by Roz James
She grinned. “You certainly went for the younger model.”
Natalie looked embarrassed. “Yes, she’s younger than me, 9 years younger. Louise came on strong, she stayed the pace, broke down my barriers and they were significant let me tell you. I shut my emotions off after you, at least I tried to. Although we spent a lot of time together we hadn’t moved in together. Four years ago, Neil was moving out to go to nursing college, and we wanted to live together. Holmford House isn’t bigoted, it copes with our relationship, and the age gap, no mean feat for a religious girls’ school, but living in sin was pushing it. So, we got married.”
“Seriously, you got married for the establishment?”
“Only partly. I’m sorry if this hurts you Kara but I love Lou, I wouldn’t have married her otherwise.”
“You know one of the first things Viv said to me when she met Lou was how she reminded her of a younger me.”
Natalie looked sad. “Yeah, as you’ve said, she’s like you. Not just in looks, she’s got some of your personality traits too. Some of your better ones. Seems we both have a type.”
“It’s more than that Nat, admit it, we’ve both replaced each other with replicas. Neither of us ever got over each other, did we?”
They looked into each others’ eyes; the truth was unavoidable. “No.”
Natalie had hardly finished the word when Kara’s mouth was crushed against hers. Her tongue seeking entry as her body moved on top of Nat’s. Natalie moaned loudly as she opened her legs to allow Kara’s hips to settle between them. Kara gently pushed Natalie’s calves up until her knees opened wide, reaching between them to open them up, allowing their cores to meet; cores still wet from their earlier contact. Each thrust hard, anxious for skin on skin contact.
“God Kara.... I’m going to come.”
“Wait for me, please.... oh fuck.”
As their bodies calmed each had the same thought. What are we going to do now?
CHAPTER NINE
Unable to sleep Louise wandered into the kitchen, looking at the clock she realised it was just after 3 a.m..
Vivien jumped, startled, closing her book. “Hey, I hope I didn’t wake you?”
Lou smiled, taking in Vivien, sitting with her feet up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, the book now next to her. Her wavy hair was tousled, and Lou could see the top of a pyjama top with teddies on it, cute. She tore her eyes away. Her thoughts had often turned to Vivien since the night they danced. As she had got to know her she liked her more and more, and not just as a boss, or a friend, she was attracted to her as a person, it was obvious she really cared for the girls. The strength of her feelings scared her, but she couldn’t stop herself spending time with her. All her senses were telling her that she should avoid this intimate moment, that she should just turn around and go to bed, but she couldn’t stop herself. “No, just struggling to sleep tonight, my mind is running.”
Viv took off her glasses and laid them on the coffee table, running her hand through her hair. “Yeah, I know the feeling.”
Lou, opened the fridge, removing the milk and poured it into the small pan that Vivien had obviously just used for the same purpose, her jar of Belgian hot chocolate sitting next to the cooker. Coffee would keep her awake, but hot milk was meant to make you drowsy. “Would you like some more chocolate?”
“Yes please, and if you’d prefer chocolate to hot milk then help yourself, it’s really good. I got it at that new posh chocolate shop in town, it tastes just like melted chocolate.”
Lou added to the milk and sat down next to her as the milk heated. Their quarters were small, but not uncomfortable. They consisted of a separate flat next to both sets of dormitories, with two small single bedrooms, and a living room with open plan kitchenette, a couch large enough for three, a TV and ancient stereo. Lou had been aware that Vivien had been called in as Patricia had had a family emergency; but they’d hardly seen each other as a couple of the girls had a bug and they’d each stayed with one, comforting them until they fell asleep. Viv had been in bed by the time she got to the flat. She turned and looked at her friend. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Viv looked surprised. “What about?”
“Whatever’s bothering you, the reason you can’t sleep. You haven’t been the same for a couple of weeks. I know you’re my boss, but I’d like to think we’ve become more than that, I hope we’re friends.”
“We are...” She hesitated.
