by Sherri Renee
I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. How could I ever explain what I was doing without making it look like I’d been spying on them? Or worse, pushing Jace away from Jules because I was jealous.
Oh, my goodness. That’s exactly what it looked like I was doing. My cheeks flamed hotter. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see steam rising around me as my heat collided with the cold air.
For the first and only time in my life, I wished we had quicksand. Or earthquakes. Anything that could swallow me up and make me disappear so I didn’t have to face Jace and try to explain what just happened.
“Oh, Michelle! Hi!” Jules said as soon as she saw it was me. “What are you doing out here?”
I gave her a weak smile.
“Michelle?” Jace said at almost the same time, looking around. “Are you okay? Where’d you come from?”
He looked so good dressed in fitted jeans and a Forest Ridge letter jacket. In the dim light, I studied his face looking for bruises or cuts from his earlier fight. I didn’t see anything other than the slight shadow near his eye from Danny elbowing him at the game.
I wanted to talk to him. Apologize again. Anything just to be near him, but then I remembered Jules was there and was possibly his new girlfriend. I tore my gaze from Jace and glanced at the tree that had betrayed me, trying to think of something better than, “I was hiding and spying on you, but I didn’t mean to so it’s probably not as creepy as it sounds.”
“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled, staring at Jace in horror. “I lost my footing.” I looked at my feet before darting desperate looks around the garden, searching for a logical sounding excuse for why I’d basically pounced on him. My heart pounded as they both stared curiously.
I had to come up with a reason for lurking in the bushes that had nothing to do with them. “I thought the two-tiered fountain was over there somewhere,” I waved a hand vaguely towards the tree, “and went to look for it. I must have tripped over a root or something.”
I watched them both closely to see if they believed my story. Jules’s brow dipped low, but she smiled. Jace, though, tipped his head to the side and narrowed a look at me.
I hoped he wouldn’t question me. I was suddenly past my limit. I couldn’t take any more. This entire week had been rough, but today . . . Today was just one bad thing after another.
I shouldn’t have come to the party. I was in the middle of a streak of bad luck or something, and I just wanted to escape before it got any worse.
Before either of them could say anything else I flashed my teeth in what I hoped looked more like a smile than the rabid-dog expression it felt like, and said, “I’ve got to go.” Without waiting for a reply, I hurried past them down the path towards the house.
“Michelle?” Jace called after me.
I didn’t look back. I didn’t have an ounce of small talk in me. Please just let me go, I thought, hunching my shoulders and walking even faster. If I saw Jace hold Jules’s hand or anything else that would confirm my suspicions that they were together I thought I might lose it.
I wasn’t sure if I was at the point of laughing or crying at the outrageousness of my apparently non-existent love life, but I didn’t want anyone to see me have a breakdown. Or in Jace’s case, another breakdown.
Jace didn’t call my name again, and I was thankful. I followed the inviting lights coming from the windows of Bobby’s house. But at the back door I stopped with my hand on the cold metal knob.
I couldn’t go back inside. I didn’t want to face anyone. Not even Kristen. Not yet. I turned and headed to the gate at the side of the house. I wanted to get away before I lost control of my emotions.
I closed the gate and ducked my head, hurrying to my car. Maybe I was cursed. Why else would I keep looking like a fool in front of Jace? I shook my head at the foolish thought. I heard the gate open and close behind me and heavy footsteps rapidly moved my direction.
I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to go home and be alone. As the footsteps got closer a slight chill zipped through me. What if someone was following me?
I felt it was pretty safe to say everyone at Forest Ridge was fairly decent and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, but look what happened to Kristen. She’d dated George for almost a year without having a clue he could be dangerous.
I could see my car up ahead. I nibbled on my lip while easing my car keys from my pocket. I could make a run for it. I’d look pretty silly if the person behind me was simply walking to their car, but it wasn’t the first time I’d look foolish tonight. I’d probably survive it.
What I didn’t know is if I could unlock my car and get inside before they caught up with me. If they were even following me. My thoughts flew and I regretted not telling anyone I was leaving. No one would be looking for me if I disappeared.
The footsteps got closer, and my nerves sprang into high gear. I figured I had two choices: run or fight.
With my heart throbbing somewhere around my throat, I gripped my key like a weapon and spun around with it high in the air prepared to strike.
Jace skidded to a stop only a couple of feet behind me and raised his hands in the air in surrender, keeping his eyes on my key.
“Michelle?” he said without looking away from my makeshift weapon.
“Jace? What are you doing out here? You scared me half to death.” My hands started to shake as the adrenaline coursing through me sought a release. I lowered my arm and stuck my hands in my pockets.
“I saw you leave alone and wanted to be sure you made it to your car safely.” He let out a short laugh. “I guess I didn’t need to worry.” His eyes dropped to my pockets where I’d stuck my key. “Looks like you can take care of yourself.”
I pulled the key back out and dangled it in front of me. I forced a laugh even though the last thing I felt like doing was laughing. “Sorry about that. I guess I got myself a little spooked.”
He took a step towards me and shook his head with his eyes locked on mine. “Never apologize for being safe. A lot of bad things happen in the world. I wouldn’t want any of them to happen to you.”
