by Susan Kohler
“What do you mean?” Nicole puzzled.
“I’ve had a stalker and a few crazed fans. It’s a fact of life when you’re in the public eye,” Shelby admitted. “I’m not as famous as you but I am on air, on the evening news, and I get some crazies. So I can relate a little.”
“Thank God you haven’t been injured,” Nicole whispered. “It seems unreal, except the loss of my friends and the pain.”
Well, before we talk it to death between ourselves, let’s put this on air. We’re taping this now to be aired at 8 PM.” Shelby took a deep breath and turned on her microphone. “Let’s get started.”
She nodded to Nicole. “Hi, this is Shelby Newsome. I’m here with Nikki Silver who’s still in the hospital recovering from a terrible attack, that left five people dead.”
She paused. “Hi, Nikki, how are you feeling after your tragic attack?”
“I’m getting better, I’ve lost some strength and coordination, so it’s slow, but I am healing. What happened to me was bad enough, Shelby, but I lived,” Nicole replied, sadly. “More important than what happened to me, three of my friends and a photographer’s assistant did not.”
At the insistence of the detectives, Nicole kept quiet about the suspect. She would have anyway. She knew enough not to let it get out that she knew who the attacker was, even though the police were hunting him.
“And my manager was murdered on the same day, but in a separate location,” she continued. “That’s far more important, far worse than what happened to me; all I lost was my career, several very good people, friends of mine, lost their lives.”
“Nicole, please tell the people how your career was lost,” Shelby interrupted.
“I’ve been burned, and it left me badly scarred,” Nicole told the listeners. “I don’t know of any model who’s worked with this much scarring. But as I was saying, what happened to me is not important. What happened to my friends and co-workers was devastating. They did nothing, nothing to deserve what happened to them. Their families did nothing wrong. They were all decent people, all devout Christians, at least the ones I knew. I’d never met the assistant before.”
“Do you know what was behind the attack?” Shelby asked.
“The police think it was probably an obsessed fan,” Nicole told her. “It’s pretty plain I was the target.”
“How is that plain?” the reporter asked.
For an answer, Nicole stood, showing her small pregnancy belly. “I was the one he raped.”
“So that baby is the attacker’s child?” Shelby asked.
“Yes, I’ve been a Christian for years, and although not everyone does it nowadays, I was saving myself for marriage. I was a virgin before this.” Nicole sat back down. “As hard as that will be for some people to believe. They think a model lives a wild life, filled with travel, luxury, and parties. We don’t. Most of us work too hard for that. Now I’m pregnant and I don’t even remember what happened.”
“And you’re keeping the baby? No abortion, no adoption?” Shelby let her shock show in her voice.
Nicole held her head high, and raised her voice slightly.
“This is my child. Should I kill it? And adoption can be a great choice, but this,” she rubbed her belly, “this is mine, and I will love him or her. I choose to believe this baby is a gift from God, so that something wonderful can come out of something horrible.”
“What about the baby’s father? What do you think should happen to him?” Shelby demanded.
“He should be arrested, tried, and sentenced to the rest of his life in prison, without parole.” She was firm.
“No forgiveness then?” the reporter asked. “I thought Christians were supposed to forgive.”
“We do. But you’re also wrong. I’m working on forgiving him and I will succeed. It isn’t easy, but I will forgive him. I already pray for him,” Nicole said firmly. “That does not negate the punishment for five murders, one attempted murder, and rape.”
“You seem remarkably strong and level-headed for someone who’s gone through so much, how do you account for that?” Shelby asked.
“I’ve had my bad days, my anger, my depression, the sense of loss, plenty of bad days and more pain than I can describe,” Nicole admitted. “Part of whatever strength I have, a small part, is my professional experience at hiding any problems or pain behind my smile. A larger part of it is the prayers and support from my friends, my family, and my church. Most of it comes from my faith in Jesus.”
