by E. C. Land
Glancing around to my side I know the answer to my question.
Neo is sitting in the chair next to me his eyes locking on mine as I meet his gaze. Behind him Shadow and Stoney are both standing leaning against the wall on either side of the window looking out into the dark sky.
Great.
“About time you woke you,” Neo growls.
“Neo,” Stoney says his name in warning.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t know if I’m telling them I’m sorry or asking them a question, but either way I’m confused to them being here.
“Babe, you scared the hell out of us,” Shadow grumbles, stepping forward.
“I don’t understand why you all are here,” I utter. I didn’t ask them to be here.
“Of course you don’t, since you moved your ass away and attempted to block everyone out. You hurt my woman by being selfish. If she finds out about this shit. It’ll hurt her even more. She doesn’t need that shit. What the fuck were you thinking trying to kill your fuckin’ self?” Shadow snarls, crossing his arms over his chest.
“My life is none of yours or anyone else’s business. I don’t know why you keep trying to push yourselves into it. I changed my number and moved away so Luna would hopefully take the hint and leave me alone,” I sneer, hating myself for the words I allow to come spill from my lips.
“And that’s where your fuckin’ selfish ass needs to get off your high horse pity party and get the fuck over what’s in that head of yours,” Neo snaps.
“You don’t know anything about what’s in my head. None of you do. So, fuck you and get the hell out. I don’t need anyone,” I whisper furiously.
“Evidently you do. You nearly died. If it wasn’t for Neo finding you when he did, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation. Your ass would be dead, and we’d have to have a funeral instead,” Stoney remarks calmly.
“Well, you should have just let me die then. Save yourself the hassle of standing here lecturing me,” I sneer.
“Don’t be a fuckin’ bitch,” Neo growls, getting to his feet. “You should be fuckin’ grateful for still being alive. I’ll tell you now though; you aren’t going to be doing this shit again. You’re going to a rehab facility, somewhere that will help you get through this shit in your head.” As he says this, Neo moves to stand directly next to the bed close to my head. His eyes full of fire and strength. A strength I wish I did have.
Only as his words sink in, I realize what he’s doing. He’s having me committed. “I’m not going anywhere with you,” I say, clenching my teeth together.
“You will or I’ll have you at the clubhouse under lock and key until you get your shit straightened out,” Stoney barks.
“And under lock and key, he means you’ll be with me twenty-four seven. None of the ol’ ladies will help you or even be allowed to speak to you,” Neo says, his voice rumbles and sends a shiver throughout my entire being.
“I’ll also be there to enforce you don’t get away so make your choice because either way you’re going to get the fuckin’ help you obviously need Harley,” Shadow says with a lip curled up in disgust. The way he’s looking at me right now along with the other two men in the room, I’m nothing but a disgusting lower being to them.
I don’t understand why they feel this need to look out for me. I should be dead right now. I’m tired of feeling Mareena’s, Charlotte’s, and that clubwhore’s hands on me. I just want it all to end.
These men see me as a selfish bitch throwing a pity party, but they don’t know. None of them do. I get what Luna went through; however, she had people to look out for her. I’ve never had that. I didn’t have a family growing up. I had a grandfather who took his hatred of all things out on me.
“Make your choice here and now,” Neo commands.
“Fine, I’ll go to the rehab place,” I huff turning my head, not wanting to speak to them anymore if ever again. Not that I wanted to speak to them in the first place. I figure going to this place, I won’t have to put up with them and I could find a way to check myself out and get the fuck out of there. Then I’ll disappear altogether.
“Good choice, Angel Eyes. At least you still have some sense inside that head of yours.” I don’t bother giving Neo a reaction to his comment. “I’ll be taking you to the facility soon as you’re discharged from here, they’re expecting you.”
“Harley,” Shadow calls my name. I inhale a deep breath debating for a quick second on whether or not I want to acknowledge him. In the end I give him my eyes knowing the man wasn’t one to be trifled with. None of them were.
It’s another reason I’m confused as to why they would worry themselves over someone like me. A nobody not deserving of anything in life.
I used to enjoy living it up and everything that it entailed. I would block out my childhood, believing my grandfather was wrong and I was worth something. Now I could care less, and I don’t want to deal with it all anymore.
God, I feel like a broken record right now.
“I know you’re going through shit and I’m fuckin’ pissed as hell with you right now, cause my ol’ lady loves you like family and you’re doing this to yourself. Nothing is worth taking your life over,” Shadow says sternly yet gentle-like.
Refusing to speak, I simply blink and turn my head away from him again. I’m done speaking. I’ll give them what they want by going to this place but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stay.
Chapter Five
Neo
I’m fuckin’ furious as hell with Harley right now. I don’t get what the hell could make someone want to kill themselves. Or even cut themselves the way she has. The doctor even suggested she’d been strangling herself from the light bruising around her neck.
Fuckin’ hell. How did it get to this point for her?
What’s made her feel so weak?
