Unfortunately, she couldn’t help thinking about the way yesterday morning had ended, as well. She glanced at Davey and then at his father. Drawing in a deep breath, she made a decision. Putting this off wouldn’t solve anything. It might give her a few more memories, but the agony of leaving would be just as inevitable.
“Davey, I’ll bet your mom would have liked seeing you with all your friends last night,” she said casually.
Davey’s eyes widened, and his gaze darted to his father. He mumbled something under his breath.
Kate determinedly pressed on. “David, don’t you think Alicia would have liked having all the kids stay over?”
He glared at her. “What the hell are you trying to do?” he muttered finally. He shoved his chair back as if he was about to take off.
“I’m trying to have a perfectly normal conversation.”
“Not now,” David insisted, scowling at her furiously.
“Yes, now,” she retorted stubbornly. “Davey, what’s the one thing you remember most about your mom?”
“She was…” he began and then his voice broke off as he stared guiltily at his father.
Kate kept her gaze pinned on David, willing him to respond. Finally he swallowed hard.
“She was what, son?” he said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
“She smelled like flowers and she was pretty and fun,” he said softly. Tears welled up in his eyes.
“Yes, she was,” David replied, his own face ashen.
Davey was staring at the table. “I miss her, Dad. I’m sorry but I really miss her.”
Tears spilled down Kate’s cheeks as she waited. Her hands were clenched into fists in her lap. Please, she murmured silently. Please.
Finally, his voice choked and gruff, David said, “I miss her, too, son.”
Davey’s sobs broke then, and he scrambled into his father’s arms. David’s gaze clashed with hers, his expression filled with something very close to loathing. Then he murmured something to Davey and refused to look at her at all.
Numb with her own pain, Kate left them like that, grabbing her bag from inside the guest room and hurrying to her car. She waited until she was down the hill before she pulled to the curb and allowed her own tears to fall freely.
Chapter Fourteen
The ache in Kate’s heart wouldn’t go away. Time and again she told herself that she’d done what she had to do. She had pushed David and Davey into talking about Alicia. Surely their relationship was mending more rapidly now. And that, after all, was the only reason she’d involved herself in their lives in the first place.
At least, that was how it had started. Somewhere along the way she had fallen in love. She had taken father and son into her heart, allowed them to become woven into the fabric of her life. No matter how frequently she told herself that letting go was for the best, it didn’t stop the hurt. She’d expected David not to forgive her, but his absence was painful just the same, even worse than she’d anticipated.
She was going through the motions of living, consuming raspberry tea by the potful as if that could soothe the pain. She was going into court, presenting strong cases for her clients. She was consoling others still struggling with the decision of whether to fight for a marriage or leave. Far more often than she might have only weeks ago, she encouraged them to fight. To ward off the memories, she kept her calendar booked from early morning until late at night.
Despite the crammed days, her life was emptier than ever. For the first time in years, she found herself reevaluating her own needs and expectations based on a different set of priorities. It was a process she’d begun just before meeting David. He had only served to magnify the changes that were needed if she was ever to find real happiness. In pushing him toward the one thing that really mattered, bottom line, she had discovered it for herself, as well.
As she sat in her office at the end of the day, lost in thought, she tried to put a positive spin on the muddle her life seemed to be in. Taking stock was good. She owed David Winthrop a debt of gratitude for forcing her to engage in some heavy-duty soul-searching.
Unfortunately, she didn’t much like what she saw. All the success suddenly seemed shallow without someone with whom to share it. She knew her mother was proud, knew that Ellen on occasion even envied her career. Her peers respected her. Her clients thought she walked on water. None of it seemed to matter. No, that wasn’t quite right. It didn’t seem to matter as much. She wanted the balance of a personal life, someone like David with whom she could share her problems and her successes, someone who would be there to console her or rejoice with her.
Stop hedging, she lectured herself in disgust. She wanted to share her life with David Winthrop, not just someone like him. She wanted him to show her the way to feel so deeply that not even death could break the bond.
Late on Friday night, Kate stared at the pile of work on her desk and contemplated yet another lonely, work-filled weekend. This was the path she’d chosen, she reminded herself sternly as she shoved papers helter-skelter into her briefcase.
“It’s going to take you half the night to sort those out,” a low, husky voice commented from the doorway.
Kate’s gaze shot up. Pleasure seemed to vibrate through her. “David!”
He regarded her somberly. “Hello, Kate.”
She hoped he couldn’t hear the sudden thundering of her heart, wished she weren’t quite so aware of it herself. As she hungrily searched his face, she noted the tiredness in his eyes, the lines in his forehead. For a man whose life should have been back on an even keel, he looked miserable. Nor was there any hint of anger. That puzzled her.
“What brings you by?” she asked, not allowing herself to hope.
“We need to talk.”
She shook her head, denying the need. “I don’t think so.”
“Don’t you even want to know how Davey and I are getting along?”
“Of course, but…”
“Then have dinner with me.”
