by Sahara Kelly
As Letitia walked through the hall, she paused and looked around, seeing the increasing signs of restoration, and the decreasing amounts of rot.
“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” Edmund strolled up and put his arm around her shoulders. “How much of the original building was here and we never knew it.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder. “Every now and again I’m struck by it. It’s become new, but the same.” She sighed. “I’m not making much sense.”
She felt him shake his head. “No, I understand.” He glanced at his study door. “I used to dread walking through this hall to that room. He was there. And I dreaded the fights that were to come, the hard words, the hopes and expectations I always had that were always dashed.”
“Yes,” she agreed, her voice sombre.
“But now, when I walk toward that door, there are no shadows any more. As if by cleaning and painting the hall, we have banished more than just dirt and grime. His ugliness is being washed away from this building as we make more and more improvements, Letty.” He leaned his cheek on her head for a moment. “Just as I think the damage he did to us is being washed away as well.”
“It’s a nice thought, Edmund,” she answered.
“More than a thought, my dear. And of course, Rosaline is a major part of it.”
She nodded, feeling the texture of his woollen jacket against her cheek. “You are very lucky to have found her. And now with little Hugh, there’s a new life at Ridlington, one untouched by the past and with only the very best future to look forward to.”
Edmund hugged her. “If I’m any judge of such matters, I believe Simon and Tabby will give you another niece or nephew in the not too distant future.”
“That would be lovely.”
“Letty…” he paused as if thinking, “I worry that your turn has yet to come. And if it does, you might refuse to see it because of how you still see yourself.”
She moved away from him a little and he dropped his arm. “No need, Edmund. Really. I am happy here. I enjoy what I do, and I love my growing family.”
“I know you, little sister. And I know how well you conceal your true emotions. I’ve never known what they are, I just know you’re hiding them. Just as right now, I know you’ve something important on your mind. It’s in your eyes when you stare from the window.”
“I could just be cursing this damned weather,” she chuckled.
He laughed as well. “You could be. But you’re not.” He turned to her and put a finger under her chin, making her look up and into his face. “I believe James has something to do with those secrets, Letitia.”
She started to deny that, but he hushed her with a shake of his head.
“I just want to say this. I think James FitzArden is an honourable man, who I am proud to call friend. I would be even prouder to call him brother, should matters between the two of you develop to that point. Is that clear?”
Letitia was caught off-guard by Edmund’s statement. “He’s spoken to you, hasn’t he?” She blurted out the first thing that came into her mind.
Edmund grinned. “Gentlemen never speak of such matters to ladies, dear sister. But just know that he would be welcomed into our family without hesitation. All right?”
She nodded. “All right, Edmund. Thank you for telling me.”
“You’re my sister. You deserve the very best in life.”
She smiled, her control back in place. “I have you for a brother. What more could I want?”
He laughed. “Charmer. I must work. We’ll meet at lunch.”
He strolled off to his study, leaving Letitia torn between her affection for his care and loving attentions, and absolute fury that James had apparently asked Edmund for her hand without telling her anything about it.
It was, perhaps, not the most propitious moment to see Harriet come into the hall, smiling from ear to ear.
“Miss Letitia, I just heard…” She hurried over. “Sir James is back. He arrived last night.”
Letitia’s jaw clenched hard for a moment. Then she smiled. “Is he now. Well how delightful. How delightful indeed.”
She spun on her heel and stalked upstairs, leaving Harriet standing alone in the hall with a slightly mystified expression on her face.
Chapter Twenty
The lapse between his arrival and his note to Letitia did not go unnoticed.
“He took his own sweet time,” she snarled, unfolding the missive and reading the contents. “He invites me over tomorrow evening for dinner, so that he may consult me on the additions he’s thinking about including in the conservatory.” She snorted. “As if he needs my advice.”
Harriet placidly continued brushing Letitia’s winter cloak. “He needs an excuse, Letitia. You know that. He can’t just drop you a note that says All right, come over tomorrow night. Let’s fuck.”
Harriet’s blunt comment surprised a laugh out of Letitia. “My word. You have come a long way since we first met.”
“You have corrupted me,” chuckled Harriet.
“Well, yes. And I have observed your cheeks blooming on many a morning recently.” She tapped a finger to her chin. “It seems that this unusual development might just have begun the night after I loaned you my book?”
The bloom appeared once more as Harriet’s face turned crimson. “Oh hush.”
“I knew it.” Letitia was satisfied. “Fun, isn’t it?”
“Please…” Harriet squirmed in embarrassment.
“Very well, we will say no more about it. But perhaps now you will understand my eagerness to pursue such matters to their fullest conclusion. And by fullest, I mean with the cooperation of something…filling.”
Harriet plopped down onto Letitia’s bed and buried her face in her hands with a tiny squawk.
“I see you comprehend my intentions.”
Harriet raised her head. “How are you going to manage it, Letitia?”
“Oh, I suspect the usual way will work quiet well.”
“Not that,” groaned Harriet. “How will you manage to spend the entire night at FitzArden without anyone finding out?”
