“But what you’re doing is wrong,” Aerie said, scowling in confusion. “You’re taking advantage of people’s trust.”
Merra laughed. “That’s what government does, Aerie. That’s what people do. There are no perfect forces this side of Heaven. But we have to uphold ideals even if we can’t help but break them.”
“You’re breaking them intentionally.”
“If a leg breaks and needs to be straightened, what does a doctor do? He breaks it again.”
“Yes, he doesn’t smash it to bits,” Aerie argued, her voice rising in frustration and fury.
“The world has already been smashed to pieces. The URS is only a symptom of a broken world. The government before was broken too, and the ones before that. You think truth alone will heal it? Don’t be so naive, Aerie. Exton’s living proof that the truth doesn’t heal people.”
Aerie thought about Exton. She had always known he had pain inside of him, and she had always wanted to soothe it. No, she thought. Truth doesn’t heal people. Not completely. But it’s part of it. Truth and trust have to work together.
She lowered her eyes. “Exton doesn’t trust either of you,” she told Merra. Aerie didn’t say she sometimes wondered if he trusted her, too. He’d told her before that he did, but he certainly acted strange about telling her about what the General had to say.
“We are family now, thanks to you.” Merra’s eyes gleamed happily. “Exton might hate Victor, but we have known each other a long time. He will come around.”
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
“He’s come around to some things already, thanks to you,” Merra reminded her pointedly. “I, for one, won’t give up on it. Just like I’ve never given up on the idea that our family will be reunited one day, and we will be able to live in peace.” Merra suddenly reached out and took Aerie’s hand in hers, rubbing her thumb over the back of it. “Your wedding day was a great gift for me, Aerie.”
Aerie softened at the old gesture from her childhood. There was something unspeakably comforting about her mother’s presence as she held her hand, as much as Aerie might have hated to admit it.
“Speaking of which, I hope you have found peace with my own decisions that relate to our family,” Merra added.
The old gesture, one of trust and love, seemed even more hollow against their conversation. Aerie, distracted from Exton’s family concerns, recalled how she felt the moment that she learned her mother was still alive.
It was not the joy she might have thought she would feel, especially at how much she’d loved her mother as a child.
She ruined the moment by saying something, Aerie thought bitterly. She tugged her hand free. “Not peace,” Aerie said, “but acceptance.”
“For now?”
“For now.”
“Then I’ll take it. I know you’ve been lied to, plenty, and disappointed by the very people who are on your side. I know I have a lot to atone for,” Merra said. “And I will try. But I won’t let the imperfect stop me or you from being a step better than what we were before. There’s no quick fix for things like these.”
Aerie bristled.
“Well, I suppose you know that already, thanks to Exton,” Merra said.
Before Aerie could tell her mother not to concern herself with her relationship with Exton, a tiny beep emitted from Merra’s pack.
“Speaking of which, I get to go see him, finally,” Merra said, as she examined her device.
“Well, bye then,” Aerie murmured.
“I’ll try to come and see you before I leave. I love you, Aerie.”
Aerie felt her heart, despite all its anger and turmoil, warm with hope. She waited until she was sure her mother was out of earshot. “Love you too ... Mom.”
♦5♦
Exton felt his body shake with fury as he studied the guileless look on his best friend and brother-in-law’s face. Realizing there was no reason to suspect Tyler of lying to him, the strong flood of emotion inside of him threatened to overwhelm his self-control.
Tyler glanced up from the file he had in his hand. “What?” he asked. “What is it?”
There was a loud bang! as Exton slammed his fist into the nearest cabinet.
Tyler sighed. “This has to do with St. Cloud, doesn’t it?”
Exton welcomed the stinging numbness running up his knuckles as Tyler watched him with concern.
Of all people, Tyler knew how much he had wrestled with the guilt and anger over his father’s death and his own questions about life, faith, and the pursuit of the truth—and payback. Exton couldn’t name one moment in particular that he was more grateful for than the others.
The pain in his fist pumped furiously, but he returned his attention to the file still innocently held in Tyler’s hand. “Are you absolutely sure the report checks out?” Exton asked. He was determined to make his tone poised and controlled, even if his mind was reeling in raging anger and strange sadness.
“Positive,” Tyler said, running a hand through his blond hair uneasily. “NETech was easy enough to crack, once me and the other techs had some time to devote to it. This system was even easier, which was good, since, you know, you asked me to handle this by myself.”
“Not too easy, right? No chance this is a conspiracy of sorts? Something designed to lead us astray?”
“Come on. You know as well as I do that there are endless ways to speculate the truth, but we have to follow the facts. This is what I found.”
“I know, but ... ” But I was hoping you wouldn’t find anything.
Exton was silent as he tried to process everything. He didn’t doubt Tyler’s skill when it came to working with technology, and he would never question his integrity or his loyalty.
But it was still hard to believe that St. Cloud had been telling him the truth.
Or at least enough of the truth to make me think he is the good guy.
