by E. L. Todd
“People tell me I laugh a lot.”
“So you are fun?”
“I guess.”
“That’s a bad combination. A fun drunk and a mean one.”
“You wouldn’t be a mean drunk.”
“We’ll see.”
The waitress brought their food. “Do you need anything else?”
“Can we have a bottle of this wine to go?”
“Of course.” She walked away.
Sydney raised an eyebrow. “You want to do this tonight?”
“Not necessarily. It’ll be there if you ever decide to.”
“I drink Tequila sometimes. It helps me sleep.”
“How much were you drinking?”
“Half a bottle straight.”
“Wait. What? When was this?”
She was quiet for a moment. “When you were gone.”
He sighed. “Don’t ever do that again, Sydney.”
“Okay,” she said automatically. She cut into her pasta and took a bite. Coen ate his dinner with grace, never spilling anything on the table or hardly using his napkin. When she was finished, she wiped her mouth with the napkin then placed it on the table. She stared at Coen across from her, admiring the beauty of his features.
“What are you thinking about?”
“What I always think about.”
He smiled. “Damn. I am good.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“I wonder if I’ll ever tame you.”
“I find it unlikely.”
“That’s just as well.”
The waitress brought the tab and Coen slid the money into the sleeve, handing it back to her. “I don’t need any change.”
Sydney watched her walk away. “Since we are in a relationship, I would like to take turns paying for things.”
“No.”
“No?”
“That’s never going to happen.”
“Why?”
“You’re my lady. I take care of you.”
“We are both in college, totally broke.”
“I’m not broke. My parents pay for my education and I make plenty of money as a trainer. I could get my own place without roommates, I just choose to live with other people so I can save more money. I pay for everything. That’s settled.”
She glared at him. “I don’t accept that.”
“Too bad,” he said as he rose to a stand. He grabbed the bottle of wine then her hand. They left the restaurant and returned to the car, placing the bottle in the back seat. “Let’s walk on the beach.”
She crossed her arms over her chest as she walked beside him.
He wrapped his arm around her waist. “Come on, Syd. Don’t be mad.”
“I’m a feminist. I believe in an equal partnership. I want to carry my own weight.”
“You do. You make love to me. That’s worth more than cash.”
“You make love to me too. We’re even in that department. This is a give and take relationship. Get used to it. I won’t change my mind.”
He sighed. “Look, I understand what you’re saying and I respect it. When we get married, we can split bills and all that junk, but when we go out, I would like to treat you.”
“When we get married?”
“I don’t mean right now, but someday.”
“You want to get married someday?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I told you I loved you, didn’t I? I only date women that I’m serious about, women that I can actually see myself marrying. If I didn’t feel that way, I would just sleep with you then take off.”
“So you wanted to marry Audrey?”
“In the beginning of the relationship, I could see it. But after that, definitely not. I was trying to end the relationship more than I was trying to keep it together. When she cheated on me, I knew she didn’t love me. She just liked fucking me.” He looked at her. “But I do want to marry you. There’s no doubt about that. I know I’m not going to change my mind.”
She said nothing for a long time. “I feel the same way.”
He smiled. “Good. I know I said that I loved Audrey at one point, but when I think about my feelings for you, I realize I never did. And if I did, it pales in comparison to my love for you.”
“I feel the same way about Aaron.”
He grabbed her hand and they continued to walk on the beach, kicking up sand with their toes. “So, is that okay?”
“What?”
“That I pay for everything?”
“I still don’t like it. I don’t pay rent and my tuition is free. All the money I make at the aquarium goes into my savings account. I have money too.”
He sighed. “I’ll feel more comfortable if I take care of you. I want to take care of you. Please let me do that.”
“But I don’t need someone to take care of me.”
“Then humor me.”
“Fine.”
He smiled. “Thank you.”
They looked at the water as it shined under the moon. Her dress flapped in the wind, showing her legs under the dress.
“You really don’t need someone to take care of you?” he asked sadly. “Because I need you to take care of me.”
She looked at him. “I meant in terms of financial stability. Coen, I do need you to take care of me in other ways, in ways that money can never buy. I’ve never called anyone, sobbing, and asked them to come to me. I’ve never been that weak before.”
“It’s not weak, Syd.”
“It feels like it.”
“As soon as I find myself on hard times, you’ll be the first person I run to. You are a safe haven to me.”
She smiled. “You’re my safe haven too.”
“When Brutus died, I cried for days. I’m not ashamed to admit it. If people think it makes me look weak, I really don’t care. I loved someone with my whole heart and then I lost him. When you called me, it was brave to open yourself up like that, exposing yourself to vulnerability. I knew he would die one day. I still loved him anyway.”
She watched him as he walked next to her, his eyes on a distant memory.
“And when the dreams that haunt you come and frighten you, it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to reach for me. I’m not going to judge you for it. I just wish you would tell me what frightens you so much. I know you don’t believe me, but I can help you get through it and move on. I suspect you won’t tell me because you chose to push it to the back of your mind, hoping it would go away on its own. I can tell you right now that it won’t.” She averted her gaze. “I’ve had clients that were beaten and assaulted in the streets. When they finally came to me, they told me what happened. They were afraid to tell their loved ones to spare them the pain, but when they were talking to me, it was therapeutic.” She still didn’t say anything. “I’m not pressuring you to tell me what haunts you. I’m just saying that you’ll feel better once you do.”
