by J. L. Ostle
“You two are going to be in for a surprise when you see all the girls lining up for a piece of me.” Tina bursts out in hysterics, Dean and I join her. I try so hard to stop laughing when I see the look on Jason’s face.
“Sorry, we don’t know what is going to happen in high school, you could get every girl, just remember not to treat them like crap, because that’s not cool.”
“I will try to remember.”
Chapter 3
“What do you think high school will be like?” Tina asks me in Biology. I look at her and tap my pen on my lip as I think about it. I have seen loads of high school movies. I can picture loads of different tables in a cafeteria full of different cliques. It will be big, I know that, with loads of older kids. Too bad we aren’t in a musical, that would be interesting.
“It will be huge, we will probably get lost on our first day. All the older kids will treat us like crap. We probably can’t wait till the first year is over so we will no longer be the little fish in a huge pond.”
“Wow, you haven’t thought about it much,” she chuckles at me. I shrug. I really haven’t given high school much thought part from the fact that I will be going with three of my friends. I won’t be going through the scary experience all alone.
“Wonder what the boys will be like.” I look at her, looking like I just sucked on a lemon. Why does she care what the boys will be like?
“Please don’t tell me you have turned into one of those girls,” I point at the pink wearing, giggle fest on the side of the room. Tina was my ally. She can’t go to the dark side now.
“I will never turn into a fruit loop like them, but I have started to see boys differently. I can’t explain it, just have. Don’t you see them differently?” I look at the boys in the room, looking at one who has pens up his nose pretending he is some sort of animal. One boy making stupid faces to his friends. No, they are all idiots.
“No, I haven’t, they are all still morons to me, maybe I am lucky not to have caught the boy bug.”
“What about Dean and Jason? Haven’t you looked at them and thought wow, they are cute? You are with them all the time. You guys are joined at the hip. Don’t you imagine what it would be like to kiss one of them? Experiencing your first kiss?” Has she gone nuts? Kissing Jason and Dean.
That is just wrong.
“You’re gross. They are my best friends. It will be like me kissing you or something. Not cool.” She just shrugs.
“I think they have gotten way cuter, don’t worry I would never do anything I still see them as my friends, plus they are too enticed with you, but girls are surely noticing them. It will only take time until one girl snatches one up.”
“No one is snatching anyone up. I can’t believe you think they are cute. I am officially grossed out. I am going to have nightmares for a month.” We get back to our work, but I can’t help but to really think about Dean and Jason. They are cute in a way, but I can’t imagine acting like a loser and being all googly eyed with them. I won’t be one of the giggling, eye fluttering, Princess Barbies with them.
The following day I still have Tina’s words running through my head. Her seeing boys as cute, wanting to kiss them. I shiver just thinking about it. I wouldn’t want any of these boys putting their slobbery lips on mine.
“Tina, Ash, watch this,” Jason yells as we enter the cafeteria. He finishes off a can of Coke and smashes the can against his forehead. Well tries to. The can didn’t make a dent and Jason looks like he is going to have one hell of a headache.
“You think they are cute? I am the only sane one left in this school.”
“Jason is an idiot, granted but look at his smile, he has very nice eyes,” she says dreamily. I put my fingers in my ears and start singing to myself. “La, la, la, la.” Don’t want to hear this.
“You are such a baby.”
“You are such a boy liker.” We both laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Dean asks once we sit down.
“Apart from Jason having a head injury?” I giggle at Jason, who has his head on the table.
“They make it look easy on TV.” He tries to defend himself.
“Apart from that then.” Dean shakes his head at him.
“Tina thinks you two have turned cute.” Tina elbows me in my ribs and I wince
“Oh, you think I am cute?” Jason’s head snaps up, he has a full on smirk. Tina looks like a beetroot. Jason stands up and walks to Tina and sits on the table in front of her. “Is it my eyes? My body? My huge guns?” Tina rolls her eyes and I try so hard not to laugh. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but this is so funny.
“I am going to kill you,” she says to me.
“Sorry, couldn’t help it, plus look how happy he is.” We look up at him and he is smiling down at her. My smile falls. I hate how he is looking at her. I don’t know why but I hate how he is staring at her eyes, and she is smiling back up at him. Why am I feeling like this?
“I think it is your so called guns.” I try and distract them from staring at each other. Jason looks at me, then smiles back down at Tina, then walks back to his seat and eats the rest of his lunch. I do notice how he keeps eyeing Tina now and then.
“I can’t believe you told Jason I thought he was cute, he is never going to let this go.” I thought it was funny at the time, but a part of me wishes I kept my mouth shut now. Tina isn’t one of the girls that I dislike, she is my friend. So what if she thinks he is cute, so what if he likes that she likes him.
“Sorry, it just slipped out.”
“Course it did.” I shrug. She looks at me, I just stare at the floor as we walk to our next class with the guys talking behind us.
“You okay?” I just nod. She stops us and tells them to walk on and we will catch up. “You’re not okay. What’s up? Talk to me.”
“I’m fine.”
