by A. m Madden
“Hey Lei, its Dylan. I meant to call you all day. I’m sorry about last night. I was hoping I could come by so we could talk about it. I don’t regret what happened. I just wanted to let you know that. Please call me when you get in. Bye.”
Jack hasn’t moved the entire time Dylan was rambling on my answering machine. Fuck…
He pulls out and sits on my bed.
“Jack...” I say sitting next to him.
He stands quietly, zips up his jeans, and walks out of my bedroom and out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Instead of talking to me, he just storms out.
What the hell?
Is this a glimpse of what he’ll be like in a crisis? When he gets upset, he’ll bolt?
I can’t have dinner with a friend? Dylan had dropped by, and I had forgotten to mention it. And yes, the message may have alluded that something happened between us. That something being a kiss. But don’t I get a chance to explain, without him assuming the worst?
The more I sit, the more I stew. My anger is off the charts by the time I throw on my clothes and storm out of my room.
Chapter 24- Jack
I’m beginning to hate this guy. He needs to back the fuck off!
Is that why she wanted to be discrete? To hide our relationship from Dylan? Last night she said she was home finishing up with packing. She never told me she saw Dylan. I couldn’t get over here, but what would have happened if I showed up without warning? What would I have found?
Fuck.
I’m assuming that I know something happened between them. I may not trust Dylan but I trust Leila. Besides, its not like he knows I fell in love with this girl. Hell, it’s not like she even knows I fell in love with her. I’ve never told her.
Sitting out here on her stoop brooding is definitely not the smartest thing I could be doing right now. I feel like a complete ass, by the time I climb the stairs to her apartment.
I knock on her door and wait for her let me back in. After a few seconds, without a response, I knock again. “Leila, open up.”
“Just go away.”
“I will stand here all night. Please open the door.” More silence follows my request. “Please, Leila?”
She finally pulls the door open but doesn’t move aside to let me in.
“I’m sorry.”
“What exactly are you sorry about Jack?”
“I guess for acting like an ass mostly?” The look on her face tells me that was the wrong answer.
She stares me down while waiting for a better excuse. I try again. “I’m sorry that I assumed the worst?”
“I’ve told you nothing is going on between us. It hurts that you don’t trust me.”
I cut right to the chase. “I do trust you, but Dylan wants more, doesn’t he?”
She shrugs but doesn’t answer. “Yes.”
I suspected Dylan intentions, but hearing her say it causes my blood to boil.
That prick.
“Do you?” There is double meaning to my question. Does she want more with him or with me?
She looks over at me and doesn’t respond immediately. At last she shrugs. “Jack, he’s just a friend.”
“Can I ask you one more question?” She nods. “Has he kissed you yet?”
Taking a deep breath, she practically whispers her response. “Last night. He stopped by with dinner. I was surprised to see him. He only stayed an hour because I told him I had a lot to get done. As he was leaving, he kissed me.”
We look into each other’s eyes for what seems like an eternity. I can’t hide my displeasure.
“Jack, I don’t have feelings for Dylan. I don’t.”
At this point she lets me take her in my embrace. “Thank you for telling me. I do trust you.”
She pulls away and shakes her head. I cannot read her thoughts and as I bend to kiss her she stiffens in my arms.
“Leila?”
“Jack, you stormed out. You never even gave me the chance to explain.”
“I acted like an ass. I’m sorry.”
She watches me for a long time. She finally takes a deep breath and speaks. “Jack, you don’t think it’s hard for me to see you with a girl, and wonder if you’ve fucked her? Or if you want to?”
“Leila, I haven’t been with anyone since…well it’s been a long time. Believe me.”
“This is only going to get harder once we leave tomorrow. I need to concentrate on adjusting to my new life, and on my career while you need to focus on yours. Maybe we should stop.”
“No.” Crap, why is she doing this?
“Jack…”
“Leila, this isn’t just a fling for me. I can’t just turn this off. I’m in this.”
Releasing her, I walk over to the couch. Its time I told her what she means to me.
“Leila, please come here. I need you to listen to everything I am about to say.” I guess she senses the unmistakable resolve in my voice and doesn’t attempt to argue with my request. She slowly walks over and sits next to me on the couch, but purposefully leaves a distance between us.
“Leila, I started to have feelings for you the day you walked into the studio.” The look of surprise on her face doesn’t deter me at all. “Of course I didn’t know that at the time. My feelings for you started off slow. I would wonder what you were doing at that moment or picture you laughing in that adorable way of yours. I yearned to share something with you that I thought was funny, just to see and hear you laugh. Then it became something more consuming.”
I look down at my hands. “I have never felt like this in my entire life. I had no idea why I was acting the way I did. I was in a constant bad mood, instead of walking on clouds from the tour and the album. I was falling in love with you and subconsciously I knew I couldn’t be with you. The realization of both hit me like a baseball bat to the head. It was the night of my birthday party. I tried my damndest to hide it. I felt if I admitted my feelings, inevitably I would screw things up and you would run. I haven’t been with anyone else. Once I felt you, I couldn’t think about another woman.