I leave the hospital alongside my Prez and Shadow, leaving a prospect on her to make sure she doesn’t attempt to get away. The doctor said she’d be discharged tomorrow, and I intend to be here first thing in the morning to take her over to Finding the Way Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center. It’s a place my aunt Tracy told me about when I asked her for a list of places. She recommended this place as they’re strict about everything and don’t allow anyone to check out until they’ve been there a minimum of thirty days.
I don’t know how long it’ll take to get her on the right track but fuck if I’m not going to make sure something like this doesn’t happen again. I’ve seen one woman do this to herself, and now Harley who attempted it. Like the doctor said, if I hadn’t gotten to her when I did, she wouldn’t be here now and I would’ve lost out on my shot at having Harley as mine.
Stoney, Shadow, and I decided to let the other members of the club know but that it’s to be kept from the ol’ ladies. I don’t want them knowing or looking at her differently when it comes time for her to come back to us. She’s one of us whether she wants to admit it or not and I’m claiming her as my woman. I just have to get her head right to make it happen.
“This shit is fucked up,” Shadow says, climbing in the passenger seat of my truck.
“Yep, it’s beyond fucked up. I still want to know what happened the last day she was at the clubhouse and she freaked,” I mutter.
“Me too. Nerd checked the security feed to see if there might have been anything up there to answer our question but the only thing he saw was her going into the bathroom and a few minutes later coming back out.” Shadow shrugs. “Only other person who’d been in the bathroom was Jezebel, and she’d exited before Harley did.”
“Yeah I remember, we asked Jezebel if she saw anything but she said she didn’t. Only that Harley was in one of the stalls murmuring to herself,” I say.
“Hopefully her going to this place will help her get her shit straight. Luna misses her and wants her friend back, but I’m not about to tell her about her friend nearly killing herself. I finally got my woman to stop having nightmares about that night, I don’t need her back
tracking.” I completely agree with my brother on his decision.
His ol’ lady went through enough of her own trauma she doesn’t need this shit. None of the ol’ ladies needed it on their plates.
I start my truck and back out of the parking spot then switch gears putting it into drive. Hitting the gas, I head in the direction of the clubhouse debating on what to do when I get there. I could easily get one of the clubwhores to suck my cock; however, I don’t feel like dealing with one of those bitches. Not after spending the day staring at Harley, my mind seeing nothing but her slumped on the bathroom floor in her house. So that’s out of the question. I could ask one of my brothers to spar with me, but that wouldn’t completely give me the release I need.
What I need is to call Dalton and see if he has any fights coming up for tonight. He always hosts fights at a warehouse he has behind the gym I go to when I don’t use the one at the clubhouse. I’ve fought on occasion and my brothers always come out to watch. A few times they’ve joked about how I’ve made them money.
As I turn on to the road leading to the clubhouse, I make the decision to call Dalton and pull out my phone. He answers on the second ring. “What’s up Neo? Where the hell you been?” he asks.
“Nothing much, was wondering if you had any fights happening tonight?” I give Shadow a quick glance to see him eye me with a raised brow.
“Yep, you’re in luck, I do have a match, be here by eleven you go up at midnight.” Shit he’s giving me one of the best slots of the night. Meaning I’ll go against the person tonight who wins all his matches.
“Thanks, man, I’ll be there,” I say, disconnecting I toss my phone in the open center console while pulling into the park area of the clubhouse.
“You sure you want to fight tonight? Why not get one of the clubwhores to take care of you?” Shadow remarks.
“I’m good on the clubwhores, most of them suck at giving blowjobs. What I want is to beat the fuck out of someone and sparring isn’t gonna cut it. Not this time. I need to be able to let loose on someone I don’t know,” I mutter, putting the truck in park.
“I can understand that, but I gotta ask you something. Why are you so determined to be there for Harley? Is it because of your mom and you feel you need to stop it from happening to someone else you know?” he asks.
“I admit I hate the thought of what Harley attempted to do. It’s burned into my brain, but I felt a connection to her a while ago. Back when I first met her to be exact, but I didn’t approach her. Then everything happened and I decided to leave her be knowing she wouldn’t want someone for a while,” I confess, meeting my brother’s gaze. “Fucked up part is, if I’d done like I should have back then none of this might have happened.”
“You can’t take the blame for something you didn’t know was going to happen. Besides if you play the what if game you’ll get nowhere,” he says, giving me his advice.
Nodding, I open my door and hop out, the only good thing so far for today is the rain finally stopped. I figure I’ll switch over to my bike and head on out to the warehouse, see if I can’t watch a few of the fights beforehand. I’m sure some of my brothers will come with me.
Not only to show support but to have my back in case something were to happen. You mess with one of us you mess with all and we don’t fuck around when it comes to protecting those who we call family.
That includes Harley.
I’ll fight tonight to release the anger building inside me, come tomorrow morning her ass is in my truck and going to get treatment. I’m not giving up on her the way she’s done herself.
Chapter Six
Harley
My life completely sucks.
More than sucks.
It’s been taken over by my wardens who think it’s okay to order me around like they’re some drill sergeant for the military.
