by Susan Kohler
Since the prosecution was allowed to give a rebuttal, they had the last word. This time instead of the cold facts they described the people who were injured and killed by Adam during this horrific attack. They listed the family members, including children, who were left behind. They described the good works that the people had been involved in, in their neighborhoods and communities. They talked about their churches, and how they were all involved in different churches in different ways but they still served the Lord in their own way. And then he talked about Nicole.
He described her generous nature, and how she was always ready to help someone. How she always volunteered for charity causes, how she worked with her church to feed the hungry, and of her work to help women build up their self-esteem and confidence so that they could live a more productive life and take better care of their families. He talked about her career, and how successful she was and how that career was destroyed. And then he told the court about how she had used what had happened to her to help other women. He told the court that Adam had robbed her of her virginity but not her decency that was something she had inside of her, always.
He finished by calling for the jury to find Adam Hannan guilty of four murders, arson, and the battery and rape, and attempted murder of Nicole Silvan.
The judge gave his instructions to the jury, telling them what they could and could not consider when reaching their decisions. He reminded them that they were sequestered and not supposed to discuss the case with anyone but jury members, and he reminded them that the only evidence they could discuss was evidence that was admitted into the court transcripts. They could not consider any outside evidence. He explained to them what each crime Adam was on trial for consisted of legally. He talked about what a hate crime was. Then the judge sent them out to the jury room, and the verdict watch began.
Troy tried to take Nicole to lunch, but it was a real hassle with reporters and even a few fans hounding her. They grabbed a sandwich at a nearby deli, sat at a corner booth and ate their lunch. That’s when it got really bad. Nicole could tolerate the reporters buzzing around like crazed bees. She appreciated her fans, even though at that moment, she wished they would leave her alone. She could even understand the few detractors, the ones who felt that by modeling, she had opened herself up to freaks.
But when Adam’s supporters came things got really bad. They shouted that she was a whore, that she had lost her honor and she should be the one on trial. They called for her to be charged for her crimes and included their opinion that she was the one responsible for the death of her friends.
Due to the conflict between her supporters and Adam’s, she was escorted out of the deli by the police who showed her to a quiet room in the courthouse.
The wait seemed like an eternity, but it was only about eight hours. A court official came into the room and told her the jury had reached a verdict.
The jury filed in, looking grim.
The judge asked for the foreman to read the verdict.
The foreman said, “We find the defendant guilty on all counts.”
Adam stood and started to shout something but he was quickly cuffed and dragged from the courtroom.
Nicole felt an overwhelming sense of relief.
A few weeks later there was a second phase to the trial for sentencing. Nicole asked to make a statement.
“Your Honor, Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I’m one of Adam Hannan’s victims, but I’m not the one he hurt the most. He robbed the world of four beautiful people, people I counted as close friends. I cannot speak for their families, but I can speak for myself. I was brutally attacked, beaten and raped by this man. He left me with permanent scars.” Nicole paused. “Probably most of you think I want him to face the death penalty, but I don’t. I want him to have a long life in prison. I hope and believe he can change, if he does he can still do great things, even in prison. That’s my hope. I also believe in forgiveness, as a Christian. It’s hard, but I have forgiven him. And there’s one more reason I’m asking you to spare his life. Your Honor, may I speak to the jury without Adam or his lawyer present? I have something very private and personal to say.”
She knew the answer, even as she waited for the judge to deny her request. “Whatever you have to say, you will say in this courtroom, I can clear out bystanders but not the defendant or his attorney.”
“There is one more reason I would not want to have Adam given the death penalty.” She paused to gather herself, visibly shaken. “Adam doesn’t know about this, and I hate telling him but... I don’t want to have to tell his children someday that their father was executed for murder.”
“Liar!” Adam screamed. “I have no children!”
Nicole faced him directly. “Adam, you have twins. A boy and a girl, born from rape and murder, but they are your children. They will be raised in love, not hate, and in Christianity, not Islam.”
Adam was too shocked to speak.
Chapter Eleven
“By which also he went and preached unto the spirits in prison”
(1 Peter 3:19)
It took a lot of soul searching and prayer for Nicole to decide to go to the prison to visit Adam. After all, her new life was terrific. She had a wonderful husband she loved dearly, beautiful twin babies, and she suspected she had another one coming, this time conceived with love instead of pain and fear. She and Troy had moved into the new house, still close to David but with some privacy. Her mother seemed to be in a new relationship with Sid. She had returned to Florida but he had followed her. She emailed Nicole that he took her dining and dancing almost nightly. His energy level and adventurous spirit matched hers perfectly. Nicole’s public service announcements were really helping people. She had completed her studies to become a licensed physical therapist, although she needed to intern and test for her license; and her new gym was opening in a few weeks.