Just as I started getting all mushy from that sweet statement someone called his name.
“Jace?”
Jace and I both looked towards the gate and saw Jules peeking out. He hesitated and turned back to me. “I guess I should go,” he said. “Will you do me a favor first?”
I shrugged.
“Will you get in your car and lock the doors before I leave so I don’t have to worry about you?”
A sharp retort danced on my tongue about how he didn’t need to worry about me, but as I glanced from him to Jules the fight drained from me. I nodded and obediently trudged to my car, got in, and locked the doors.
I stared at the side mirror, watching Jace watching me and started the car automatically. I’d gotten my hopes up, thinking Jace had come after me because he liked me, and now seeing how wrong I was, the disappointment was almost too much to take.
I pulled away from the curb with one eye on Jace, watching him fade into a small black dot in the middle of the street as I drove away.
Chapter 20
I texted Mom to let her know I was home safe then started the shower. I was chilled to the bone but not just from the cold. All the way home I kept replaying all the ways I’d managed to embarrass myself in just a few short minutes.
I wasn’t sure, the list was rather extensive, but I thought the worst part had to be running into Jace on the path. There was no way it didn’t look like I was spying on him.
And even though he and Jules weren’t even holding hands or anything when I literally fell on top of them, I feared they were together. I’d come up with plenty of scenarios in which they were just friends hanging out, and I’d just happened to hear a piece of conversation that made it sound like they were doing things that were more than friendly.
Even now hope built in my chest when I thought about Jace wantin
g to make sure I got to my car safely. That had to mean something, didn’t it?
If he hadn’t gone back to Jules when she called I might have let myself believe it did. As it was I just couldn’t.
The hot water ran over me while I tried to wash away the pain of loss I felt. It was funny. I wasn’t mourning the boyfriend I really did lose today, but the boy friend who I knew could have been so much more.
Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped up in a white fluffy towel and used another to wipe the fog from the mirror. Then I just stood and stared at my reflection. I wasn’t sure what had happened over the past few days. I never meant to stop loving Danny or to start liking Jace.
I decided the best thing I could do right now was to stay away from both of them. I’d caused them both entirely too much trouble. And now they’d both hurt me.
My reflection looked back at me from the mirror with sad green eyes and pinched lines around my mouth. My hair clung to my face in heavy strips. Where was the easy-going Michelle from a couple of weeks ago?
Was this really what love did to you? Because if it was, I might have to seriously consider going back to the non-serious dating I was used to. The highs weren’t as high, but the lows were nowhere near this low.
I dried my hair and dressed in cozy pajamas then went back to my room. It was early. I didn’t want to go to bed yet. I knew I would lie there and relive things I didn’t want to think about right now.
I spotted Jace’s book on my chair where I’d left it and let out a sigh of relief. That was just what I needed. Something to get my mind off of tonight. I grabbed the book and laid on the bed on my stomach with my knees bent and my ankles crossed in the air. Opening to the chapter where I’d left off, I dove right back into the story, thankful for the diversion.
Celeste and Arnon were squared off as sparring partners. Every time Celeste bested him, Arnon grew angrier and more embarrassed to the point that Celeste almost gave him the next shot. At the last minute, she dove to the side and tucked and rolled across the red rocky ground before jumping back to her feet.
As much as she wanted to kindle the tiny spark that was growing between them, she knew she couldn’t nurture it with lies. Not only would it keep Arnon from becoming the best he could be on the battlefield, it would also be the foundation of their relationship. No matter what happened between them, she wouldn’t let it grow from a lie.
My mind wandered for a minute, picturing Jace, eighteen-year-old basketball-playing Jace, sitting behind a computer pouring out these words of wisdom and relationship advice. He was a special guy, and I wished I’d gotten to know him better in class last year. I wondered if I’d get a chance to know him better now or if things were just too weird between us to even be friends. My heart ached at the thought.
These were the kinds of thoughts I wanted to avoid so I dove back into the story, focusing on Celeste’s problems instead of my own. I read until my vision blurred and my eyes grew so heavy I couldn’t hold them open. I laid my head on the book, intending to rest for just a second, but when I woke again loud Christmas music was playing.
I dragged myself from a dreamless sleep, trying to figure out where the music was coming from. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and wiped drool from the corner of my mouth. I looked down and saw I’d drooled on Jace’s pretty cover. Gross! I used my sleeve to wipe it clean and set the book on my nightstand before sleepily stumbling out of my room to follow the music.
Mom’s voice floated up the stairs as she sang along with a Christmas song. I wrinkled my brow for a second as it hit me that today was Christmas Eve. That woke me up a little. No matter how depressed I felt it was hard not to get excited about Christmas. I jogged down the stairs and skidded to a stop when I got to the living room.
A live, full-sized tree stood next to the window. Mom was in front of it with her back to me, singing at the top of her lungs while hanging ornaments from the branches. A small pile of shiny wrapped packages stuck out from under the tree and the whole room smelled yummy, like cinnamon and oranges.
