by J. C. Burke
Ace's mouth opened wide but she knew she'd been caught. There was no use trying to deny it.
'How could you do that?' My voice sizzled. 'I thought you understood it wasn't right when Kia couldn't be a part of it.'
'But I said she could be the compere.'
'Kia couldn't be a compere if her life depended on it! Don't you see how nervous she gets? Not everyone's like you, Ace.'
Ace sort of dropped onto her bed, bum first.
'They'd all want to know why Kia wasn't modelling her own bikinis that she designs. It's different me not modelling 'cause I'm big. I look ridiculous in them. No one'd question it. But Kia's got a really good figure and she couldn't use the excuse that the water's cold 'cause she'd be on land.'
Ace's head was bobbing up and down in time with little sobs.
'I don't know why you went ahead and did it, Ace,' I said. 'I mean, I do know why but I can't believe you'd do that to Kia. Not after what's happened.'
'I know,' Ace sniffed. 'You're right. Everything you're saying's true. I don't think I really thought about it.'
'Shove over,' I grunted.
Ace moved up a little. I sat down on the bed and put my arm around her.
'I don't know what's wrong with me,' Ace cried. 'I feel all over the place.'
'It was pretty harsh what I said to you last night. And Friday's almost on us. Hardly anyone spoke at breakfast. I think we're all starting to feel the pressure.'
'Oh, it's not that.' Ace shook her head. 'I mean, it is but it's not. If you know what I mean.'
'Not really.'
'I feel like I've stuffed everything up.' Again Ace shook her head and fresh tears started springing from her eyes. 'I'm scared. I'm so scared. Just say I don't get selected on Friday? What'll happen? OP will dump me for sure or I'll just end up being their bikini girl until I'm fat and old and look like my mother.'
'It's not too late, Ace.' I felt so bad that I had been the one to bring Ace down. It wasn't my fault, though. Jake was right, she brought this on herself. Still, it was horrible to see. But Ace could get back on top. She was driven, whether it was in the surf or chasing Jules. I'd seen it. In many ways her drive had inspired me. 'You can get back on top, Ace. You got over your shoulder injury.'
'Did I?' she replied. 'I feel like that's when it all started going wrong. I wasn't surfing and I met Tim. I know now that was a lethal combination.' Ace's tears stopped. She sat up straight and I heard her suck in the air. 'And I'm never going to let that happen again.'
Ace's words started softly then grew louder and louder. 'You know, I thought that Tim really liked me. But he didn't – he didn't really like me. The worst thing is, I feel so used by him.'
'Ace,' I whispered, 'Tim didn't deserve you.'
'I went all the way with him, you know.'
'Did you?'
'He wasn't very nice to me.' Ace leant her head on my shoulder. 'Not like Jules. Jules makes me feel – light. Tim didn't. I feel this enormous relief that I'm not with him anymore.'
Back and forth we rocked.
'If by some miracle I make the selections,' Ace said, 'I am going to do everything I can to get back on top. I'm going to get in there with a new attitude and show them that I'm not finished. I know I can do it.'
'That's the spirit,' I told her.
'Will you help me, Georgie?'
'I'd love to.'
'Your name will be called out on Friday,' she said.
I kept my mouth shut. I didn't dare let anyone hear, especially myself, how much I wanted it.
KIA
Jake was in the middle of explaining to Micki and me how we had to use our shoulders better, when Georgie and Ace arrived at the beach. Ace looked like she'd been crying but that didn't matter to Jake.
'Ace.' It was the way he whispered her name that made me nervous. 'You have turned up late to nearly every training session we've had. I find it disrespectful, rude and arrogant.'
'I'm sorry,' she whispered back.
'I just don't get it, Ace,' he continued, a bit louder now. 'You bite my head off because I don't include you on a trip to Merrimen's. Yet you still come late to my sessions. Like I said, Ace, I don't get it.'
Tears were sliding down her face.
'Three of you, get in the water,' Jake told us. 'Go on, scram.'
We understood the instruction 'scram'. I stumbled around trying to zip up my wetsuit and pick up my board at the same time. Micki tripped over my leg-rope and Georgie had to untangle us. The only reason we weren't giggling was because Jake looked so mad and Ace looked so sad.