“Didn’t Jesus let you down,” Shelby asked, “by allowing this to happen to you?”
“No, bad things can happen to anyone, on any day. After all, Satan is alive and active. There are also people who use free will to make bad choices. Of course, anyone can become ill or be in an accident. Even with God, those things can happen.”
“Then what does your faith in Jesus do for you?” Shelby asked, genuinely curious.
“He gives me the strength to go on, to do more than recover. I will triumph, watch and see. My child will be a blessing to me,” Nicole said with conviction. “Christ will find ways to use me for His glory, to inspire others who may be hurt or suffering. Something fantastic will come of this, I know it.”
“Right now, what’s your biggest frustration?” Shelby decided to wrap up the interview.
Nicole’s smile lit up her face. “That’s easy, I want to go home!”
Shelby wrapped up her part of the interview by saying, “We can never forget those who were murdered for one man’s obsession, but you’ve already turned a tragedy, at least your part of that tragedy, into a triumph of the human spirit. Your strength is an inspiration to anyone who gets knocked out by life. You say your friends and your faith have given you strength. Your friends must be terrific. Your faith is strong and deep. Many people find strength in adversity, but to me you are astonishing, and that is a testament to your belief in God. You humble me.”
Shelby was overcome with emotion as she gave Nicole a hug, then left.
For several weeks after her radio interview and the transcript was posted online, Nicole received reactions from her fans and the public in general. She got piles of letters and cards, even gifts and flowers. Most were favorable, some even called her a saint. That bothered Nicole, who saw herself as just being someone who was trying to do the right thing.
The ones that really bothered her, however, were the ones who called her vile names and said she deserved what he did to her. She couldn’t understand them, but they hurt.
Chapter Six
“And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick.”
(Luke 9:2)
Surprisingly, one of Nicole’s most fervent prayers was answered the next day. Dr. Sullivan told her she could go home. She was so excited, it felt like she was being paroled from prison, a prison where she was constantly poked and prodded, stuck with needles and cared for, but a prison nevertheless. She was ecstatic as she called David.
David was working in his office with a meeting scheduled for later in the day. He called his client, who knew Nicole, and told her he had to reschedule. The client agreed, and asked him to give Nicole her best wishes. He called Emily to make sure her room was ready. Then he took the rest of the day off from work and came to get her.
Nicole had gifts and flowers scattered all over the room. She told the nurses to give the flowers that still looked good to patients who didn’t have very many. She’d already given out most of them anyway.
Some of the gifts were things like teddy bears, and she had those sent to the pediatric ward. David packed up her nighties and robe, slippers, her grooming items, and whatever else he could find that belonged to Nicole. He walked beside her as a nurse rolled her out to his car in a wheelchair.
When Nicole got home from the hospital, Mae met her at the door. She took one look at Nicole’s scars and started to weep, her arms going gently around Nicole’s waist.
“Oh, baby,” she said as she wept, “who hurt you? I’ll kill ‘
em!”
The idea of a 75-year-old, 90 pound, fragile Mae actually hurting anyone almost made Nicole laugh.
A few days later, Mae’s reaction was entirely different.
She looked at Nicole and said sternly, “You young people today, I just do not get this make-up. It’s not pretty. It looks like a Halloween costume.”
“Mae, it’s not make-up, it’s real scars,” Nicole told her gently. “I was injured in an accident.”
“Well, of course you were,” Mae said indignantly, and then followed it a few moments later with, “Who are you?”
“I’m Nicole, David’s sister.” Nicole squeezed her eyes shut.
“Oh, I remember.” Julia came into the room and hustled Mae off to their suite.
“Emily, I love your mom, but she wears me out.” Nicole turned to Emily with a rueful smile.
“Me too,” Emily admitted. “Why don’t you sit on the porch and I’ll bring you something to drink. Iced tea? Lemonade?”
“Thanks Em.” Nicole smiled. “I’ll take lemonade.”
