by Bijou Hunter
Skye watched her go then sighed loudly. “I guess you need to get back together with Cooper.”
“I don’t think he wants to get back together,” I said quietly, walking with my head down and hoping people weren’t staring now that Bailey was gone and it was safe to stare.
“If Bailey says you need to make things right, Coop wants you back. Explains why he trashed that frat house with Tucker last night. He’s pissed and probably horny. You fuck him a few times and it’ll be fine. Coop’s not that complicated.”
I wasn’t explaining how the fucking was what made Cooper dislike me. Skye was great at many things and fun to be around, but insightful she was not.
By the time I started my shift at work, the little lump on the back of my head throbbed. I was also thinking about whether to call Tawny that night when Cooper walked into the restaurant. Even after skipping his classes, Cooper came into Denny’s and walked to his spot in the corner. He hooked up his laptop, pulled out papers, books, and pens, and waited with his hands clasped.
Walking to his table, I saw how Bailey wasn’t kidding about him shaving off his hair. With it buzzed short against his head, Cooper looked edgier. Okay, he looked scary. His intense gaze was no longer softened by his blond hair. Now, when he stared at me, I only saw those eyes swirling with anger, resentment, and maybe a little longing.
“What would you like tonight?” I asked.
“No, hello?” he muttered. “We’re just strangers now?”
“Sorry,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Hi, Cooper. How are you tonight?”
“Didn’t you hear, random Denny’s waitress? My girlfriend dumped me because I love her too much. Real shame too because we had a great thing going until she blew a gasket over nothing.”
“Girls can be such bitches that way. Would you like to order a burger to help deal with the pain of being screwed over by some psycho?”
Cooper didn’t smile. Well, his lips didn’t, but I saw a gleam of humor in his eyes.
“Unless I can fuck the burger, it won’t help much, but pigging out might soothe my broken heart.”
“Seasoned fries?”
“Yeah, and bring me the appetizer thing with chicken strips. I’m really going to pig out so when I get wasted tonight, my stomach won’t care.”
“I’ll get this in for you.”
When I turned away, Cooper reached for me. “Don’t you miss me at all?” he whispered roughly. “You said you loved me and yet you look at me like I’m nothing. How cold are you?”
My eyes burned. “I miss you.”
“Bullshit.”
“You and I don’t work. I make you angry.”
“Everything makes me angry. When my team doesn’t win a ballgame, I get pissed, but I don’t stop watching football. Why would you walk away if you really loved me?”
Glancing around, I saw the place was dead as usual. When I turned back to Cooper, I forced out the words.
“You think I’m a lesbian using you for money. And that day at your place when you got so mad, I thought you were going to hit me.”
Cooper flinched then let go of my wrist. “I don’t hit girls.”
Nodding, I felt awkward under his gaze. “Some men can love a woman and still hit her when they get angry.”
“Some men. Like who? Like Daddy? Or do you have a secret ex who smacked you around?”
Stepping back, I wanted to find Cooper another waitress. He reached for my hand before I moved too far away.
“When my sister and I fight, I never lay a hand on her. When I had a girlfriend who keyed my truck and slashed my tires, I didn’t hit her. Even when she tried to cut me, I didn’t hit her. Look at me,” he said, tugging me closer. “Look at me, Farah.” When I finally met his gaze, he exhaled hard. “I don’t hit women. I’m not an out of control freak who hits people because I can’t stop myself. Everyone I hit, I hit on purpose and I would never hit you on purpose. I would never hurt you or any woman, but especially not you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay, you would never hit me.”
“Damn it,” he grumbled when I tugged my hand free. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
“I am.”
“No, you’re humoring me because you’re at work. Just talk to me please. I miss you and it’s killing me pretending otherwise.”
Glancing around, I wished someone needed me, but I was alone in the dining room with Cooper. When I looked back at him, I was startled by the pain in his expression. I hadn’t really thought about how much our breakup would affect him. Mostly because I figured he could find someone else. A pretty fun girl who laughed at his jokes like I did and who enjoyed sex with him like I didn’t.
“I’ll be on break in a little bit. I could come back and talk then.”
“Why not now? There’s no one here.”
“I’m not on break though.”
“No one cares.”
“I do. I like rules. Without rules, people do whatever they want.”
“So you think I need rules, is that what you’re saying?”
“No, I’m saying some people can get away with doing whatever they want like you do. Some people are like me and breaking the rules will ruin them.”
Cooper inhaled hard then let it all out. His tight shoulders eased as did the stiffness in his jaw. Nodding, he laid his hands palms down on the table.
“Fine. When you have your break, I want you to bring a drink for yourself and something to eat too. I want you to sit down and act like we’re friendly and not like you have no choice. Can you do that?”
“Yes,” I said, turning away. “I like your haircut.”
Unable to see Cooper’s reaction, I didn’t dare look back. Instead, I put in his order then brought his drink. He watched me walk to his table and he watched me walk away. I wasn’t sure what to do so I hid in the bathroom for a few minutes while his food cooked.