The advertisements for the gym had been sent to doctors whose specialties would seem to call for physical therapy and weight control. Despite this weight control was not sold as the primary goal, health was, but it was treated as a side benefit of being healthier. Everyone on her newly hired staff was trained and instructed not to do or say anything that might lower a woman’s self-confidence. More ads were sent to women’s shelters with discounts for women who needed the help. Finally, just before opening day the ads were blasted over TV, radio, and in print ads.
The grand opening of Ladies Unlimited was a huge success. Nicole realized that some people came simply out of curiosity and a desire to see her. Still, they signed up to capacity. She had the finest equipment and staff available. The first thing she did with every client was to screen them for health problems and require doctor’s notes before beginning any program. Then she set up an opening make-over with hair and make-up, wardrobe and professional pictures. She gave each new member a binder with room for monthly photos. The first make-over already boosted some of the women’s confidence. She had dietitians and nutritionists help out with women who wanted the help.
Still, she felt something was missing. There was something more she was being called to do.
She and Troy talked about it for a long time and it felt as if she was being called on to visit Adam. It seemed like the right thing to do but there were some things she had to take care of first.
Nicole visited with the families of Melinda, Hans, Lacey, and Ivan. She wanted to explain that even though she would go and visit Adam this did not mean she was not forgetting their loved ones. In fact, she felt that she was honoring them by visiting Adam. She wanted Adam to know what he had cost the world. Moreover, she wanted him to feel the sorrow he had caused. She wanted to go with Pastor Mark on his regular prison visits, hoping that she could cause a change in the lives of some of the men in the prison by bringing her story and sharing her faith with them.
Pastor Mark discussed this with the prison superintendent and got permission for her to meet with men in small groups along with him. She didn’t want to meet with Adam in a gr
oup setting at first, instead, she wanted to meet him alone, separated by glass. She had to admit to herself that despite his incarceration she was still terrified of him. In spite of this, she gathered her courage and went to visit him with Troy by her side.
The first meetings with Adam were conducted in a small booth with a glass pane between them. They had to use a telephone mounted on the wall to talk to each other. Adam was foul and virulent towards Nicole, swearing and calling her awful names while accusing her of being the reason he was in prison.
“You’re right,” Nicole told him with a deceptive calm, “I am the reason you’re in prison. I’m proud of that. It was entirely your choice to end up here, for the rest of your life. Was it worth it?”
“Yes, I am proud of what I did to you and your evil friends!” he shouted.
“You’re in prison because of what you did to me and my decent friends. You’re in prison because you’re an evil man who follows a belief rooted in hatred and violence. You follow a belief that women have no value and are there for you to use and abuse anyway you want. Then you blame them instead of accepting responsibility for your own actions. I was the one who survived and identified you to the police, so yes, I put you in prison, but your actions are the reason I had to do it. My friends deserved justice, and their families deserved to know that you were not going to be able to hurt anyone else. And I deserve justice, for the attack and rape and the loss of my innocence, even the loss of my career. You hurt me in ways you cannot even begin to comprehend.”
“And I’m proud of it, you slut,” Adam sneered. “You should be stoned.”
“First, how am I a slut? Except for you, I would still be a virgin. Also, in my Bible, there is a story of a woman who was going to be stoned by a group of men who said she was an adulterer. They brought her before Jesus and asked him what they should do. His answer was: He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. It’s found in John 8:7. So for me to be stoned, even if I were as bad as you think I am, the man throwing the first stone would have to have never done anything wrong. He’d have to be perfect and perfect men do not exist, except Jesus. All men sin in one way or another.”
For months their visits followed this same pattern, Nicole’s quiet but strong condemnation of his actions followed by his verbal attacks on her. She made it in to see him about twice a week. What Nicole didn’t realize was that Adam actually enjoyed her visits. It gave him a sense of triumph to see his handiwork and besides, the visits broke up the boredom of his existence. She didn’t know that he was kept in semi-isolation for his own protection. So her visits, in spite of how he reacted to her, were a bright spot in his otherwise dismal and lonely day.
Gradually, over several months, he began to really speak to her instead of just yelling insults and profanities. It was a very slow change, and at first neither Nicole nor Adam realized it was happening. He began trying to convert her to Islam. When she realized what was happening Nicole was thrilled. This was the opening she’d been waiting for because his willingness to freely discuss his faith meant she would now be able to attempt to convert him to Christianity.
On her next visit Nicole talked to him about forgiveness, and how Christ died to pay for our sins so that we were forgiven.
Nicole looked Adam straight in the eyes that day and asked him, “How would you feel if you were me? Is it possible for you to forget your hate and disdain and put yourself in my place, just for a moment? Your friends have been murdered, and then you are beaten and attacked, and degraded in every way possible. Then you are set on fire and left for dead. Would it be possible for you to forgive the person who did that to you?”