In a few minutes, both women were sitting outside in the cool evening breeze, sipping lemonade and relaxing. To Nicole, it felt like pure heaven. She hadn’t been outside in months.
Now that she was home, Nicole gradually grew stronger, and as she did, her spirit came back. A big part of her recovery was just being home. Because they had an RN living in the house, she was discharged a little earlier than she would have been without Julia.
A few weeks after Nicole’s return from the hospital, she noticed Mae watching her from around corners. Mae would cock her neck and study Nicole. Finally Nicole had enough.
“Mae, why are you staring at me?” Nicole asked her outright, but with a gentle tone.
“I was just wondering,” Mae replied. “Can’t blame me for wondering, can you?”
“Wondering what?” Nicole puzzled. “I’ll tell you if I can.”
“Just how many babies do you have in there anyway?” Mae demanded.
“When the doctor tells me, I’ll tell you, okay?” Nicole laughed.
A few days after Nicole got home, Troy began coming to the house to work with her in the evenings after he finished his shift at the hospital. He put her through all of her physical therapy in her own gym, sometimes followed by a swim in the pool. He was never easy on her, still he was careful, but never easy. He pushed her to work as hard as she could in spite of her growing pregnancy.
“You want to be strong to take care of that baby, don’t you?” He handed her a five pound weight.
“Of course I do.” Nicole began doing arm curls with the weight. “But I wonder...”
“Wonder what?” Troy was puzzled.
“Why don’t all women need a sadistic drill sergeant to get ready to care for newborn babies?” She put down the weight and sipped her water before wiping her face with a towel.
“Hey!” Troy reacted. “I’m not that bad! Am I?”
“Yes.” Nicole relented and said, “But I do appreciate it.”
“Everything I do with you now will only make your pregnancy and labor easier,” he pointed out.
“I’m all for easier labor and a safe delivery.” Nicole moved to the treadmill. “This baby is all I have now. Well, along with my family and my horse.”
Troy never let his feelings for her show; although as he was working with her he often used his hands to correct her position and help her with the exercises. At the end of her daily therapy, Troy often rubbed out her aches and pains. She, somehow, seemed to have a lot of aches and pains.
After her workout the two of them would go for a short swim, then she would let the horses out to run around the arena. He would sit with her and watch the horses run around and then roll in the dirt. It always amused him watching each horse walk around, pawing and sniffing the ground. It was as if choosing exactly where to roll was the most important decision of their equine day. Maybe it was, he thought.
Several days a week, Nicole sat out by the arena and watched Cassie ride her horse, Burgie. Troy noticed it was rough on her because she wanted to ride. Nicole pleaded with Troy and asked him if he would take her riding. She really missed being on her horse but he refused until she had it cleared with her doctor. She promised him she would check with the doctor during her next visit.
Still, Burgie needed a good, hard workout. Cassie was getting good at basic gymkhana events, barrel racing, single pole and pole bending. She still ran the events at about half speed, but her turns were smooth. Nicole knew it was time for the girl to pick up the pace.
One day as she waited while Cassie saddled Burgie, she called the girl over. “Cassie, come here a minute. Let David check the girth.”
David did, and saddled his horse as well.
Cassie bounded over. “Hey Nicole, what’s up?”
“I just wanted to thank you again for riding Burgie for me. I can’t ride yet, and we don’t want him getting lazy, do we?” Nicole blocked the sun with one hand.
“I’m having fun!” Cassie grinned, and then looked at Nicole. “Do you want to hear something strange?”
“Sure, what?”
“I hope you don’t get mad at me for saying this but when I saw you at the hospital, at first, all I could see was your scars,” she said softly. “Now I look at you and just see Nicole.”
Nicole was choked up for a minute before she said, “Thank you, I needed to hear that. Now here’s something you need to hear: I want you to go faster on the barrels, single poles, and poles today. Let him run. Push him. You’re ready.”