She couldn’t go through this again, couldn’t get so close to him and to Davey only to have Alicia come between them again. She snatched at the first, most obvious excuse. “I have plans.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t. I checked with Zelda.”
“She doesn’t keep track of my personal calendar.”
He smiled ruefully. “Kate, you don’t have a personal calendar. Now stopping arguing and let’s get out of here. I made a reservation.”
Her chin rose stubbornly. “You should have called first.”
“I did.”
“You didn’t talk to me.”
“No, I didn’t. I figured you’d already written the final farewell scene when you walked out of my house a couple of weeks ago. You’re too obstinate to admit that it could have a very different ending.”
Her gaze challenged his. “David, why are you doing this?”
“Because I don’t think things are over between us. I think they’re just beginning.”
“You’re wrong,” she said, fiercely trying to protect herself from the anguish of parting all over again. Pride and determination had gotten her away from his house the first time. She wasn’t sure either was strong enough to be tested again.
“Are you saying you don’t…?” He hesitated over the choice of words, his gaze searching hers. “Are you saying that you don’t care for me? Do you want me to believe that the way you’ve involved yourself with Davey and with me was the same way you’d treat any other case?”
Kate couldn’t bring herself to lie. But she did hedge. “Of course you weren’t just another case. I do care for you and for Davey. I always will. But that’s where it ends.”
“Why?”
Couldn’t he see that she wouldn’t settle for less than what he’d shared with Alicia? “Caring is not the same as love. We both deserve bells and whistles.”
He chuckled and lifted his gaze heavenward in disbelief. “I guess you weren’t in that bed with me a few weeks back, then,
” he observed wryly. “I’ve heard magnificent, centuries-old church bells that chimed with less intensity.”
“You’re just grateful because I helped with Davey.”
“Kate, what I feel is a hell of a lot more powerful than gratitude.” He pinned her with his gaze. “I am very close to wanting to strip those damned, conservative clothes off you, so I can take you right on top of your desk just to prove how wrong you are.”
Blood roared in Kate’s ears, and fiery anticipation danced through her. “That’s just sex,” she said dismissively, but her voice was oddly breathless.
David grinned. “Yes, it is. Hot, steamy, hungry sex. We do it damned well, Kate.” He stepped closer and cupped her chin, his gaze locked with hers. “Don’t we?”
Her breath snagged. She closed her eyes, trying to block out the images he’d aroused. She couldn’t. They filled her head. They filled her heart. Memories, she reminded herself firmly. They were just memories. They would fade in time.
But this was now, and David was flesh-and-blood real. His sly, potent virility was casting a spell over her this instant. Kate wanted to believe, but she didn’t dare. Believing led to heartache, pain even worse than the agony she was feeling at this moment. Her gift to him was the freedom to move on. Nothing more.
“Please,” she pleaded. “Don’t try to make this into something it isn’t. You’ve just gotten used to having me around the last few weeks. You don’t need me. Not really.”
“Yes, I do,” he said softly. “Davey and I both need you and I will prove that if it takes me forever to do it.”
Then with a faint sigh, he leaned down and touched his lips to hers. The gentleness of that touch shook her far more than the persuasive command of which she knew he was capable. The tenderness shattered resolve and chased away rational thought. She could almost believe then that he’d meant what he said. He needed her. It was a start, but no matter how hard she tried to believe it was enough, she knew that she wanted more. She wanted his love.
* * *
“Why won’t you take the man’s calls?” Zelda demanded days later. “He’s beginning to drive me crazy.”
“I pay you to deal with persistent, unwanted callers.”
“Unwanted? I don’t think so,” she said smugly.
“Zelda, if you are not very careful, I will introduce you to my new stepfather and tell him I’m worried about the state of your love life,” Kate warned.
Zelda’s laughter bounced off the walls. “Is that supposed to scare me?”
Kate frowned. “It terrifies me.” In fact, she was flat-out horrified that Brandon would somehow learn that she was no longer seeing David Winthrop and would set out to do something about it.
“I wouldn’t mind having someone rich and successful and intelligent look around for the right guy for me,” Zelda said dreamily. “Brandon Halloran probably travels in much more interesting circles than I do.” She regarded Kate with a disapproving look. “You realize that you’re avoiding the real problem here.”
“Oh? What problem is that?”
“You’re scared,” she accused. “Knee-shaking, pain-in-the-gut scared.”
“Maybe so,” Kate conceded with a sigh. “Maybe so.”
Not five minutes later, Zelda buzzed. “Call on line one.”
“Who is it?” she asked, but she was talking to herself. Filled with trepidation, she stared at the flashing light on her phone. Finally, because she absolutely refused to be ruled by cowardice, she gingerly picked up the receiver. “Hello.”
“Hi, Kate, it’s me,” Davey said.
She breathed a faint sigh of relief. “Well, hi, yourself. How’re you doing?”
“I’m okay,” he said, and for once Kate believed him. She could hear the change in his voice. “I called to invite you to a ball game.”
