Tyreek remained in Envy’s bed most of the night, satisfying her urge, and bringing her to the fever pitch she loved to reach. When she was spent, he lay back next to her on the bed without touching her.
Envy proceeded with her normal routine. She lay in the bed for approximately ten minutes in total silence, except for the slight inhaling and exhaling sound she made. Afterward she got up, went to the bathroom, and closed the door behind her. She turned on the shower, but before she got in, she said her signature line: “Remember to lock the door when you leave.”
10
You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
Two weeks after Kacie walked in on Kenny and as Kacie called her, “Little hot in the pants, Jackie, she went to Juvenile Court and insisted her complaint go before a judge. Whether she bullied herself into a court date, or the counselor couldn’t take anymore of Kacie’s loud, boisterous mouth, she left with a piece of paper and a court date.
Layla had things pretty much back on track with Dennis. She had become a cleaner version of Envy. She didn’t sleep with the men she met, but she sure had a fun time making them think she was going to give it up.
Envy had returned to doing things the way that had worked for her in the past. It wasn’t difficult to have the stable of men in her life come calling again. She also made contact with a prominent criminal defense attorney, whom she planned to see later on today.
The three friends planned to get together for a late lunch at a nearby restaurant. It was midweek, the temperature hovered around sixty degrees, the sun was shining, and it was a great day for them to get together, since not having seen each other since the past Sunday.
Kacie arrived first because her job was the closest to the restaurant. She asked the host to seat her and ordered a glass of strawberry lemonade while she waited on Envy and Layla to arrive, which wasn’t more than ten minutes. Exchanging chatter, the women paused to check out the menu and place their lunch orders.
“Kacie, what did the prosecutor say about the case against the babysitter?” asked Envy while she took bites from her burger and onion straws.
“He told me that it depends on what Kenny says. If Kenny continues to lie about them not having sex— well, oral sex, which he keeps telling me is not sex at all—and me finding them being naked, then I’m definitely going to look like a fool.”
Layla spoke up. “Girl, you already know that he’s not going to admit anything. So why are you going through with this?”
“Because it’s the principle of the thing. I want to send a message to that girl’s arrogant, cocky father and to her, that nobody can come up in my house and mess with my children. Kenny is a minor and she is too, according to the state law, but I don’t care. She should have sex with somebody her own age, and I don’t care what kind of sex they call it. It’s all the same in my book.”
Envy’s hand flew up to her chest. Layla immediately stopped the forkful of food that she was about to put in her mouth.
“Do you think he meant to say oral sex?” Envy asked like she was hoping that she didn’t hear what she heard. “I cannot believe he’s engaging in any kind of sex, but especially oral sex. And at his age?”
“He said she’s giving him oral sex, but he didn’t do it to her. That boy told me that it’s not the first time a girl has done it to him. Y’all, I don’t know what to do. This is so far out of my league.”
Envy entered the conversation again. “Kids these days are scandalous. Some of them start having sex as early as ten and eleven years old; and I’m talking about boys and girls. Did you sign him up for the youth group, like I suggested? The boy needs some mentoring from a man. It’s a shame that his father hasn’t stepped up to the plate.”
“Girl, when I called and told his daddy about it, he had the nerve to say, ‘That’s my boy.’ Like it was something to be proud of. He told me that boys will be boys, and that Kenny is at the age that he’s going to try things. Said I ought to be glad that he isn’t gay. I hung up in that fool’s face. He can make me so mad with his ignorant self.” Kacie took a bite of her chicken strip.
“And if they did have sex, I wonder if they used protection?” asked Layla. “Now, that would be something if that girl comes up pregnant and it’s Kenny’s baby. He’ll be a father at thirteen.” Layla shivered. “Ewe, I can’t imagine that. He’s still a baby himself.”
“Don’t speak that kind of negativity over my son, Layla. It’s something I refuse to let happen. I’ve talked to him about sex, like I should have done a long time ago. But he had the nerve to tell me that he already knew about sex, and furthermore his mannish butt told me he knows about using protection. Then he went so far as to tell me that he can’t get a girl pregnant if she’s giving him oral sex.”
Envy pushed her designer eyeglasses up on her nose. She started analyzing the situation by going into her story about what she’d read or seen. One of the things she loved to do was read. She read anything put before her. Envy also spent any television time watching health documentaries, Discovery Health, History Channel, Nancy Grace’s program, and Current TV. Anything that had to do with anything—if it was a documentary, she was sure to watch it or TiVo it.
“Well, just because a girl can’t get pregnant by performing oral sex, it still doesn’t keep either party from contracting an STD,” Envy informed. “I know most studies say that you’re less likely to contract HIV from oral sex, but bad oral hygiene, like bleeding gums, cold sores—and I won’t go into everything else that some people do when it comes to oral sex—but I know from reading surveys and studies that oral sex can turn into high-risk behavior. I bet most of these kids don’t realize that you can still be infected with gonorrhea, yeast infections, and several other STDs.”
