by Skye Moon
“Listen,” she brushed the feeling off, clearing her throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you that way. I’m dealing with things the best I can, and there’s no manual on how to navigate it. For months, everyone’s been treating me like I’m so fragile, and while I am for the most part, I have my days where I get tired of feeling like a victim. I just want to have a normal moment that isn’t dictated by the tragic life event that I already can’t separate myself from.”
The entire time she ranted, Tucker watched her with a blank expression, which made her feel stupid for opening her mouth in the first place.
“You know what?” Danica huffed, becoming more embarrassed by the second. “Forget I said anything, okay? I just-I’m sorry.”
With that, she reached for the handle to open her driver’s door, but Tucker placed a hand over it, preventing her from leaving.
“I get it.” He uttered, placing his free hand on her lower back in a soothing manner. “And I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” she murmured sheepishly.
“I’m sorry for reacting to you the way that I did as well, and like I said, we may not know each other well, but I do understand what you’re dealing with. And if you ever need somebody to listen, I’ll be there.”
“Do you want to come over for dinner?” Danica blurted before she could stop herself. Suddenly flustered, she tried to give him an out before he turned her down. “I mean, if you don’t, that’s fine. I probably shouldn’t have asked when I don’t even know if you’re seeing someone or…”
“Are you always this nervous?” He laughed, interrupting her tirade.
“Not particularly,” she admitted with a shrug. “Only you seem to bring that side out of me.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Tucker gave her a wink. “But if you’re offering, I would love to come over.”
“Okay, great.” Danica’s head nodded wildly. They exchanged numbers, and Tucker waited until she was safely in her car before heading back towards the grocery store. Danica was so thrown off by the turn of events that her hands shook to dial her sister’s number to let her know what happened.
“What’s up, boo?” Miesha answered cheerfully.
“I think I messed up.”
“Ah shit, hold on,” She chirped.
“Miesh, don’t you dare call…”
Danica trailed off when she realized that she was talking to a blank line. Growling lowly, she had no choice other than to wait and stew until her sister came back.
“Okay, hello?” Miesha greeted cheerfully.
“Why y’all always gotta call me and include me in these gossip sessions?” Casimir huffed.
“Because yo ass is always complaining about how we don’t ever tell you shit.” Miesha snapped at him. “Now, Dani, what happened?”
Knowing that it was no use to try and hide anything from her siblings, she dove right into everything that happened between her and Tucker, leading up to her asking him to dinner.
“Okay,” Casimir said when she was done with her story. “I’m missing the issue here.”
“The issue, oh, slow one,” Miesha drawled. “Is that she feels guilty for asking him to dinner, because she’s still attached to Amad.”
“Exactly.” Danica confirmed. “How good of a person am I to be attracted to someone else in such a short time frame?”
“You’re a human being, Dani,” Casimir said softly. “It’s a sad situation, and I would never try to downplay or disregard your feelings for Amad, but your life doesn’t stop just because he’s not here anymore. You can’t spend the rest of your life at a standstill. He’s not coming back, Dani.”
“I know that,” she sniffled, fighting back tears as best as she could.
“Dani, bae, there’s no timetable on healing or grieving,” Miesha murmured gently. “And nobody can live your life but you. You’re not marrying the man, you’re just having dinner with him.”
“Exactly,” Casimir co-signed. “And if anybody has anything to say about whatever the fuck it is you doing, I’m beating their ass. Simple as that.”
“Cas,” Danica chuckled at her brother’s attempt to cheer her up.
“What? I’m dead ass serious.”
“Oh, we know, psycho.” Miesha snickered.
She thought that they were crazy as hell, but Danica appreciated having a pair of siblings that had her back the way Miesha and Casimir did. Despite their age gaps, they’d grown up thick as thieves, something that spilled over into their adult lives. One of them couldn’t function without the other two.
Danica chatted with them the rest of the way home, and after grabbing a quick shower, began to throw dinner together for herself and Tucker. She was so nervous that she’d downed half a bottle of wine by the time he arrived.
The sound of the doorbell ringing nearly caused her to jump out of her skin, and her palms immediately became sweaty as she swallowed deeply. Willing one foot in front of the other, Danica made her way to the door, checking the peephole to make sure that it was Tucker before opening.
“Hey,” she greeted, attempting to catch her breath.
“Hey,” his voice rumbled as he nodded at her.
“Come in,” Danica took a step back to allow him access to her home.
“You got it smelling good as hell in here, girl,” Tucker commented, waiting for her to take the lead and show him wherever it was that he was supposed to be.
“Thank you.” She smiled proudly. “And shoes off, please. Excuse the house, I’m still getting settled in”
Holding his hands in the air, Tucker shot her a crooked grin, kicking his Air Maxes off at the door.
“The kitchen is this way,” Danica called over her shoulder, trying not to admire the way his thigh muscles easily bulged out of the joggers he was wearing. She also noticed the emblem on his t-shirt represented his firehouse, despite him being off duty.
Forever the firefighter. She thought, smiling internally.