I wasn't happy about it, but for once Jake was getting stuck into someone else besides me. It was time one of the others had a turn on his bad side.
The rip was strong and within minutes Micki, Georgie and I were safely out in the ocean.
None of us dared sit up on our boards. That would be a definite giveaway that we were having a gossip about what was going down between Jake and Ace.
'I've never seen Jake that mad,' Micki said.
'He's never even been that mad with me,' I commented.
'Kia?' Georgie frowned. 'When's Jake ever been mad with you?'
'Hello?' I muttered. 'A couple of days ago!'
'Is Ace okay?' Micki asked Georgie.
'She feels like everything's getting on top of her,' Georgie said.
'Is she still mad with us?' I asked.
'No,' Georgie answered. 'I think she's mad with herself.'
'Oh, Georgie!' I suddenly remembered. 'What did Carla want to see you about?'
'Nothing much,' she answered.
'Tell me what it was.' With Georgie, 'nothing much' meant 'something' all right.
'Really, it was nothing.' Georgie started paddling for some crappy wave she'd never usually bother with. She was avoiding answering me and I wanted to know why!
Micki found the choice set wave and was off. I waited for Georgie, who was paddling back.
'You promised you'd tell me what Carla said.'
'I know,' she replied.
'So, stop saying it was nothing.'
'Kia?' Georgie leant over and held on to my board so our faces were close. 'Calm down. The reason I made out it was nothing was because Micki was there. All right?'
'Okay!' I bit back. 'You don't have to use that voice.'
'I just don't feel like this,' sighed Georgie.
'Feel like what?'
'Nothing, nothing.'
'No, tell me,' I pressed. There was definitely something Georgie wasn't telling and I wasn't going to let her get away with it. If I was Ace she'd be shouting it out by now.
'Carla thought we were having the fashion parade tonight. That's why she wanted to see me. That's why I couldn't tell you in front of Micki. Now do you get it?'
Neither of us spoke. I was the one to thank for that. Part of me felt bad: Micki's board was looking more dinged-up by the day. Jake and she had spent hours setting and reinforcing the weak spots.
But I was relieved as well. Even though I hadn't exactly been giving it much thought, just the word 'bikini' made me want to crawl into a hole and hide.
Still I needed to know this detail. 'Is Ace pissed off the parade's not going ahead?'
'No,' answered Georgie. 'She was a bit at first. Then I explained how you were the brains and talent behind the bikinis and how it wasn't fair if you didn't model them too. She was totally cool then.'
'Did you really say that?' I smiled. 'That I'm the brains and talent behind the bikinis?'
'Yes, Kia.'
'I do design them all, don't I?'
'Yes, Kia.'
'Are you stressed, Georgie?'
For a minute I thought Georgie was going to get mad with me but she smiled and flicked some water into my face.
'What?' I laughed.
'Nothing,' she replied. 'Except that you're a pain in the bum sometimes.'
Shyan got out the treasure box that contained twelve white envelopes we hadn't seen in almost twenty-one days.
&nb
sp; Seeing the scribble I'd made on the front of mine, 'Kia' with a smiley face next to it, felt strange. It was like Shyan was handing me something that didn't contain 'me' anymore. That Kia, who wrote the three things she wanted to achieve while she was at camp, wasn't the same Kia who now held the envelope.
So who was I now?
I was a heaps better surfer – definitely more confident in that way. I was perhaps a bit better at taking constructive criticism. I'd learnt to eat fish while blocking my nose. Plus I now had a real photo of Tim Parker in my wallet.
There was something else too, but I couldn't quite name it.
'Traditionally we open these envelopes on the last night,' Shyan told us, 'but last time it didn't go down that well. So we've decided tonight, our second-last night, is the night to reveal how many of your goals you reached.'
The room erupted with groans.
'If you want to,' she added. 'No one is under any pressure to say anything. If you want to share one goal, that's fine. If no one opens their mouth, that's fine too. I'll just turn on the DVD and leave you to it. This is a completely personal thing.'