“The URS has been pretty good about keeping the NETech stuff under wraps,” Tyler pointed out. “If you’re worried about misinformation being a problem, you should recall that they know we’ve been able to hack their comm feeds for several years, and we’ve cut off a large portion of those, too, sometimes just for fun. We’ve already been given a misinformation source.”
“No chance this is just ... insurance? A set-up?” Exton looked down at the file. He didn’t have to see his face to know there was a glum look on it.
“No, I checked for authenticity. The Boötes system has an automatic backlogging record. It dates back more than ten years with no obvious alterations found in its data bank. There are references to certain events in its data, too, and it’s intricate enough to where any manipulation would be unlikely.”
“So you’re saying it’s real? Completely real?”
“I’d have to do a deeper run, but overall it checks out.”
Exton put his head in his hands. “Great. And here I thought meeting with Merra would be the worst part of my day.”
“I thought you’d be happy to hear your intel was correct,” Tyler said, his tone rueful. “It has a lot of information on the Paradise from when it was under construction, including your dad’s notes. I thought you would be happy to see those at least.”
“I might be, if it wasn’t proof that St. Cloud was right about my father.”
“What do you mean?”
Exton sighed. “St. Cloud told me that my father wanted to use the Paradise as a sort of Noah’s Ark, saving the Ecclesia and destroying the URS. He said the Boötes system would have proof of what my father was planning, and that was why he killed him.”
Tyler said nothing for several moments. Exton watched as he processed the information and weighed it, glancing from the floor to the file, and then finally back up to Exton’s gaze.
“Flooding the world with fire, I guess?”
Exton sniffed. “It’s not funny.”
“Sorry,” Tyler said. “I guess it’s not hard to see you’re unhappy about that.”
“Is that really wh
at you’re worried about?” Exton glared at him. “Aren’t you more worried that St. Cloud feels justified in murdering my father?”
“Well ... well, it’s just that—”
“What it is?” Exton asked.
“I never met your dad,” Tyler reminded him. “But I know you argued with him over a bunch of stuff quite frequently.”
“Not a whole lot,” Exton argued.
“Emery told me that he got onto your back all the time for reading novels and spending all your free time with St. Cloud and his military assignments. She knew you didn’t get along as well as you’d like to think.”
“I still did my work,” Exton said through clenched teeth. “Remember? That’s how I got into University early.”
“And I know you took his death hard. Maybe you even blamed yourself, and I know you hate St. Cloud for it.”
“No kidding,” Exton scoffed.
“I’m glad you can admit it.” Tyler glanced over at him thoughtfully. “But you and I both know you’re more than willing to believe the worst in St. Cloud. I’m only pointing out that you forgot the worst of your father, too.”
“My father had his faults and his devotion to his ideals,” Exton conceded. “And you’re right, we didn’t see eye to eye a lot on certain things. But he was not radicalized or crazy.”
Exton once more thought of how his father, would stand by the window of their unit. He would do that often, late at night, after a hard day’s work down at the plant or the mill, or even touring through different offices for updates and meetings—the “boring part of the job,” as he’d explained it to Exton.
But while he’d said it with a kind smile on his face, Exton remembered the look in his own ice-blue eyes; beneath the disguise, there had been a smoldering anger, a deep frustration, and maybe even a feeling of being trapped.
“Don’t tell me you think St. Cloud was right,” Exton scoffed, saying it to himself as much as he was to Tyler.
“I’m not sure about St. Cloud,” Tyler said, pulling back. “I’m just saying that this information on the Boötes system, with all its military intel, is something we can use, now, as we fight. And we’ll need to use it if we’re going to finish the war. You should be glad that St. Cloud told us about it, even if it’s not what you would have wanted.”
“I can be glad for the information and still hate what it means.”
“Can you?” Tyler shook his head. “You’re already upset over it.”
Exton shot him an angry look.
Tyler pushed on carefully. “Don’t forget, even if St. Cloud said that there was proof in the system, we haven’t found it yet. I took care of it privately, as you requested.”
“All I need are the original designs for Paradise,” Exton said. “According to St. Cloud, that’s where I’ll see what he wants me to. Emery and I found some of my dad’s other blueprints for the ship down in Aunt Patty’s stuff.”
“Even if it is true that your father was going to destroy the world with the Paradise, you are not your father, Exton.” Tyler hesitated. “And Aerie will still love you, regardless.”
Several moments passed in silence. “How do you know?” Exton finally asked, his voice soft against the walls of the small room.
Tyler’s response came at once. “Because even if it is true, I still love Emery,” Tyler said. “You are still my best friend. And we are still fighting a war, and it is still worth fighting.”
“What if Aerie doesn’t see it that way?”
“She won’t. She is not her father—or her mother, either. If anyone could understand about having parents who do crazy things, it’s Aerie.”
“That’s true.” Exton felt calmer as Tyler’s counsel anchored into his mind. “I guess it is silly to worry over what she will think of my family when I have you and Emery to round out the rough sides.”
“I knew she would be good for you once I saw how much you cared for her.”
“Trying to take credit for it?”
Tyler seemed relieved at the attempt at levity. “Well, Emery and I did help you get her back, thanks to asking Meredith for her assistance.”
