Whatever it was, I did it. I went straight up in the air about ten feet and stayed there. I didn't know what had snuck up behind me, and didn't want to know. I wanted help! I wanted Aahz!
I drew a mighty breath to express this desire.
"Kinda jumpy, aren't you, handsome?"
That penetrated my panic.
Stifling my shout before it truly began, I looked down on my attacker. From my vantage point, I was treated to a view of a gorgeous golden-olive complexioned face, accented by almond-shaped cat's eyes, framed by a magnificent tumble of light green hair. I could also see a generous expanse of cleavage.
"Tanda!" I crowed with delight, forcing my eyes back to her face.
"Do you mind coming down?" she called. "I can't come up."
I considered swooping down on her -dramatically, but decided against it. I'm still not all that good at flying, and the effect would be lost completely if I crashed into her.
Instead, I settled for lowering myself gently to the ground a few paces from her.
"Gee, Tanda, I . . . glack!"
The last was squeezed forcefully from me as she swept me into a bone-crushing embrace.
"Gee, it's good to see you, handsome," she murmured happily. "How have you been?"
"I was fine," I noted, untangling myself briefly. "What are you doing here?"
The last time I had seen her, Tanda was part of the ill-fated group Aahz and I had seen off to dimensions unknown. Of the whole crowd, she had been the only one I was sorry to see go.
"I'm waiting for you, silly," she teased, slipping an affectionate arm around my waist. "Where's Aahz?"
"He's-" I started to point up the hill when a thought occurred to me. "Say . . . how did you know I had Aahz with me?"
"Oh! Don't get mad," she scolded, giving me a playful shake. "It stands to reason. Even Aahz wouldn't let you face that army alone."
"But how did you-"
"Gleep!"
My dragon had discovered his quarry was no longer hiding behind the bush. As a result, he was now straining at the end of his rope trying to reach us. The tree he was tethered to was swaying dangerously.
"Gleep!" Tanda called in a delighted voice. "How are ya, fella?"
The tree dipped to new lows as my dragon quivered with glee at having been recognized. I was quivering a little myself. Tanda had that affect on males.
Heedless of her own safety, Tanda bounded forward to kneel before the dragon, pulling his whiskers and scratching his nose affectionately.
Gleep loved it. I loved it, too. In addition to her usual soft, calf-high boots, Tanda was wearing a short green tunic, which hugged her generous curves and showed off her legs just swell. What's more, when she knelt down like that, the hem rode up until....
"What's wrong with that dragon?" Aahz boomed, bursting out of the brush behind me.
This time I didn't jump . . . much.
"Gee, Aahz," I began. "It's . . ."
I needn't have bothered trying to explain.
Tanda uncoiled and came past me in a bound.
"Aahz!" she exclaimed, flinging herself into his arms.
For a change, my mentor was caught as flat-footed as I had been. For a moment, the tangle of arms teetered on the brink of collapse, then down it went.
They landed with a resounding thump, Aahz on the bottom and therefore soaking up most of the impact.
"Still impulsive, aren't you?" Tanda leered.
"Whoosh.... hah . . . ah . . ." Aahz responded urbanely.
Tanda rolled to her feet and began rearranging her tunic.
"At least I don't have to ask if you're glad to see me," she observed.
"Tanda!" Aahz gasped at last.
"You remembered?" Tanda beamed.
"She's been waiting for us, Aahz," I supplied brightly.
"That's right!" Aahz scowled. "Grimble said you set us up for this job."
Tanda winced.
"I can explain that," she said apologetically.
"I can hardly wait," Aahz intoned.
"I'm kind of curious about that myself," I added.
"Um . . . this could take a while, guys," she said thoughtfully. "Got anything around to drink?"
That was easily the most reasonable question asked so far today. We broke out the wine, and in no time were sitting around in a small circle quenching our thirst. Much to Aahz's disgust, I insisted we sit close enough to Gleep that he not be left out. This meant, of course, his rather aromatic breath flavored our discussion, but as I pointed out it was the only way to keep him quiet while we talked.
