by Bijou Hunter
Damaged and the Beast
Bijou Hunter
Copyright © 2013 Bijou Hunter
Kindle Edition
Dedication
To Freckles, Tigger, Pooh, Roo, and Owl
To Aunt Sherry – Jodi’s inspiration
To Eusabia, Wanda, Jennifer, Katelyn, Arnie,
and the rest of the awesome Denny’s crew
Coming Autumn 2013
Damaged and the Knight
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Three
Epilogue
Chapter One
Standing at the bus station, I put on a brave face. As Dad fished around in the back of the car for the suitcase, my younger sister Tawny didn’t even pretend to be brave. Crying her eyes out in the backseat, she had said goodbye to me already and I didn’t think she could do it again. Finally, Dad handed me the suitcase he stole from tourists in Florida.
“Mom is waiting for you,” he said quickly. “She’ll pick you up.”
“I know.”
Glancing around, Dad was nervous about being seen. People with guns were looking for him and only some of them carried badges. He planned to run like always, but this time I wasn’t coming. After five years as his copilot, I was on my own. Tawny wasn’t so lucky.
“Be careful,” Dad said, hugging me. “Be smart and safe. Don’t take risks. Don’t trust people. Just keep your head down and get that education and become a teacher. Be the good kid so I can drop off Tawny with you when she’s eighteen. I want my girls to have everything, but you’ve got to want it too.”
“I do,” I said, nuzzling my face in his jacket, the smell of leather comforting in its familiarity.
“Your grandma says Mom is doing better. Aunt Tess says it too and Aunt Tess lies like crap. If your mom was still messed up, we’d know. You’ll be okay.”
“What if Mom stops doing better?”
Dad released me then took my face in his rough hands. “You ditch the bitch. Take care of you and only you. Get what you need out of that place and don’t worry about anyone else.”
“Okay.”
Stepping back, Dad looked around again, his brown eyes surveying the bus station. Tawny and I got our eye color from Dad. Our brown hair too, though Tawny’s was lighter and nearly blonde in the summer. Just thinking about my sister sobbing behind her hair nearly brought me to tears. Dad gave me a half smile and stepped back again.
“You’re ready for this, Farah. You’ve been ready for a while, but now is the time for you to make a great life for yourself.”
I made no attempt to wax poetic about how great my life had been with him. He wouldn’t buy the lie and I didn’t think I could sell it anyway. Tired after the drive and crying in the backseat with Tawny, I wanted to say goodbye and yank off that Band-Aid.
“I love you, Dad.”
“Right back at you,” he said, heading to the car.
As the urge to cry rushed up inside me, I said nothing. My lips trembled and my eyes felt hot, but I angrily blinked away the tears. In a few minutes, I would be on the bus with strangers. A girl alone crying like a fool, I had victim written all over me. In the past, I’d taken advantage of girls like that and I had no intention of allowing it to happen to me.
Carrying my suitcase and backpack towards the bus, I heard the engine of the compact start. I considered looking back and maybe waving goodbye to my sister and best friend. My dad might give me one last confident grin. Instead, I refused to look as they drove away.
Soon, my suitcase was in the cargo bay and I was in my seat. I gave my “screw you” face to anyone who dared make eye contact. Spotting a few possible threats, I sat against the window with my feet on the second seat, knees in the air, and a blade waiting for anyone who thought to mess with me.
The next few hours moved slowly as I hid under my long hair, allowing me to watch for trouble. I wore a jacket even in the heat because my body had a weird way of looking sexier than it was. With my fat lips and small C-cup sized breasts, I endured a lot of leering from the wrong kind of men. Yet, those few possible criminal-types on the bus got the message that I wasn’t someone to approach. Ignoring me, they eyed a middle-aged woman closer to the front. My mind was so focused on avoiding danger that I never let myself worry over what happened when the bus reached my destination.
I was moving to a college town where I would find a job, go to school, and hopefully make friends. I didn’t think about any of this until the bus pulled into a station one town over from Ellsberg.
Having not seen my mother in five years, I only spoke to her a few times over the last two. I didn’t know how she felt about me moving in with her. I wasn’t really consulted about the school and its reputation. One day, I was told if I wanted to attend college that my grandma would help me go to New Hampton College in Ellsberg, Kentucky. While it was never actually stated I couldn’t go anywhere else, it was implied. I wanted to go to college so badly I didn’t care where the school was or its merits.
Dad didn’t want me to leave. Knowing he didn’t trust my mother, I also suspected he feared without him around I would get into trouble. Yet mostly, he would miss the money I brought in from my waitressing jobs. My dad loved me, but he wasn’t the kind of man to let sentimentality get in the way of paying his debts. Dad had a lot of debts.
The bus finally arrived at my stop and I collected my suitcase then looked around for Mom. I saw a few women talking, but they weren’t waiting for anyone. Had Mom forgotten? Did she have second thoughts about me staying with her?
