"Sounds like good advice to me," I interjected, hoping to improve my status with the general by agreeing with him.
Badaxe responded by fixing me with a hard glare.
"Strange that you should say that, magician," he observed stonily. "Grimble's advice was to invest the money elsewhere than in the army, specifically in a magician."
It suddenly became clear why we had been received by the guards and the general with something less than open-armed camaraderie. Not only were they getting us instead of reinforcements, our presence was a slap at their abilities.
"Okay, General," Aahz acknowledged. "All that's water under the drawbridge. What are we up against?"
The general glanced back and forth between me and Aahz, apparently surprised that I was allowing my apprentice to take the lead in the briefing. When I failed to rebuke Aahz for his forwardness, the general shrugged and moved to a piece of parchment hanging on the wall.
"I believe the situation is shown clearly by this-" he began.
"What's that?" Aahz interrupted.
The general started to respond sharply, then caught himself. "This," he said evenly, "is a map of the kingdom you are supposed to defend. It's called Possiltum."
"Yes, of course," I nodded. "Continue."
"This line here to the north of our border represents the advancing army you are to deal with."
"Too bad you couldn't get it to scale," Aahz commented. "The way you have it there, the enemy's front is longer than your border."
The general bared his teeth.
"The drawing is to scale," he said pointedly. "Perhaps now you will realize the magnitude of the task before you."
My mind balked at accepting his statement.
"Really, General," I chided. "Surely you're overstating the case. There aren't enough fighting men in any kingdom to form a front that long."
"Magician," the general's voice was menacing, "I did not reach my current rank by overstating military situations. The army you are facing is one of the mightiest forces the world has ever seen. It is the striking arm of a rapidly growing empire situated far to the north. They have been advancing for three years now, absorbing smaller kingdoms and crushing any resistance offered. All able-bodied men of conquered lands are conscripted for military service, swelling their ranks to the size you see indicated on the map. The only reason they are not advancing faster is that in addition to limitless numbers of men, they possess massive war machines which, though effective, are slow to transport."
"Now tell us the bad news," Aahz commented dryly.
The general took him seriously.
"The bad news," he growled, "is that their leader is a strategist without peer. He rose to power trouncing forces triple the size of his own numbers, and now that he has a massive army at his command, he is virtually unbeatable."
"I'm beginning to see why the king put his money into a magician," my mentor observed. "It doesn't look like you could have assembled a force large enough to stop them."
"That wasn't my plan!" the general bristled. "While we may not have been able to crush the enemy, we could have made them pay dearly enough for crossing our border that they might have turned aside for weaker lands easier to conquer."
"You know, Badaxe," Aahz said thoughtfully, "that's not a bad plan. Working together we might still pull it off. How many men can you give us for support?"
"None," the general said firmly.
1 blinked.
"Excuse me, General," I pressed. "For a moment there, I thought you said-"
"None," he repeated. "I will not assign a single soldier of mine to support your campaign."
"That's insane!" Aahz exploded. "How do you expect us to stop an army like that with just magik?"
"I don't," the general smiled.
"But if we fail," I pointed out, "Possiltum falls."
"That is correct," Badaxe replied calmly.
"But-"
"Allow me to clarify my position," he interrupted. "In my estimation, there is more at stake here than one kingdom. If you succeed in your mission, it will establish that magik is more effective than military force in defending a kingdom. Eventually, that could lead to all armies being disbanded in preference to hiring magicians. I will have no part in establishing a precedent such as that. If you want to show that magicians are superior to armies, you will have to do it with magik alone. The military will not lift a finger to assist you."
As he spoke, he took the jug of wine from Aahz's unresisting fingers, a sign in itself that Aahz was as stunned by the general's words as I was.
"My feelings on this subject are very strong, gentlemen," Badaxe continued, pouring himself some wine. "So strong, in fact, I am willing to sacrifice myself and my kingdom to prove the point. What is more, I would strongly suggest that you do the same."
He paused, regarding us with those glittering eyes.
"Because I tell you here and now, should you emerge victorious from the impending battle, you will not live to collect your reward. The king may rule the court, but word of what happens in the kingdom comes to him through my soldiers, and those soldiers will be posted along your return path to the palace, with orders to bring back word of your accidental demise, even if they have to arrange it. Do I make myself clear?"
Chapter Eight
"Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit."
-TERESIAS
With a massive effort of self-control, I contained myself not only after we had left the general's quarters, but until we were out of earshot of the honor guard. When I finally spoke, I managed to keep the telltale note of hysteria out of my voice, which would have betrayed my true feelings.
"Like you said, Aahz," I commented casually, "there are armies and there are armies. Right?"
Aahz wasn't fooled for a minute.
"Hysterics won't get us anywhere, kid," he observed. "What we need is sound thinking."
"Excuse me," I said pointedly, "but isn't `sound thinking' what got us into the mess in the first place?"
"Okay, okay!" Aahz grimaced. "I'll admit I made a few oversights when I originally appraised the situation."
"A few oversights?" I echoed incredulously. "Aahz, this `cushy job' you set me up for doesn't bear even the vaguest resemblance to what you described when you sold me on the idea."
