by Avery Wilde
Mr. Thomas eyed me with disbelief but he launched into his story once more about how he was so close to cheating on his wife with a male partner. While it would have been shocking to others, to me, it wasn’t that surprising. I couldn’t tell you how many men and women alike wanted to branch out and explore their sexualities, but it’d been a hell of a lot. “It’s not that I am gay,” he continued, his voice shaking as it always did when we talked about this. “Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, of course.”
I nodded reassuringly for him to carry on. I wasn’t here to judge; I was here to be trusted with my client’s innermost desires and worries, a guide to help him on his way.
“I just have this undeniable urge and I know as soon as I do this, get it over and done with, that it will go away. It will go away, right?”
“Mr. Thomas, I can’t guarantee that,” I said. I’d been seeing him and his wife for the last two months but this was only the second time he had come to me alone to discuss this topic. The first time I’d urged him to talk to his wife, but he hadn’t followed up on that just yet. He wanted me to tell him that it was okay, but I wasn’t that kind of therapist, either. “Have you spoken to your wife at all?”
He demeanor changed and he became tearful, as he had previously. “Of course not. How do you think I can discuss that with her? I can’t tell her. It would break her heart.”
“I’m afraid I can’t be the one to tell you that what you want to do is okay. You’re wanting someone to give you the go ahead to break your marriage vows so that you won’t feel guilty. But I can’t do that. Even if I did, do you really believe the guilt would subside? Would you be able to look your wife in her eyes ever again?”
I took a breath and closed my notebook with a snap. Our time was almost up. “You’re currently at a crossroads, I think we both can agree to that?”
He nodded.
“But the decision to go ahead or not is entirely yours. I still urge you to talk to your wife, though. Maybe you would like to bring it up in our of joint sessions?”
He shrugged impatiently then stood, obviously displeased with my guidance.
“I don’t know why I pay you all of this money if you’re not going to tell me what to do.”
“I can only give you options, Mr. Thomas. You have to make the choices.”
He left without saying goodbye or confirming our next appointment, but I wasn’t worried, he would be back. Had I done the right thing though by Mr. Thomas, given him the best advice I could? I was obviously preoccupied, my scattered thoughts becoming more of a nuisance as each day passed, and quite possibly they were impeding the sessions with my clients.
Ever since the visit to the baseball field two days ago, all I could think about was how much of a chicken I was for running away from both Luke and my son. My nerve had dwindled away with each passing moment when I watched the kids play. Of course, I’d felt a slight pull to stay and seek out my son, and then see what Luke had in mind when he’d said he wanted to make it up to me. But fear had won out; seeing my son for the first time had nearly scared me to death and I’d bolted just as practice ended.
I wasn’t ready.
So not ready.
Sighing in frustration, I pushed out of my comfortable chair, hugging myself as I walked over to the window to stare at the inky ocean in the distance. I was so tired. For the last few night I’d been unable to sleep, constantly thinking about how I had royally screwed up this meeting with James. He had reached out to me—that had to have taken courage for anyone, let alone an eight-year-old boy. But what had I done? I’d abandoned him, again. No wonder I hadn’t felt fit to be a mother. I was useless. I couldn’t face my only child because I was too ashamed of what I had done.
“Cara? You okay?”
I turned to see Lucia in the doorway and hastily wiped the stream of tears from my cheeks. “I’m fine,” I replied with a confident smile.
“No. You’re not,” she said, walking into my office and shutting the door. “I heard a sob from my office. What on earth is wrong? What aren’t you telling me?”
Embarrassed that she had caught me at a low point, I broke eye contact and avoided her gaze as motioned over to the couch and sat down. “Oh Lucia, I suck. As a person, as a therapist… as a woman and a moth—” I couldn’t get the last word out and choked on the next wave of tears that wanted to flow right through me.
“Oh, honey, no you do not,” she said firmly, coming over to sit beside me. “Don’t let Mr. Thomas dictate how you practice.”
I laughed. “This has nothing to do with him. Not really. He just hasn’t come to terms with his sexuality yet and is petrified at what his wife will think.”
Lucia nodded and took my hand as we both rested back onto the sofa cushions. “Well, he’s got the right person to help lead him through it.”
“Yeah right,” I said dryly, giving her a look. “How are you and the baby anyway?”
My friend smiled smugly, patting her stomach. “We’re good. But don’t you go trying to change the subject, thinking you can deflect my poor, pregnant brain onto gushing about the little one growing inside me. This is about you. And I want to know what’s going on. You seem so lonely lately.”
