‘It’s not like I don’t know where everything is.’ He gave a rueful smile as he gazed around the hallway. ‘You know, I do sort of miss this house. We picked a good one, didn’t we?’
‘I’ve told you before you can buy me out with pleasure. You like the place and we know everything is sound – it makes sense to me.’
‘Not to Tamara it doesn’t.’
Kate couldn’t really blame her replacement for being reluctant to nest in the home her boyfriend had shared with his ex-wife but it was worth a shot – Matt taking the house on would save a lot of time and money selling it. She gave a shrug. ‘Have a drink before you start; you might as well.’
‘OK then; that sounds good.’
He followed her down the hall into the kitchen, where the morning sun slanted through the blinds, painting the walls with slices of light. She busied herself making drinks in silence. Whenever she looked around Matt was tapping on his phone.
‘She messages you a lot more than I used to,’ Kate said.
‘How do you know it’s Tamara?’ he asked, looking up.
‘Unless you’ve suddenly become party central then it’s got to be her – you’re not exactly a social butterfly.’
‘Got me,’ he smiled.
‘In fact, I’m quite amazed that you went far enough from your sofa to meet a girl at all. You never did tell me how you met her. . .’
‘Oh. . . just a friend of a friend – works do, I think,’ he replied vaguely.
It was a bit too vague. Was he really trying to convince Kate that he couldn’t recall the exact circumstances in which he met the mother of his unborn child? Kate could have pushed him to be more specific, and undoubtedly holes would have started to appear in his story, but it wasn’t worth the effort any more. She placed a mug in front of him.
‘You’re still having sugar in your tea, I take it?’
He nodded.
‘Good,’ she said. Sometimes, it was comforting to see that not everything in her new life was unrecognisable.
Leaving Matt with some damp-treatment paint that was stinking the whole house out, Kate had gone over to see how Lily was faring. On arrival she was concerned to see that, despite Joel managing to extend a period of compassionate leave by another week to look after Lily, he wasn’t there. Lily had no idea where he was. But Kate needed him to be there, she needed him to take some responsibility, to be able to square up to the challenges of their situation so that he and Lily could face the future together, so that when Kate did finally leave them – a hope she still clung to despite the obstacles – there would be someone to talk Lily down on the days when her grief ripped through her. It felt as if those days were less frequent now, and she always perked up with Kate around, but she was still a long way from normal.
Kate put some washing in for them, wiped the surfaces of the kitchen and bathroom, and made sure that the fridge was stocked as Lily shuffled around after her, chastising her for every job she did, insisting she and Joel could do it, though Kate could tell she was grateful just the same. They had a quick drink and some lunch together, where Kate chatted about this and that and Lily seemed content to listen. Joel turned up, briefly acknowledged Kate, and then went upstairs.
‘I expect he’s playing on the Xbox,’ Lily said in a dull voice.
‘But he’s OK?’ Kate asked.
Lily gave a vague shake of her head.
‘You two haven’t talked about any of this?’
‘Yes,’ Lily said, but Kate remained unconvinced. They might have mentioned it in passing, and they could hardly ignore the huge hole in their lives, but acknowledging its presence and actually having a meaningful discussion about it were two very different things.
‘Promise me you’ll try,’ Kate said.
Lily stared at her blankly for a moment, but then nodded slightly. Kate had no idea whether that meant a solid yes, or was simply a platitude to get Kate off her back, but it looked as though it was the best she would get for now.
Once she was happy that Lily and Joel were as OK as they could be, Kate headed back home to see how Matt was getting on. As she let herself in, she couldn’t help noticing that the house was unexpectedly quiet.
‘Matt?’ she called, half-expecting to find that he’d taken himself off to the pub and abandoned his jobs, or that Tamara had turned up demanding he drop everything to go pram shopping immediately. But then his voice came back.
‘Upstairs. In our room.’
In my room, she was tempted to reply, but what was the point in being so facetious? Old habits died hard, especially for someone like Matt.