Layla said in a self-righteous tone, “The Word of God makes its plain that it is wrong to engage in premarital sex, and I believe that includes oral sex too. I say if you’re not married, and if it doesn’t lead to procreation, then it’s fornication and adultery, and it’s wrong in God’s eyes. And before you give me the evil eye, I know I’ve had sex outside of marriage, but I’ve asked God to forgive me, and I know He has.” She didn’t mention that she’d just asked forgiveness for sleeping with Dennis—again. “And I sure wouldn’t think of doing something as nasty and disgusting as oral sex. Yuck, these children are gone mad,” she said, a frown noticeably filling her face.
All three of them were still sexually active; yet they were on one accord when it came to protecting young kids like Kenny from the perils of engaging in sex outside of marriage and taking it so casually.
Envy spoke up after swallowing some of her food. “I hate to see kids making the same mistakes as us. It’s the main reason I want kids like Kenny to understand the ramifications of having sex—not only from a biblical standpoint, but from a physical and emotional aspect too. It’s wrong; and it can lead to so many other things other than pregnancy.”
“Yeah, but who are we to talk, when we’re doing the same thing?” Layla actually looked frightened.
“You’re right. But that’s what I’m saying; we’ve got to do more to educate our young people. Depending on teachers in the school and their peers to teach them is not enough. I admit that I have not been a good example for my kids; and with Kenny being the oldest, he probably looks at me and gets the idea that sex is okay. And why wouldn’t he, when he has six brothers and sisters, so how much can I tell him?” Kacie looked confused and tormented at the same time. She pushed her plate away. “I can’t eat anything else. I just lost my appetite thinking about how I’ve messed up my life and possibly the future of my kids.”
Layla reached over and placed her arm around Kacie’s shoulders. “Look, don’t let the devil make you feel guilty. Try to remember what Pastor Betts said at church when he talked about forgiveness. He said that your past is forgiven. Remember that?”
Kacie nodded and tears fell from her eyes and onto the table. “My p
ast may be forgiven, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty about my children’s futures. And it doesn’t stop me from having to suffer the consequences of my sinful actions. Kenny will be thirteen tomorrow, and he’s already sexually active. Who’s to say that I won’t be a grandmother before I turn thirty-four or thirty-five years old? Who’s to say that he won’t turn out like me, or his father, for that matter, running around thinking he’s a pimp because he can get any girl he wants? He has his father’s good looks, he’s charming, and he’s really a nice kid. He can probably talk a girl into giving it up in no time. And let’s be real, y’all; I don’t even know what to teach him or how to teach him about oral sex. This is so messed up. Who would have thought I would be talking to my thirteen-year-old son about something so, so delicate?”
Kacie continued to cry as Layla and Envy tried to console her.
“Look, we’re going to pray about this, and I mean it, y’all,” said Envy. “Beginning today, we are going to start interceding on behalf of not just Kenny but all of your kids. Agreed?” She looked at Kacie, who nodded, and then Layla, who nodded too. “Now, let’s talk about something else.”
Kacie wiped her eyes before the tears that had formed escaped. “Yeah,” she said, grinning. “Envy, what’s the latest on you and Leonard? You still aren’t talking to the man or what?”
“Girl, puhleeze. There’s no way I’m going to let him get into my personal space again.”
“I don’t know why,” said Layla with much attitude. “You said he didn’t mean anything to you, anyway, so I don’t understand the attitude when you saw him with another woman.”
“It’s not that I got mad about seeing him with someone else. It’s the fact that he was at our church! I will not tolerate any man disrespecting me like that. He could have gone to any church in the city of Memphis, but he bought his behind to ours. No, that’s totally unacceptable.”
Kacie and Layla laughed so loud that a few heads turned toward their table. “You are a mess with yourself,” said Kacie. “You can’t tell that man what church to go to. Anyway, she must go to our church, since they were there together. The church is growing so fast that it’s impossible to know who’s a member. And even if they were just visiting, that’s their business. You don’t have any claims on him, remember.”
“Kacie,” Envy said with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t play. When you were messing around with Deacon, would you tolerate him bringing his wife to the church?”
Kacie’s face turned red. “I didn’t know Deacon was married when we first started messing around; and just to remind you, Deacon and I were a couple, unlike you and Leonard. And, on top of that, Deacon’s wife was not a member of our church. She was still attending her home church.”
“You have to admit, she has a point,” said Layla. “I mean, Leonard has been after you for–what—two, almost three years? You know the man has some deep feelings for you. He wants a relationship with you, but he’s probably getting tired of being turned away. And you know that if he thought he was going to run into you at church, that he wouldn’t have come. Come on, now. Give the brother a break. I don’t understand why you try to be so tough all the time. It’ll do you good to give your heart to someone instead of sleeping with this man and that man, thinking that nobody knows about it. And you sit up here talking about saving kids like Kenny.”
“I do not sleep around.” Envy denied, and rolled her eyes. “It’s a new year and I’ve changed my ways. I’ve got to get my relationship with God where it needs to be, and if that’s ever going to happen, I have some other things in my life that I have to change too. I’m tired of yo-yoing with my life, and straddling the fence when it comes to my relationship with God.”