"What happened after you left?" I prodded. "Where are Isstvan and Brockhurst and Higgins? What happened to Quigley? Did they ever bring Frumple back to life, or is he still a statue?"
"Later, kid," Aahz interrupted. "First things first. You were about to explain about Grimble."
"Grimble," Tanda responded, wrinkling her nose. "Did you ever notice the `crookeder' a person is, the more possessive he is? He's the main reason I didn't wait for you at Possiltum."
"From the beginning," Aahz instructed.
"From the beginning." Tanda pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Well, I picked him up in a singles bar . . . he's married, but I didn't know that till later."
"What's a singles bar?" I interrupted.
"Shut up, kid," Aahz snarled.
"Well, it wasn't actually a singles bar," Tanda corrected. "It was more of ä tavern. I should have known he was married. I mean, nobody that young is that bald unless he's got a wife at home."
"Skip the philosophy," Aahz moaned. "Just tell us the story, huh?"
Tanda cocked an eyebrow at him.
"You know, Aahz," she accused, "for someone as long-winded as you are when it comes to telling stories, you're awfully impatient when it comes to listening to someone else."
"She's right, you know," I commented.
"Enough!" Aahz bellowed. "The story!"
"Well, one of the things Grimble mentioned while he was trying to impress me with how important his job was, was that he was trying to find a court magician. He said he had convinced the king to hire one, but now he couldn't find one and was going to end up looking like an idiot."
"And when he mentioned idiots," I supplied, "naturally you thought of us."
"Now, don't be that way," Tanda scolded. "I thought it was a good way to help out a couple of friends. I knew you two were hanging out in this neck of the woods . . . and everybody knows what a cushy job being a court magician is."
"What did I tell you, kid," Aahz commented.
"We must be talking about different jobs," I retorted.
"Hey," Tanda interrupted, laying a soft hand on my arm. "When I gave him your names, I didn't know about the invading army. Honest!"
My anger melted away at her touch. Right then, she could have told me she had sold my head as a centerpiece and I would have forgiven her.
"Well . . ." I began, but she persisted, which was fine by me.
"As soon as I found out what the real story was, I knew I had gotten you into a tight spot," she said with soft sincerity. "Like I said, I would have waited at Possiltum, but I was afraid what with your disguises and all, that you'd recognize me before I spotted you. If you gave me the kind of greeting I've grown to expect, it could have really queered the deal. Grimble's a jealous twit, and if he thought we were more than nodding acquaintances, he would have held back whatever support he might normally give."
"Big deal," Aahz grumbled. "Five whole gold pieces."
"That much?" Tanda sounded honestly surprised. "Which arm did you break?"
"Aahz always gets us the best possible deal," I said proudly. "At least, monetarily."
"Well," Tanda concluded, "at least I won't dig into your war funds. When I found out the mess I had gotten you into, I decided I'd work this one for free. Since I got you into it, the least I can do is help get you out."
"That's terrific," I exclaimed.
"It sure is!" Aahz agreed.
Something in h
is voice annoyed me.
"I meant that she was helping us," I snarled. "Not that she was doing it for free."
"That's what I meant, too, apprentice," Aahz glowered back. "But unlike some, I know what I'm talking about!"
"Boys, boys," Tanda said, separating us with her hands. "We're on the same side. Remember?"
"Gleep!" said the dragon, siding with Tanda.
As I have said, Gleep's breath is powerful enough to stop any conversation, and it was several minutes before the air cleared enough for us to continue.
"Before we were so rudely interrupted," Tanda gasped at last, "you were starting to say something, Aahz. Have you got a plan?"
"Now I do," Aahz smiled, chucking her under the chin. "And believe me, doing it without you would have been rough."
That had an anxious sound to it: Tanda's main calling, at least the only one mentionable in polite company, was Assassin.
"C'mon, Aahz," I chided. "Tanda's good, but she's not good enough to take on a whole army."
"Don't bet on it, handsome," she corrected, winking at me.
I blushed but continued with my argument.
