by Magan Vernon
I swallowed the piece and then stuck my fork in another. “Gee, thanks. You look tired, too.”
He didn’t look tired. He looked great as usual. Even in his NorthFace jacket.
“Ouch, Red. You hurt my heart.” He put his hand on his chest.
“Sorry, you asked for it,” I said between bites.
“But seriously. How are you feeling?” His eyes met mine and they looked even bluer in the dim light of my apartment. I only had on a lamp and the light from my computer so it wasn’t exactly the brightest place, but his eyes lit up the whole room.
My shoulders fell. “Honestly? Like shit. It’s like ever since break started I’ve been going nonstop and I just want a time out or something.”
“Then take one.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that easy. Finals are coming up and work has been super busy. I’ll get to take a break during Christmas.”
He put his hand on mine. “Let go, Red.”
I tried to pull my hand away, but I couldn’t. It was the same thing he had been saying to me since the ice skating rink: Let go. “John, I know you’re trying to be helpful or whatever, but this is getting old.”
He took my other hand in his and held them up to his lips, kissing my knuckles gently and then just held my hands there. “Melanie. I’m serious. I care about you so much. I’ve seen how tense you always are and I just want you to be able to let go. Just relax once in awhile. Let the weight of the world off of your shoulders.”
“John...”
He shook his head. “Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t need to hear it. I just want you to relax for once. Just try to enjoy my company, even though you think I’m a pain in the ass, you still like me.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that one. “You really are a pain in the ass, but you’re right.” I leaned in and placed a small kiss on his lips. “I do still like you.”
He put one hand on the back of my head and pulled me closer, his tongue sliding between my lips and deepening our kiss. My dinner was soon forgotten and I dropped my fork to the floor before straddling John’s waist. His hands trailed down to my lower back and he pulled me against his chest. Even through his jacket, I could feel the hard contours of his muscular arms as they pressed against mine.
I unzipped his jacket and he helped by pulling it off the rest of the way, never breaking our kiss. His mouth trailed down to my neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin where it met my shoulders. I gasped and raked my fingers through his hair, tugging it back and forcing his chin up so that his lips met mine again.
He broke our kiss slightly and whispered into my lips, “I like it when you’re forceful, Red.”
“Shut up and kiss me, John Boy.” I crushed my lips against his with such a force he tipped backward slightly but then caught himself, his hands sliding on my back and then down to my butt, cupping it in his hands.
I didn’t want to think. I wanted to do exactly what he wanted me to do: Let go. I wanted there to be a world in which I didn’t worry about cancer or finals or other girls that might want him. Just get lost in John’s kiss. I didn’t want to think of the other girls he’d been with or if he really was at home studying and not getting a lap dance from other girls.
But of course, it would be my body that betrayed me. It sent me a wakeup call that I definitely wasn’t well enough for sex yet. My stomach grumbled against John’s and he stopped kissing me.
I opened my eyes to look directly into his. He had his eyebrows slightly raised. “Was that your stomach growling?”
“Would you believe me if I said it wasn’t?” I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping that would make him forget about my stomach.
No such luck. He shifted underneath me until I was forced to move off of his lap and sit beside him. “I can’t sit here and make out with you when I know you’re starving. So, eat.” He handed me back my fork.
“Fine. Meanie.” I took a piece of the gnocchi and stuffed it in my mouth, making a face like an angry toddler.
“You’re kind of cute when you don’t get your way.” He smiled and took a bite of the gnocchi.
I pulled the container closer to me. “My gnocchi.”
“Ouch, getting feisty now.”
“Shut up and hand me some bread.” I pointed to the rolled up foil.
“As you wish.” He stood up, putting his coat back on.
“Wait!” I put my hand on his arm. “I didn’t mean it. You don’t have to leave.”
“As much as I’d love to stay here with you, I should probably get back to the house.”
“Why? Is there something more important there?” I wanted to ask if there was another girl, but I was afraid of the answer.
He shook his head, taking my hand and lacing our fingers. “Red, there is no one more important than you. I need to leave because if I don’t, I’m not sure if I can control myself. Neither of us will get any studying done and it’ll just end up with you on your back all night.”
“But what if that’s what I want?”
He leaned over, gently kissing my lips. “As much as I want to give you everything that you want, I’m going to have to decline. For now.” He stood back up and walked to the door. “Happy studying, Red.”
And then he left. Leaving me alone with my gnocchi and the need for a cold shower.
Chapter 22
Finals are the excuse that colleges use to torture students. They say it’s to test them on everything they’ve learned for the semester, but really it’s just to find something to either make or break students.
The classes in my English major had final papers, so no tests for them, but I still had three other classes that required final tests. I’d always been a good student, but I’d started missing a lot of classes with everything that was going on physically. The distraction of John also didn’t help.
Are you coming over?