“You’re probably right.”
“I am right.”
3
When they got home, they went straight into the bedroom, leaving the bottle of wine on the couch, forgotten.
Coen touched the straps of her dress and slipped each one off until the dress fell to the floor. He pressed his forehead against hers as he unclasped her bra and let it fall. When she was just standing in her underwear, he kissed her body everywhere, relishing the taste of her skin. “Give me a minute,” he whispered into her ear. He licked his tongue across her neck then down her shoulder, making her spine shiver. Then, he grabbed her breasts and squeezed them gently, cupping them in his large hands. His eyes were wide with excitement as he explored her. It didn’t matter how many times he had done it. He was still obsessed with touching her everywhere. The tan color of her skin reminded him of a golden pineapple. Sunkissed. Her skin was soft and smooth even though she swam in the ocean almost every day. Her hands weren’t calloused even though she worked as a custodian. She was a direct contradiction to everything she did. When his hands glided down her ribs, he saw a thin line, almo
st impossible to see. It looked like a scratch. He caressed it with his fingers while she looked at him, waiting for him to comment on it. When he didn’t, she tried not to look relieved.
Tired of waiting for him to finish, she stripped off his clothes and studied his body. His skin was flawless even though he was a trainer and had been in more physical sparring matches than she would ever know. He flexed his chest muscles when she touched him, showing her he was strong. He didn’t need to do that because she already knew how muscular he was. He just liked to prove a point. There was no trace of damage anywhere on his body. He was lucky he escaped unscathed. “You’re so beautiful,” she said as she felt his broad shoulders. “And not just on the outside.”
“There’s no comparison,” he said as he kissed her gently, parting her lips with his tongue. His tongue danced around hers. The parting of their lips and the quiet moans fell on their ears, exciting both of them. He guided her to the bed then laid her down, crawling on top of her. She opened her legs and felt him push against her.
She broke their kiss. “Lie down.”
He read her mind. He knew she wanted to go down on him. “I want to make love.”
“You do?”
“I’m so in love with you,” he said as he kissed her.
Hot tears sprang from her eyes and one dripped down her cheek. The emotion escaped for a moment then disappeared in light of their passion. She could never find the words to explain how she felt about him, how she loved him.
Her hands ran down his back, memorizing every muscle under his skin. She knew his body better than he did. When he breathed into her mouth, she felt even more excited. The heat was always there between them. Just a kiss was enough to light a fire in between her legs. He always sent her to the edge of pleasure, almost making her come before they actually had sex. Before he actually entered inside her, she was brewing with sexual frustration. She grabbed a condom then ripped it open. He leaned over her and let her roll it onto his cock. It twitched as she touched it. When she squeezed him gently then ran her thumb over the tip, he moaned quietly. He inserted the tip inside her, pushing his large head entirely in, before he made the plunge. As soon as he was fully inside her, she felt her walls crumble.
“I’m coming already.”
He moved into her harder, kissing her while he ran his hands through her hair.
She scratched his back, digging her nails into his skin as her body shook with her high. It felt so good every time. She bit her lip as she moaned loudly, feeling him move inside until her orgasm was completely gone.
Coen locked his eyes onto hers, moving into her slowly and deeply. Just because she came didn’t mean he wanted this to end. He never wanted their lovemaking to end. She was the most amazing girl he’d ever met in his life. She was the one, his everything. He’d never had a friend who meant as much to him, a girlfriend he loved more than his own family, or a lover that satisfied all of his needs. For him, there was nobody else. She was it.
Tears sprang from his eyes as the emotion rocked through him. “I love you so much, Sydney.”
She touched his face, kissing his tears away. “I love you, Coen.”
When his body started to shake, he knew he couldn’t hold on much longer. The moment was too perfect and pure for him to contain it anymore. He stared into her eyes as he came inside her, completely depleting himself. The orgasm felt good, but the feeling in his heart felt better. He had never been broken, but now he felt completely whole. He didn’t realize something was missing in his heart until now. She was the missing piece to his tower. The small but irreplaceable part that completed the entire piece, arranged the entire puzzle. She was the muse to his painting, the light to the stars, the moon to the sky.
He pulled out then lay beside her, his heart still heavy with emotion. He pulled off the condom then tossed it in the trash before he held her to his chest, squeezing her so tightly he thought he would explode. Sydney saw the depth of his love for her. It was obvious.
She knew she had to tell him the truth of her past. It would hurt them both but they could get through it together. He would still love her and want her just as much as he did now. In fact, he may love her more.
4
When they woke up the next morning, they were tangled in each other’s arms. Sydney opened her eyes first and looked at Coen. He was breathing deeply and peacefully. Even though she had to pee, she didn’t want to wake him up so she didn’t move.
A few minutes later, his eyes opened. He turned his head and looked at her, delighted to see her face right when he woke up. He placed his hand on her cheek and stoked it with his thumb.
