by Skye Moon
“Um, ma’am,” Danica pursed her lips. “What are you doing?”
“Welllllll, since it’s so late, I figured I’d take advantage of the second bathroom to shower and spend the night here.” She offered up an innocent smile, but Danica wasn’t buying.
“You lie like a damn rug. What are you really do…”
Danica was interrupted when Casimir strolled into the bedroom without a care in the world, rubbing a towel through his thick, curly hair with one hand and dragging a blanket into the other. Tossing in into the hamper, he flopped down onto the bed on the other side of Miesha, letting out a yawn.
One look between her brother and sister had Danica’s eyes filling with tears as she finally pieced together what they were up to. Up until recently she hadn’t had to sleep by herself in over a year, something that she’d expressed on more than one occasion to them. Them spending the night with her was their way of letting her know that she no longer had to tackle the battle of healing from the trauma she’d suffered alone. Shooting them a smile, she flipped off the light and climbed into the bed, cuddling up with Miesha.
“I love you guys.” She sighed, adjusting the comforter around her thin frame.
“We love you too, sis.” Casimir replied without hesitation. “And we got you.”
“Forever.” Miesha chimed in.
Danica’s smile grew as she closed her eyes, ready for what would probably be the best night’s sleep that she’d gotten in a long time.
Chapter 2
Rubbing the back of his neck, Tucker let out a yawn, thankful that the end of his shift had finally arrived. Between a fire at an apartment complex, a car accident, and what had almost been a fatal accidental drowning, he’d suffered through a hard twenty four hours.
Pulling himself out of the chair, he grunted out a few orders to his crew before saying his goodbyes and heading for the door.
“Tuck!” One of the paramedics, Cecilia, called, rushing to his side. Stopping in his tracks, he turned just enough to let her know she had his attention. “Hey,” she smiled, trying to catch her breath. “You heading out?”
“That was the plan.” He replied gruffly.
“Me too,” Cecilia’s shaky tone revealed her nervousness. “I was thinking that maybe we could go and grab breakfast or something. I mean, that’s if you don’t already have plans.”
Tucker had been patiently waiting for the moment to arrive when Cecilia finally made her infatuation with him known. There were small things here and there that hinted to it, but never anything concrete until her breakfast invitation.
“Maybe next time, alright?” He suggested, attempting to let her down as easily as possible. During the ten years he’d been employed at Firehouse 32, he’d never crossed the professional and personal boundary with a coworker, and he wasn’t about to start.
Tucker noted the hint of embarrassment that flashed in her eyes as she looked around to see if anybody overhead their exchange.
“Yeah,” she nodded slowly, running a hand through her hair. “Next time.” Forcing a smile, Cecilia took off, and Tucker continued on his way before he could be stopped by anyone else.
He was off for the next two days, and planned to spend at least one and a half of them sleeping. It didn’t take him long to get home, and after lugging his duffle bag from the truck, he jogged up the front porch and used his key to let himself inside.
The sight on the other side almost made him wish that he’d taken Cecilia up on her offer and dragged one of the other fighters along so she wouldn’t get the wrong impression.
“Hey,” the woman standing in the living room greeted awkwardly, standing up straight.
“Hey,” Tucker replied, rooted in place. Taking in the chocolate beauty, he noted that his heart wasn’t racing the way it usually did when his eyes landed on her. The wide, round eyes that were usually full of laughter, were solemn and dull, and even the small smile she gave him was cold and forced.
“I thought you were on shift.” The way she nervously dug the toe of her tennis shoe into the hardwood floor brought attention to the suitcases and duffle bags next to her.
“Just finished.” He cleared his throat, dragging his eyes away from the floor. Pulling himself together, Tucker somehow willed his feet to move forward. “I won’t get in your way. Leave the key on the table when you’re done.”
“So, that’s it?”
Squeezing his eyes shut, he halted. “Moe, don’t do this.” He begged. “You ended this relationship.”
“Bullshit!” She stomped over to him, yanking his arm around so they were face to face. “I gave you a choice. And you chose to let me go!”
“I didn’t push you out of this house, Moe.” Tucker reminded her. “You willingly walked away from both me and this relationship.”
“Why?” She questioned, placing her hands on her hips.
“I’m not doing this with you.” He attempted to continue back to his room, but she wasn’t allowing it.
“No.” She commanded, allowing her tears to fall. “You’ve avoided this for a year, and the least you can do is have the decency to allow me the closure I need.”
“What the hell do you want from me, Monae?” He barked, allowing the bag to fall from his shoulder to the ground. “Huh? What is it that you want me to say?”
“I want the man that I fell in love with to open his eyes and realize that everything we’ve worked towards and built together is crumbling!” She argued back, her small hands pushing against his chest. “For him to wake up and remember that I’m what he wants and needs!” Removing her hands from his chest, Monae dropped her eyes to the ground and lowered her voice. “I want you to go back to being the man that you used to be.”