His texts were even more frequent. I wondered if this meant we were exclusive and if he considered me his girlfriend. I knew I didn’t want to be with anyone else, but I couldn’t tell him that. I was still trying to keep everything in check. I was falling way too hard.
Studying. Shouldn’t you be doing the same thing?
I picked up my Spanish book. My final was Saturday morning at eight. Whoever thought of that was seriously nuts, but all of the foreign language finals were scheduled on a Saturday, which also meant that I had a little over a week to finish all of my online homework and then hopefully understand enough Spanish to pass a scantron test.
My phone buzzed again and I expected it to be a text from John, but instead Monica’s face was smiling back at me. I unlocked the phone and answered it.
“Hey, people actually still have conversations on these things?”
Monica laughed at the other end. “Yeah, yeah. I’m driving and I didn’t want to text and drive.”
“Should you be talking and driving?”
“I’m doing it aren’t I? Don’t argue with me, I’m calling to see if you want a study date.”
I put my worksheet in my Spanish book and closed it. “You aren’t going to study with Trey?”
“Have you ever tried to study with Trey?” Her turn signal beeped in the background. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy, but we either end up arguing politics or making out and I actually need to get something done. That’s why I’m calling you because you’re the best motivator.”
I wished I still had the motivation I used to. At the beginning of the school year I did nothing but go to classes and work. Now all I thought about was John and cancer. I still had another biopsy after finals and I was eager to get the results and just get back to normalcy. Well, as normal as I could be.
“Yeah. I guess we can motivate each other. Where to?”
“Wanna just hit the library? I’m heading back from the grocery store, so I can meet you there in like half an hour.”
“Sounds good to me.”
I hung up the phone and then texted John that I was meeting Monica at t
he library. He texted back with a sad face. As much as I wanted to see him, I did need to study. And gossip with Monica.
* * *
Monica sat at a desk on the second floor above a sunken living room area.
“Hey Mon.” I plopped down in the chair across from her. She was unpacking a textbook and her laptop from her messenger bag, but looked up when I sat down.
“Hey, Mel. I’m not used to seeing you out of uniform or without your manboy on your arm.
I smirked. “I could say the same thing about you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Touché. But I’m ditching the boy tonight for some studying and girl time. You’re worth it, pookie.”
“Did you just give me a cutesy nickname like we have some sort of a girlmance?”
She nodded. “I did. Are you going to do something about it? Like take me out on a kickass Christmas date?”
“So, we’re doing Christmas dates now, too? Not just study dates?” I pulled out my Spanish book and set it down on the desk.
“Well, if I don’t gouge my eyeballs out from studying, I do need to get Trey a Christmas gift at some point. He convinced me to spend Christmas Eve day with the Chapman family and I have no idea what to get him or what to get his parents and it’s a big cluster. It gives me more of a headache than my Physics class.” Monica rubbed her temples.
“Did you invite me here to study or to talk about Trey and Christmas?”
“Both.” She put her hands down.
“You know I can’t resist a girl chat.”
She beamed. “Okay, so you’re way better at this gift giving thing than I am. What do I get for the boy who has everything? And how about his upper crest family?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I barely know what to get my mom and sister this year and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to get my dad something.”
She blew a stray strand of her wavy, red hair out of her eye. “This was way easier when we could just paint everyone a picture in our kindergarten class and call it a day.” She rifled through some papers in her messenger bag and then stopped. “What are you getting for John Boy, anyway?”
“A gift for John? I’m not even sure how we’re defining our relationship or whatever it is.” I blinked. I never even thought about getting him something. I usually got the same video game for Robby every year and we dated all through high school. I didn’t technically know what me and John were and if it qualified for gift giving.
She leaned in, raising an eyebrow. “Is he getting you something?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about the holidays.”
“Christmas break isn’t even two weeks away and you haven’t talked about your plans with him?”
I guess I’d been more concerned about what came after Christmas. My next biopsy to find out if there was still cancer on my cervix was scheduled for December 22nd. They said I’d have the results back by the new year, which felt like the longest stretch of time in my life.
“And speak of the devil.” Monica folded her arms across her chest and looked over my shoulder, smirking.
I turned to find Trey and John walking toward us.
“Fancy meeting you two here,” John said, unzipping his jacket as he approached our table.
Monica shook her head. “Trey Chapman, I told you that I was studying with Melanie. I didn’t think that was an invitation for you to join us.”
Trey shoved his hands in his coat pockets. It was much too fancy to be a winter coat with its soft, gray material and tons of buttons. “I’m here to make sure that the Alpha Mus who signed up for study hours are actually here and John Boy said he was ditched by Melanie, so he said he would come with.”
“Lame excuse.” Monica rolled her eyes.
He bent over and kissed the top of Monica’s head. “I really am here to check on the study group. And if I get to see you at the same time, then it’s not so bad.”
