CHAPTER 23
Saul, having refused a seat at Edna’s kitchen table, stood and let the anger course through him. He needed it now and so let it feed unrestrained in the pit of his stomach. After his last meeting with Steffan a strange thought had occurred to him. It was almost like a seed had been planted in his mind and the more attention he gave it the larger it had grown, until it had become so wild and gross that it needed cutting down.
It had taken a full day for the thought to mature, as Saul was no longer able to concentrate on one thing for too long. His mind kept dropping things and picking them up later or worse – he speculated – not picking them up at all. Once again he had the feeling he was reverting to infancy. He recalled how easily his children could be distracted from want, pain, anger or hunger by the simple action of drawing their attention elsewhere.His mood was also unpredictable and it seemed to him that he was either shouting at or accusing or suspicious of people: it all boiled down to finding he could no longer express himself in the manner to which he was used to. No wonder babies cried all the time, he thought. The pills helped a little and he could now feel the effects of them coming on. Hannah was helping with the administration of the drug, but in general Saul was taking them whenever he felt he needed to, or like now, before a confrontation in which he needed to stay sharp.
Cotropic did not however, help with the hallucinations, which seemed to be getting worse. Earlier today he found himself in Tiergarten sitting in the grass drenched in sweat. He was sitting by a rough hole in the earth and judging by his hands he had dug it himself. His face felt as if he had been pummelled and he had the feeling another seed had been planted. Something he needed to remember. He had the conviction he had hurt a little girl but she was nowhere to be seen and neither were her parents. Did he try and bury her? He had walked the park looking for her to no avail until finally giving up and taking a taxi home.
It was while he was in the cab that the Edna story had grown and grown until it had become wild and untamed and needed to be pruned; with and he had asked the taxi driver to bring him directly to her home and wait for him outside. This wouldn’t take too long, and so, axe in hand he strode past her and straight in the dining room. The perplexed Edna chased after him asking if everything was all right. But Saul was having none of it. The look on her face confirmed it: she was nervous.
‘You knew about Isaac’s affair, didn’t you?’ he accused.
‘I don’t know wh-‘
‘Don’t lie to me!’ he swung around and almost hit her, controlling his hand at the last moment but she had seen the intention in his eyes and cowered.
‘An affair after all these years, big deal. Let him have his fling. But the money was another matter wasn’t it? You told him to stop paying and he did...and now he’s dead.’
Edna’s face hardened.
‘We’re not rich like you. We don’t have money to throw away on whores.’
‘So, he stood up to them. Stopped paying and they killed him, right? Right! But it didn’t stop there: they still wanted their money.’
‘I have children, Saul. They said the same would happen to them if I didn’t pay.’
‘So you gave them me. You tipped them off that I was here when you went for your little walk,’ he said disgusted more with himself for having been taking in. ‘If you wanted the money why not just ask for it?’
‘He told me what you did in the war.’
Now it was Saul’s turn to look stunned and on his look she continued.
‘Don’t worry. Your dirty secret is safe with me but he came back a broken man. Why not you? What made you so special?’
She seemed to have run out of steam and then she added.
‘He was always weak.’
‘He was your husband!’ Saul erupted and made for the door, turning before leaving. ‘You know there’s a reason I never met Isaac for all those years. I could never stand the bitch he married.’
CHAPTER 24
Aaron had posed the puzzle, he remembered now. Saul sat in his armchair willing the solution to yield to his probing.
How do you find a man who has been dead for forty years?
Having popped a few pills he could feel them kicking in - or at least he thought they were - providing a jump to his neurotransmitters. He tried to maintain his focus and ruminate on the matter. He was close. He could feel the irresistible force of gravity welling up inside his head.
In the bedroom Hannah was putting the finishing touches to her outfit, some modest looking silver earrings, when Aisha bounced into the room.
‘I’m ready Oma,’ she said.
Hannah turned from the mirror and looked at her granddaughter’s feet.
‘Did you tie your own shoes?’
Aisha beamed proud that her Oma had noticed.
‘Yes. I can do them myself now. Mira showed me.’
‘You won’t need me for much longer. Then what will I do?’
‘Oooomaaaa.’
Hannah smiled.
‘Go and tell the others we’re ready.’
Aisha sprinted out of the room with her new orders and straight down the corridor to Aaron’s room, where she burst in without knocking and came face to face with Aaron and Mira in a deep kiss. They pulled themselves apart instantly, trying to look normal. Aisha didn’t seem to notice a thing.
‘We’re ready,’ she said and disappeared just as fast as she had arrived. Her footfalls heavy on the corridor could be heard by the whole house and certainly the downstairs neighbours too.
Sprinting into the living room she found her grandfather sitting in his chair staring into space, doing nothing in particular. Did adults sleep with their eyes open? She doubted it.
‘Opa, we’re ready,’ she said.
He did not react at all and continued to stare at the space beyond her. Aisha doubted her conviction that grown-ups slept with their eyes closed, watching him for any signs that he was indeed asleep or playing a trick on her. He liked to scare her sometimes by shouting ‘BOO!’ and if he did it today she wanted to be ready.