I’ve been at this place a week. A whole freaking week and they’ve taken over my life.
After checking in, Neo was allowed to stay for a couple hours to make sure things were sorted and I had everything I needed. Then he left giving me a kiss to the cheek before saying he’d be back when he could.
How weird?
The day after I woke up in the hospital to Stoney, Shadow, and him telling me my choices, Neo picked me up bright and early in the morning. He’d had a bag of my clothes in hand and said he’d packed my suitcase for me already so we wouldn’t have to make any stops along the way.
Great thinking there. Not.
Each day since getting here has felt like jail. I’d tried to sign myself out, but they’d informed me I wasn’t able to due to their rules. I couldn’t leave for thirty days. I also couldn’t have any visitors in that time frame either. Not that I would be getting any visits anyway.
Finding the Way Mental Health and Rehabilitation Center sucks ass in every way. Though I have my own room, we all have to be up at a certain time, eat meals the same way. Then our schedule goes through group sessions to small group, oh and my favorite, one on one sessions with the doctor. Some of the people were here to get help with their drug addictions, others alcohol. Then there’re the ones similar to me and want to end their lives.
Over the past week, I’ve gone from hating this place to pissed I’m here in the first place. I don’t care to hear everyone else’s sob stories. I have enough shit in my head. And unfortunately, now that I’m not dead, I have probably lost all the clients. We’re not allowed to use any electronics here. Luckily, Neo was smart enough to grab a stack of my books. Didn’t matter to me I already read the ones he packed. It was at least something.
“Are you ready to share today?” the doctor asks, leaning back in the chair with her knees in the seat with her.
I remain silent as I have all week. I haven’t spoken to one person. I don’t want to be here and I sure as hell don’t want to be talking to someone like her. Sitting across from me with her glasses perched on her nose seeming to want to judge me for anything that might come out of my mouth.
I don’t know what it is about this woman. Maybe it’s the fact I’m pissed over my choice being taken from me, or it’s the way she always seems to look so perfect every day I’ve seen her. Shiny blonde locks always in place, ample chest, long legs, and a perfect body.
Okay so maybe I’m somewhat green with envy she looks beautiful at all times.
“What if we do things a little differently today?” she offers.
I don’t give her a verbal answer, I simply cast my eyes in her direction briefly.
“Why don’t you, instead of sharing the reasons as to what brought you here, tell me something about you,” she suggests.
I’m not about to tell her anything.
God what’s wrong with me? I’m so angry with the world. The fact I’m here when I don’t want to be. Shit because I’m alive in general. Worst of all my crutch has been taken from me. I’ve gone a week without cutting. The thought of suffocating myself doesn’t have the same effect it usually does when I know I’m going to slice into my thighs directly after.
I want nothing more than to leave this place and run far away from everyone and everything.
Sighing, the doctor decides to end the session knowing I’m not going to speak.
I leave her office and go to my assigned room. Laying down I roll to my side and stare out the window.
My mind wanders all over the place but mostly to Neo. Why did he kiss my cheek? More than that why was he so pissed with me at the hospital yet gentle when he dropped me off here?
He doesn’t even know a thing about me. People aren’t nice to anyone unless they’re out to get something from someone. I for one don’t understand the way other minds work. Only my own and that isn’t a pretty place to be.
I’m weak where most are strong.
Closing my eyes, I let the tears slide down my cheeks. I just want the pain to go away. The reminders of what all I’ve been through in the past. I need the sensation of those who I didn’t want touching me to finally be washed away.<
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If only it were that easy.
A month into my time here and I thought for sure I would finally be getting out of here. Though I didn’t want to do anything while I was here in regard to speaking with anyone. I at least don’t think, when I leave here, I’ll be cutting myself. I hope not at least. I’ve done a lot of thinking while being in my head. I don’t want to die. I get that, but I’m not going to talk to anyone here about my problems. It’s not theirs to deal with.
During breakfast, I skip going in the dining room in order to pack my things. I intend to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. I need to get out of here, find a taxi or Uber, something to get me somewhere far away from here.
A knock sounds on my door as it opens, and I lift my head to see who it is. I inwardly chastise myself for thinking I’d get out of here and get lost without anyone knowing about it. Nope that’s not about to happen, not when standing in the doorway with the doctor who I’ve refused to speak to along with anyone else, is none other than Neo, Shadow, Stoney, and Venom.
Great.
“Looks like you’re excited to get out of here,” Shadow remarks.
“I understand Harley’s been here for a month, but as I do with all patients here, I like to speak to the families before they leave.” The doctor all but purrs as she stares at each of the men. “If you would like we can go speak in my office,” she suggests.
“We can talk right here in front of Harley,” Stoney declares.
Wonderful.
“Alright, well as you’ve seen in my weekly reports, Harley hasn’t opened up or participated in any conversations. In fact, I believe no one has heard her speak to anyone the entire time she’s been here.” What happened to patient confidentiality?
“This right, Harley?” Neo asks, stepping toward me.
Again, I refuse to speak. This bitch wants to be a tattletale, I’ll continue my silence.