"I still say the job's too big for one person, or three people for that matter," I insisted.
"You're right, kid," Aahz said solemnly.
"We just can't . . . what did you say, Aahz?"
"I said you were right," Aahz repeated.
"I thought so," I marveled. "I just wanted to hear it again."
"You'd hear it more often if you were right more often," Aahz pointed out.
"C'mon, Aahz," Tanda interrupted. "What's the plan?"
"Like the kid says," Aahz said loftily, "we need more help. We need an army of our own."
"But Aahz," I reminded him, "Badaxe said-"
"Who said anything about Badaxe?" Aahz replied innocently. "We're supposed to win this war with magik, aren't we? Well, fine. With Tanda on our team, we've got a couple of extra skills to draw on. Remember?"
I remembered. I remembered Aahz saying he wasn't worried about Tanda leaving with Isstvan because she could travel the dimensions by herself if things got rough. The light began to dawn.
"You mean. . ."
"That's right, kid," Aahz smiled. "We're going back to Deva. We're going to recruit a little invasionary force of our own!"
Chapter Twelve
"This is no game for old men! Send in the boys
-W. HAYS
I don't know how Tanda transported us from Klah to Deva. If I did, we wouldn't have needed her. All I know is that at the appropriate time she commenced to chant and shift her shoulders (a fascinating process in itself), and we were there.
"There," in this case, was at the Bazaar at Deva. That phrase alone, however, does not begin to describe our new surroundings as they came into focus.
A long time ago, the dimension of Deva had undergone an economic collapse. To survive, the Deveels (who I once knew as devils) used their ability to travel the dimensions and become merchants. Through the process of natural selection, the most successful Deveels were not the best fighters, but the best traders. Now, after countless generations of this process; the Deveels were acknowledged as the best merchants in all the dimensions. They were also acknowledged as being the shrewdest, coldest, most profit-hungry cheats ever to come down the pike.
The Bazaar at Deva was their showcase. It was an all-day, all-night, year-round fair where the Deveels met to haggle with each other over the wares fetched back from the various dimensions. Though it was originally established and maintained by Deveels, it was not unusual to find travelers from many dimensions shopping the endless rows of displays and booths. The rule of thumb was, "If it's to be found anywhere, you'll find it at the Bazaar at Deva."
I had been here once before with Aahz. At the time, we were searching for a surprise weapon to use against Isstvan. What we ended up with was Gleep and Tanda! . . . Distractions abound at the Bazaar.
I mention this in part to explain why, as unusual as our foursome must have appeared, no one paid us the slightest attention as we stood watching the kaleidoscope of activity whirling about us.
Gleep pressed against me for reassurance, momentarily taken aback at the sudden change of surroundings. I ignored him. My first visit to this place had been far too brief for my satisfaction. As such, I was rubbernecking madly, trying to see as much as possible as fast as possible.
Tanda was more businesslike.
"Now that we're here, Aahz," she drawled, "do you know where we're going?"
"No," Aahz admitted. "But I'll find out right now."
Without further warning, he casually reached out and grabbed the arm of the nearest passerby, a short, ugly fellow with tusks. Spinning his chosen victim around, Aahz bent to scowl in his face.
"You!" he snarled. "Do you like to fight?"
For a moment my heart stopped. All we needed now was to get into a brawl.
Fortunately, instead of producing a weapon, the tusker gave ground a step and eyed our party suspiciously.
"Not with a Pervert backed by a dragon, I don't," he retorted cautiously.
"Good!" Aahz smiled. "Then if you wanted to hire someone to do your fighting for you, where would you go?"
"To the Bazaar at Deva," the tusker shrugged.
"I know that!" Aahz snarled. "But where at the Bazaar?"
"Oh," the tusker exclaimed with sudden understanding. "About twenty rows in that direction, then turn right for another thirty or so. That's where the mercenaries hang out."
"Twenty, then up thirty," Aahz repeated carefully. "Thanks."
"A finder's fee would be appreciated more than any thanks," the tusker smiled, extending a palm.