He was sitting on the bed, photo albums spread out before him.
‘You can take some of those if you want them,’ Kate said as he looked up. ‘Choose the ones you want to keep and I’ll make an album for you.’
‘I don’t think Tamara would like that very much.’
‘Why, doesn’t she have a past? Was she hatched fully formed from an egg six months ago?’
‘Don’t be daft.’
‘Then why should she deny yours? Whether she likes it or not you had a whole other life with another woman, and a good deal of that was during your teenage years. Our relationship is written in our history – yours and mine – and we can’t erase that without erasing all those formative years that make us who we both are now. And why should we? They were good times, weren’t they? Good memories?’
‘They were.’ He sighed. ‘I suppose it’s just hard for her to understand. She feels as if she can’t compete with all that.’
‘She doesn’t have to compete. She’s already won.’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘Not really.’ Kate cleared a space next to him and picked up an album. ‘But if life is easier for you indulging her silly insecurities then go for it.’
‘That’s harsh.’
‘True, I think. Once you would have thought so too. I seem to recall you didn’t indulge me in the same way.’
He stared at her. ‘You’ve changed, Kate.’
‘I didn’t have a lot of choice.’
‘I wish you wouldn’t.’
It was Kate’s turn to stare. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
He shook his head. ‘Remember this?’ he said, holding a page open for her.
‘Oh, God!’ Kate laughed, the strange moment gone in an instant. ‘That hideous tracksuit you thought was the bee’s knees! Where’s that. . . oh, the Year Ten geography trip to the reservoir! That was the day you fell in from that jetty, wasn’t it?’
‘Half an hour after this was taken, my amazing tracksuit stank of pondweed.’
Kate smiled. ‘I don’t think the reservoir was that dirty.’
‘It wasn’t exactly filled with Persil, was it?’
‘No, I suppose not,’ Kate said, laughing. ‘If it was, I’m sure Mrs Arterton would have dunked Brendan Copperwhite and his BO in there. Do you remember the bus smelt like soup all the way back to school? And Mrs Arterton kept retching. Jane Forester had to empty her leftover dinner out of the window so there was a carrier bag in case she was sick, and her Dairylea triangle splatted all over the windscreen of that old man’s car. He was shaking his fist at us for ten miles until we got off the motorway.’
Matt was roaring with laughter as he looked again at the photo. Then it seemed to quiet. ‘You looked fit that day.’
‘Thank you,’ Kate said. ‘Was that a compliment?’
‘I remember thinking it as soon as you rocked up in that crop top and those low-slung jeans, and I had a little trouser issue at the sight of it. . . I can only say that it’s a good job the tracksuit trousers were baggy. Even Shawn said you looked hot and he was dead fussy about girls – rarely gave over a five.’
‘What was I that day on Shawn’s scoreboard?’
‘Seven, I think.’
‘Wow. . . If only you’d told me. It might have changed my life knowing Shawn Hutson had rated me a seven.’
‘You might have gone out with
him instead of me.’
‘His teeth were a funny colour, so I doubt it.’
‘I thought all the girls fancied him.’
‘Not me.’
Matt was silent again, turning his attention back to the book. ‘Look,’ he said after a moment. ‘Our engagement party. That was a night and a half too.’
‘That’s because most engagement parties aren’t full of underage drinkers. We were only seventeen ourselves and some of our mates were younger than that. As I recall there was a lot of puking, and I’m sure someone got pregnant under the coat pile in the spare bedroom.’
‘Cassie Wareham,’ Matt said. ‘That was Shawn’s doing too.’
‘Bloody hell,’ Kate said. ‘Some poor child has inherited his oddly coloured teeth now.’
‘Unlucky bugger,’ Matt agreed, and Kate giggled. ‘What happened?’ he asked, sombre now. ‘We should have been rock solid, with all this behind us. How could we have shared all this history, gone this far back and yet still end up apart?’
