goes, insisting that we’re codependent and should see other people. My father hates the idea of me marrying so young. He doesn’t understand that Michael and I are meant for each other. We don’t need to date other people. “Well, Dad. He’s here because sometimes he has a day off and travels to Houston to spend it with me.”
“That’s not healthy.”
“It’s normal when two people are engaged but live in different cities.”
“Don’t you get sassy with me, young lady.”
“Yes, Dad.” I roll my eyes.
“Are you planning on coming home for Christmas?”
I meet Michael’s eyes.
When is he coming back?
Are we still planning on having a few days together in San Diego?
That’s a discussion for another day. “We’ll talk about winter break later.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Going to visit my fiancé matters.”
“We’ll see, Aspen.”
I sigh, my eyes close for a few beats. Why is he so difficult? “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Please, do. I love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
“It’s as if he knows I’m close to you.” He sighs, biting the words. I bet he’s as frustrated as I am. “He hates me.”
You’re screwing his daughter, of course, he’s not a fan. I keep that part to myself. “No. He worries about me and asks that I call him when I have a late class. Dad doesn’t hate you.” I want to beg him to stop. I’ve had enough of my father’s words. “Can we forget about him? We don’t have much time together, Michael.”
“Marry me?” He takes my left hand pressing it against his chest.
I pull it out of his grasp, showing him the solitare ring he gave me almost a year ago. “I believe we already went through this ritual. But we could reenact what happened after I said yes.”
I slip off my dress, his mouth parts as his chest heaves—subject forgotten. To assure he won’t mention Dad again, I snap open the pink bra letting my boobs spill out. I grin as his eyes widen, almost falling at the sight.
“Bed,” I order. “We’ll loosen you up in bed and then…you’ll see. Tonight is ours. I bet it’ll be a few months before we can be together again.” My heart slows with those words, why did I have to remind us that we’re going to be apart for a long time?
“I love you, future Mrs. Reynolds.” He lifts me, gently settling me in the middle of the bed, pushing my legs open. “Still on the pill?”
“Of course!” My father would kill me if my boyfriend knocks me up before the wedding. “I’m not ready to have your babies, yet.”
“Wrap your legs around me.” He positions himself right at my entrance, searching for my gaze. Love is all I see, my heart swells at the sight of his loving stare.
“I love you,” he mutters as he sinks into me. “You okay?”
No, I don’t want you to go.
“Perfect,” I lie, smiling at him. “Please, don’t be gentle. Not this round.”
He pulls out and thrusts in hard. My hips match the rhythm as he plunges inside me faster, harder. He cups my left breast, flicking the nipple with his playful tongue. He continues with his ministration. Faster. Harder. Deeper. The energy between us increases, the build up inside me is too much. My body quivers as I explode from the inside out. His speed increases, thrusting three more times before he stops, his limbs shivering and his mouth yelling my name.
“I love you with all my heart, Mike. Promise you’ll come back to me, baby.”
He presses together his lips, closing his eyes.
My heart speeds up, the fear etched in his features sends goose bumps all over my skin. He needs to be okay, he’ll come back.
He lowers his head and kisses my neck. “Always. I’ll always be by your side,” he murmurs, kissing the tear that slides from the corner of my eye. “Be brave, and wait for me.”
“Always.”
Four months later
What would you say if you had one last chance to say goodbye?
Do you regret the last words you said to the love of your life?
How do you survive after the ultimate loss?
Staring at the maple color coffin in front of me, I wish for a do-over—a few more minutes, one last kiss. One final touch. Placing my hand on top of it, I remember our last time together, our last kiss, and our last dance. The overcast sky moves enough, letting a ray of sun come through the window to hit the solitaire diamond I wear on my middle finger. It was only a couple of months ago when he promised to return. We had plans, a wedding, a forever.
I take the black velvet box from my black jacket, open it and grab the gold band I picked from the jewelry store a couple of weeks back. I read the inscription one last time. You own my heart. His wedding ring, the one I was supposed to slip on his finger while we stood in front of the priest and our family, exchanging vows and promising to spend our lives together. Opening the coffin, I place it next to the urn where his mother placed his ashes.
“How do I continue?” I clutch my hand to my mouth holding the tears at bay. “We had plans. So many of them…you left me.”
God brought him back from his mission. A fucking drunk driver and a bunch of inept doctors killed him soon after. At that moment, my entire world collapsed. The light disappeared and the pain grasped into my heart.