"You're right!" Aahz agreed, and turned his back on our benefactor.
The tusker hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and continued on his way. I could have told him that Perverts in general and Aahz specifically are not noted for their generosity. "We go twenty rows that way, then up thirty," Aahz informed us.
"Yeah, we heard," Tanda grimaced. "Why didn't you just ask him flat out?"
"My way is quicker," Aahz replied smugly.
"Is it?" I asked skeptically.
"Look kid," Aahz scowled. "Do you want to lead us through this zoo?"
"Well. . ." I hesitated.
"Then shut up and let me do it, okay?"
Actually, I was more than willing to let Aahz lead the way to wherever it was we were going. For one thing, it kept him busy navigating a path through the crowd. For another, it left me with next to nothing to do except marvel at the sights of the Bazaar as I followed along in his wake.
Try as I might, though, there was just too much for one set of eyes to see.
In one booth, two Deveels argued with an elephant-headed being over a skull; at least, I think it was a skull. In another, a Deveel was putting on a demonstration for a mixed group of shoppers, summoning clouds of floating green bubbles from a tiny wooden box.
At one point, our path was all but blocked by a booth selling rings which shot bolts of lightning. Between the salesman's demonstrations and the customers trying out their purchases, the way was virtually impassable.
Aahz and Tanda never broke stride, however, confidently maintaining their pace as they walked through the thick of the bolts. Miraculously, they passed through unscathed.
Gritting my teeth, I seized one of Gleep's ears and followed in their footsteps. Again, the bolts of energy failed to find us. Apparently no Deveel would bring injury or allow anyone in his shop to bring injury to a potential customer. It was a handy fact to know.
The lightning rings brought something else to mind, however. The last time we parted company with Tanda, Aahz had given her a ring that shot a heat ray capable of frying a man-sized target on the spot. That's right . . . I said he gave it to her. You might think this was proof of the depth of his feelings for her. It's my theory he was sick. Anyway, I was reminded of the ring and curious as to what had become of it.
Increasing my pace
slightly, I closed the distance between myself and the pair in the lead, only to find they were already deeply engrossed in conversation. The din that prevails at the Bazaar stymies any attempt at serious eavesdropping; but I managed to catch occasional bits and pieces of the conversation as we walked.
". . . heard . . . awfully expensive, aren't they?" Tanda was saying.
". . . lick their weight in . . ." Aahz replied smugly.
I moved in a little closer, trying to hear better.
". . . makes you think they've got anyone here?" Tanda asked.
"With the number of bars here?" Aahz retorted. "The way I hear it, this is one of their main. . ."
I lost the rest of that argument. A knee-high, tentacled mass suddenly scuttled across my boots and ducked through a tent flap, closely pursued by two very frustrated-looking Deveels.
I ignored the chase and the following screams, hurrying to catch up with Aahz and Tanda again. Apparently they were discussing mercenaries, and I wanted to hear as much as possible, both to further my education, and because I might have to lead them into battle eventually.
". . . find them?" Tanda was asking. "All we have is a general area."
". . . easy," Aahz replied confidently. "Just listen for the singing."
"Singing?" Tanda was skeptical.
"It's their trademark," Aahz pronounced. "It also lands them in most of their. . ."
A Deveel stepped in front of me, proudly displaying a handful of seeds. He threw them on the ground with a flourish, and a dense black thornbush sprang up to block my path. Terrific. Normally, I would have been fascinated, but at the moment I was in a hurry.
Without even pausing to upbraid the Deveel, I took to the air, desperation giving wings to my feet . . . desperation assisted by a little levitation. I cleared the thornbush easily, touched down lightly on the far side, and was practically trampled by Gleep as he burst through the barrier.
"Gleep?" he said, cocking his head at me curiously.
I picked myself up from the dust where I had been knocked by his enthusiasm and cuffed him.
"Watch where you're going next time," I ordered angrily.
He responded by snaking out his long tongue and licking my face. His breath was devastating and his tongue left a trail of slime. Obviously my admonishment had terrified him.
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