Adam had nothing to say. He merely looked at her without a word, but Nicole thought she could see a hint of sadness is in his eyes.
Eventually he spoke. “Forgiveness is the tool of the weak, revenge takes strength.”
“You’re wrong,” Nicole replied calmly. “Forgiveness is not easy, it’s almost impossible, at least for as great a wrong as you’ve done to me. It takes strength, and courage, and prayer. I’ve tried not to ever hurt another human being, at least not physically. When this first happened, killing you would have been very easy, wrong, but very easy. Killing you would have just lowered me to your level.”
“I can forgive you because I believe it’s what God wants me to do. My Lord Jesus, even as he hung on the cross, beaten and bloody, and dying, said to those around him, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. How can I do anything less?” Nicole asked him very seriously. “It’s in the Bible, Luke 23:34.”
“And when Jesus taught us to pray, part of that prayer was, to forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors, so when we forgive someone who wrongs us, we are following God’s example,” she explained. “Jesus also said, But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44. That’s why I’m here, trying to do good for you.”
She never knew that when he got back to his cell her words wouldn’t leave his head.
It was on another of her visits to the prison that Nicole finally noticed a slight, but real change in Adam’s attitude. Instead of his usual hateful insults, he seemed to welcome her visit. She thought this change was just for the distraction of having a visitor but it turned out to be much more, it was a crack in the wall of anger that surrounded him. For the first time he seemed to listen to her words and pay attention to the verses she read from the Bible.
That day, she had chosen one of her favorite verses to talk about: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whatsoever believeth in Him, should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16.
For Nicole, that verse was simple and easy to understand yet still conveyed the essence of Christianity. She contrasted Christ’s sacrifice to the belief that many had, that the way to heaven or paradise was to kill others. She spoke of her belief that suicide bombers who wanted to kill others to earn a place in paradise were murderers. She explained how Christ’s sacrifice was to save others, to give any who accepted his sacrifice as a gift of life, earned a place with Him in heaven.
Her persistent visits began to bear fruit as Adam had now gotten to the point where he was asking her several questions with a sincere desire to find out the answer. He wanted to know what Christians thought paradise was and how to get there.
“We’re not real sure what heaven is like, except that it’s filled with joy, and peace,” she explained. “And no one’s perfect happiness depends on killing others or exploiting virgins. We believe you must accept Christ as your Savior to get into heaven.”
He also asked about Christ and the virgin birth. “An angel of God came to Mary, and told her she was blessed, chosen to bear his only begotten son, the Savior of mankind. She was betrothed, but single. Her fiancé was visited by an angel, so he believed her and stood by her. They were traveling when her time came and she gave birth in a stable. The angels sang for joy, and shepherds kneeled in wonder,” Nicole explained. “Of course, that’s the short version. When you’re ready to learn more about it, I can go into more details.”
“I see,” he said slowly. “But I do not understand.”
“What didn’t you understand, Adam?” she asked with a faint stirring of hope.
“Why didn’t the Lord, as you call him, come into more, more um, comfort, a more prestigious family, an easier life?” he asked.
“He was not coming to impress men, but to save them. He was the Lord for everyone, not just the rich,” Nicole explained, reaching, since she had never really thought about that particular point. “And I think, it was easier for him to be free to travel and preach. Of course, He was also fulfilling prophecy about his birth and humble beginnings.”
“Nicole,” he asked hesitantly, using her name for the first time, “do you have pictures of my son? I would like to see his picture.”
To Nicole it was like
a slap in the face. It told her his slight change in attitude was either an act, or it was really shallow. He asked to see his son, and never mentioned his daughter. Women were still less than human to him.
“No,” she managed sadly. “I didn’t bring any pictures.”
“Maybe next time,” Adam said to her, speaking calmly but clearly disappointed. “You could even bring me some verses from your Bible so I can begin to read them.”
It was the first time he had responded at all to her Christian teachings. It changed her disappointment into hope. Nicole felt filled with joy. Was she really reaching him? She left the visit very encouraged. She told him once again that she forgave him for what he had done, the beating, the rape, and the fire, even for the death of her friends. She explained that for him to truly be forgiven by God, he would have to accept Jesus Christ as his Savior and ask to be forgiven for what he had done.
He wasn’t ready at that time to take that step but at least he listened and thought.
Chapter Twelve
“Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name; the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.”
(Psalm 142:7)
Nicole started preparing topics to discuss during her visits with Adam. She secretly thought of them as lesson plans. She didn’t realize how much she learned herself while preparing these lessons.
On one visit she spoke to him about the verse: A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved to you, that ye also love one another. John 13:34