"I know, kid," Aahz sighed. "I definitely owe you an apology. This sounds like it's actually going to be work."
"Work!" I shrieked, losing control slightly. "It's going to be suicide."
Aahz shook his head sadly.
"There you go overreacting again. It doesn't have to be suicide. We've got a choice, you know."
"Sure," I retorted sarcastically. "We can get killed by the invaders or we can get killed by Badaxe's boys. How silly of me not to have realized it. For a moment there I was getting worried."
"Our choice," Aahz corrected sternly, "is to go through with this lame-brained mission, or to take the money and run."
A ray of hope broke through the dismal gloom that had burdened my mind.
"Aahz," I said in genuine awe, "you're a genius. C'mon, let's get going."
"Get going where?" Aahz asked.
"Back to the inn, of course," I replied. "The sooner the better."
"That wasn't one of our options," my mentor sneered.
"But you said-"
"I said `take the money and run' not just `run,' '' he corrected. "We aren't going anywhere until we've seen Grimble."
"But Aahz-"
" `But Aahz' nothing," he interrupted fiercely. "This little jaunt has cost us a bundle. We're going to at least make it break even, if not show a small profit."
"It hasn't cost us anything," I said bluntly.
"It cost us travel time and time away from your studies," Aahz countered. "That's worth something."
"But-"
"Besides," he continued loftily, "there are more important issues at stake here."
"Like what?" I pressed.
"Well . . . like, um . .
."
"There you are, gentlemen!"
We turned to find Grimble approaching us rapidly from behind.
"I was hoping to catch you after the briefing," the chancellor continued, joining us. "Do you mind if I watch with you? '1 know you'll be eager to start off on your campaign, but there are certain matters we must discuss before you leave."
"Like our wages," Aahz supplied firmly.
Grimble's smile froze.
"Oh! Yes, of course. First, however, there are other things to deal with. I trust the general supplied you with the necessary information for your mission."
"Down to the last gruesome detail," I confirmed.
"Good, good," the chancellor chortled, his enthusiasm undimmed by my sarcasm. "I have every confidence you'll be able to deal with the riffraff from the North. I'll have you know you were my personal choice even before the interviews. In fact, I was the one responsible for sending you the invitation in the first place."
"We'll remember that," Aahz smiled, his eyes -narrowing 'dangerously.
A thought occurred to me.
"Say . . . um, Lord Chancellor," I 'said casually, "how did you happen to hear of us in the first place?"
"Why do you ask?" Grimble countered.
"No special reason," I assured him. "But as the interview proved so fruitful, I would like to send a token of my gratitude to that person who spoke so highly of me to you."
It was a pretty flimsy story, but the chancellor seemed to accept it.
"Well . . . um, actually it was a wench," he admitted. "Rather comely, but I don't recall her name just offhand. She may have dyed her hair since you met her. It was green at the time we . . . er . . . met. Do you know her?"
Indeed I did. There was only one woman who knew of Aahz and me, much less our whereabouts. Then again, there was only one woman I knew who fit the description of being voluptuous with green hair. Tanda!
I opened my mouth to acknowledge my recognition, when Aahz dug a warning elbow into my rib.
"Glah!" I said intelligently.
"How's that again?" Grimble inquired.
"I . . . um, I can't place the person, just offhand," I lied. "But you know how absentminded we magicians are."
"Of course," the chancellor smiled, for some reason relieved.
"Now that that's settled," Aahz interrupted, "I believe you mentioned something about our wages."
Grimble scowled for a moment, then broke into a good-natured grin.
"I can see why Master Skeeve leaves his business dealings to you, Aahz," he conceded.
"Flattery's nice," Aahz observed, "but you can't spend it. The subject was our wages."
"You must realize we are a humble kingdom," Grimble sighed, "though we try to reward our retainers as best we can. There have been quarters set aside for the court magician, which should be spacious enough to accommodate both of you. Your meals will be provided . . . that is, of course, assuming you are on time when they are served. Also, there is a possibility . . . no, I'd go so far as to say it is a certainty that His Majesty's generosity will be extended to include free stable space and food for your unicorns. How does that sound?"
"So far, pretty cheap," Aahz observed bluntly.
"What do you mean, `cheap?' " the chancellor snarled, losing his composure for a moment.
"What you've offered so far," Aahz sneered, "is a room we won't be sleeping in, meals we won't be eating, and stable space we won't be using because we'll be in the field fighting your war for you. In exchange, you want Skeeve here to use his skills to save your kingdom. By my calculations, that's cheap!"
"Yes, I see your point," Grimble conceded. "Well, there will, of course, be a small wage paid."
"How small?" Aahz pressed-:
"Sufficient to cover your expenses," the chancellor smiled. "Shall we say fifty gold pieces a month?"
"Let's say two hundred," Aahz smiled back.
"Perhaps we could go as high as seventy-five," Grimble countered.
"And we'll come down to two-twenty-five," Aahz offered.
"Considering his skills, we could pay . . . excuse me," the chancellor blinked. "Did you say two-twenty-five?"