“Well no pressure, but I’m a good listener, and anything you want to say is between us, okay. I’m not a gossip, your secrets won’t be round the staff room, not because of me.”
“I know that, I just don’t know where to start.” And you’re probably the last person I should tell.
Lou stood and walked over to the cooker, stirring the milk before pouring it into two mugs, adding chocolate to both and stirring them. She returned to the couch, handing Viv her chocolate, tasting her own. “You didn’t lie this is good. Well try the beginning, or the middle, or the end, whatever, I’m sure we’ll eventually get there.”
“It’s Kara...”
Lou looked up, the compassion in her eyes clear. Well that’s a surprise... not.
“I don’t know, we’ve just drifted, gradually at first until suddenly there’s a huge chasm between us. I feel like I can’t reach her anymore. You know we used to talk for hours about nothing, now it seems we hardly communicate, beyond the basics.”
Lou thought for a moment before she answered. While in some ways this was what she wanted to hear, given her own deepening feelings, she needed to know that Kara wasn’t who Viv ultimately wanted, for now she just needed to be her friend. “Well it’s been a busy time, and stressful for you... both of you. A new town, new job, new house, that’s some of the most stressful life factors ticked off there, all in one go, in just a matter of months.”
“I know that, but you know sometimes I wonder if we’ve been this detached for some time. We’ve filled our lives with planning for this, selling our flat, buying the house here and beginning its renovation without realising we had different views on why we would renovate. Now it’s all calmed down I’m not sure there’s anything left. Maybe we’ve just used that to plaster over the cracks. I don’t think we even want the same things anymore.”
She spoke softly. “Like?”
Vivien gulped; Lou could see tears in her eyes. “A family.”
Lou’s heart nearly burst with longing. “You want kids?”
“I do yes, and let’s face it time’s running out for me.”
Lou suddenly looked as sad as her. “I can relate to that..... Natalie would have to have ours.”
“And?”
“And to be fair, she’s always been clear that it’s not what she wanted. She feels she’s already done that... with Neil, and she has, I just came along towards the end of that and once the most difficult part was over. I don’t know I guess I still thought that would change, that she would want a family with me.... or maybe it’s just becoming more important to me lately given her ticking body clock.”
“Her clock? You said before, but why Natalie, you’re younger aren’t you, would it not make more sense for you to carry them?”
“I can’t Viv.”
Vivien reached over and laid her hand on hers. “I’m sorry.”
Lou exhaled loudly, looking away as her eyes filled with tears. “Me too.”
“At least you and Natalie discussed children, I know it’s hard to believe but Kara and I never did. Maybe because when we met, even when we married, it seemed so far in the future. I think I made assumptions too, given when we met we both wanted to be teachers. Apparently enjoying spending time with kids doesn’t mean you necessarily want any of your own. Something that’s been made explicitly clear to me recently.”
Lou’s eyebrows raised in question.
“Seems our reasons for wanting our house differed. I wanted one big enough to grow into as a family and she wanted a study, a separate room to
work.” One she can lock herself away in and avoid me.
“Ah.”
Vivien blushed, she didn’t know why she was telling Lou any of this, but now she’d started she couldn’t seem able to stop. She’d left her close friends in Glasgow and this wasn’t a conversation she could have in a text, or short phone call. Lou’s blue eyes were full of compassion. “We haven’t been intimate for months now either, but do you know what’s the worst thing?”
Lou shook her head.
“The worst thing is that neither of us are trying to fix it. We’re not even talking about it, it’s like sex is this huge elephant in the room.”
Blue eyes met hers questioningly. “Do you want to fix it, do you want there to be?”
Viv swallowed, the million-dollar question, did she? One she struggled to answer given the beautiful empathic face in front of her. Before she could respond Lou suddenly reached forward, gently lifting her chin, her lips meeting hers in a delicate kiss. Viv didn’t get the chance to respond before Lou pulled back.
“God I’m sorry Viv, I shouldn’t have done that.”