“I don’t believe you. You are never quiet. Did I do something wrong?” I look at her and I see the concern in her eyes. I hate how worked up I am about this. I don’t even know why I am upset about it.
“You didn’t like Jason all over me did you?” He wasn’t all over you, he was just smiling at you, I think bitterly. I mentally slap myself. What is my problem?
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I am thinking. I think I am going crazy.”
“I get it, Jason and Dean are yours, you know I would never intrude on that. You are my best friend, I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that right?” I feel even worse that she sees me as a best friend and I am upset over nothing. I saw her as a really good friend, she sees me as I see Dean and Jason.
“I know, I am sorry. I shouldn’t be like this, they are your friends too, he was only playing. I don’t even know why I am being such a freak right now.” I sigh.
“It’s ok, I get it, but we are good. Jason was just enjoying the attention.” I nod, she hugs me and we start walking again.
“Dean and Jason aren’t mine. They are just my friends.”
“If you say so.”
Chapter 4
It is now the weekend, the sun is out and I am thrilled to go to the lake and chill out for the day. Dad had a business trip, so no arguments last night. I take my books out from my backpack. I put in a towel, sun block, a couple bottles of water, a sandwich, chips, and a spare top and shorts. I quickly put on my swimming suit, then cover it up with a T-shirt and shorts. I run downstairs and put on my black converse.
“You ready for the lake?” Mom asks walking towards me with a basket.
“Yeah, what’s that?” I ask pointing to the basket.
“I made you and the boys some lunch. You have sandwiches, fruit, pastries, and some muffins. Just in case.”
“Thanks, Mom. I made a sandwich, but this is amazing, thank you.” I kiss her on the cheek and take the basket.
“You got sun block?” I roll my eyes.
“Yes.”
“Good, make sure you put plenty on, I don’t want you to burn.”
“I know,
Mom. I will see you later.” I run to her and give her another kiss. For a second I thought I saw sadness in her eyes, but it’s gone before I can really be sure. I would have asked, but I don’t want to be late, I give her a hug then run out the door. I easily forget everything as soon as the sun shines down on me. I love our trips to the lake. Just a full day with my two best friends. I invited Tina, but she is away with her parents this weekend.
I close the door and start walking down the path and see Jason and Dean walking toward me with huge smiles on their faces too. At least I know I am not the only one who is excited for today.
We have set out our towels and sit on them as we look out into the lake. It is so peaceful here. We try and go here every two weeks just to get away from the real world. After Dean’s Dad had passed away, Jason and I took him here every few days because he wasn’t coping with his loss.
I don’t know how many times I held him as he cried. It broke my heart seeing him fall apart. It changed him. He was no longer the carefree boy I first met. He is better now, but I still see how much he misses him.
We are sitting in silence, with our thoughts. Mine are of my parents, but Dean always pops in, I wonder if he is still thinking of his Dad. I am not an emotional person, but recently I can’t help but feel the sadness for him, for my family falling apart.
My insecurities are losing my two best friends to another girl. I feel selfish for having such a thought, as they don’t belong to me, but in my head they do.
I look at the sun in the sky, the heat beating down on me, I know we need to get away from this sullen mood. When I really think about it, I have never seen Jason cry. His parents work constantly, they are never really home, yet Jason always puts up a front that he loves having the house to himself, but I know he wants his parents to be there. What a trio we are. We want things that are out of our control.
I stand up and stretch. I take off my T-shirt and shorts and walk towards the lake. I let my toes touch the edge of the water, it feels warm. I walk further in then dive through the water. When my head pops back up, I look over to Jason and Dean and they are still sitting there watching me.
Why are they looking at me like that?
“You two girls going to sit there or are you going to show how manly you are and join me?” That takes them out of their weird trance. They strip out of their clothes just leaving on their shorts and run in. I laugh when they reach me, splashing water everywhere causing me to shriek.
“Who you calling a girl?” Jason says before grabbing me, picking me up and throwing me a couple of inches away. I laugh at his poor attempt of throwing me.
“You are such a girl,” I laugh then he dives to me. I try and swim away before he reaches me, squealing my heart out.
“Come here you chicken.”
“Never,” I shout. I feel hands on my legs causing me to scream. “Dean,” I scream out like a girl. Yes, I know I am a girl, but you know what I mean. I hear Dean laughing and when he gets to me, he grabs my hands and tries to pull me towards him as Jason pulls me back.
“You’re going to stretch me to death,” I laugh. They both let go, I go under the water. I come back up spurting water out of my nose. “You guys suck,” I cough, they both laugh at me.
The idiots.
We swim for a good while, then we sit on our towels, eating the food my mom had made us. This has been the perfect day. As the day goes on, we just sit here or sit near the lake letting our feet play in the water. I know nothing can really tear us apart.
Well, so I thought.
Dean and Jason walk me to my door, Jason hands over the basket and we say our goodbyes. I walk inside and Mom and Dad are sitting on the couch looking all serious. Please don’t argue I plead in my head. I had an amazing day I don’t want them to spoil it with their adult problems. I close the door and Mom turns and looks at me with a sad smile. Has she been crying?