The pain in her voice wrapped itself around his heart, twisting harshly. To say that Tucker didn’t still care for the woman standing in front of him would be a lie, they’d spent too much time together not to.
However, he also knew that he couldn’t be what she needed, and that’s why he didn’t bother to stop her months before when she walked out of the door and subsequently, his life. What she wanted, and what he could give, were two different things, and neither of them were to blame.
Tucker couldn’t get past the traumatic loss that changed his very being, and he knew that Monae was tired of continuously trying to put together the pieces of the broken man that he’d become. She was fighting for something that he couldn’t give, and he was man enough to know that he couldn’t string her along and damage her further than he already had.
It wasn’t easy, but he’d finally come to terms with their demise, and felt she needed to do the same.
“I’m not that man anymore,” he replied dejectedly, his face a block of stone.
“Kee,” Monae sniffled, grabbing his face. “I know how much what happened that night affects you, but if you would just let me help you…”
“THERE IS NO HELPING ME!” He yelled, snatching away from her. “Unless you have a goddamn time machine to go back and give me the five minutes I needed to change everything, it ain’t shit in this world that you can do for me!” The way she shrank back from him let him know that he was close to going too far and losing his temper.
Despite them being broken up, Tucker prided himself on the fact that he and Monae were still on somewhat amicable terms. He didn’t want to ruin that, but he needed her to stop pushing to box him in a corner that he didn’t fit in anymore.
“Monae,” he sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “If I could go back to the man whose only concern was making sure that you had the wedding of your dreams, I would. But, that isn’t my life anymore. I have some shit with me. Demons that I wouldn’t even think about exposing you to. You’re a good woman, and you deserve more than I can give you.”
Taking a step back from him, Monae’s lip trembled as their eyes locked. Tucker could see the exact moment when it clicked in her brain that their relationship would never go back to the way it used to be.
Nodding slow
ly, Monae pushed her hands through her hair and inhaled sharply. “Understood. I’ll be out of your hair soon.”
“Do you need some help?” Tucker’s eyes softened after picking up on her distress.
“No, thank you, I think I can handle it.”
Moving away from him, she began moving her bags out of the house. Sucking in a deep breath, Tucker headed to his bedroom to lock himself inside until she was done. Pulling a change of clothes out of his drawer, he went straight to the master bedroom and hopped in the shower.
He wasted as much time as he could, forcing himself to stay inside until the water was ice cold. To his relief, by the time he headed back out into the living area, both Monae and all of her belongings were gone.
Dead-bolting the door, Tucker slowly shuffled to the kitchen to grab a beer. Popping the top, he flung it in the trash and headed into the living room, flopping onto the couch. A glimmer of light caught his eye, and Tucker’s stomach turned when he spied Monae’s engagement ring sitting on the table next to the spare key he’d given her when she moved in.
An empty feeling coursed through him as he sat back on the couch, downing his beer. To most people, he appeared well put together. When there was a fire, or a need for search and rescue, he was the man almost everybody wanted at the scene. Women swooned over him, his entire team respected him, and financially, he was set.
From the outside looking in, Tucker was living the American dream. But on the inside, he was a broken man, all due to the one face and name that would forever haunt his dreams. Charlotte Campbell, the four year old girl that he couldn’t save from perishing in a fire.
Chapter 3
“Danica, how much longer do you have on that cake!?” Her mother questioned for what felt like the 100th time. Rolling her eyes, Danica sighed deeply to try and keep her tone in check while answering.
She may have been an adult, but her mother would have no trouble smacking her dead in her mouth if she felt like Danica was being smart.
“I just finished icing it, Mama, it’s all ready to go.”
Taking one more look at her masterpiece, Danica smiled before placing the round, plastic covering over the top of it. It was the day of the cookout at the fire station, and she’d be a liar to say that she wasn’t a bundle of nerves about seeing Tucker again.
She’d been so infatuated with him, that her brother and sister couldn’t stop teasing her about it at every turn. Looking back on it made her giggle. She had to have been in shock. That was the only viable explanation for Danica convincing herself that she’d sparked an instant connection with a total stranger.
“Your brother isn’t going to make it,” her mother revealed, stepping into the kitchen with a harried expression on her face. “Knowing him, he’s tied up with his next flavor of the week. If I told that boy once, I’ve told him a thousand times that…”
As her mother continued ranting, Danica couldn’t help but admire the older woman’s beauty. She was just shy of her sixty-third birthday, but appeared at least ten years younger. Her head full of thick, coal black hair was just starting to grey around the temples, and her golden face only wrinkled around her warm, brown eyes.
“Anyway,” she waved a hand, moving on from the subject of her son. “Let’s get all this in the car and get to the cookout. Your father and sister had a few last minute things to pick up from the store and then they’ll meet us there.”
Without a word, Danica picked up the container and followed her mother out of the house. They got the dishes secured in the backseat of the vehicle, got themselves settled, and were on their way.
“So, honey,” Danica’s mom began speaking tentatively. “How are you getting adjusted to being back home?”
