The socks go on, the top goes over my head and slides down over my boobs with no difficulty, and I easily pull the shorts up over my hips, the fabric whispering against my skin as I do so. I fasten them at the waist and take a breath so deep it makes my head spin.
All of a sudden I’m eighteen again. Young, bold, in love with life, and blessed with a future, ever stretching ahead of me with the man I adore.
For a few moments I just stand still, letting the feeling of accomplishment wash over me.
I think about the scared fat girl staring down from all those billboards across town. I marvel at how she is gone forever, and how pleased I am to be rid of all the self-doubt she carried around in her heart for so long.
These thoughts result in a prolonged bout of crying that I have to staunch with the hem of the rugby top. I really don’t know what’s up with me lately; I seem to start crying, devoid of reason, at the drop of a hat. My hormones are all over the place.
Almost as soon as the tears cease, the urge to manically fling myself around the room overwhelms me.
I also think I need to wave my arms about. Yes . . . waving my arms about seems just about perfect.
I do this for about three minutes.
It’s wonderful.
And I’m not even out of breath when I’m finished.
No one will ever see this victory dance.
No crowds will stand and cheer while I joyously parade around my bedroom like a show-pony. No radio stations will stream it live on the internet into thousands of homes across the local area.
No one will ever know, or indeed care, that Zoe Milton can fit into her size 10 rugby kit again.
And that suits me just fine.
There’s only one person who needs to know, and he will be home in about an hour.
With any luck he’ll still be wearing his rugby kit.
I know I’ll be wearing mine.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo © Gemma Waters
Nick Spalding is the bestselling author of six novels, two novellas, and two memoirs. Nick worked in media and marketing for most of his life before turning his energy to his genre-spanning humorous writing. He lives in the south of England with his fiancée.
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