I laugh quietly, thinking about how lucky I am in this moment. I thought I’d had my great love, the one that I’d spent years on and came out with nothing. As a twenty-seven-year-old, I knew that was a depressing train of thought. But when you’re a single mom, sometimes it feels like nothing in your life will ever be normal again. Like you won’t get the traditional happily ever after because you’ve skipped a few steps and life doesn’t like when you veer off course.
“Thanks for coming, babe. I’m just happy to get you all to myself.”
I picked up the magazine I’d brought for reading … some trashy tabloid that I couldn’t get enough of. “I’m happy to have a little vacation, and I guess it’s better that it’s with you. Do you know that this is the first time I’ve taken a trip without Lennon?”
Jake changes lanes. “You’re in dire need of it then, I’d say. Maybe I’ll even show you my childhood bedroom … nothing like fucking on a squeaky twin bed.”
His eyebrows go up and down suggestively, and I can’t help but stare at him. Jesus, he’s pretty. With that strong jaw, that dimple, the hair like a golden Adonis that is rumpled like I just held on tight. Like that night in the kitchen at his office.
I flush at the thought of the way we went at each other, groping and grinding like animals. Shit, it was so hot. Things in the sex department were the best I’d ever had, and when it came to the connection between our personalities, it was like I’d found a spark I’d been waiting a long time for. His relationship with Lennon had blossomed too, and she was getting more used to him being around the apartment. It had been a few months since we’d been seeing each other, and I felt like after this weekend, we were going to take another step. Going away together as a couple was a big deal … add meeting someone’s family in there, and it was huge.
“What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever done in a car?” I ask randomly, bored with already being in the car for two and a half hours.
“As in … sex? I’m not sure how weird you can get in a car but—”
I put my hand over his mouth. “While I am kind of curious what the rest of that sentence might be, I don’t need to hear about any sex besides the kind that happens between you and me. No, I mean, are you one of those people who clips their toenails while driving? Or something else odd or weird?”
Jake snorts, and tilts his head like he’s thinking. “Yeah … okay. This one time I was driving one of the trucks around the neighborhoods, early days of the business, and I got hungry. I typically won’t eat the ice cream on a route, I feel like I’m losing myself money or something. So I saw that one of the guys had left some bread and peanut butter in the middle of the seats … and while driving, I made myself a peanut butter sandwich.”
“You couldn’t have just pulled over?” I smile at his goofy expression.
“Time is money, baby. And I am a good multi-tasker, especially with my hands. I think you have seen that work in action.”
“God, you’re cheesy.” I lean my seat back a little, impatient on long car rides.
“How about you? What’s the craziest car ride story in your arsenal?”
I know exactly what the tale is, but blush before I go into it. “Okay, you should know that it was bumper to bumper traffic, and even though its unsafe, I was totally being as careful as I could.”
“Why am I worried to hear this story now?” Those green eyes meet mine briefly.
I wave him off. “So this one day in Seattle, I got caught in the worst traffic. I’m talking not moving for hours at a time. And at first it was okay, because Lennon was asleep in the back peacefully. But then she woke up, and she started wailing. Crying bloody murder … I thought she was going to shatter my eardrums. And I knew she was hungry so … so I went back and unbuckled her and brought her up front. And I … I started breastfeeding her. She quieted right down! That was all she wanted, and we still hadn’t moved. But then I made eye contact with the guy in the car next to me, and I swear, he was staring so hard at my boobs that my nipples might as well have turned to him and waved hi.”
Jake begins to laugh, the sound high and loud. "You really gave him a show? It was breast-to-breast traffic!"
I crack up too. "I swear, he was so interested in my breastfeeding that he almost hit the car in front of him."
"A tit and run!" Jake slaps the steering wheel, and we dissolve into a fit of laughter.
"So yeah, that's my weird car story. I totally topped yours, we need to have you do something strange on this road trip."
He adjusts his body in the seat. "I know one thing I haven't gotten while driving ..."
Glancing down, my eyes grow bigger when I see the tent he has going in his pants.
“If I put my mouth on that, it might be a moving violation.”
We both laugh, the song changing on the radio to “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”
“You planned that, didn’t you?” I take another sip of my coffee.
“If Meatloaf insists …” He winks, taking an exit for another highway.
We fall into a contented silence, both of us singing a few words here and there. I read my magazine and text Mom for a while, her sending me half blurry pictures of Lennon running around.
“So tell me again about your family … how many siblings do you have?”
Jake sighs, and I know I’ve broached a subject that he’s been trying to avoid. “Three siblings, two brothers and a sister. I’m the youngest, so of course I was always the one who got picked on.”
“And they all live in the same town? I’ve always wondered what that would be like, to live one place your whole life, surrounded by family.” At times, I thought it actually sounded pretty nice. Everything was familiar, people knew your family and your name.
“It’s boring and settled, trust me. Sure, I guess it could be comforting in some sense, but none of my brothers or sister have ever worked for anything. They graduated, were paid for to go to college, and then handed a position in the family business. When it came my turn, I just … I couldn’t do it.”