Saul however, was only aware of the naked Muselmann who sat in the corner of the room silently staring back at him with the blank expression of a man who is a heart beat away from dropping dead.
Then Saul’s left hand became warm, as if the sun had started shining on that part of the armrest. He knew the chair was in his living room and not in the sun. This warranted further investigation so he tried to switch his attention from the skeleton in the corner to his body; but it was like trying to juggle two gallons of water that moved under their own inertia as the liquid sloshed around inside the containers.
Hot-cold, hot-cold. Squeeze.
The little dead girl in the bushes. Hot-cold, hot cold.
Squeeze.
Raped.
Dead.
Earth.
In the end it was the sound that did it.
Now she can die a woman.
‘Opa, Opa, Opa. I know you’re awake.’
Her voice reached him from across an expanse of more than forty years and dragged him back into the present.
‘Yes?’ he said his eyes pulling focus and his head turning to see his granddaughter at last. How long had she been there? He noticed her hand was on his left hand. She stopped tapping it and let it rest. Warm.
‘We’re ready to go.’
‘Go where?’
‘To Temple.’
‘I’m not going to the Temple.’
Aisha bolted from the room with a new bit of information to tell Hannah.
As her footsteps died, Saul realised what the connection was. The Muselmann was still there, sitting in the corner waiting for something that would not happen but now it seemed to Saul like he was attending an exhibition; where one could watch and feel sympathy for the Muselmann but leave anytime to go to the gallery café for a coffee.
I know this Fuchs. The real Fuchs who tortured and killed. He can change his
name all he wants, but I still know him.
Back in the bedroom Hannah had put on her jacket, decided against the earrings and was slipping into a different pair of shoes.
‘I saw Aaron and Mira kissing. It was ‘scusting. Opa, says he is not going,’ said Aisha panting.
‘Why?’ Hannah knew Saul would never come, but she hoped that one day he would see the error of his ways and who knew, what with his illness maybe he could find comfort in God?
‘I don’t know,’ and she ran out of the room again.
Entering the living room at break-neck speed Aisha was surprised to find her Opa staring at the same spot in the room. She turned to follow his gaze and saw nothing.
‘Oma wants to know why you won’t come.’
It was easier this time for Saul to focus on Aisha and her demand for an explanation. The problem was in giving an answer to a child without placing undue influence. This was Hannah’s work, he knew. She wanted him to give in and had sent a child to do her bidding.
Although not a believer himself, Saul was very mindful and supportive of the fact that others did believe. He went out of his way not to influence his family with his own atheism and encouraged them to go to Temple and find out for themselves. A shame they did not feel likewise. How to tell a child you don’t believe in God? Sara would not thank him if she came home to discover her child thought praying was a waste of time.
Standing up, he moved to the record player and turned it on. He opted for Ella Fitzgerald, as the quality of her voice would be apparent even to a baby: Every Time We Say Goodbye.
The song started with a crackle and Saul made his way back to his chair and settled into the soft worn leather. The music seemed to have no impact on the Muselmann but Aisha seemed to be attentive. He sat back down and looked earnestly at the girl. She looked worried, so he added a smile.
‘I once prayed for a miracle. I prayed and I waited but it never came. After a few years I stopped waiting. But do you know what?’
She shook her head.
‘I found miracles on Earth. Like this singer’s voice, or a nice breeze on hot day.’ It was clear that the girl did not understand so he added, ’So I don't go to Temple anymore.’
Aisha ran out of the room and back down the corridor leaving Saul wondering what, if anything, she would say to Hannah. He heard the entourage gather in the hall. They shouted their goodbyes and then were gone, leaving Saul alone with his music and his Muselmann.
From what he had learned from his meeting with Rudi and the subsequent meetings with Stefan and Edna it was very likely that Rudi had killed Isaac for non-payment of funds; but Saul was not entirely convinced of this.
He had made up a reasonable account of events and accused Edna of setting him up without really believing in the story himself. Edna however, was so convincing that Saul now doubted his own private belief that Isaac and Mark Ramek had been killed by Fuchs. As far as he knew there was no connection between Rudi and Mark. Isaac had not run to him because he owed Rudi money; the note proved that. Now, how could he prove to himself that there was a connection between Isaac and Fuchs and Fuchs and Mark?
If he could not then Rudi would probably go to jail for a murder that he may not have committed or had had committed on his behalf. This would not be an entirely bad thing, but Saul doubted it would save him from Fuchs, who was probably somewhere trying to figure out a way to kill him. He almost laughed when he realised that potentially two people would want to kill him in the near future: Fuchs – if he was still alive – and Rudi, if he did not pay Isaac’s debt.
It fell into place so swiftly that Saul almost doubted he had thought it. He had seen the connection not a day ago. The more he thought about it the more it occurred to him that answer to the question was obvious: A man can change everything about himself except the truth of who he is; so how do you find a man who has been dead for more than forty years? You find him, by knowing him.