“Why Michael and not the other guy?” I hug the coffin, resting my head on top of it. Fat, big tears sear my skin as they roll down my cheeks. “Please, don’t
leave me, baby. We have plans. I should’ve told you how much I love you. How proud I am of you, begged you to stay. I wanted to be selfish, ask you to choose me over your career. No matter how it happened, you died a hero.”
I repeat our last words. I was so annoyed at him. “Mike, call me later I have a class in five minutes.”
“I’m on my way to you, I only wanted to hear your voice one more time. I love it.” His husky voice made my body vibrate. “I love you, Aspen.”
“You’re a silly man, Michael Reynolds. Record my voice so you can hear it when I’m not available. I love you too.” I hung up, he called, and I sent him to voicemail.
The next day his mother called Scarlett. Michael died. My last words were selfish and stupid … If I could reach him, I would talk for hours about our love and our future. I would send him a chain of emails each one with the same sentiment. Letters with … “I would tell you that you’re the best thing that's happened to me. Beg you to stay for the night, and wait for my call. Ask you to marry me.”
“It boils down to don’t leave me, I need you.” The grief surges with every exhale. “I’ll miss those crystal blue eyes, your wholesome laughter, and your beautiful heart.”
The emptiness inside my heart expands. Nothingness threatening to take my soul, leaving me lifeless. “Make the pain disappear,” I sob.
“Aspen.” Dad touches my shoulder. Wrapping an arm around me, he pulls me toward him. Gently rubbing my back, he whispers, “It’s time for the service. Come with me. This will pass.”
Those words unhinge me. Tears burst out, and my chin trembles. Pain forms in the pit of my stomach, coming out like an uproar from my throat.
“When will it stop hurting?” I kiss the coffin caressing it one last time.
“In time, sweetie,” Dad responds hugging me tightly. “Time will heal your heart. I’m so sorry you lost him. He was a good man.”
He was the best. The loss is more than my heart can take. I don’t think I’ll survive. Glancing at the coffin, I send a silent prayer. Numb me. Freeze my heart. I don’t want to feel again.
My One Regret
Sadie
I don't think I'll ever understand why she tried to take her own life. And I worry about what’s going to happen to her. She needs help but who’ll be around to give it to her?
Sadly, I’m not part of her life. Not anymore.
I twist my engagement ring as I wait for Kade to arrive.
We need to talk, said his text.
I hold my breath, hugging my stomach. This can’t be happening. Just this morning, we talked about looking for a bigger home. We booked the honeymoon. Two months visiting the most beautiful gardens in the world with the man of my dreams.
The sound of the apartment door closing makes my heart beat faster. He’s here. I take my ring off. A one-carat solitaire diamond he gave me almost a year ago. I set it on top of the nightstand and look around our room. His apartment, not mine. Everything belongs to him; I only brought a few things when he asked me to move in.
“Sade?” His voice is loud, his tone neutral.
“In the room,” I croak. “How is she?”
I look up, as he enters. My eyes study him from top to bottom. It’s been a hard day. I’m not expecting his charming grin or his seductive smirk. But I can’t stand that his mouth remains in an uncharacteristically grim line.
Now that the end is coming, I feel numb. My heart beats, but my chest is hollow.
“Hey,” he mumbles.
He runs a hand through his dark, longish hair. It’s messy, covering half of his rugged face. His jaw, overshadowed by two days’ worth of stubble is set into a scowl. Those silver eyes search around the area avoiding mine. I hate his rigid posture. My hands itch to reach out and comfort him. He’s going through hell. This is as bad as what happened to his sister…or worse.
He’s blaming himself. Does he blame me too?
My heart hurts for him and his daughter. Nothing I can say or do will make it better.
“Recovering.” His husky melodic voice is calm yet distant.
His eyes find mine. The storm inside them makes them look dark, yet they are still so clear. Everything in his expression screams rejection.
It’s over.
I lower my gaze, staring at my freshly painted toenails. Just earlier I was getting a mani-pedi with his daughters, Hannah and Tess. For the first time, I believed that things were going to settle with them. They had finally accepted me.
“Is there anything I can do?” I stupidly offer, knowing that they don’t want me around, nor do they want my help.
The air thickens, almost choking me as I wait for him to end this. My eyes still see, but the walls are closing in, and everything is getting dark. Breathe, breathe. You need to be strong.