I’m not sure what to say, because clearly this is a sticking point with him. I want to be supportive, but I also want to give his family a chance.
Jake clears his throat, apparently done with talking about the family we are driving almost seven hours to go see.
“How about you, are you an only child? I’ve never seen anyone else at Molly’s house for the couple of years I’ve been driving around her neighborhood.”
That makes me sad … and a little guilty that I was away on the other side of the country for so many years. I took her for granted sometimes, but Mom was probably thrilled that we were living back in the DC metro area.
“My brother, Charlie, is actually in Africa, saving lives. Little bro always did have to outshine me … just kidding, I love him, but we haven’t seen each other much in the last couple of years. And then my dad … he died when I was a teenager. I don’t think Mom has really ever been able to completely move on from it, although I would absolutely be supportive of her finding someone to make her happy.”
“Oh shit, Samantha, I’m … I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be, he was an amazing dad. I was lucky to have the time I did with him.”
Jake clears his throat, his hand finding mine where it rests on the other side of the car. “If it makes you feel better, I can commiserate. I lost my mom when I was ten.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I blink them away. All this time we’d been seeing each other, and neither of us knew that we had way more in common than we’d imagined.
“I guess that just makes us two members of the same club no one wants to be in, huh?”
He nods, and I can’t help but lean over and kiss his cheek, my lips lingering there, my nose soaking in his clean, minty scent.
“It’s weird, but ever since we met … well, again, I’ve felt a deeper connection with you than almost anyone I’ve come across in my life. Maybe there is a truth to saying that souls
seek out other souls they find similar.”
Now emotion clogs my throat. “That is beautiful. And I think you’re right.”
I kept his fingers laced in mine but sat back in the passenger seat, content to know that I was with someone who, even before I knew him, already shared so many of the same life experiences.
And now I was thinking that maybe it wasn’t just happenstance after all that led me to moving back home.
Twenty-Two
Jake
One of the things I actually appreciate about home is being surrounded by a ton of voices; the chaos and familiarity still make me feel some sense of belonging.
Kids run around the front yard of the big McMansion my father bought about ten years ago at the insistence of my stepmother, Shelly. They throw balls, ride around on motorized toys, all while their two golden retrievers chase them. My sister, Kelly, pushes a stroller around the driveway, watching the two toddlers who play around with chalk on the blacktop.
My brothers shoot the shit on the porch, sipping beers while my dad stands on the front steps, looking over his empire. There may be some tension, but I always enjoy coming home. At least for a few hours, before everyone starts in on each other and we all get sick as shit of one another.
“Samantha, what is it that you do again?” Ian, my middle brother, asks.
“I work for the National Parks Service. I started there in Seattle, and just recently moved back to DC.”
“West Coast, huh? Nothing like the best coast. We took a trip out there to wine country last year for our anniversary, it was awesome. Jake, you have no idea what good wine is until you’ve been out there.” Michael plants a smug smile on his face.
I want to point out that Napa Valley is nowhere close to Seattle, and that my brother has no idea what the West Coast is like as he has barely left Buffalo, but I keep my trap shut. With each word my brothers speak, I feel it grate on my nerves. I just needed to get through the next day and a half, and then it was smooth sailing up to the wineries and lakes with the gracious woman holding my hand.
“And Samantha has a daughter, Lennon.” I pull out a phone and show them a selfie of Lennon and I with a Snapchat filter that makes us look like we have tomatoes on our head.
Ian raises his eyebrows. “Oh, I didn’t realize that. How old is she?”
Michael’s wife, Denise, walks up to our group and begins to listen. “She’s three, going on thirty. It really is true when they say that little girls are like teenagers.”
“Oh, you’re a mother? I hadn’t realized. Is your daughter in school, do you practice organic? Are you into any of those anti-vaccination things?”
The questions were strange and Samantha laughed a little, a nervous tone coming out of her mouth. I laced my fingers through hers to let her know I was there, but this was just plain weird. Why was it that women were constantly trying to compete with each other?
Hell, I could answer that … seeing as my brothers and I were constantly competing for everything from Dad’s love to who had the nicer car.
“Just a regular old mom. Not one of those fancy ones who seems to have time to pose in priceless outfits for professional photos that she posts on Instagram. I never can quite grasp how they do it, I can barely vacuum my area rug and I live in a thousand square foot apartment. Meanwhile these ladies have immaculate white kitchens and fire pits with marble stools.”
Michael and Ian look at each other, then look at Michael's wife. The expression on her face is a sour one, and I swallow the laugh that is about to come out of my throat, causing me to make some kind of choking bird noise.
I should have remembered that Denise was one of those Instagram famous mommies.
“Some of us believe that raising your children in a healthy, beautiful, cultured environment influences them to grow up to be stronger, more worldly people.” Denise sniffs in Samantha’s direction, as if a cockroach might crawl out from under her hair.