“I tried to stay away from you, Leila but it wasn’t possible. It made me angrier that I had to deny what I felt. The kiss we shared first at on my roof, and later at my party were the cruelest forms of torture. Once we spent such a great day together after your farewell party, I needed you like I need air to breath. Now…now I want nothing more than to show everyone we are together. You aren’t ready for that though, and I don’t want to push you or pressure you. Even so, I want the world to know I love you.”
She sits stunned.
“Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?” She asks very quietly.
“I’ve only known you for a few weeks. At first I just wanted to be with you, in any way I could. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized friendship wasn’t enough. Falling in love with you doesn’t make sense to me. It’s never happened before and I didn’t handle it well. I’d convince myself to stay away, then one look at you and I’d kiss you. Then I’d convince myself it was a mistake, then one look at you and I’d kiss you again. Then I’d convince myself we should just be friends. Then I’d convince myself maybe we could be together, and maybe I should tell you how I felt. But I was scared you wouldn’t believe me. I barely could believe it myself. Or what if you didn’t feel the same? I still have no idea what you are feeling. I was tormented by these confused feelings.”
She leans forward and takes my hands in hers, yet she doesn’t speak. She remains motionless, stunned into silence.
“Baby?” She looks up almost forgetting I was sitting next to her. “Am I scaring you?’
“No…yes...” She looks lost as a few tears slowly slide down her face. A tiny seed of doubt festers in the pit of my stomach. What if she doesn’t feel the same?
“Babe, talk to me.”
“Your words don’t scare me. It’s how this’ll work that does.”
“Why?”
“Jack, I think I fell in love with you the first day I met you. My feelings weren�
�t a slow build. Mine were like a freight train running through my heart.” She stares at me, nodding slowly, her eyes still moist from her tears. “I’ve been dealing with very similar emotions. I wanted to be with you so badly yet knew it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do. You’re like a drug to me. I can’t stay away from you.”
“Jeez, Leila.”
Closing the distance between us, I clutch her body to mine. We cling to each other like neither of us want to let go. Eventually she pulls away with the lost look still obvious in her eyes.
“You’re holding something back. Leila, tell me.”
“Jack, I am terrified of what people will think.”
“Who cares what people think?” I respond angrily.
“Let me rephrase it. I’m terrified how this will look.” I run my hand through my hair. I’m sure the frustration I feel is written all over my face.
“Let me explain. I’ve wanted nothing more than to become a rock singer since I was a little girl. I still do. I don’t want you to think it’s more important to me than you are, but it’s part of who I am. I worry of the backlash we would get if we went public. Others might think that I only got the job because we’re together.
I never thought of that. It would only need to be one negative comment, to cause rumors to run ramped all over the Internet. How would that affect her career?
“I understand.” Taking both her hands in mine again, I tug until her gaze meets my own. “We don’t have to go public. I get how vulnerable you are in this situation, but I don’t think we need to deny our feelings and not live our lives.”
Leila sits quietly as she processes my words.
“Babe, I would never let anything hurt you. Everyone we know is aware of why you got this job. The world will know, too, the minute we go on tour. Your talent is undeniable.”
I take her face in between my hands and bend to kiss her gently. “We’ve wasted so much time fighting this. I’m done with that. We love each other and that’s all that matters.”
I kiss her a second time and profess my love once again. I’ll say it every minute of every day so she knows and never forgets it.
“I love you.”
Smiling wide, she has never looked more beautiful. It’s seems almost impossible, I know. How can someone who is perfection, be even more perfect? It’s the love in her eyes that makes her even more beautiful.
I never want to forget the look of pure love and joy on her face at this moment. I know it will be forever etched in my memory, but I still want evidence that this magnificent woman loves me.
Pulling out my phone I snap a few pictures of Leila.
“What are you doing?” she asks while laughing.
“I want to remember how you looked at the moment we professed our love.”
Blinking, she sits motionless for a few seconds looking stunned again. “That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I kiss her gently and snap a few more pictures. I notice a tear falling slowly down her cheek. Using my thumb to brush it away, I kiss her gently before saying, “Why are you crying?”
“Because I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Chapter 25-Leila
My heart swells with the love I feel for this man. His admission causes my body to sag against him like I am suddenly boneless. He is everything I ever wanted. Caring, kind, gentle, funny, romantic, passionate, sexy…all my wants and needs rolled into one perfect man. This seems too good to be true. How could I have gotten so lucky?
I clutch him without wanting to let go. I’m afraid that this is all a dream. Our embrace is a symbolic culmination of what we have been stupidly holding back from each other.
Jack bends and kisses me again, probing my mouth open with the tip of his tongue, and I allow him complete access. When he pulls away, the sudden space between us causes me to want to sob.
“Leila, I am overwhelmed by this.” A slow smile spreads across his face, causing me to suck in a breath from his beauty. “I’m never letting you go.” He crushes his lips to mine, transferring his emotions through his kiss.