“Hmm.” Letitia rose from her desk and walked over to her cloak, brushing her fingers over the soft surface as her mind turned the problem over several times. “Well, firstly, Edmund is away. So that removes one potential problem.”
“As is Miss Hecate.”
“Yes, she seems to be quite happy in London. She will be back before Christmas, of course. But you’re right, another problem out of the way.”
“So that leaves Lady Rosaline. And the Vicar and Mrs. Ridlington, I suppose,” mused Harriet.
“I’m not worried about Simon and Tabby. They won’t be here overnight, so they wouldn’t know. No, it’s Rosaline. She’s a good mother, in every way. And she cares for us as deeply as if we were her brothers and sisters by blood, rather than marriage.”
Harriet nodded. “She is all that and more, Letitia. To her, family is all. Their happiness must take precedence over all things.”
“Let me think it over, Harry. This is important, since I’d not want to be known as the village lightskirt.”
“Well I doubt that would happen, since there already several of those.”
Distracted, Letitia turned to look at Harriet. “Really? Who?”
Harriet rolled her eyes, and the conversation turned to more mundane village matters for several minutes.
“Of course, the last real issue, is you.” Letitia looked at Harriet. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I simply cannot walk to James’s alone. That is simply beyond anything that could be deemed acceptable. And he does have servants.”
“Oh.” Harriet began to understand. “So I will be spending the night at FitzArden as well?”
“Maybe.” Letitia thought for a minute. “Or maybe not.”
“Um…”
“I think we need a brief word with Paul.”
“We do?” Harriet’s f
ace was a study in puzzlement.
“He’s coming to lunch, I think. I’ll catch him then.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’ll have to rely on his discretion, of course, and that makes me a little nervous…”
Harriet leaped to his defense. “You need have no concerns there, Letitia. I trusted him with my secrets. He’s a good man of sound character and would never betray a confidence. I’m quite sure of it.”
“I am too,” agreed Letitia, trying to ignore the little voice that whispered dire consequences if this whole matter were revealed.
An hour later, that little voice was still there, but quieter.
“Of course I can help you, Letitia. What may I do?”
Paul sat next to her in the small salon, where she’d asked him to drop by for a few moments after lunch. Rosaline was with the baby, and Harriet had taken herself off to give the two of them some privacy.
“I may be about to shock you terribly, Paul, so before I do so I’d like to ask for your vow of secrecy. What I am about to relate must ever remain between the two of us.”
He looked at her curiously. “You have my word, of course.”
“Good.” She heaved in a breath. “I’m going to be spending the night at FitzArden tomorrow.”
“Uh.” He gulped. “Well. All right.”
“And I need someone to escort Harry back here to Ridlington. She has to come with me, for appearances sake, but I can’t ask her to spend her night over there as well. It’s too absurd, and might draw exactly the attention I’m trying to avoid.”
“I understand.”
This was fortunate. He hadn’t expressed outrage, shock, horror or looked at her as if she had become the Whore of Babylon.
“So I would like to ask if you would walk Harriet back to Ridlington. It will be late, I’m afraid, since obviously we will have to wait until the staff have retired.”
“That would make sense, yes.”
“So if you’re agreeable…”
“I am indeed,” he smiled. “I’m always happy to assist in the course of true love.”
Letitia’s eyebrow rose. “How quaint, Paul. You must be aware that neither James nor I believe in such a thing. This is a simple evening spent with a friend. Nothing more.”
Paul gave her a long look. “Letitia, my sweet, spending the night with a man is always more than simple. In fact, it can be very complex.”
She felt a slight colour rise to her cheeks at his blunt words, but lifted her chin anyway. “I’m sure that’s true for some. However, James and I are well aware of where each of us stands.” She smiled. “I’m a Ridlington, Paul. Rosaline was lucky to find Edmund and reveal the true man he is. She taught him how to love and I rejoice in their happiness. Truly.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“But I know who and what I am. And those tender affections are not numbered amongst my abilities. I love my family, I adore baby Hugh and I cherish deep affections for my true friends. But beyond that? To take that step into an emotional intimacy that has the potential of destroying everything? No. I cannot do that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Completely.” She nodded, emphasizing her point. “But I shall very much enjoy the chance to be private with James for an entire night, if the task of escorting Harriet home late at night is not too onerous…”
“Is she aware of this plan?”
“Yes,” answered Letitia. “In fact, once I had laid it out before her, she announced that it was the only acceptable option. She’ll be pleased to have your escort, Paul. Since otherwise she would have to stay at FitzArden. She simply cannot walk back here through the forest at night.”
“I agree.” He rose. “I agree on all points. Except one.”
“What’s that?” She looked up at him.
He smiled down, and tapped her nose. “You, young lady, will learn to love. And when you do, you’ll be surprised at how truly splendid an emotion it can be.”
She chuckled back. “Don’t bet on that.”
He left the sound of his laughter ringing around the room as he closed the door behind him.
Now that she’d settled the matter of Harriet, there was one bridge left to cross.
Rosaline.