When a woman waved at someone behind me, I glanced around, but saw no one. Was she waving at me? Had my mom sent a friend in her place? Walking towards her cautiously, I was nearly on top of the woman before realizing she was my mother.
Still pretty in a rough way, Amy Jones Smith had bleached blonde hair and mossy green eyes. She looked worn down in a way I didn’t remember and I was surprised by how small she appeared. I had last seen her when I was thirteen, not really a child any longer. Yet, this woman looked like a tiny older version of the woman I never said goodbye to.
Based on her expression, I hurt her feelings by not recognizing her.
“I wasn’t sure because of the glare from the sun.”
Amy nodded, but I doubted she was convinced. Even if I was an above decent liar, my mom spent most of her life as a grifter and had a talent for seeing through people’s bullshit.
“Do you have everything?” she asked.
I had chosen that exact moment to lean in for a hug. An awkward few seconds passed while we embraced. Pulling away, I gave her a smile. “I have everything. Thanks.”
Nodding, she turned away and walked towards her car. It was an older sedan, but in good shape. I knew from my grandma how Amy worked in an office. She was clean now too. Living a respectable life was how Grandma Delta put it. I’d heard a hint of mockery in her tone, but was never sure why.
My grandma looked the role of a church-going, God-fearing, tax-paying citizen. In reality, I knew she spent most of her twenties running cons until scoring a mark that
paid off big enough for her to retire. Now, she looked the part of anyone’s grandma, but she had the devil in her heart. She told me this last part during a visit when I smiled at her for too long.
Amy asked if I was hungry and I said yes. These were the only words we exchanged between the bus station and the restaurant near her apartment complex. Our apartment complex, I reminded myself. It had been a long time since I lived in a real home and I was excited to see my room. First, we sat in a small Mexican restaurant and avoided talking.
“How do you like your job?” I finally asked.
“Boss is a nag. Otherwise, it’s fine.”
“My interview for the job at Denny’s is scheduled for tomorrow.”
Amy nodded. “Don’t expect much tipping around here. College kids are cheap.”
For the next few minutes, I picked at my food while growing irritated by how Amy hadn’t asked about Tawny. She didn’t ask about me either, but I felt worse for Tawny. My sister was stuck with Dad who was hiding from criminals again. She didn’t know where they would sleep, when they would eat, and how long before they were running somewhere else.
“Tawny’s gotten tall,” I said when Amy remained silent through the whole meal.
“Brian is tall.”
Nodding, I waited for her to take the hint and ask about her daughter. Why didn’t she show any interest in the child she hadn’t seen in five years? Instead, my mother fell silent and never spoke again until we were at the apartment.
The dark brown apartment complex was spread out over a large area. There were two stories with our apartment on the bottom floor. Once inside, I found a small living room opened up to an even smaller kitchen. Down a little hallway were two bedrooms and one bath. One of the bedrooms was mine, holding a sparsely covered bed and a white dresser.
“I bought you a bed with the money your grandma sent. It’s used, but clean. I also got you a dresser. That’s new. Your grandma sent fifty dollars for you to use for school or clothes.”
Smiling at my mom, I suspected Grandma sent more than fifty. Likely a hundred with the assumption Amy would steal half of it. Grandma was good at sending money for school, holidays, and birthdays. As a grandmother, it was her job to do certain things and she took these responsibilities seriously. If we visited and someone commented on our ratty clothes, she would spend money to buy us new ones. Yet, if we were homeless and living in a car, it didn’t fall on her list of responsibilities so she wouldn’t even pay for a motel room. My grandma was weird that way.
“I go to work at eight and come home around four. I have my meetings and friends I spend time with. I won’t be around a lot. I can’t chauffeur you around, but there’s a bus stop down the street. I got you a bus schedule and you can make it to school with two busses. Three for work. The schedule is on your dresser.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
We shared another awkward embrace then she sighed. “I’ll need your rent by the first of next month. Your grandma told me you would pay half, so I moved into a bigger apartment.”
“I’ll have it by then. I’m sure I’ll get the job. If not that one, I’ll find another one.”
Amy stepped back, wanting to leave. “Get settled in.”
Once she disappeared into the kitchen, I shut the door and looked over my room. It wasn’t tiny, but it was tight. Yet, it was all mine.
I’d never had my own room before and it felt amazing standing there knowing I didn’t have to share. Grinning while I unpacked, I couldn’t believe I was finally on my way to becoming the new Farah. An educated woman, instead of simply the daughter of losers. I loved my parents, but they made bad choices. I intended to do the opposite for the next four years so I could get my dream job and build the life I had always wanted.
As the sun set and I ate a bag of chips because there wasn’t much food in the refrigerator, my excitement faded a little. As much promise as this move brought, I was scared. I’d never slept in a room on my own, let alone been away from Tawny for so long. Mostly, I had never been normal, no matter how much I pretended. Here I could be anyone, but I wasn’t sure if I was strong or smart enough to fool anyone.