I have one nagging thought that I can’t ignore. This man just confessed love to me, how am I going to bring up my concerns with his past? Being dishonest wouldn’t be fair to me or to him. I need to admit how much I worry about him cheating on me. I could not handle that again. And I refuse to be put in that position.
Pulling away, I gulp and venture, “Jack, can we talk about something else?”
“Anything.”
I take a deep breath and try to begin but I can’t seem to get the words out. I’m not sure if it’s fear, or I’m afraid by voicing my fears they may come true.
He squeezes my hands and wills me to continue with apprehension etched into every line on his face.
“Jack, you know Matt cheated on me. What I haven’t told you is that I actually walked in on him with a mutual friend of ours from high school.”
Realizing where I’m taking this conversation, Jack sits quietly until I continue.
A vivid image appears in my mind as if it happened yesterday. “I stood frozen, unable to move. When they finally realized I was standing there, I felt sick to my stomach. He made me look like such a fool. I defended him over and over to anyone who tried to convince me Matt was cheating on me. It was pathetic how much denial I was in.
“What I’m trying to say is if you have any reservations of being faithful, I need to know now. I will not, ever put myself in that situation again. I’m not asking for a signed contract stating that you’ll never cheat. I’m not dumb enough to believe that would be reality. I’m asking if you think you’ll cheat, please end it before you actually do.”
Jack sits quietly, somberly returning my gaze. “Leila, I’ve had only one girlfriend in my life. I was in a two-year relationship during high school. I thought it was love. Now that I know what love actually is, I see that we weren’t even close. I did care for her, maybe too much. She cheated on me several times during the course of our relationship. I don’t cheat.”
“Thank you for telling me that.”
“I love you. I want nothing but to be with you and be completely committed to you in every way.”
I pull his face down to mine and kiss his gorgeous lips over and over and over.
He stands and holds his hand out for me. As we walk towards my bedroom, the anticipation I feel is different than all the other times we were together. I think it’s because this time, we will truly be making love. All the sex I’ve had up to this point, with Jack included, really was just sex. Once one admits to love someone, a sudden change occurs. The physical act is no longer the focus. I want to connect to him like we’ve never connected before.
Jack undresses and then slowly removes my clothing. “You are gorgeous...inside and out.”
He bends to kiss me passionately. I am one huge nerve ending and I feel the sensations in every cell of my entire body. He stares at my exposed chest before pulling my erect nipple in between his lips. My fingers find the hair at the nape of his neck, as I arch my back, forcing myself further into his mouth. I throw my head back and slump against him while he kisses and sucks on my breast until it drives me to the brink of an orgasm.
He slowly unbuttons my shorts and then hooks his fingers into the waistband to pull them down my legs very slowly. As I place my hand on his shoulder, he lifts each leg to release them. Dressing in haste after he stormed off, my bra wasn’t the only thing I skipped over. I also didn’t put on my underwear and am now standing completely bare.
I hear him gasp and he takes a step away from me to get a better look.
“Turn around.” His voice is husky yet soft. I turn, with my back to him and he immediately slides his hands over my belly, wrapping his arms around my body. He finds my ear with those magnificent lips. I don’t think I’m going to make it much longer as he kisses me slowly from my ear down to my neck. I groan while he continues to kiss my neck, using his tongue to lick me in the most erotic way. He s
kims his hands over my body and slowly slides them down my legs. As he squats behind me, I can feel his lips against the small of my back. It sends jolts through me and into my crotch.
Without standing, he slowly turns me until his face is at the apex of my thighs and then plants a kiss low on my abdomen. He is so beautiful as he knees before me. Running my hand through his silky hair, I feel my heart will burst from the emotions he triggers inside.
“I want to make love to you for hours, Leila.” He says smiling while looking up at me.
I smile back at him and simply say, “I want nothing more.”
Jack stands and lifts me into his arms, placing me dead center on the bed.
The journey he makes down my body with his lips causes pulsing sensations to spread through me like a slow smoldering fire. He stops at my breasts, kissing and suckling them, caressing and holding them, taking his sweet time. The sensation is now unbearable.
“Jack, please.” I gasp, trying to pull him back up to my face.
“Not yet.” He smiles against my skin.
The next stop is my belly button, where he torturously dips his tongue and it feels unbelievable. I relax back onto the bed and try to accept the slow torture he is determined to unleash on me.
He slowly moves one hand down to lightly stroke me, and then his lips follow as he kisses his way down my body. When Jack reaches his target, I lose all conscious thoughts. Relentlessly, he licks and sucks me in the most perfect of ways. I immediately come and come and come and come. It’s doesn’t end. He lets me ride my wave, and then he starts all over again. He takes me in between his lips, his hands spread on my inner thighs while his thumbs trace patterns close to where his mouth is.
He repeats the entire process again. As he slowly slides two fingers inside me, he laps at me in very long, slow strokes. He is a master at oral sex. I feel my body clenching around his fingers. He pulls them out and replaces them with his tongue. The wave of ecstasy goes on and on as he makes love to me with his tongue.
Only after the last spasm subsides does he then slowly make his journey back up my body.