He turned to the Muselmann.
‘Time for me to go. Are you coming?’
The Muselmann did not stir and Saul absently swallowed a few more pills.
‘I didn’t think so.’
CHAPTER 25
A different room this time, larger but with the same smell of incense. The curtains were drawn so it was always night, just like a casino thought Saul without realising he had thought this before: the last time he was there. The woman with the husky voice was the same though.
‘The last time I was here there was a young girl, dressed like-‘ he paused, embarrassed to even finish the sentence.
The husky madam helped him out.
‘Charlotte. Good choice. I’ll send her to you.’
She turned to leave but Saul stopped her.
‘Could I have Marie too?’
‘Of course,’ she said in a professional tailor like manner as if Saul had simply asked for an extra pair of trousers.
The décor of the room was decidedly seedier: aside from the bed there was a chair that might be used for gynaecological examination and against one wall were a set of chains and whips. Saul got up to take a closer look and was examining a handcuff when the girls entered.
Saul reached into his wallet and handed over twice the amount of cash he had given Marie the last time. He figured a place like this did not entertain bulk discounts. It was done without fuss, let or negotiation. Marie seemed impressed and flashed him her warm smile. He gave the money deliberately to Charlotte who took the money and left the room. Saul watched her ponytails swing in unison with her short skirt. The door clicked gently shut behind her.
‘Now that’s what I call a change of heart,’ Marie said.
‘I need your help.’
‘My help?’ There was a toughness there that belied her performance and Saul suspected he had caught a glimpse of the real Marie. The tough prostitute – were there any weak ones? – and the damaged woman. Insensitive was good. He knew how to handle that.
‘Small price to pay for the man who’s clearing your debt. By the way, I know I’m just the fool so you can forget the act. Are you even in debt, or is it the game you play to get old men to part with even more money?’
Marie looked visibly stung by his words. Saul liked the effect but had to be sure this was no act so he closed for maximum impact.
‘Rudi probably killed Isaac. Do you even care?’
And there it was: A flash of hurt and anger. It was genuine too, he could tell. She was about to argue but Charlotte came back in so she settled on glaring at him.
Charlotte playing the schoolgirl walked over to Saul all shy and cute and sat on his lap. She was lighter than he imagined. He gently eased her off so she was next to him rather than on him and he could not help noticing how soft her skin was. Catching his expression she looked to Marie for guidance.
‘Na?’ she said.
Na was one of those German words Saul hated. You said ‘Na?’ and got a ‘Na!’ back. It was a cycle that could literally go indefinitely. It meant ‘well?’ Or ‘so?’ but could also be used to accuse, indicate interest or to speculate or just about anything the youth could have it mean rather than using a proper word.
‘Na, he just wants to talk,’ Marie said, moving over to the chair and taking a seat.
Saul was glad to see she had landed on his side, for now. He turned his attention back to Charlotte.
‘I’m trying to find an old friend of mine. I think he might come here often-‘
‘We don’t give out details,’ she said automatically.
‘Do it for me. It’s important,’ said Marie.
Saul nodded his thanks.
‘Do you have any older clients?’ Why did he insist on asking inane questions? She however, did not seem to be aware of the pointlessness of it and answered happily enough.
‘They’re all old. Most of ‘em can’t even get it up anymore.’
Marie laughed, ‘Safe sex!’
Charlotte laughed too.
Saul ignored them and tried again.
‘He probably looks as old as me. Maybe even older.’
‘That doesn’t help.’
Remembering the photograph in his pocket he reached for it and showed the girl the young Manfred Fuchs.
‘Could he be any of them?’ he said, presenting the picture to her.
‘A Nazi?’
Marie’s interest was piqued and she got out of the chair and joined them on the bed, considering the photograph of the young man.
‘Are you a Nazi too?’ said Charlotte.
Two pairs of eyes watched him closely.
‘No.’
But they continued to eye him suspiciously.
‘No, I am not a Nazi. Are you?’
‘Na, we can’t afford t’be anything,’ said Charlotte.
The astuteness of her answer led Saul to re-examine his opinion of her. On closer inspection he was reassured to see faint cracks around her eyes that had been plastered over with make up and he could also make out the near horizontal lines across her forehead. This was no fourteen-year old.
‘Then help me find him,’ he insisted.
As he watched her face he could see that she was going through a mental list of regular clients and comparing them to the photo.
He had an idea: raising his left arm and pointing to a spot on the underside near the armpit.
‘He might have a scar here.’
Saul watched as the penny dropped.
‘That sounds like Helmut. Helmut Wunsch.’
CHAPTER 26
How had the connection happened? Had they passed each other on stairs? In the hall coming out of a bedroom? Or on the streets where he was now? Had this Fuchs recognised Isaac? No. Fuchs would not remember them, they were nothing. Isaac would have though. We would never forget them, he thought, recalling the emotions that had threatened to break free when he had first laid eyes on the picture Mira had found.
The White House Page 14