“Would you like something to drink?” Danica questioned, popping the refrigerator open. “I haven’t been here that long so all I have is beer, wine and water.”
“I’ll take a beer, depending on which brand you have.”
“Stout is the only way to go,” she announced, pulling two of the fridge.
“Yeah, you’re definitely my kind of girl,” Tucker reaffirmed as she popped the top and handed one to him.
Danica’s heart thumped in her chest as his declaration, but she took a swig of her drink to force herself to calm down.
“You having a beer is okay, right? You don’t have to go back to the station or anything?”
“Nah, I have the next two days off, so I’m good.” He assured her, taking a gulp.
“How’d you manage that?”
“I work twenty four hour shifts, so I work all day and have the following two off.”
“That doesn’t sound healthy at all.”
“Dani, I run into burning buildings for a living. Ain’t a damn thing about my job healthy.”
“I guess I can’t argue with that.” Danica conceded, opening the cabinet to grab a couple of plates.
“What do you do?” Tucker questioned as she went to work on plating their food.
“I was--am,” she quickly corrected herself. “A middle school music teacher. I’ve been trying to line up a job here for the past couple of weeks, but it hasn’t panned out the way I want it to.”
“That just means that wherever you’ve been applying isn’t where you’re meant to be, that’s all.” He shrugged, taking the plate she extended to him and taking a seat at the table. “Don’t let it discourage you. Something will fall into place for you.”
“Well, if it doesn’t fall into place by the end of the summer, then I might have a problem.” She chuckled, sitting across from him. “Do you house the homeless at the station by chance?”
“Not usually, but I think I might be able to pull some strings and make something happen for you.” Tucker pl
ayed along with her joke before saying grace and digging into his food. Danica was surprised how easily conversation flowed between them. From the time they started dinner, to finishing up, to Tucker insisting on washing dishes, to moving their night into the living room, their conversation had been seamless.
They discussed everything, from their childhood, to their teenage years, and he’d even made her so comfortable, that she was openly discussing Amad without breaking into a thousand pieces.
“When you first start dating someone,” Danica stared off at nothing, tucking her legs underneath her on the couch. “You think they’re going to be around forever, you know? Life is so great that you don’t stop to think about the possibility of how things would be if that person wasn’t around anymore.”
From his place next to her, Tucker nodded slowly.
“He spent six months chasing me before I gave in and decided to take a chance on him. Things moved kind of quickly after that, but I didn’t think too much about it, because it felt right. We’d been dating for seven months when I started noticing little things about him were off. His hands would be unsteady at times, he was becoming forgetful.” A rush of emotions took over, and she paused to try and keep herself together. “I asked him to go to the doctor sooner, and maybe if he had then…” Breaking off, Danica bit her bottom lip to compose herself before continuing.
“Anyway, when we finally found out that he was sick, Amad’s doctor told us about an experimental surgery that might help. The risks were too high for me, so I was against it, but he was willing to try anything. He didn’t make it through it.”
Bending her index finger, she swiped her knuckle beneath her eye to catch the tear before it fell.
Bringing his hand to the back of her neck, Tucker gave her a comforting squeeze. “You know that no matter how much arguing, screaming, or crying, that you would have done, he would have still gone through with the procedure, right?”
“What makes you so sure of that?”
“Because in a situation like that, he had the power to choose which path he wanted to go regarding his future, and in a life or death situation, there’s no swaying that. He did what he felt like he had to do to try and save himself, and as terrible as the situation is, you can’t put the blame for it on your shoulders.”
“Amad made a decision, and now it’s time for you to make yours. Remembering him and honoring who he was in your life doesn’t coincide with you ensuring that you’re miserable, Danica. And that’s exactly what you’re doing. You think that if you’re not miserable, then you’re somehow betraying him.”
“And what makes you the expert on grief?” She snapped unintentionally, feeling horrible no sooner than the words left her mouth.
“I’m not an expert, but I’ve been a first responder for ten years now. You can’t even imagine some of the things that I’ve seen, or any of the conversations I’ve had with survivors who felt guilty that their friends died in a situation where they lived. Bad things happen, but your life doesn’t have to stop because of it.”
“Now you sound like my brother,” Danica laughed good-naturedly, wiping her face clear of any lingering tears.
“He must be a smart man.”
Their eyes connected, and Danica accepted all of the comfort his presence offered her. She couldn’t remember the last time that she’d felt so content, and free of the anxiety her never ending thoughts caused her.
“He ain’t all that,” she waved a hand, pulling her eyes away from his. Glancing down, she hit the home button on her phone, nearly gawking while reading the time. “Holy shit, I didn’t know it was so late. I didn’t mean to keep you here that long, please tell your girlfriend or whomever that…”
“You ain’t gotta worry about that,” Tucker gently squeezed the back of her neck again to calm her before she went into a frenzy. “I’m not attached to anybody in that way.”
“You sure?” Danica raised a suggestive eyebrow. “Because homegirl at the cookout was grilling me like she wanted to kill me.”
Tucker’s deep laugh filled the room as he shook his head. “Cece is tenacious, I will admit. But I’m not into her like that. Even if I was, I wouldn’t cross that line, because we work together. Situations like that never end well.”