Cooper was everything bad for me. He was violent in such a casual way as if hurting someone was like breathing. While he was beautiful, his tattoos reminded me of my greatest fear. He was wealthy, but that just gave him a sense of entitlement. I had nothing and maybe I was nothing, but I wanted to be someone. I wanted to have the life I had dreamed of since I was a kid. A teacher who lived in the suburbs and lived a safe calm life. Could I really have that with Cooper? Not only did he mock my dreams, he would hate living in the suburbs. He already had to be a lawyer for his family so the last thing he needed was to create a dull life with me.
Yet, why did it have to be about forever? Couldn’t we just spend time together now in college then go our separate ways when we were older? If I could keep Cooper for a while and know it was short term, I wouldn’t feel so suffocated. Not only by the intensity of our relationship, but also by the idea that anything I did wrong could cause him to leave me.
If I stopped thinking love meant forever, I could enjoy all of Cooper’s good qualities. No one made me laugh like Cooper except for Tawny. Since my sister was out of my life for now, I deserved a taste of happiness and I wanted Cooper.
When I brought his food to the table, I included a drink for myself. Watching me full of need, he exhaled softly when I joined him.
“You didn’t get anything to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Eat a fry.”
Frowning, I didn’t take the fry he offered. “You can’t boss me around so much.”
“You need to take better care of yourself.”
“I don’t want a father especially a bossy one like my actual father.”
“Your dad is bossy?” he asked, eating the fry I wouldn’t take.
“He sometimes drank and got edgy and bossed me and my sister around.”
Cooper studied me. “Did he hit you?”
“I really missed you,” I said, changing the subject to one I was certain he would like.
“Hell, Farah, I feel like I can’t breathe since yesterday.”
“I love you, bu
t…”
“No, buts.”
“Yes, buts. You scare me. You nearly punched me in the face.”
“I was never going to hit you.”
Eyeing Cooper, I refused to turn to mush just because I missed him so much. “How was punching a hole in the wall next to my face a good thing? You wanted to scare me.”
“I was angry. I want you so much and you hate being with me. You hate when I touch you and it was making me nuts, but hitting the wall was a mistake. I do that shit with Bailey and she laughs it off because she knows I’d never hit her. I thought you knew that too. I mean, I was pissed because you were forcing yourself to do things with me that you didn’t want to do. I was angry because I wasn’t a better man for you, so why would I turn around and hit you?”
“I don’t really know you and you don’t know me. You shouldn’t assume I’ll take things the way you mean them. I have no experience with having a boyfriend,” I said then added quietly, “I’d never even been on a date before you.”
Cooper rubbed at his head and sighed. “You love me though, right? I need you to love me because I’m drowning in how much I love you.”
“It’s too fast. We just met and I just moved here. It’s a lot to deal with and I feel cornered.”
Cooper’s expression darkened. “Damn, is there anything I’m doing right?”
“I said I liked your haircut.”
Fighting a grin, Cooper leaned back in the booth and flipped me off. “I got drunk and shaved it off as a form of protest.”
“Against what?”
“My fucking heart.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Yeah, probably.”
“If we could be more casual, I think I could learn to be with you and not feel so cornered. Like maybe it’s not only you that’s to blame for our fights,” I said then watched him raise a cocky eyebrow. “Well, it’s mostly you, but I’ll take like ten percent of the blame.”
“Twenty five percent and we have a deal.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, but if we spend time together, we’d need to keep it more casual.”
“I have no idea what you’re fucking saying. Spend time together? Does that mean you’ll give me another chance and we’re together? And what is more casual? That usually involves fucking other people. I’m not fucking anyone else and I certainly don’t want you fucking anyone else.”
Squinting at him, I had to wonder if all of the booze had made him stupid. “After all the trouble I have being with you, do you really think I’d want another dick around me?”
Cooper grinned. “Is it wrong that my dick responded when you called its name?”
“Very wrong, perv,” I said, laughing. “So do we have a deal?”
“No because I don’t know what you’re asking for?”
“We date and have fun and don’t make it mean anything more.”
“I love you and I’m not pretending otherwise. Screw casual.”
“You’re too intense.”
“You need someone to take care of you.”
“I need my freedom and to find my own way.”
“Nope.”
Leaning back, I drank my soda. Cooper studied a fry then reached out and pushed it against my lips.
“Someone’s hungry.”
“Fuck off,” I nearly yelled then covered my mouth while Cooper laughed his ass off.
“Someone’s going to get fired and need her rich boyfriend to pay for shit.”
“I didn’t say we were back together.”
“You said you loved and missed me. Close enough.”
“I did miss you,” I muttered, ignoring the fry still caressing my lips. “I’m not eating that.”
“Need a ride home?”
“Maybe.”
“Yes, it is. Now, open up for the fry.”
Staring at him, I managed to launch Cooper into a staring match. “I’m going back to work.”
“Your break isn’t over,” he said, finally shoving the fry into his mouth. “You look tired. Did you sleep okay last night?”
“Yes.”
“Want me to sleep over and give you a foot massage?”
Rolling my eyes, I couldn’t fight my smile. “We’ll see.”