‘I don’t know.’ Kate held him in a frank gaze. ‘You tell me.’
‘I wish I knew. But looking at these. . .’
‘What?’
‘I just wonder if it was a mistake.’
‘Us?’
‘No. . . us breaking up. I wonder if I’ve made the mistake.’
‘Well. . .’ Kate slammed the album she was holding shut. ‘It’s too late now.’
‘Is it?’
‘We’re divorced – remember?’
‘People remarry.’
‘And leave their pregnant girlfriends in the lurch?’
‘She got herself pregnant. . . it all happened so fast.’
‘With the turkey baster, I suppose. . . Get real, Matt. For once in your life take responsibility for a mess of your making.’
‘That’s what I’m trying to do. . . Kate. . . I would miss you if you went to Rome. I didn’t realise how much until you told me it was really going to happen. It’s made me think a lot about what I’ve done, the thought of you not being in my life any more, not just around the corner. I. . . it doesn’t matter.’
‘If you’re saying what I think you’re saying then you’d better stop right there.’
‘I need to tell you. Don’t go to Italy. It’s not right for you.’
‘There’s nothing here for me, Matt. Why shouldn’t I go?’
‘I’m here.’
‘With Tamara! I’m hardly going to be coming over for Sunday lunch, or babysitting or watching the tennis with you both. You have a new life now and I need one too.’
‘I don’t love Tamara!’ he cried.
Kate stared at him. He was telling her this now? Why? She had a horrible feeling she knew why, and if he dared to say it she wasn’t sure she would be able to contain her anger. She stood up and backed away from the bed. ‘It’s a bit late for that now, isn’t it? I hope you’re not telling me this while keeping her in the dark, because I don’t think that’s very fair.’
‘I can’t tell her. I can’t talk to her about anything. . . not like I can with you.’
‘That’s not what you said when you left me. Then you didn’t want to talk or listen.’
‘But. . . a man can make a mistake, can’t he?’
‘Yes. But then he has to be man enough to live with the consequences. We can’t go back.’
‘Why not?’ Matt leapt up from the bed and strode across to her. He tried to take her into his arms and she dodged his embrace.
‘Because I don’t want to!’
‘You’re happier like this?’ His tone had an edge again, hardened just a little. ‘Is that why you’re running away to Italy?’
‘I’m not running away from anything – I’m running towards something. There’s a world of difference.’
‘To this man? Whatever his name is. . .?’
Kate ignored the jibe. ‘Yes.’ There was a moment’s silence, during which neither could look at the other. Kate struggled to hold in her rage. It wasn’t the fact that he wanted her back, or that he’d admitted he didn’t love Tamara – it was the selfishness that made her want to punch him. His girlfriend was pregnant, and he was about to be a dad – the most important, the most precious job in the world. Across town Lily and Joel mourned the loss of their hopes and dreams to start a family, and yet Matt was happy to walk away from his before it had even begun, on a whim or a fit of jealousy, or just plain fear. Whatever it was, her blood boiled at the thought of it.
‘I think you should go,’ she said quietly. ‘I expect Tamara is waiting for you.’
‘But—’
‘Before you say anything worse than you have already.’
‘What about the jobs?’
‘I’ll get a handyman in to do them. Please. . . just go. I’ll phone you if there’s any movement on the house sale. Otherwise we have no need to talk to each other again.’
‘That seems harsh.’
‘Does it? It seems perfectly reasonable to me, but if you want to see me being harsh I can arrange that.’