“Well, even if you aren’t connected to her, I find it hard to believe that some woman out here hasn’t snatched you up yet.”
Draining the last of his third beer, his broad shoulder rose and fell quickly. “I used to have a fiancée. Shit, seems like it was forever ago, but at one point, I thought I could have it all. The career and family at home was what I thought was it for me. I wanted a wife, kids, dog, all that.”
“So what happened?” Danica’s voice dropped to a whisper as she studied his face carefully. Gone was the playful, easy going man that had walked through her door, and in his place was a cold, indifferent being that gave her chills.
“I changed.” He answered shortly, shaking his head. “And like you said, it’s getting late, so I should go.”
“Tucker,” Danica nearly flew from the couch to follow him. He’d moved so quickly that his shoes were already on by the time she made it to the foyer.
“Lock this door, Dani,” He commanded without so much of a glance backward. “I’ll see you later.”
“Tucker,” she called again, baffled by whatever it was that had just happened. As if he didn’t hear her, he stormed out of the door, closing it behind him.
Placing a hand up against it, Danica let out a sigh before locking it. With Tucker gone, that cold, familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach returned. Moving through the house, she turned off all the lights and slipped into the bed, wondering what happened to him that was so terrible, it virtually changed his personality.
It was obvious to her that Tucker was drowning, and before she closed her eyes for the night she promised that she wouldn’t give up on finding out why. She didn’t have plans to rest until she saved him, the same way he’d saved her.
Chapter 6
As he and his crew packed up their truck after yet another call, Tucker jogged over to where Will was standing alone, scrolling through his phone. It was the first time in a week that he’d managed to snag his friend alone to try and talk about whatever the weird vibe was between them.
Since the day Cecilia had cornered him in the locker room, Tucker felt like he was getting the cold shoulder from Will, and he didn’t like it. Whatever the issue was, he wanted it out on the table so they could get past it and move on.
“Yo,” he called, getting Will’s attention, barely. Lifting his eyes up from his phone for a split second, Will dropped them again.
“What’s up?”
“Everything straight with you?” Tucker questioned, trying to sort whatever the problem could be out.
“I’m cool.”
“You sure? Cause I’ve been hitting your line lately, and…”
“Hey, Tuck,” Cecilia chose that exact moment to walk past, offering him a wide smile that shrank a bit when she realized he wasn’t alone. “Will.” She nodded, opting to keep it pushing.
The irritated snort Will let out illuminated everything for Tucker perfectly.
“Whatever it is you think is going on between Cece and I,” he began. “Get it out of your head. It’s not like that between us.”
“Man, I don’t give a damn what that girl does or doesn’t do.” Will announced, but Tucker knew it was a lie. His entire demeanor was tense, and his mood had blackened further the minute she walked by.
“Look, bro, it’s on you to sort out however it is you might or might not feel about her, alright? I’m just letting you know that you don’t have to worry about me crossing that line.”
“Heard you.”
“Alright then.”
Telling himself, fuck it, Tucker headed to his truck to roll out with his team. He’d said his peace, and it was up to Will whether he wanted to accept it or not. They seemed to make it back to the station in record time, and he hopp
ed out with his stomach rumbling loud enough to wake the dead.
He’d barely made it into the kitchen to wash his hands before one of his team was hollering his name.
“Aye, Tuck!” Charlie called loudly. “You got a visitor.”
Gritting his teeth, Tucker let out a growl before turning back in the direction that he’d come. Stopping in his tracks as soon as his view was clear, Tucker’s heart thumped a few times when he saw it was Danica standing there.
“Damn,” Wade grunted, walking up next to him. “Who is she? And if you don’t have a claim on her, I swear I do.”
“Back the fuck up,” he barked, getting a laugh out of Wade as he left him standing there to approach her.
“Hi,” she waved nervously, letting go of the plastic container in her hand to give him a nervous wave. “I hope it’s okay for me to be here. I don’t know the protocol for you having visitors at work.”
“It’s all good,” he assured her, discreetly taking her in from head to toe. She was dressed down in a pair of cotton shorts, a fitted shirt, and sneakers. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and her bare face was free from any make-up. It blew his mind the way Danica managed to take his breath away effortlessly. “What brings you by?”
“Well, since I was in the area, I thought I might stop past and say hello.”
An involuntary smile crossed his face as he sniffed out her lie. “So you just happened to be passing the fire station with a big ass plastic container of cookies?”
“Yesssss,” she dragged out, twisting her lips to the side. “Is that a crime?”
“No, but in the eyes of God, lying is.”
“Okay, let’s just leave Jesus out of this, okay?”
“I will when you ‘fess up and admit that you just wanted to see me.”
“Fine, whatever, you caught me.” Danica shoved the container in his hands. “You haven’t been responding to me, so I wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”
Since the night they’d spend together, Tucker made it up in his mind to keep his distance from her. He’d already screwed things up beyond belief with Monae. He had no plans to do the same with Danica. Not when she was already in a vulnerable headspace.