*~~*~~*
Late that afternoon, as Rosaline was enjoying a quiet cup of tea by the fire, there was a tap on the door and Letitia’s head appeared when it opened.
“May I bother you?”
“Don’t be silly. You’re never a bother. Come in and share tea. Stop me from eating all these biscuits.”
“Well, since you put it that way,” chuckled Letitia, walking in and shutting the door. “Yes to both. Thank you.”
The two women settled again, enjoying the moment.
“Did you need something?” Rosaline asked over her cup, wondering why her sister-in-law seemed a little on edge.
“Actually, yes,” answered Letitia, sipping her tea. “I need to talk to you on a matter of some import.”
“Oh. Sounds serious.”
“Well it is. To me anyway.”
Rosaline watched her, waiting for her to reach her point in her own time. Letitia’s lovely face gave little away, but her eyes revealed more than she knew. Right now they were a blend of nervous excitement, wide and shining in the firelight. It had to be something important.
“Perhaps the easiest thing is just to say it right out, my dear,” she said encouragingly.
“All right, yes.” Letitia nodded. “Well, you may know that James and Edmund have had a discussion. About me.”
Aha. There it is.
She chose her words carefully. “I had the impression that some such conversation had taken place, Letitia. But nothing formal, you understand. Because if there had been, I’m sure Edmund would have told you.”
“Well, no he probably wouldn’t, but I’ll agree that it wasn’t formal.” Letitia shrugged. “I’ll admit that learning of this conversation annoyed me. But then…Men have different ways of doing things.”
“Don’t they just.”
“I’ve still to decide whether to forgive them, but anyway” continued Letitia. “You’re aware that he is my friend and that I have a high regard for him. James, that is.”
“Yes,” nodded Rosaline, fighting the urge to giggle. This conversation was unexpectedly entertaining. For her, anyway. Watching Letitia tiptoe around the entire matter of marriage was not unlike watching a puppy trying not to get its feet wet while yearning to play in a puddle.
“So while we were in London, he and I had a private discussion about these things.”
“Private?”
Letitia flushed a little, giving Rosaline a clue as to the nature of that discussion. “Yes, it had to be private. Goodness if anyone had heard? That would be the end of it.”
“True. One would not wish to be food for gossip. So it was wise of you and James to remain private.”
“Yes.” Letitia’s throat moved as she swallowed. “Anyway, the gist of our conversation was that if we were going to consider uniting in marriage, we should explore our compatibility.”
“Your compatibility?”
“Yes. Our compatibility.”
“As in…your taste in wines, for example? Whether you prefer the hunt in November or January?”
“Not quite.”
“Ah…” Rosaline was enjoying herself. “So it would have been more about where to reside? Here or in London for the Season?”
“Rosaline. No. Stop.”
“All right. Sorry.” She wasn’t sorry at all, but the look she was getting from Letitia was worth it.
“It’s about our intimate compatibility.”
Rosaline took a breath. She might have guessed this was where the conversation was leading, but now it was nearly there…well, that was different. “I see.”
As if a flood gate had opened, Letitia continued apace. “Yes. James and I wish to know that should we wed, we will be in agreement in more areas than what books we like and if there should be tropical plants
in the conservatory. As I’m sure you’ll agree, there’s a lot more to marriage than those kinds of things.” She paused for breath. “I need to know if I would enjoy being with James…intimately.” She looked up at Rosaline. “Does that make sense?”
“And you are planning on doing this…how?”
“I shall be spending the night at FitzArden Hall. Tomorrow night. All night.”
“All night?”
“All night.” Letitia’s determined tone left no room for argument.
“Well then.” Rosaline caught her breath. “I need to think for a moment.”
Idly, Letitia took a biscuit, ate it, and washed it down with tea. “I couldn’t lie to you, Rosaline. Not about this. I thought up several schemes that might have resulted in my having to stay overnight, but that’s what they were. Silly schemes. And they felt wrong. I couldn’t come to you with a ridiculous tale of a sprained ankle.” She raised her chin. “There was no other option for me or for you. I had to tell you the truth of the matter.” Or most of it, anyway.
Rosaline nodded. “I respect that and thank you for it.” She wished for a moment that she was a wiser woman with more experience in these things. But then she decided that honesty given deserved honesty returned. “I cannot say I am wholly in favour of your proposed plan, Letitia. Not because it contravenes so many of our social taboos, but because it’s a step once taken can never be repeated. But I am completely in favour of you finding your future happiness, which I know James will be able to provide. You are well suited; you are both of an age to know your own minds. And if you choose to anticipate your vows, then I cannot do more than wish you well…both tomorrow night and in the years to come.”
Letitia’s sigh of relief fluttered the napkins on the tea tray. “Well thank goodness.”
“You were worried?” Rosaline couldn’t help a chuckle.
“Well, yes of course I was worried. I’m planning something shocking. I wasn’t sure how you’d respond.”
“You expected to be turned out into the snow without a penny?” Rosaline caught herself up. “Well, I should correct myself. Just turned out into the snow. There aren’t enough pennies to begin with.”