“Yes, it is. Man, you’re very agreeable tonight.”
Cooper looked full of life, just floating on a cloud as he devoured his burger with one hand and tapped to the overhead music with the other. I reached for the free hand and caressed his bruised knuckles.
“Get in any fights?”
Frowning, Cooper stopped mid-chew and sighed. Once he swallowed, he looked down at where my hand still held his.
“No one you know.”
“Your hands scare me,” I said, running my thin fingers over his strong ones. “When they touch me though, they seem so gentle. I guess that makes you complicated.” Lifting my gaze away from his hand and meeting his intense stare, I sighed. “What?”
Cooper wanted to say something that I suspected wasn’t light and casual. He finally shrugged. “The fair is this weekend. Go with me.”
“I can’t. I’m picking up extra shifts on the weekend.”
Cooper frowned as he took my hand into his. “You need to work less, not more.”
“I need the money for new clothes. Someone said I look like trailer trash. Maybe they were full of shit, but I feel insecure now and want to buy new clothes.”
“Who said that?” he asked in a hard low voice.
“It was a girl so you can’t hit her.”
“What girl? I’ll send Bailey after her.” When I smiled softly at him, he rolled his eyes. “I’ll push her into the pool for you.”
“No, it’s fine,” I said, choosing not to mention the lump. “She was protecting you, but I want to make sure I look like everyone else.”
“You look gorgeous just being you.”
“I’m not like you, Coop. I don’t want to be different. Average is my goal.”
“You aren’t average. You’re special because you’re the only girl who’s ever made my heart hurt. You’re mine and I’ll buy you new clothes so you don’t have to work this weekend.” When I started to protest, he shushed me. “If you don’t want to shop with me, I’ll give you cash and you can go with Skye.”
“I don’t want you for your money. I’m not using you.”
“I know,” he said, giving me a nod, “but I don’t care if you use me. I want you so much I don’t care why you want me.”
“That’s crap,” I whispered. “You care. As much as your money seems like an easy way out for me, I won’t use you. Not only because you matter to me and I want you to know my feelings are real. I also want to survive as a grownup on my own.”
“A grownup?”
“Don’t make fun. I have dreams and they involve hard work.”
“Work hard during the week then blow off the weekends. The fair is awesome and my family will be there and I want you to go. I want to share that with you because you work hard here and at school and you look tired. You look like you need to relax and working all weekend while everyone else plays isn’t relaxing.”
“I already told Arnie I’d work so the other girls could have time off.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
Sighing, I scooted down in the booth and pulled away my hand. “You can’t control everything. It’s like you’re a finished product and I’m a brand new idea. You’re making all the decisions about who I can be and what I can do, but I can’t make any decisions about who you are.”
“Well, for one thing, I’m not eighteen. For another, you have control over how I feel and that’s still power. Finally, maybe you grew up with a boot on the back of your neck so you need all of this independence to feel like you’ve accomplished shit, but you need to get over that. I take care of the people I love. My money can make your life easier and that makes my life easier. I’m not molding you and I don’t think you need molding anyway. The only difference between us is that I know I’m a fi
nished product and you think you still need to change. You don’t and working this weekend so you can buy new clothes you don’t need won’t make you better. It won’t make you stronger or smarter. It’ll wear you down and give you a false sense of accomplishment. In the long run, your grades will suffer and you’ll hate your job and school and, God forbid, me.”
“I’ve dreamed of this life for a long time and I want it to be like my dream.”
“Dream bigger, baby.”
“You mean dream of you.”
“A dream with me in it, yes, but I know you want to be a teacher. I see on your face what that means to you. I’m not saying give up everything for me and be my bitch. I’m saying live your dream along with being my bitch.”
“Fuck you,” I hissed, grinning.
Cooper shared my smile. “I have to protect you. I have to feel like I’m doing right by you because my heart hurts when you aren’t happy. The last day sucked worse than any time in my life. I just couldn’t give two shits about anything because I’d lost you.”
“I don’t know. I still feel like I should work this weekend.”
Cooper sighed for nearly a minute then shook his head. “Healthy relationships are about compromise. Don’t work this weekend and go to the fair with me and I’ll buy you new clothes. See, compromise?”
“You get everything you want. How is that compromise?”
“I’m buying you new clothes that I don’t think you need,” he said, grinning. “I’m wasting money on your delusion. You’re welcome.”
Laughing, I finished my soda then stood up. “I’ll think about it.”
“And say yes when I take you home later.”
Two hours later, I did say yes, only because I was tired as hell. Schoolwork was piling up quickly and I needed time to study. As we reached the parking lot, Cooper was humming with happiness when I slid on behind him. Literally humming like a happy child who received good news from Santa. He was humming the whole drive to my apartment. After a private shower even though I knew Cooper wanted to join me, I returned to my bedroom to find him exploring my dresser drawers.
“What are you doing?” I asked as casually as I could muster.
“Looking to see if you’re on the pill.”
“I told you I get those shots.”
“Yeah, but I was hoping you were lying so I could find your pills, switch them out with Tic Tacs, and keep you with me forever.”