Chapter Two
I started the next day by acing my interview and landing the Denny’s job. Next, I visited the local bank to make sure I could access my nest egg. Three years of tips were saved for school and I’d need them to pay for school supplies. Waitressing would pay for the every day stuff and I was thrilled how everything was falling into place so easily.
After a bus ride from the bank, I reached New Hampton College. It was prettier than in the online pictures. Very green with large old trees lining the pathways. It felt fancy even if it was a small college providing mostly for the local kids. I nearly hyperventilated a few times out of sheer excitement. In third grade, I vowed to go to college and become a teacher. Now, I was on my way.
I handed in all of my paperwork, spoke with a counselor, and checked over my schedule. Ready to start on Monday, I explored the campus. Even though I was alone in this place, I felt a sense of true accomplishment. The thrill was so great that I didn’t let myself get bothered by how most students were with family and friends. They all had support systems and I had Amy who barely acknowledged me that morning.
Locating my classes so I wouldn’t get lost on Monday, I sized up the other girls and how they were dressed. I wanted to fit in and was happy to see how casual everyone appeared. Most girls wore their hair down even on the hot late summer day, so I planned to do the same. My dream was to disappear into the crowd and never stand out.
The final stop was to pick up food at a grocery store near the apartment. My mom’s tastes were particular and she claimed to eat at work a lot. Buying as much food as I could carry back to the apartment, I settled in with a sandwich in front of the television.
When my mom arrived, she stared at me. “Did you get the job?”
Realizing she was nervous about paying for the apartment by herself, I nodded quickly.
Amy smiled with relief. “It was nice to upgrade to this place. Your grandma paid for the deposit and first month, but a two bedroom is pricey on my salary.”
“The Denny’s manager has me working evenings Monday through Thursday. I’ll probably pick up extra shifts too. I can get you the money for next month’s rent.”
My mom gave me the first genuine smile since I arrived. While I wanted to think she was proud of me or happy I was there, I suspected she just liked having a nicer apartment. After fiddling around in the kitchen and making approving noises about how I’d bought my own food, she disappeared into her bedroom. A half hour later, she reappeared, ready to go out.
Aunt Tess swore Mom was clean. She also claimed Mom didn’t date. While I didn’t think my mom was heading to a date in the outfit she was wearing, Amy was definitely going somewhere nicer than McDonalds.
I didn’t ask though. I was afraid to know too much and realize my mom and I would never be close. I really hoped with enough time we could slowly rebuild our relationship. Even doubting this hope would come true, I still held onto it.
Mom stared at me for a minute. When I finally met her gaze, she smiled awkwardly. “You’re not one to hold grudges, right?”
“No, Mom.”
This was the closest we would come to discussing the reason she hadn’t been my mother for five years. That was how it worked in my family. We didn’t discuss things. We didn’t hash them out. A pretty impressive fact for two families filled with drunks and addicts.
My mother’s side of the family was known as sullen drunks. Moody, broody, silent. We didn’t talk about ugly things. We swept them under the rug where they could fester. On my dad’s side, we were known as violent, yet incoherent drunks. We screamed about football teams or who voted for what crappy president. We never discussed ugly stuff even while screaming over the most minor infractions.
When Cousin Jesse got caught touching a little boy, we didn’t talk about it. When Cousin Jesse disappeared, we acted like he’d take
n off for a job. We all knew the little boy’s family disappeared him, but there was no reason to hash out such ugliness.
When Cousin Pauline killed herself, we pretended she accidentally took too much pain medicine. Could happen to anyone. Nothing to see there. Move on.
When bad things happened like five years ago, no one talked about it. No therapy, no discussion, no hashing out the ugly. We ignored the problem and it went away. My dad took us away from our mom and ditched her in a shithole in Oklahoma because they just didn’t click anymore. Nothing more to the story.
I knew my mom was thinking about the ugly thing from five years ago, but she didn’t say anything and neither did I. Even if I wanted to shrug off the Smith/Jones ways, I wasn’t sharing with my mom. What the hell could she say anyway besides sorry? Then, she’d turn it around and claim I attacked her for merely mentioning how fucked up she had once been.
“Have a good night,” Amy muttered, no longer nervous.
After she left, I dug my phone out of my backpack. While Dad had given me a cell phone, my grandma was the one who put more minutes on the account. I hoped to make enough money soon so I could call Tawny all the time. For now, I was just happy to hear her voice.
Tawny answered on the second ring. Her voice was quiet and I suspected she was scared.
“Are you alright?” I asked immediately.
“Yes. I’m alone in a motel though. I’m not used to being alone.”
“Where’s Dad?”
“I don’t know.”
We said nothing for a few seconds then my sister spoke. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
What’s it like there?”
“It’s pretty. Lots of trees.”
“Is Mom’s apartment small?”
“It’s okay.”
“Do you have your own room?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it really small?”
Realizing what Tawny was asking, I said, “We can share a bed. Do you want to come here?”
“I don’t know. Dad says Mom can’t handle having you and me there. He says she doesn’t want a minor in the house.”