She scowled at him, but her body language said something different. She was relaxed and smiling like she enjoyed his attention. “Some of us need to study, but maybe you forgot that since you seem to just retain everything by osmosis.”
Trey’s smiled broadened. “I assure you that I need to study and if my girlfriend would like to discuss our State and Local Government final, I wouldn’t be opposed.”
“Oh, I’ve already got that one locked down.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow.
John leaned over and whispered. “I love it when they debate. It’s better than Judge Judy.”
I had to agree. The liberal girl and the conservative guy seemed like the biggest cliché in the world, but not only did they make it work, they made it interesting for the rest of us.
“Hit me with your best shot,” Monica said.
Trey crossed his arms over his chest. “What is Dillion’s Rule and how can it be applied to our local government?”
Monica rolled her eyes. “Please. Like that isn’t your favorite question to ask me.”
I could feel the heat rolling off of John’s body, he was so close to me. Something stirred inside of me. As fun as it was to watch Monica and Trey argue, I wanted something different. “Want to get out of here?”
“I thought you’d never ask, Red.”
I pounded my hand on the table, rousing Trey and Monica from their debate. They snapped their heads in my direction. “Hey, me and John are going to get out of here since it seems like you two have a handle on this studying thing.”
Monica sighed. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to make him go away? I can totally do that.”
I stood up, forcing my books back in my bag and then yanked my coat on. “No, don’t worry about it. I’m sure we’ll catch up later.”
A slight smile crossed Monica’s lips. “Oh, I see what this is.” She made quotation marks with her fingers. “You two want to have a study session of your own.”
John put his arm around my waist, pulling me to his side. “Just like you two are about to do.”
“If by studying, you mean me wiping the floor with Trey in a debate, then yes, yes we are.” Monica smirked.
“On that note.” John and I backed away. “I’ll text you later, Mon.”
We took the stairs two at a time as if we both couldn’t wait to get out of there. “So where to? Coffee shop? The house?” I asked
John shook his head as he opened the front door and ushered me out. “The house is way too loud. I can’t even think there. It’s supposed to be study hours, but half the guys are shit faced.”
“Okay, so coffee?” I bit my bottom lip. God, how could this guy turn me on so much? This was why I didn’t want to study with him—because all I could think about was how bad I wanted to forget about cancer and just have him.
John put his arm back around my waist. “How about your place? More comfortable, better atmosphere, and I don’t have to listen to every freshman kid freak out because they may fail out of school.”
“Was this whole thing just an ulterior motive to get into my apartment?”
He smiled, letting out a breath of air through his nose that immediately turned into a cloud of smoke in the December air. “It wasn’t originally, but now that you mention it...”
“All you had to do was ask to come to my place instead of finding a way to run into me.”
“Okay, fine. Can I come hang out at your apartment?”
“Maybe.”
* * *
And that was how I ended up back in my apartment with John. I shouldn’t have agreed to it, because all I could think about was pouncing on him.
He sat at one end of the couch and I sat at the other with my feet on his lap. He was looking through his iPad, probably checking Facebook instead of studying.
I yawned and set down my Spanish book, rubbing my eyes and tilting my head back. If I had to look through one more Spanish conversational piece I was going to go blind.
“So, why Spanish?”
He had set the iPad on the table next to him and his
full attention was on me.
“Two years of a foreign language is required for a Bachelor of Arts and my three years in high school didn’t qualify,” I said it matter-of-factly.
“Why not try a different language then? What are you going to do with Spanish?”
I shrugged. “I’ve already done all the prep work, so it just seemed like the next step.”
“But what are you going to do with it?” His fingers lazily rubbed circles around my ankles. “When you walk off that stage with your diploma, where do you see yourself going?”
No one had ever asked me that in that way. A lot of people asked what I wanted to do after college and I usually gave the same answer. Which is what I gave John. “I don’t know. Whatever job an English major will get me. Hopefully something with writing or in publishing.”
“Like fiction writing? Are you going to be the next JK Rowling?”
I tried not to snort. “I’m not that good. My old boy band fan fiction isn’t exactly New York Times Bestseller material.”
“You don’t have to be a New York Times Bestseller to be a writer. If you love something, you don’t do it just to make some list. You do it because you love it.” He lifted my ankle to his lips, placing the lightest kiss on it. I didn’t think that was a usual place to be kissed, but there was something about it that made my pulse rise. “Do you love writing?”
Did I love writing? Yes and No. I loved letting my fantasies and all the characters swimming in my head fall into words that I wrote on my paper. What I hated was the way it would get ripped to shreds when it was read in one of my English classes or the thought of countless rejections from publishers so that I would end up writing for some crappy local blog just to pay the bills. I didn’t want my life to be focused around my work or making money, but when I had a mom that was living paycheck to paycheck, I thought about it a lot.
“Sometimes I do.”
“If you don’t love something, then don’t do it. If it’s not in your heart, don’t follow it.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Do you only do things that you love?”