Viv smiled. “Don’t apologise, I wanted you to kiss me.... I want you.” Breaching the short distance, she pulled Lou to her, their lips connecting. She immediately pushed against them with her tongue, seeking entry.
Lou moved closer, her hand reaching to hold the back of her head, her mouth eagerly accepting Viv’s tongue, moaning as she deepened their connection. Louise moved the blanket out the way and straddled her. Each could feel the other’s wetness through their pyjama bottoms.
Lou leant back, pulling off the vest top she slept in as Viv unbuttoned her pyjama top, spreading it wide. They both groaned as their lips met again and their naked breasts connected.
Suddenly Lou felt Viv tense, pull away her mouth and push her gently away. “I’m sorry Lou, it’s obvious I want you, I really do, but this can’t happen. We’re both married, it’s not right. I’m your boss too and Christ we’re at work.”
Lou sighed, reluctantly climbing off her, pulling her top back on. She turned away to let Vivien cover herself too. Turning back, she sat down next to her. “You’re right, it shouldn’t happen this way, you deserve much more. I want to give you much more.” She kissed her gently on the lips.
Viv smiled, reaching out to tuck a stray hair behind Lou’s ear. “Look I need you to understand, that wasn’t just lust for me. Nor me looking for a pity fuck, given my level of frustration. I hope that this doesn’t freak you out but I’m falling for you.....hard. Since the first day I met you. I need to know if you feel something too?”
Lou didn’t hesitate, her smile lit up her face. “Yes, of course I do. I’m not a cheater Viv. Believe me I’ve tried to resist this, I’m married, I made a commitment to someone, until death us do part; but from the beginning I’ve been drawn to you... there’s something about you. There’s just one thing I need to know Viv..... is it because I remind you of Kara?” I can’t be second choice again, to anyone, but definitely not to you.
“God no, I mean I obviously have a type physically, and I can’t deny that that means you’re like Kara, but what I love is actually everything that makes you different. You’re interested in me Lou, Kara was in the beginning but even then never to the extent you are, and not for a long time. You compliment me, you make me feel good about myself in ways she never has... until you have I didn’t even realise that was missing, nor how important that was to me. As for desired, I didn’t want to stop there, believe me, however inappropriate this is. I want you.”
Lou gently kissed her nose. “Me neither, but you were right to stop us, I’m not a cheater either, and it’s not how I want our first time to be. If.... when the time is right I want time to make slow passionate love to you.”
“We share this too, an interest in teaching, contributing to young learning. You’re as invested in these girls as I am, and I love that about you Lou. What about you though, please be honest with me, am I just a new Natalie for you?”
Lou didn’t hesitate. “No, I can’t deny that I’ve always had a thing for voluptuous brunettes, but this is far more than physical attraction. I love Natalie, and I’m ashamed to say that we married, partly because of this place. It took me months to move beyond friendship with her, she was a challenge believe me, I’d invested so much in her I thought we needed to take it to its full conclusion. My uncle couldn’t have handled us living together, well not him personally, but what it meant for the school. It was pushing it enough that I was with a woman, god forbid we lived together. Actually when she agreed to marry me I was amazed, but she understood my position. I love her and I know she loves me, I’m just not sure that either of us is in love with each other anymore.”
Lou reached over and took Viv’s hand in hers. “I’m not saying this to hurt you Viv but I don’t think Nat ever fell out of love with Kara. In the early days when I pursued her she was honest that she’d already lost the love of her life. At the time I convinced myself that when she fell for me that would change, but I don’t believe it ever has. I watched her at Tom’s that night we all met, the way she looked at Kara. She’s never looked at me like that. We’ve never spoken about that night either. Normally Nat would have, she knows I’m the jealous type, that she didn’t mention it to reassure me, that says it all. Being second choice hasn’t been easy. I know she feels under pressure about my wanting to be a mother too, but she can’t sort that for me. We want different things, and that’s become more prominent.”