“It’s a process,” she admitted, admiring the scenery as they rode past. “But I’m falling back into my old routine. Cas and Miesh have been a huge help.”
“I can imagine,” her mother smiled in return. “I’m so thankful that you have them by your side to help you through this transition.”
“Me too,” Danica mumbled, preparing herself for what she knew was coming next. As good hearted as she was, her mother was equally transparent. Danica had no doubts that her mom’s line of questioning was genuine, but it was also laying the foundation for what she really wanted to know.
“Sweetheart, please don’t be upset, but…”
“I’m not going to be upset, Leanne,” Danica looked at her mom with a smile. “I know you well enough to know that you’ve been itching to ask me whatever it is on your brain since I told you and Daddy that I was moving back.”
“Well,” Leanne pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but well, how are you getting along after Amad?” She finally blurted it out.
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“I know that’s what you always say, but you haven’t said much about him since the funeral.”
“What is there to say, Mama?” Danica questioned, wiping the lone tear trailing down her cheek away. “He’s gone, and he’s not coming back. I have to get over it, and him.”
Resting her head against the passenger window, she let out a gruff sigh. Her ex-boyfriend, Amad, was still a sensitive topic for her. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that she was moving on, Danica still seemed to fall apart at the mere mention of his name.
“Oh, baby,” Leanne clicked her tongue, reaching over to push Danica’s hair out of her face. “Don’t cry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to keep your feelings bottled in. Daddy and I are always here for you whenever you want to talk. As are your brother and sister.”
“I know, Mommy,” Danica sniffed lightly, wiping her face. “But it’s still hard to talk about.”
“I understand, sweetheart, and I won’t push the issue any further, okay?”
“Thank you.”
“Love you.”
That got a short laugh out of Danica as she pulled herself together. Though she had to admit, she’d made more progress than she’d originally thought. Months ago, hearing Amad’s name would have sent her into a fit of tears, and a short depression that took weeks for her to emerge from.
There wasn’t a day that went by where she didn’t miss him and wish he was still by her side, planning their future together, but that obviously wasn’t in the cards for them. Danica didn’t understand it, but questioning it got her nowhere, which left only acceptance.
Death had come for the man she thought she’d be spending the rest of her life with, and there was nothing to do about it.
She and her mother arrived at the city park a few moments later, and Danica couldn’t help but soak in the nostalgia she felt. Her family made it a habit to visit the park almost every weekend, and it held a lot of good memories for her.
Climbing out of the car, she helped her mom unpack the food. She was walking a little behind, so caught up with taking in the scene, that she wasn’t paying attention to where she was going and walked slam into a solid body.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going and…” Her voice trailed off when she realized who she was looking at.
As prepared as she thought she was to see him, Danica realized she was nowhere near it the minute she laid eyes on him. She had no idea how it was possible, but he was even finer than she remembered. His bulging arms were solid muscle leading up to a broad chest. His smile was still the same, and so were his eyes. The same ones that eons ago managed to capture a piece of her.
“Hi,” she greeted breathlessly, suddenly nervous.
“How you doing?” Tucker nodded, and Danica immediately noted that there was something different about him. The easygoing nature he’d possessed when they first met was now gone, and left only an empty vessel behind. There was a coldness in him that sent a chill down her spine.
“Um,” she licked her lips, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “I don’t know if you remember me, but a couple of years ago, just befo
re Christmas, I was in a bad accident. You were the one who pulled me out of the car before it, um,” Danica momentarily got choked up, and he jumped in right where she left off.
“I remember,” his eyes narrowed. “Danica, right?”
“Yeah,” she confirmed, flashing all thirty-two teeth.
This time, when Tucker smiled, it reached his eyes. “It’s nice to see you again. How have you been?”
Glancing down at the ground to pull herself together, only when she was composed did she look back up at him. “I’ve been okay. Taking life one day at a time. How about you?”
“The same. That for us?” He gestured towards the container she was holding on to for dear life.
“It is, actually.” She held it out to him. “I know that no amount of thank you will be enough for what you did for me, but I thought that I could at least bring by a small token of my appreciation.”
“You don’t have to thank me, I was just doing my job.”
“You just doing your job is the reason why I’m standing here right now.” She argued, noticing a flicker of something in his eyes that she couldn’t quite make out. “And seeing as how this is the first time that I’m able to show my gratitude in person…”
She trailed off, and whatever it was she thought she saw in him faded as he came back to reality.
“Well, since you went out of your way to throw something together that I’m sure will taste delicious, I guess it’s only right for me to offer you something to drink, huh?”
“It is a little warm out here,” she confirmed, and the two shared a laugh, making a pit stop at the overflowing food table to find a place for her cake before moving on to the cooler to grab something to battle the heat.
“So, what kept you?” Tucker commented, popping open the top to his soda.
Dragging her eyes away from the multitude of kids running around and mock turnout gear or playing some sort of sport, Danica glanced up at him with confused eyes. “What do you mean?”