"Actually," Aahz conceded, "I misspoke."
"I thought so." Grimble smiled.
"I meant two-fifty."
"Now see here-"the chancellor began.
"Look, Grimble," Aahz met him halfway, "you had three choices. You could double the size of your army, hire a magician, or lose the kingdom. Even at three hundred a month, Skeeve here is your best deal. Don't look at what you're spending, look at what you're saving."
Grimble thought about it for a few moments.
"Very well," he said, grimacing. "Two-fifty it is."
"I believe the figure under discussion was three hundred," I observed pointedly.
That earned me a black look, but I stood my ground and returned his stare levelly.
"Three hundred," he said, forcing the words out through gritted teeth.
"Payable in advance," Aahz added.
"Payable at the end of the pay period," Grimble corrected.
"C'mon, Grimble," Aahz began, but the chancellor interrupted him, holding up his hand.
"No! On that point I must remain inflexible," he insisted. "Everyone in the Royal Retinue is paid at the same time, when the vaults are opened at the end of the pay period. If we break that rule and start allowing exceptions, there will be no end to it."
"Can you at least give us a partial advance?" Aahz pressed. "Something to cover expenses on the upcoming campaign?"
"Definitely not!" Grimble retorted. "If I paid out monies for services not yet rendered, certain people, specifically Hugh Badaxe, would suspect you intended to take the money and flee without entering battle at all!"
That hit uncomfortably close to home, and I found myself averting my eyes for fear of betraying my guilt. Aahz, however, never even blinked.
"What about bribes?" he asked.
Grimble scowled.
"It is unthinkable that one of the king's retainers would accept a bribe, much less count on it as part of his income. Any attempt to bribe you should be reported immediately to His Majesty!"
"Not taking bribes, Grimble," Aahz snarled. "Giving them. When we give money out to the enemy, does that come out of our wages, or does the kingdom pay for it?"
"I seriously doubt you could buy off the army facing you," the chancellor observed skeptically. "Besides, you're supposed to carry the day with magik. That's what we're paying you for."
"Even magik is aided by accurate information," Aahz replied pointedly. "C'mon Grimble, you know court intrigue. A little advance warning can go a long way in any battle."
"True enough," the chancellor admitted. "Very well, I guess we can give you an allowance for bribes, assuming it will be kept within reason."
"How much in reason?" Aahz inquired.
"Say . . . five gold pieces."
"Twenty-five would-"
"Five!" Grimble said firmly.
Aahz studied his adversary for a moment, then sighed.
"Five," he said, extending his palm.
The chancellor grudgingly dug into his purse and counted out five gold pieces. In fact, he counted them twice before passing them to Aahz.
"You realize, of course," he warned, "I will require an accounting of those funds after your victory."
"Of course," Aahz smiled, fondling the coins.
"You seem very confident of our victory, Lord Chancellor," I observed.
Grimble regarded me with cocked eyebrow for a moment.
"Of course I am confident, Lord Magician," he said at last. "So confident, I have staked my kingdom, and more importantly, my reputation, on your success. You will note I rate my reputation above the kingdom. That is no accident. Kingdoms rise and fall, but a chancellor can always find employment. That is, of course, providing it was not his advice which brought the kingdom to ruin. Should you fail in your campaign to save Possiltum, my career is finished. If that should ha
ppen, gentlemen, your careers fall with mine."
"That has the sound of a threat to it, Grimble," Aahz observed dryly.
"Does it?" the chancellor responded with mock innocence. "That was not my intent. I am not threatening, I am stating a fact. I maintain very close contact with the chancellors of all of the surrounding kingdoms; in fact I am related to several. They are all aware of my position in this magik versus the military issue. Should I prove wrong in my judgment, should you fail in your defense of Possiltum, they will note it. Thereafter, any magician-and you specifically, Skeeve-will be denounced as a fraud and a charlatan should you seek further employment. In fact, as the chancellors frequently control the courts, I would not be surprised if they found an excuse or a trumped-up charge which would allow them to have you put to death as a favor to me. The method of death varies from kingdom to kingdom, but the end result is the same. I trust you will keep that in mind as you plan your campaign."
With that, he turned on his heel and strode away, leaving us standing in silence.
"Well, Aahz," I said finally, "do you have any sound advice on our situation now?"
"Of course," he retorted.
"What?" I asked.
"Now that we've got the whole story," he said solemnly, "now you can panic."
Chapter Nine
"There is more at stake here than our lives."
-COL. TRAVIS
Alamo Pep Talk
On the third night after leaving Possiltum's capital, we camped on a small knoll overlooking the kingdom's main north-south trail.
Actually, I use the phase "north-south" rather loosely in this instance. In three days' travel, our progress was the only northward movement we had observed on this particular strip of beaten dirt. The dearth of northbound traffic was emphasized by the high volume of people bound in the opposite direction.
As we traveled we were constantly encountering small groups and families picking their way steadily toward the capital in that unhurried yet groundeating pace that typifies people accustomed to traveling without means of transport other than their feet. They did not seem particularly frightened or panicky, but two common characteristics marked them all as being more than casual travelers.
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