“Hi,” she said.
He cleared his throat. “Morning.”
“You sleep well?”
“Really well. How about you?”
“I’ve never slept better in my life than when I started sleeping with you.”
“I’m glad I could help.”
“I don’t have nightmares with you.”
“Because I’m your dream catcher.”
She grabbed his hand and kissed it. “And so much more.”
“I’m going to shower and get ready,” he said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
“I’ll reheat breakfast. We need to eat it all.”
“You need to eat it all.”
“I ate all my dinner last night.”
“That isn’t enough.”
“Do you want me to be fat?”
“I want you to be healthy.”
“I’m fine, babe.”
He kissed her on the head before walking in the bathroom. She stared at his ass as he walked away. She heard the toilet flush and then the shower run. She decided to tell him the truth after breakfast. It was time.
When he was finished getting ready, he joined her at the kitchen table for breakfast. He ate two helpings before he was done then drank two cups of coffee—black. “What do you want to do today, baby?”
“Can we sit on the beach?”
“Whatever my lady wants to do is fine with me.”
She carried the plates to the sink and rinsed them before she loaded the dishwasher. She changed into shorts and a shirt then fixed her hair before they walked down to the water, hand in hand. They got their feet wet as the waves covered their ankles. After they played around and looked for crabs and seahorses, they walked to the sand and sat down.
Coen leaned close to her, his shoulder touching hers. He picked up a stick and doodled in the sand. Sydney watched him for a moment until she realized what he drew. I love Sydney. He erased it then redrew it.
She squeezed her hands together as she organized her thoughts. It was harder than she thought it was going to be. She never told anyone that horror story before. Henry was her best friend but he had no idea that she experienced anything so traumatizing. She was determined to take it to the grave—until Coen.
“Coen, I’m ready to talk.”
He dropped the stick, forgetting the drawing. “I’m ready to listen.” He looked out at the ocean, not smothering her with too much attention. Sometimes that scared people off.
Sydney looked at the sand below her feet. “Before I tell you, you have to promise me a few things.”
“I’ll do whatever you wish.”
“I’m being serious.”
“I know, baby. What do you want me to promise?”
“You can’t kill anyone.”
His eyes widened in shock. “Now I’m worried.”
“Coen,” she pressed.
He sighed. “I promise.”
“You can’t hurt anyone.”
“That depends on the context of the situation. If someone is trying to hurt you, I will intervene and beat them senseless. I refuse to make the promise.”
“You can defend me or defend yourself. You can’t seek anyone out with cruel intentions.”
“Okay. I promise.”
“You can’t judge me.”
“That’s a given. I would never do that.”
; “You can’t run away from me.”
“I would never do that either.”
“Promise me you’ll still love me.”
He grabbed her hand and put it over his heart. “With my whole heart.”
“This last one you’ll have the most difficulty with.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
“You can’t get mad.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I can’t get mad?”
“You have to stay calm and be understanding. If you flip out, then I’m going to fall apart.”
“I need a minute.”
“Okay.”
He stared out at the ocean for a long time, pondering her request. It was difficult to make such a promise without the information beforehand. He knew it was bad and it would break his heart. But Sydney was right. He had to be strong and collected for her, to help her put the past behind her. “I promise,” he said quietly.
She took a deep breath. “Okay.”
“It’s going to be okay, Sydney. You’ll feel better afterwards.”
“Not right afterwards.”
“Come on, baby.” He held her hand in his own and caressed her knuckles.
“Well, when my dad died, my mom remarried right away. I suspect she was cheating on Dad because it happened so quickly.”
“How soon?”
“Two months.”
“I would make the same guess.”
“My stepdad isn’t a good person. He’s a drunken bastard that lacks any intelligence whatsoever. He can’t even argue logically because that ability is completely gone. Anything could set him off. The opening of the refrigerator door, a press conference with the president on the television, the color shirt I’m wearing—anything. I was too afraid to leave my room most of the time when he sat in the living room and watched TV. If he saw me, he would start arguing with me, just to argue. It never made sense. If I stood up for myself, the repercussions were always horrific. He would beat me with his hands, and when that wasn’t enough, he always used his bat.” Coen squeezed her hand but said nothing. “I’ve been knocked unconscious too many times to remember. He broke two of my ribs, which were fixed. That’s what that line is.” He nodded. “As I got older, I was able to avoid him better, but for my younger years, I was trapped. I didn’t have any birthday parties and never went anywhere with my friends because I wasn’t allowed to do anything. It was a dark period for me, years of my life that I’ll never get back.” Tears started to fall from her eyes. “The worst part was my mom. She never did anything to help me, letting me take the blame for her mistakes most of the time. If she broke something of his, she would let me take the beating for it. I swear to god that bitch never loved me.” Coen stared at the ground while he listened to her, hiding any emotion he felt. “I applied to Hawaii University simply because it was an island away from home. I knew they wouldn’t be able to afford to visit me and I would be free of them—and his son.” She paused for a moment. “Johnny was the worst. When my stepfather wasn’t making my life miserable, his son was there to take his place. I think I may hate him more.”