I tore open the envelope. Across the folded paper were ridges of blue ink where I'd pressed the pen too hard. It was a habit of mine. In an average week, I'd easily grind down a couple of pen tips.
My goals weren't earth-shattering. They weren't even particularly interesting. I'd put down what was expected. I remembered thinking at the time that the whole exercise was stupid and pointless. We were a room of twelve girls writing the same thing, twelve times.
After nineteen days, I read my list again.
1. Make the Junior Team Training Camp.
2. Make the Australian team.
I'd crossed that out 'cause we were only meant to include goals we could achieve at this camp.
I'd replaced it with:
2. Get fit.
Which was originally going to be my third goal.
I'd racked my brains for what I could put down for number three. Eventually I'd decided on no junk food.
3. No junk food.
'Does anyone want to share all or one of their goals?' Shyan asked us. 'Maybe say how you think you went with them.'
Silence.
'Anyone?'
I put up my hand.
'Thanks, Kia.'
'Um?' Suddenly I felt shy and like a complete idiot. There were eleven pairs of eyes watching me, plus Shyan, Jake, Taylor and Carla! 'I don't know if I've achieved them all – yet. I'll tell you on Friday.'
The giggles and nods around the room told me that my first goal was the same as everyone else's. I relaxed a bit.
'So, one,' I began, 'is "Make the Australian Junior Team Training Camp". Duh! That was obvious. The second is "Get fit". I've definitely achieved that. And the third one is "No junk food", which, thanks to Brian, really wasn't that hard.'
I turned to Shyan. She smiled and said, 'Thanks, Kia. Simple but achievable. Like I said all those days ago, your goals could be as big or small as you like.'
Next, Micki's hand crept up.
'Go on, Micki,' Shyan said, and nodded.
'Number one,' she read from her piece of paper. I'm sure her fingers were trembling. '"To get physically stronger so I can handle the bigger waves". Number two, "Master pulling in on my backhand".'
'You've achieved that, Starfish Sister.' Jake clapped and whistled.
'And number three is the same as Kia's number one, making the training camp.'
'Anything else you want to say?'
Micki shook her head and sat down. The room went quiet. For ages.
How pathetic, I thought. How embarrassing for Shyan. What was the big deal about reading out some dumb goals? Like as if someone had put 'Stop murdering.'
'No one else wants to read theirs out?' Shyan asked us.
Plenty of girls shuffled uncomfortably in their chairs but there were no volunteers.
'How awkward was tonight?' I said back up at the bungalow. 'I can't believe out of everyone, Micki and I were the only ones to read ours out. We must be the brave ones, hey Micki?'
'No offence, Kia,' Georgie said, 'but I don't think I'd call yours and Micki's goals "brave".'
'I didn't say our goals were brave,' I corrected. 'I said we were brave.'
'Yeah, but that's the whole point.' Georgie had her nagging voice on. 'If you'd been brave about your goals in the first place, then maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable reading them out.'
'I don't get it,' I said. Georgie had a habit of making life complicated. 'What's a "braaave" goal?'
'Something that scares you or challenges you,' she explained. 'Something that you'd find really – like really – difficult to do. It's a pretty personal thing.'
I looked over at Micki to see if she understood but she was lying on her bed picking her toenails.
'So what did you write?' I asked Georgie.
'I'm not telling you!'
'That sucks.'
'I'd probably put something different down now,' Micki piped up.
'Would you?' I said.
Micki started to giggle. At first it was a chuckle every now and then, until it grew to a roaring laugh that had her stuffing a pillow over her face. Even Ace came out of the bathroom to see what was going on.
Soon the three of us were gathered around Micki's bed.
'Micki?' Georgie prodded her. 'What's so funny?'
We heard a mumble through the pillow. 'It's stupid.'
'Tell us.' I was starting to giggle too.
'Okay.' Micki still spoke with the pillow over her face. 'It's really not that funny.'
'Tell us!' we shouted.
'Actually, it's not funny at all. It's embarrassing.'
'Micki,' Ace groaned. 'This year'd be good.'
'One of the goals I was going to put down but didn't 'cause I was too scared to was' – Micki sucked in air, then in one breath said – 'that I wanted to be Kia's friend.'