“You know, the only thing that’s made this all bearable is you, how I feel about you. I never allowed myself to hope that you were interested in me. So, what now Vivien, where do we go from here?”
Viv shook her head. “I don’t know, I really don’t. You’ve said yourself I’ve been though a lot of change recently. I need some time Louise, to be sure I know what I want, please give it to me.”
Lou leant forward, her hand cupping Viv’s chin and kissing her lips and nose gently. “Take as much time as you need... I’m not going anywhere.”
CHAPTER TEN
Louise was in the middle of teaching her final class of the day when there was a knock at the door and Vivien’s head appeared around it. It had been two weeks since the night they’d talked and they had barely seen each other since, except in passing.
“Miss Ross, apologies for the interruption, can I have a word please?”
“Certainly.” She followed her into the corridor, closing the classroom door behind her.”
“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t like Vivien to interrupt her class, and generally when there were messages girls were sent with them.
“Don’t worry, there’s no emergency, I just need to talk to you about something and I was afraid I’d miss you. Can you come to my office after your class?”
“Of course.” She watched as Vivien walked away, smiling as she enjoyed the sight of her ass in a tight grey pencil skirt. I’ve missed you.
She found herself distracted during the rest of the lesson, anxious about what Viv had to say, she could read nothing from her face. Afterwards she hurriedly tidied up to get away as soon as she could, almost running to the main building. Vivien’s secretary had already left, and her office door was ajar. She knocked lightly before putting her head around the door. It was a large office within the Victorian building, with high ceilings and cornicing, and deep carpet. Vivien was sitting behind the large mahogany antique desk at the far end of the room.
Vivien smiled at her. “Come in and sit down, can I get you a coffee? I’m sorry if my appearance was a shock, it didn’t seem right sending one of the girls, given it’s not a work matter.”
She walked towards her, stopping in front of her desk. “A coffee, how can you be so relaxed, what’s up? Have I done something wrong?”
“No, god Lou, sit down, I need to tell you something.” She hesitated.
“What?”
“I think Kara and Natalie are having an affair.... a physical affair.”
Despite her feelings for Viv, Lou felt like she had been punched in the gut, she sat down suddenly in the chair in front of the desk. “What...why?”
“I heard Kara on the phone in her office last night. It wasn’t intentional, when she goes in there she’s lost for hours. I picked up the downstairs phone to call a friend and found she was already on it. She was speaking to Natalie.”
Louise sighed. “While I was at work.”
“Quite.”
“What did you hear?”
“Not much, listening in isn’t my style, I didn’t make out many words, although I heard her say Nat, so it was definitely her she was talking to. No, it was more the tone Lou.... it was intimate, like she was talking to a lover.”
“Oh god, what did you do, did you challenge her?”
“No, I put the phone down quietly. I’m sure she doesn’t know I overheard. I.... wanted to speak to you first. I didn’t want to rock the boat...not until we were ready, until we had had a chance to discuss it.”
“I understand, thanks for waiting to talk to me.”
Viv walked out from behind her desk, leaning back on the other side of it next to Lou. “I’ve missed you, these last two weeks, I feel like I’ve hardly seen you.”
“l know, me too.”
“Louise, what do you want from me? Be honest please, I need that right now...from you at least.”
“Honestly, I want a chance to explore this. I know we’ve not spent much time together since we’ve talked, but you’re all I can think about. God I feel like a teenager with a massive crush Viv, even catching a glimpse of you is a highlight of my day. I’ve lost count of the number of times I wanted to call in here; even thought this isn’t good news I was still glad of a legitimate excuse to see you.”
“I’m glad too.”
“I need to see where this goes. It scares me to death though.”
Viv sank to her knees in front of her. “And if I can’t offer you that?”
“What are you asking Viv, whether I’ll only leave Nat if I have you to leave for, to move onto? No, I’m not that shallow, I’m comfortable enough with me, I can cope with being alone. Even if you don’t want me, it doesn’t change that my wife, if what you say is correct, is sleeping with her ex. I’ve got more self respect than that.”