“Me?” she asked, inexplicably pleased. This was the first time she’d talked to her client since that day at the house. She thought he’d probably become so caught up in reestablishing his relationship with his dad that he’d forgotten all about her.
“Yeah. And guess what? I’m going to play quarterback.”
“Davey, that’s wonderful.” At least, she thought it was. He certainly sounded as if it was.
“Will you come? I haven’t seen you for a really long time.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been really busy, but I’ve missed you a lot. Now about the game, shouldn’t you be asking your dad?”
“Oh, he’s already promised to come, but I want you, too.”
She couldn’t go. It would hurt too much. But when she hesitated, he added, “All the other kids will have their moms there.”
Kate felt as if the floor had dropped out from under her. “Oh, Davey,” she whispered, her voice choked. How could she resist a plea like that, especially when it appealed to the yearning deep inside her, as well?
“Okay, I’ll come,” she said finally, after considering and rejecting every single logical reservation she had about going.
“Thanks, Kate. You’re the greatest.”
“Where and when?”
He gave her directions to the field. “It’s six o’clock tonight.”
Tonight? Kate thought, suddenly panicked. How could she slam all her defenses into place that quickly?
“You won’t be late, will you?” Davey asked worriedly.
“Not if I can help it,” she promised.
As soon as she’d hung up, however, she regretted making the commitment. How was she going to get through an entire evening pretending that she was no more than a casual acquaintance, when Davey seemed hell-bent on having her fill in as his mother?
“You going to that game?” Zelda inquired from the doorway.
Kate’s gaze shot up. “What do you know about that?”
“A little birdie told me,” her secretary announced smugly.
“A little birdie or a grown-up birdie?” Kate inquired suspiciously.
“Sorry. Confidential,” Zelda retorted. “Enjoy yourself. You’d better get going if you plan to change and be there by six.”
“Don’t I have an appointment at five?”
“Postponed until tomorrow.”
Kate sighed. She should have guessed. “Any other plots afoot that I should know about?”
Zelda shook her head. “Nope. This is my last nudge. From now on you’re on your own.”
“Thank God,” Kate said fervently. Ironically, though, the reassurance didn’t bring nearly as much comfort as it should have.
* * *
There were at least a hundred parents in the bleachers when Kate arrived. Her gaze zeroed in on David as easily as if he’d been wearing neon. He lounged at the end of a row, his gaze focused first on the field, then shifting to search the parking lot. The sun shot his hair with gold.
As soon as she stepped out of her car, a smile spread across his face. That slow, lazy smile should have been outlawed in polite society. To her regret, it warmed her down to her toes.
“Hi,” he said when she neared the stands. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
“Davey told you I’d be here?”
“Actually, I suggested he call.” At her look of dismay over the low-down, sneaky tactics, he added quickly, “It didn’t take any persuasion, Kate.”
He held out a hand and helped her up. To Kate’s dismay—and relief—he didn’t let go, not until her hand had been warmed by the contact, not until half the people around them had taken note of the possessive gesture.
“Has the game started yet?” she asked, unable to keep the shaky note from her voice.
“They’ve run one series of plays. The other team couldn’t convert on third down. We have the ball.”
“English, please,” she demanded.
His eyes widened. “Kate, haven’t you ever been to a football game before?”
She shook her head. “Afraid not.”
“But you went to UCLA,” he protested.
“I spent all my time in the library. I told you that.
”
“What about now? We have two professional teams in this area.”
“And I have season tickets for both. I give them to clients.”
“Dear Lord.”
She frowned at him. “Davey said he’s the quarterback. Is that good?”
David laughed. “It is if he completes his passes.”
Kate tried to concentrate on the game after that. She wasn’t always absolutely certain what was going on, but she took her cues from the fans and from the man seated beside her. He spent most of the game muttering advice under his breath. The advice was clearly meant for Davey.
“Why aren’t you shouting at him like everyone else?”
“I won’t put that kind of pressure on him. He’s a kid. He should be enjoying the game. If he asks me later, I’ll tell him what I thought he could improve, but I won’t badger him while he’s out there. He’s doing the best he can.”
He shook his head and glanced around them. “Listen to the way some of these parents carry on. It’s a wonder their children sign up to play at all.”
Kate listened to the shouts around them more closely and decided—totally objectively, of course—that David was quite possibly the best parent in the stands. But that was no real surprise. She’d always believed in the strength of his relationship with his son. She was glad that she’d come, if only to see that the bond between them had been fully restored.
With the score tied at ten, Davey went back on the field with less than a minute to play. Kate found herself on her feet, cheering as hard as anyone around her. She glanced up and caught David watching her and shrugged.
“I guess I got a little caught up in the spirit of things.”
“Don’t apologize. That’s the idea,” he said, just as Davey threw something that David described as a Hail Mary pass.
The boy it was meant for stumbled, then lunged into the air, arms outstretched. Kate’s breath caught in her throat as she waited for that ball to come down. It seemed to linger on his fingertips for an eternity before he gathered it close and fell forward over the goal line.
Kate's Vow (Vows) Page 16