It was Exton’s turn to struggle to find the right words to say. He glanced down at the floor, his gaze solemn and steady. “I owe Meredith for that, too, as much as I owe you. On top of everything else I owe her already.”
“Meredith is glad to help you get your own happy ending, even while she is still waiting for hers. Love and friendship are not about owing people, Exton.”
“That’s what people say when they can’t pay their debts.”
“It’s also what people say when there is something more important between people and their debts.”
Exton arched his brow. “You like being the morally superior one between us, don’t you?”
Tyler grinned. “It can’t be helped,” he said with a laugh. “You make it too easy.”
Exton rolled his eyes. “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about Emery in your care.”
“And I no longer have to worry about the world in yours.”
“That’s good,” Exton grumbled. “I wasn’t going to change my mind because of you anyway.”
“Thankfully, we’ll never know for sure,” Tyler said. He picked up the file. “I’m going to head down to the hangar, okay?”
“What are you going down there for?”
Tyler grinned. “I’m headed down to Petra. Jared came back from Chaya, since Kamalo’s in charge there for now. Jared’s going to be taking over the Command Bridge with Henry for a while, so I can spend some time with Emery.”
“Oh.” Exton nodded. “Well, thanks for your help.”
“No problem.” Tyler stopped at the door to the Records Room. “I’ll send you what I find on this.” He waved the file around.
Once more, the image of his father, standing beside the window, looking at the horizon with an angry expression in his eyes, called to him.
“Can you do me one more favor?” Exton asked.
Tyler nodded. “Sure. What do you need?”
“When you find the information, can you see if my father’s old Bible is there, too?” Exton recalled his father’s tight grip on the old Bible. He had been adamant about keeping it close in the housing unit, even though it was forbidden. Maybe there was something there, he thought.
“You got it. I can have it shipped up if I see it.”
“No need,” Exton said. “Just put it with the rest of the other stuff Emery and Aunt Patty found, the stuff my father left behind. I’ll take a look at it when I come down.”
“Don’t put it off forever.”
“I doubt I will be able to,” Exton said with a small smile. “Aerie will want to see Emery and Moona before too long. And the rest of her family is down there, still.”
“Some of her friends, too,” Tyler reminded her. “Emery told me the other day that Alice has taken over nannying for Marcus when Merra is busy. Sometimes she helps Alice out just to see what it’s like. It’s been a long time since Emery and I have babysat kids.”
“You should take a turn when you get down there,” Exton remarked, nearly laughing at the mental image.
Tyler grinned. “Don’t tell Emery that, or she’ll get ideas. Anyway, see you later.”
He was nearly out the door when he paused.
“What is it?” Exton asked.
“You know, God works out all things for good in the end,” Tyler said. “I know you don’t like to hear things like that, but there’s no hope left if all you have is despair.”
“You know I don’t like hearing things like that,” Exton said slowly, “but keep saying them.”
Tyler grinned, clearly relieved. He nodded and clapped his hand on Exton’s shoulder. “I know you’re just saying that because you have to meet with Aerie’s mother today.”
“You’re right,” Exton said. “Better start the prayer vigil now. I’m on my way to meet her next.”
♦6♦
Merra St. Cloud never failed to f
ind her footing, even when she was denied her prize.
The small conference room still echoed with her barely-concealed fury. When Merra came to discuss things with him, she requested privacy for their discussion, and Exton readily agreed, knowing she would be more than happy to use the crew’s eavesdropping to her advantage if she could.
Now, he was glad he had agreed to that for more than just his sake. Her passion, even in arguing for St. Cloud’s release, would have easily inspired some of his crewmembers, spiriting them away from their duties and the war’s demands. She might have even managed to recruit some members to her own cause.
Exton watched Merra in reluctant half-admiration as she continued to argue, even after he’d given his decision on the matter. Exton had to give her credit for her tenacity; he might have even ended up agreeing with her, if Tyler hadn’t just vindicated St. Cloud moments earlier.
It was just too much of a risk. There was a reason he’d preferred to keep Aerie in the dark when it came to how he felt about her father; there were so many uncertain things, and it was dangerous to expose doubt to the wrong person.
He was almost relieved, really, in dealing with Aerie’s mother instead. He knew he would not be tempted to divulge any of those details with her.
Merra is definitely the wrong person to confide in, he thought grimly.
“You can stop,” Exton said, interrupting her between arguments. “I’m not letting St. Cloud go. I told you why. I don’t trust him.”
“That’s a silly reason. The world will end before that happens,” Merra replied. “You don’t even trust me, but I’m here.”
“You weren’t the one who killed my father,” Exton said through gritted teeth.
“That’s also a failing argument. You’ve made your own fair share of mistakes,” Merra remarked. “Victor hasn’t forgotten about Silas, any more than you’ve forgotten about Gerard and his father.”
Exton felt his breath leave him in a rush of air at her words.
“See?” Merra looked over at him haughtily. “You know what it is to be a leader, Exton, because you’ve lost people who trusted you. That’s why you make a good captain.”
The Price of Paradise Page 5