“Oh, I’m sorry … I didn’t mean—“ Samantha sputters, and I am about to jump in until someone farther down the porch shouts.
“Dinner! Come in and wash your hands, children, and sit in your assigned seats.” Shelly came out, her diamond studs flashing in the setting sun.
We are literally saved by the dinner bell.
* * *
Forks scrape, mouths chew, bowls are passed and chatter runs on endlessly from the thirty person dinner table in the immaculate dining room Shelly and my father have created.
I’m not sure why I was put to the right of my father, but my brothers were looking at me like I’d pissed in their Cheerios. Looking at the old man, I realize he did look older than the last time I’d seen him about eight months ago. His hair, once the same golden brown as mine, was mostly gray at this point. His face, while still what most would consider handsome, is lined with wrinkles and a constant stern expression. My father has never been a particularly warm man, and his harsh business persona often carried over into his personal life.
“I’m glad you wised up and decided to come home for the new dealership opening. Having the whole family intact for this was one of my dreams … not to mention your mothers.”
Ah, so we were using the dead mom card tonight to guilt, good to know.
“Glad to do it, it’s been a while. Not that I know my Ford from my Hyundai.” I shrug, throwing the little jab in there just because I can.
Samantha stops chewing next to me, and I know she can hear the tension in my voice. It’s funny how well she knows me after just a few months, when my entire life, it’s like I’ve never quite fit into the puzzle that is the Brady family. If I had to come here, had to put myself through this, I’m glad she’s here with me. Part of me hopes I’m showing her the vulnerable part of myself, just like she’s allowed me to become a part of Lennon’s life.
“Maybe you guys can come down for the food truck festival next year … you know you still haven’t seen my trucks.” I cut into my piece of steak, and fork a cube of meat. I need to change the subject, and maybe if I do this for them, they’ll finally come and see my business.
In the years since I’d opened Cones & Corks, none of my family members have come to visit and see how well I was doing. In fact, they barely contacted me down south, a fact that still ate at me.
“Because we have a real business to run up here, son. We don’t have time for vacations or ice cream.” Dad ribs Michael, who then laughs and makes a face at Ian.
“Actually, Dad, I’ve had my own successful business for three years, and we just got picked up to open a retail space.” I could feel my blood pressure rising.
“You did, eh? Well, send us an invite to the opening, we’ll see if it comes to fruition.” He didn’t even look up, just kept chewing his dinner. “So, Kelly, how are the salesmen at the Waterloo dealership doing?”
And that was it. Just like that he fucking dismissed me, choosing to talk about some bumfuck branch of his business.
Samantha leans to me, her hand on my leg taking me down a notch. “Do you want to get some air?”
The conversation continues on around us, and I nod, not able to stomach this charade any longer. I get up, the table looking at me, and simply walk out. They didn’t give a shit about what I had to say just seconds ago, so what was the point of explaining myself now?
Once outside on the porch, I blew out a breath and slammed my fist into the railing a couple of times. My blood still curdled in my ears, all of the things I’d like to say on the tip of my tongue.
“Would it have been better if I blew up at them?” I hear her come out behind me, her toned arms wrapping around my waist as she presses herself against my back.
“We could go back in there, I could get in a mommy fight with Denise and you could battle your father?”
I chuckled under my breath, bitterness tangy on my tongue.
Samantha kissed my back. “But no, I don’t think it would do any good. Sometimes we just have to swallow the bitter pill and know that we are in the right …
even when you want to claw someone’s eyes out. Fuck them, you know?”
Hearing the curse word come out of her mouth makes me finally turn, staring down at her and taking her face in my hands. Just feeling her skin was like a balm to my salted wounds, and I could feel my heart opening in a way it never had before. Sure, it sounded so unmanly, but I was falling for this incredible woman and I didn’t care to hide it.
“How come you didn’t tell me about the retail store?” The moonlight streams through her dark hair.
I shrug, suddenly feeling shy. “I’m not sure … I wanted to feel like it was, real or something, first. I didn’t want to jinx anything, and it still could fall through. Was it too much to ask to bring you in when everything was done and knock you on your ass?”
We both smile at my attempt at a joke, and she snuggles into my chest so that we don’t have to make eye contact in this moment. I think she senses that it’s getting too heavy.
“I’d love to hear more about it when you’re ready … and I’ll even help pick paint colors. I’m good at that.”
Everything in me wants to stay out here, alone with her. My body recoils at going back inside, at staying until tomorrow to stand up on the podium at the dealership like some good politician’s son.
“You know what? Let’s get out of here.” Saying the decision out loud only confirmed it in my head as the right thing to do.
Samantha pulled back, her expression not negative but curious. “But what about tomorrow? And your family?”
I shook my head, trying to flesh out my thoughts. “They’ll always be my family, but sometimes family is wrong. If they can’t support me, why should I stick around to do so for them? I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. And we can take one more day to escape reality, go to the bed and breakfast early. If we leave now, we can get there before closing.”
She titled her head, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. “Well then, what are we waiting for?”
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