Cassie climbed on Burgie and began to warm him up, walking him for a while before moving him into a jog, then an extended trot, and finally a canter. She worked a few rollbacks along the rail. At Nicole’s nod, she lined Burgie up for single pole and ran the event. She did well. She was still not going full speed, but much faster.
David did likewise with Target. Cassie worked single pole twice more, increasing her speed each time. David ran it one more time, then dismounted and handed his reins to Cassie and set up barrels.
They both ran barrels and once again Cassie’s time was faster than ever. This time she only ran it once before David set up pole bending. Cassie was doing really well. After that, he set up a new event for Cassie, quadrangle. She did well on everything, but was slower with Quad. Cassie unsaddled both horses, washing off the sweat and putting them on the hot walker. David went up to the house and brought her a cold soda. She sat under the trees and waited for her mom to come get her.
Not long after her return home, Nicole had an appointment with Dr. Sullivan. The doctor checked Nicole over completely and then they sat down for a chat. The doctor soon learned that Nicole was becoming restless. She felt tied down, surrounded by friends, family and the police, but still afraid to leave her house. Her fear wasn’t all for herself, since her friends had been murdered she was afraid for her family and the people who surrounded her. That was why she hadn’t returned to church yet.
She did have a request for the doctor, she wanted permission to ride her horse. She was ready to beg and plead for the doctor’s permission.
“I know that I can only ride at a walk,” she told the doctor. “But even walking would give me a sense of freedom. I can walk around in the arena or go out on the trail, with some protection. I can’t wait to ride Burgie.”
She knew that even riding at a walk would feel wonderful, and free. It would also give her a sense that she was really beginning to heal, mentally as well as physically.
“I promise, Doctor, I’ll be very careful.” She meant every word. “If I have even a hint of anything wrong I won’t ride.”
“Most doctors today feel that moderate exercise is good for a pregnant woman,” the doctor said, considering. “Especially if the exercise is something you’re used to doing, but in your case, you’ve been through a lot with your injuries and you haven’t ridden in a long time... Still, I think if you’re extremely careful and let someone else saddle the horse, you should be
okay.”
Nicole was shocked and surprised that Dr. Sullivan had given her permission.
Troy began to ride with Nicole, usually in the arena, but sometimes with a police escort, they would go out on a short trail ride. Being on Burgie was a thrill, especially when they went out on the trail. It made her feel like she was really getting well. Troy rode beside her on Emily’s horse, Raider, and having him there was wonderful. He made her feel protected and cared for. She was glad some of the police officers guarding her knew how to ride. Some days, instead of working in the gym she and Troy would just ride the horses for a while, then go for a swim followed by a picnic on the lawn.
Troy usually stayed for dinner after he worked with Nicole. He really fit in well with the family, and they all grew to like him. Since the weather was so warm, Troy and Nicole often took a swim in the pool and laid out on the warm grass. They chatted and laughed but kept things on an easy level, light and casual. Neither of them really knew how much the other enjoyed those visits. Nicole still felt the weight of the scars and lacked confidence. Troy was just a quiet man.
As her pregnancy developed, Nicole began to look forward to the birth of her baby. As the baby began to move within her, she was startled to feel her love for the baby grow.
Another day, Nicole called Cassie over as she finished riding. “Hey, Cassie, good job! Come over here I have something you might like.”
As Cassie came close enough, Nicole took her hand and placed it on her swollen belly.
Cassie’s eyes grew rounder. “Wow! What’s he doing in there?”
“Troy says it’s kickboxing, but I think it’s soccer.” Nicole laughed.
On her next visit to the doctor, Dr. Sullivan did more tests on Nicole. She was a little surprised and concerned at how big Nicole was getting. As they talked after the exam, she told Nicole that on her next visit, they would do an ultrasound.
“The baby has started kicking,” Nicole told her doctor. “He or she is a future soccer player.”