I try hard, but my mind is shutting down. Maybe it’s just the shock of today’s events. From the best news in the world to … everything shifts, crumbles. I’m not sure what to expect next. The only thing I know is that I kept pouring out love, hoping that one day it would be enough.
But it’s over.
My heart knows it; we’re done. The journey ends here before it even began. I watch his boots move away from me and then back again. He does it several times until they stop right in front of me. My eyes travel over his long legs, all the way up until they meet his face.
“Thank you for leaving before things got out of control,” he states.
Out of control is an understatement. Alicia, his ex-wife, lost her shit and was blaming me for something I didn’t do. I didn’t kill Tess. Your daughter isn’t dead. Tess hates the idea of me so much that she … my lungs collapse, and I hold my tears back. It hurts that we almost lost her. But I don’t have the right to cry, because she’s not mine.
Three years of loving her, caring for her as if she were my own doesn’t count. I’m still nobody. This entire situation wrecked my heart with endless emotions: sadness, pain, guilt, rage. I drop my head because the guilt weighs more than anything else.
Kade almost lost his daughter the same way he lost his sister.
My heart hurts for him, for Tess, and a little for Alicia. A parent should never have to face this kind of pain. I lift my hand to take his, but he takes a couple of steps backward. My lungs deflate when I see the void in his eyes.
No, please don’t do it. We’re a family. We should talk this through, fix it. Don’t leave us.
“I care about you,” he begins. It’s such a cliché.
No, I want you to say, you love me.
Last night he said it before I fell asleep tucked between his arms.
You woke me up with the same words, insisting that you couldn’t wait for the day you could call me your wife. Mrs. Hades. You can’t just toss away a three-year relationship.
I can’t lose my best friend, my lover, my soulmate. I feel as if my heart is being ripped away from my chest.
“My children are my life. My reason to exist. Their wellbeing matters more to me than anything in the world.”
More than me, I finish what he can’t say.
I want to scream at him. Yell until I turn purple, until he understands that I matter too. That I’m worthy of his love, that we can work this out as a family. But can we really? There’s no use in fighting it. His children will never accept me. His ex will always poison them against me.
“The last thing I want is to hurt you or leave you. But I don’t see any other solution. I have to protect them, even from you.”
Does Alicia know how much he sacrifices for their two children? Do they?
Not many fathers put their children first. Mine isn’t like him. I recall the multiple times I had to endure my father’s wife, or my mother’s boy toy. My parents always put them before me. This moment, what he’s doing—choosing his daughters over me—makes me fall in love with him all over again. My heart bleeds for our love, but is happy knowing his daughters have a fantastic father who loves them more than anything.
“I love them.”
<
br /> “And I appreciate that you were nice to them, but this can’t continue. Hope you understand,” Kade says.
Since I met him, he’s never talked to me like this. As if I were a total stranger invading his space. Overnight, I’ve become no one to Kaden Hades. My heart explodes inside my chest, the pieces becoming dust, disappearing as the wind blows through the room. I count my breaths, reminding myself that I’m a strong woman.
From the beginning, I was aware that this was just a fantasy. A love like the one I shared with him can only last for so long before it changes. Growing up, I learned that nothing is permanent. Why did I believe that this time it’d be different?
Composing myself, I smile at him. “It’ll take me a couple of days to pack my things.” I breathe a few times, finding some strength left inside me before my legs and my body give up. “Tonight, I’ll take the essentials, let me know when the best time is for me to come by and pack the rest. Plus, I have to find a new place.”
“Fuck,” he exhales, his broad shoulders slump. Kaden’s breaking apart. If only he’d let me be there for him, but he doesn’t want me here.
“Sadie…” his voice trails away.
My body jolts when I hear a smashing sound. His fist connecting with the wall.
“I’m hurting you, after I swore I’d never do it…” He runs a hand through his dark hair, taking several breaths. “I’m sorry for breaking my promise.”
“Don’t be.” I brush him away heading to the closet while searching for my luggage. “This is one of the reasons why I love you, Kade. You hang the moon and the stars for them.”
I bite back the rest of my thought. Words that might convince him that this could work, that we could try to defy the odds. But maybe I’d just be postponing the end for a few more days or weeks. Alicia was right.
He has a family, you’re just an intruder passing through.
Cards of Love: Knight of Wands Page 10