Kacie nodded her head in agreement. “You’re right. I feel the same way about my life. I’m worried about my kids; I’m worried about the decisions I’ve made; I’m worried about the way I say I trust God one minute, and then the next minute, I’m sitting up in church lusting over some good-looking brother in the next pew. I hate the fact that I’m handicapped. I hate this limp I have, and I hate the stares people give me. I feel like a freak, but then I keep hearing in my head that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see this wonderful, unique person that God formed. And, anyway, why did He let me be born with cerebral palsy? Why couldn’t it have been Nikkei? So I feel what you’re saying, Envy. I really, really do. But you’d be fine with your life if you only knew what I go through every day.”
Layla looked back and forth from Kacie to Envy like a foreigner sojourning in a strange land. “I can tell both of you that I know the feeling too. I mean, there was a time when I looked in the mirror and saw how terribly unattractive and ugly I was. I know I still have some issues; and I sure know that I’ve taken a step back when it comes to my relationship with God. But I feel like He should understand. After all, I’ve lived most of my life being made fun of because I was fat, but I never stopped singing for God. I never stopped going to church. It was the only place I felt partially accepted. But now that I’m no longer a whale, I want to enjoy life on the beach. And I believe that God should understand that.”
Layla took a swallow of her strawberry lemonade and stirred her fork around in her salad plate. “I mean, all the years I’ve given to Him, can’t He at least allow me to have some time doing what I want to do for a change? So what if I like to flirt? So what if men finally look at me and want to get to know me instead of making crude jokes about my weight? It feels good to be beautiful. And I’m going to take a break from being all holier than thou. I’ll come back to God full-time after I’ve experienced life from a different perspective.” Layla changed her focus to Envy. “And, Miss Envy, why are you looking at me like I’m the chief sinner or something?”
“I’m not. That’s you being paranoid. It’s your choice what you do about your relationship with God. I have to get me right,” Envy said, and pointed at herself. “I’m the last one who should judge you or anyone else. But if you’re wondering why I was staring at you like that, it’s because I respect you for at least telling us what you feel.” Envy looked over at Kacie. “And you too, Kacie. Since y’all have spilled your guts, I might as well share my deepest fears with you. I’ve been meaning to do it for some time now, but it just seemed like every time I made up my mind to talk to y’all, something stopped me. What I’m about to tell you is a terrible part of my past. You two are my best friends, and I need you to promise that you won’t turn away from me. I need your support more than ever, if I’m going to go through with my plan.”
“Whatever you have to tell us is going to stay among us. I don’t think any one of us can judge the other. We all have our secrets and misunderstood idiosyncrasies.” Layla reached across the table and placed her hand on top of Envy’s.
“She’s right, you know,” said Kacie, and she placed her hand on top of Layla’s. “Now, tell us what’s going on.”
Kacie and Layla sat in total silence.
“What is it?” Layla asked. Her voice appeared etched with concern and worry.
Envy took a sip of her beverage. Her eyes shifted away from Layla and Kacie. She sucked in a deep breath and then slowly released it. “Eighteen years ago, I fell in love with this guy named Stanton, he was a college student. I just knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Long story short, I ended up getting pregnant. When I told him, he blew up; said he wouldn’t let anything interfere with his college studies, especially a baby. I’d never seen him act the way he did. He cursed at me and accused me of trying to trap him. But it wasn’t true. I was barely fifteen years old, for God’s sake, and in love with him. I would never do anything to hurt him. But my words were ignored because Stanton told me he wanted nothing else to do with me. He told me to have an abortion, but I refused. He warned me not to tell anyone that I was carrying his baby. And I didn’t. I hid it from everyone. Thank God, I didn’t gain much weight at all, and my stomach was round but small, so
I didn’t have a problem hiding the fact that I was pregnant.”
Kacie’s mouth hung open, and she removed her hand from the top of Layla’s, while Layla’s hand remained firmly planted on top of Envy’s. It was apparent by their gazes that they were all ears.
Envy continued to tell them the story of her past. “Week after week, I hoped and prayed that Stanton would change his mind, and admit that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and our child, but it wasn’t the case. I couldn’t stop thinking about his reaction to the child we’d made. How could such a smart, intelligent, kindhearted man—a person who loved dogs and cats and Xbox, who smiled at little babies whenever he saw them on the street, who was obsessed by his major in nuclear physics, who confessed his undying love for me—end up being someone I never really knew at all?”
“It happens like that sometimes. Did you ever go to see a doctor?” asked Layla.
“No. I was too afraid. I told you, I didn’t want my mother or anyone to know. The way things turned out, I didn’t have to worry about anybody finding out.”
“Why?” asked Kacie. “What happened to your baby? How did you keep it hidden?”
“I started to grasp that there was no way I was going to be able to keep hiding my pregnancy from my mother, so I planned on telling her. I was also going to tell her that I was going to give the baby up for adoption, so he or she would grow up in a family where it would be loved, and given the kind of home that I never had.”
True Beauty Page 8