'Oh,' Ace said. 'That's so cute.'
Micki's red face peered out at me. I smiled and she smiled back.
Suddenly, the thing that was different about me, the thing I couldn't name, jumped out from behind Micki's pillow and hit me in the face.
It was Micki, Georgie and Ace. That's what made me different to how I was when I arrived. For the first time, three people actually knew who I was. The real Kia. Not just the Kia you saw on the surface. And the best bit about it was that they still wanted to be my friend.
MICKI
'On Saturday morning,' Georgie mumbled through a yawn, 'I am going to sleep in until ten, no, eleven am.'
'Are you going on Friday?' I'd wondered when everyone'd be packing up and going home. But I dreaded knowing, so I hadn't asked.
'You know the other way to say that,' Kia told me, 'is, are you going tomorrow? Tomorrow! I can't believe it's nearly over.'
'Yeah,' I agreed, 'I can't believe it either.'
I caught my breath before I sighed loud and long and hard. Usually, I was so good at being brave. But this felt weird, like my body was suddenly so heavy that it was hard to pretend.
'What's the first thing you're going to do when you get home, Ace?' Kia asked.
'I'm not sure,' she replied, stretching the sheet over her head. 'Hey, did I tell you guys what happened to me down at the beach the other night? After I stormed out of our disastrous little truth or dare game, I had this total spin-out experience with these three blokes. Honestly, I thought I was going to die.'
Like she'd just won the lotto, Ace told us in the chirpiest voice some scary story about bumping into three men in the middle of the night down at the beach.
From my bed I could see Georgie smiling. They had a bond, Georgie and Ace. They were like the parents and Kia and I were like the kids. I liked it that way.
'I told you that you were an idiot sneaking down there in the dark,' Georgie scolded. 'It's been curfew shmurfew with you! I hope you told Jules what happened.'
'I did,' she replied. 'He flipped out and we agreed I'm not
sneaking out again.' Ace jumped onto Georgie's bed. 'I'm going to ask him to come and stay the weekend with us.'
'Will your mum mind?' Kia asked.
'Who cares,' Ace said, bouncing up and down. 'I'll just tell her that's what's happening. I only thought of it two minutes ago when you asked what I was going to do when I got home.'
'I'm going to get Mum to cook her spaghetti bolognese,' Georgie said. 'She makes the best, doesn't she, Kia?'
'Delicious,' Kia slurped. 'I can't wait to give Charlie a big squeeze. He is sooo squishy to cuddle.'
'What are you going to do, Micki?' Ace asked, ''cause your dad will be out of hospital and all?'
Suddenly they were looking at me, smiling, waiting to hear what I was dying to do when I got home.
'I think . . . I think I'll go to Keyong and have a surf.'
At least I was being honest.
'Let's talk about tomorrow,' Jake said to us, as we sat on the beach before our final group training session. Grey clouds were invading the sky, taking over the blue and dimming the light. 'How are my Starfish feeling?'
'Nervous,' I offered.
'I'm feeling sad,' Georgie sighed. 'Sad that it's almost over.'
'Has it been a good camp?' he asked us.
We answered with nods and a big 'Yeaaaaah.'
'It's not too bad now,' Jake said, pointing to the surf, 'but by this afternoon it'll pick up. Tomorrow, it's predicted to be sizey. It's getting into cyclone season. That low-pressure system will make its way down from North Queensland.'
'So it should be cranking!' Ace punched the air. 'Awesome. I love the first cyclone swell of the season.'
'It's good timing,' Jake told us. 'I just hope the waves are not out of reach for you girls. That'd be disappointing on the last day.'
I must've looked nervous as Jake squeezed my shoulder and said, 'But they won't be and you're going to shine out there, Miss Micki.'
But it was more like excitement that was brimming inside me. Finally, the day I'd been thinking about from the minute I woke up each morning until the moment I went to sleep at night, was about to arrive. In a way, it felt like Christmas Eve except ten times better.
I had been surfing solidly for three weeks. It'd been big, small, messy, dumping, clean, flat and perfect. If I wasn't ready now then I never would be.