He opened his mouth to speak, but then he closed it again. Without another word, he left the room, and Kate listened to his footsteps on the stairs, the rustles and clanks of him gathering his belongings, and then the slam of the front door as it shut behind him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kate knew that Anna or Christian would be straight round to Matt’s new place to give him a roasting, and she had no desire to drag what had happened between them that afternoon out any longer or for it to become more complicated. Lily had enough to worry about with her own relationship teetering on the brink and still dealing with her grief, and so Kate had decided against telling Anna or Lily about Matt’s admissions. She certainly couldn’t tell Alessandro. Other friends were mutual, or too close to Matt, or possibly knew Tamara, or knew too much about the whole affair already, and so there was nobody close to confide in. She did desperately need to get it off her chest, though, to talk it through and make some sense of a situation that made no sense at all. That left Jamie. A brand new and relatively untested best friend, but still a brilliant choice when you needed to get something off your chest – happy to listen and too far away to cause problems.
It was late when she sent the text, but he’d probably be just home from work.
Hey, got time to talk?
It was another half hour before he replied.
I have corn chips and beer and I’m all set. Want to FaceTime? Then you can see me in all my post-work glory.
Kate smiled to herself as she dialled the number. Post-work glory for her would have been bags under the eyes and a vacant stare, possibly some drool leaking from the corner of her mouth where it had been hanging open all day. Jamie would probably look like a golden-skinned Adonis.
Her heart did a little dance as his face appeared on the screen. The bruises he’d sustained from his altercation with Roberto had faded now, and he looked happy, healthy and extremely handsome – just like when she’d first met him at the taxi rank at Fiumicino airport.
‘Well, hello there!’ he said. Kate grinned.
‘Hello yourself. You look really well.’
‘So do you.’
‘No, I don’t think so. I’m getting pasty already now I’m back at home.’
‘Pale and interesting.’
‘Something like that.’
‘Hey, I was sorry to hear about your sister. I didn’t want to call or interfere or anything, but if you feel like talking now I’m all ears.’
Kate smiled. ‘Thanks. It’s really Lily’s suffering and her who needs the help. I just stand by and watch and be a bit useless.’
‘I’m sure that’s not true but I do understand what you mean. You may not realise it but you’re probably going through a significant amount of stress too.’
‘Perhaps,’ Kate agreed. ‘Though it’s not all from Lily.’
‘You’re missing Alessandro?’
‘Like crazy.’
‘But you’re still going
ahead with your plans to get back to Rome permanently?’
Kate sighed. ‘That’s just it – I don’t know. It feels like two steps forward and three back at the moment. Maybe it’s not meant to be.’
‘You can’t back down now! What happened to following your dreams, taking a leap of faith and all that other bullshit you spouted when we spoke last?’
‘Maybe it was just that – bullshit.’
‘Hey. . . I can’t believe I’m hearing this. You pull yourself together right now.’
‘Thanks, Jamie,’ Kate said, smiling. ‘See, I feel better already having spoken to you.’
‘But you still don’t feel brave enough?’
Kate shook her head, tears filling her eyes. She sniffed them away. She’d been strong so far, for the sake of everyone else, but she didn’t feel like being strong any more – at least not right now. She deserved a little weakness sometimes, didn’t she? It wasn’t a crime to show that you weren’t quite in charge of everything, was it?
‘You want to tell Uncle Jamie all about it?’ he asked. He held up a green bottle. ‘I have plenty of beer to hand.’
‘We don’t want our Airplane! moment, though. I warned you before how it might go if I started offloading my problems.’
‘You did,’ he laughed, ‘but I think I’ll be able to hold out for a while. Is this about your sister? You feel bad about leaving her?’
‘Partly that. Joel isn’t doing much better and I’m worried that losing the baby will split them up. You have no idea how perfect they are for each other and what a terrible waste that would be, and I have to at least try to help them get through it without destroying each other. And I know Lily has Anna too, but I still feel as if I’m abandoning them when they need me most. We’re a close family, and we’ve always helped each other through everything; it wouldn’t be right for me to leave them in the lurch this time.’
‘So delay things. It doesn’t mean you have to give up your dreams altogether and I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to.’
‘But what if it’s a huge mistake?’
Rome is Where the Heart is: An uplifting romantic read, perfect to escape with (From Italy with Love Book 1) Page 24