I blinked. I couldn’t process what I was seeing. I mean I could, but it didn’t make sense. We hadn’t had a real tree since . . . Well, it had been so long I couldn’t even remember the last time. And Mom hadn’t bought gifts since I was a little girl.
“Mom?”
She turned and gave me a surprised smile. “You’re up. Finally! Well, come on.” She waved me over. “Help me decorate this giant.”
Taking slow steps, I crossed the room, noticing she’d also set out some other decorations, making the entire room look festive. A large snowman music box sat on the coffee table.
A white ceramic tree with colorful spots of light on each branch gleamed from an end table beside the couch. Even our gumdrop tree was set up on the opposite end table with red and green gumdrops covering each pointy tip.
“What’s going on?” I asked, feeling like I’d stepped into the middle of a movie set only I didn’t know my lines.
Mom carefully hung a shiny red bulb and turned a bright smile on me. “It’s Christmas Eve,” she said as if that explained everything.
I raised my brow and drew a laugh from her. She wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into a side hug, tipping her head to rest against mine. “It just hit me that next year you’ll be in college. There’s no telling if you’ll even be home for Christmas. Life is so unpredictable. I wanted to have at least one memorable Christmas with you.”
Her smile wavered as if she might cry, and I pulled her into a real hug. As sweet and sentimental as her words were, they filled me with foreboding. Would this be our last Christmas together?
“Every Christmas with you is memorable,” I told her. “And we’re going to have so many more together we won’t even be able to count them. No matter where I go to college I’ll always find a way to come home.”
She hugged me back, holding me tight for several seconds before pulling away. “It sounds like my sweet little girl is all grown up.” Now the tears did threaten, and she swiped her eyes with a laugh. “None of that,” she said and handed me an ornament.
“Today is a day of new traditions. Let’s finish up the tree. I have cinnamon rolls rising in the kitchen. They can go in the oven pretty soon and we’ll have them for breakfast.”
I was overwhelmed and still slightly suspicious, but I took the ornament and carefully hung it on an empty branch admiring the way it reflected the overhead light. “This is all amazing,” I said feeling teary myself. “You know you didn’t have to go through all this trouble but everything is so nice.”
A small smile tipped Mom’s mouth, and she started singing along with a Christmas carol. I joined her. We spent the next half hour laughing and talking and making the plain green tree a showpiece.
When the cinnamon rolls were ready, we ate them in the living room, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the tree. “Mmm,” I said as a bite of warm melty deliciousness hit my tongue. “These are so good. I can’t remember the last time you made them.”
Mom looked sad for a second, and I wished I could take my words back. I hadn’t meant it as an insult. “I mean, I know they take hours to make. You shouldn’t have to waste your few hours off work in the kitchen baking.”
Mom licked frosting from her lip and set the remaining half of her roll on the plate, wiping her fingers on a napkin. “I’m thinking about working a little less,” she said without looking at me. “We’ll have to cut a few expenses, but we’ll be fine.”
I searched her face. I thought it was a great idea for her to work less. I would love to have more time with her. Something felt wrong though. “Is everything okay?” I asked. “Is the hospital cutting back or something?”
She shook her head and another smile was on her lips when she faced me. “No, it’s nothing like that. We’re swamped at work. I can have as many hours as I want. I just thought it might be a good idea to slow down a little bit.”
I nodded. “Sure! I think that’s a great idea. I can start cooking some
of our meals and we can save a ton of money by not ordering take-out every day.”
Mom grabbed my hand and squeezed it, turning back to the tree. “We need to try to have a real tree every year,” she said. “Don’t you just love that evergreen scent.” She drew in a slow deep breath and closed her eyes with a smile on her face.
I wanted to enjoy the moment. I wanted to believe she simply missed nice Christmas traditions like decorating a real tree, but while she sat there with her eyes closed, I carefully studied her face with a feeling of growing dread in my stomach. She looked relaxed and happy, but I was almost certain she was hiding something from me.
Chapter 21
Kristen came over after lunch so we could exchange gifts. Under her heavy coat, she wore a red satin blouse with black slacks while I wore an oversized green sweatshirt that hung off my shoulder with festive tights.
We sat on the floor in front of the tree. I handed her a flat clothing box wrapped in red Santa paper, and she gave me a square perfume sized box wrapped in shiny green foil paper with a curly gold ribbon on top. Before we even opened our gifts we both started to laugh.
“Perfume?” I asked giving my package a gentle shake and hearing a slight sloshing sound come from within. Kristen loved perfume and had an entire collection of different fragrances.
She smirked before narrowing her eyes thoughtfully and giving her gift a little shake. “Hmmm,” she said. “This is a little tougher.” She glanced at me, her eyes landing on my Christmas tree covered tights. “I’m going to say decorative tights or leggings.”
I laughed since she had guessed correctly on her first try. “Well, open it and find out.”
We tore into the wrapping on our gifts at the same time. I pulled out an egg-shaped bottle and spritzed my new fragrance into the air, taking a big sniff. “Oh, I love this.” I closed my eyes and tried to analyze the fragrance. “It smells like exotic spices.” I added a spray to both my wrists and my neck.