“Sweetie, can you come sit down, we need to talk about something.” Oh God, this can’t be good. As I come closer I know that she has been crying, her eyes are all pink and puffy, but she gives me a warm smile and a hug. “We have some news, and remember you have to be brave about what we are going to tell you.” Oh no, they are getting a divorce. I know some kids at school have watched their parents go through a divorce, but I never thought it would ever happen to my parents. My parents love each other. I know they do.
“Are you getting a divorce?” I whisper out, trying not to cry. I see Mom look at Dad.
“No, sweetie, we aren’t getting a divorce.” I release the breath I was holding in. Thank God.
“Princess, we have had to make a grown-up decision, it’s a big one, but we need to do this. Remember the reason we are doing this is to make this family stronger.” I look at Dad all confused. What is he talking about? What decision? He sees the confusion on my face, he takes in a few deep breathes. “We are moving. We are going to have a fresh start somewhere else.”
Wait. What? Moving?
No, we can’t be moving, we have already moved. I can’t move again. Oh God, Dean, Jason. How can I leave them? They are like my family, my best friends. No, we can’t move. We were just at the lake. We were laughing, we were talking about how we are going to be freshmen after the summer. I have only one month before the summer holidays. Why are they doing this to me?
“I am not leaving. I am staying here,” I say trying so hard not to cry. Haven’t they caused me enough pain by breaking this family apart? Don’t they care how I feel? I want to scream and yell at them.
“Princess, it will be okay, you will make new friends, you can do up your room. You loved it when we moved here, you will love our new place. You just need to be a grown up about this.” Grown up? GROWN UP? They have no right to ask this of me.
“I am not leaving. You can go, but I am not leaving Dean and Jason. I rather die.” I say raising my voice.
“Those boys, you are too attached to those idiotic boys. You need to make some friends who are girls, it’s not right you hang out with them so much. I can’t believe I even need to say this, but they are not your family, we are.” Dad says standing up.
“Paul, it’s fine that she is close to two boys, they are her best friends. They are good to her. You can’t say that about them.”
“This isn’t helping her getting used to this if you are contradicting what I am saying. She is almost fourteen, she needs to stop hanging with them 24/7. God knows where it would lead in a year or two. We are moving and that’s it.”
“Paul.”
“This is what you want isn’t it? Unless you are fine with how things are right now?”
“Don’t you dare try and bring all that crap up now, this is your fault why we have to move not mine. If you would just...” Mom stands glaring at my father.
“Then stop contradicting me. We are telling her she is moving, that she will make other friends and you are basically making her want to stay by saying there is no problem with those boys across the street. I won’t be surprised if they start sneaking through each others windows before we know it.” I look at my hands, with tears in my eyes knowing that it has already started happening, but only because they yell for the whole neighborhood to hear.
“I am not leaving. You two always scream and yell at each other, I have two best friends who are my damn family, who make me feel better about myself. You want to take that away from me so you can yell and scream at each other in another state? You can go fuck yourself.” I scream. I can’t believe I just swore at my dad, but I am so pissed off.
“Don’t you dare, speak to us like that. Show some damn respect, we are your, fricking parents.” Dad yells back at me.
“You don’t act like it. Screaming at each other nearly every night, saying things no child has or wants to hear. You aren’t my damn family, they are. They love me and take care of me, you are just someone I am related to by blood. I hate you. I HATE YOU.” I scream. I feel a sharp pain across my face. I look in shock at my dad, who looks shocked himself.
“Paul.” Mom runs to me, pulling my head to her chest. “You ever touch my baby again, I swear I will divorce you so fast, your head will be spinning.” She hugs me with a death grip. I am covering my cheek with my hand, feeling the heat spread. I can’t believe he hit me. My dad actually struck me.
“You wanted to move, she has to get used to it. Life is unfair, we have to deal. We are moving, end of conversation.” He looks at me with sad eyes then walks away.
“Please, Mom, don’t let us move. I can’t leave them. Please.” I beg as I cry.
“I am so sorry sweetie, I can’t live here anymore. When you are older, I will explain. All you have to know right now is that I am really sad. You said you heard all the yelling, it’s because your dad and I are having problems, for us to try and get things back to normal we need to have a fresh start somewhere new. I hate that I have to put you through this.” We cry in each others arms. How can I leave? How are Dean and Jason going to take this? I don’t want to leave them. I cry harder knowing I am going to have a life without them in it.
Acknowledgments
I hate this part as I never know what to say. I have been writing for over three years and this makes book number sixteenth and it still feels unreal. Knowing that you give my book a chance. Each passing day I am so thankful to everyone that helps support me, to keep my dream going.
To my precious, amazing little boy Jake, my number one fan. He is my world and I want to show him that dreams can come true if you are willing to work hard for what you want.
Daniel Martin, even though we have parted ways, you still mean the world to me. You were my first real fan, giving me that big push to write my first ever book and I thank you for doing so.
Elmarie Pieterse, my brain twin, my book whore, my other side of the same coin, my sister from another mister. We have become so close in the last couple of years. I really don’t know what I would do without you. I need someone to yell at my leading men lol