“Oh, geez, thanks.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that… well maybe a little but I thought you were going to get out more? What happened to that plan?”
I shrugged and thought again about Luke as I had been on and off since I’d seen him again at the park and felt the growing flames tickle my stomach; like raging butterflies, they were brimming with passion. He had been the only man I had been remotely interested in since I moved here and I was intrigued to know what his story was. First he was a rude jerk in the bar but the next minute he’s a sweet Little League coach? It didn’t make sense.
“I really wish you would let me set you up with one of Jacob’s friends,” Lucia continued. “They’re all quite hot, you know. I think any one of them would be able to make any woman purr.”
“Lucia!” I said with a fake gasp. “You’re a happily married woman.”
“I know that,” she said with a wink and giggled. “But I’m not blind.”
I laughed again, feeling a little lighter. I always did when we’d got together for a good chat. “What if I told you I did meet someone, briefly?”
Lucia’s eyes grew round as she sat up almost giddy. “What? You met someone? What the heck, Cara? You’ve been holding out on me! What else are you hiding, eh?”
“Well I wouldn’t say met exactly, it was more like a forced encounter,” I said, blushing. “I went to a speed-dating event.”
“You are kidding me,” Lucia said annunciating each word, her hand coming up to her mouth. I shook my head and she started to giggle again. “I really shouldn’t be laughing but I can’t imagine you doing something like that. What was it like?”
I sighed and picked up a pillow, hugging it to my chest. “It sounded like a good idea at the time. But I was an idiot for going.”
“Why? What’s the guy like?”
“He’s different,” I said slowly, thinking about his grin and the shape of those dark, yet blue, broody eyes. “He’s an asshole. But I have to admit he intrigues me.”
“Well,” Lucia said finally after a few moments. “Sounds like your kind of guy.” She stuck her tongue out and I threw my pillow at her.
“Hey! Lady with a baby here,” she tried to say but dissolved into laughter.
“What are you trying to say? That I like assholes?”
“I don’t know who you like,” Lucia grinned, throwing the pillow back at me. “It’s been so long since we have played the hook-up game.”
I thought about how different I’d been over the years with my short list of guys. Lucia would’ve been really surprised if she’d met them all. Hell, I was surprised by some of them. “I just don’t understand this guy. He’s an arrogant, cocky, bastard but at the same time he’s a Little League coach, sweet to all the kids and so ho
t, too. Isn’t that like some kind of oxymoron or something?”
“A Little League coach?” Lucia asked. “Well that is weird, I guess, but not that unusual. Maybe you’re reading too much into it? It’s probably best for you not to understand him in a way, especially if you’re going to date him… it would be boring always knowing what he was going to say or do.”
“Maybe…” I wasn’t convinced. “I don’t know, there’s just something off about him, but I can’t stop thinking about him either.”
“Maybe you just have a huge case of horniatus.”
“I do not… I’m not that horny.”
“Liar,” Lucia threw back with a smile. “So, what did he start out with when you met? ‘Hey sexy, I coach tee-ball for a living?’”
“Haha no, it was far worse,” I said, rolling my eyes. I couldn’t tell her how I knew he was a Little League coach… not yet. That would only bring up more questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer. But he had seemed to enjoy the coaching, which based on what I knew about him (very little) was a surprise in itself. Maybe I had judged him too harshly.
“Oh, really now?” Lucia leaned forward but I mimed zipping my lips shut, locking it, then throwing the imaginary key away. “Bah, suit yourself. Keep your dirty-talk to yourself and away from your deprived friend,” she pouted.
“You ain’t deprived, you little liar. You’re fifty shades of knocked up!”
She laughed and nudged me. “Yeah, I know. But either way I want to see this bar, it sounds like fun,” Lucia announced, standing and stretching her back. “And it’s time for me and Jacob to have a night out anyway. Let’s go tomorrow.” She said it like it had already been decided.
“You want to go to a single’s bar?” I asked. Why the hell would I drag a married couple to a single’s dating event?
“No I want to go to the bar with my friend and spend some quality time with my two favorite people,” she stated, walking to the door. “I’m going to call my parents now to babysit Nora so you can’t back out. I might not be able to drink, but I can still have a good time. And we’ll see about getting you hooked up, too!”
I sighed as she walked out, once Lucia put her mind to something there was no going back. I shook my head and let out a laugh in the empty room.
What the heck had I just gotten myself into? Was I really going to let my preggo best friend and her all-star quarterback husband drag me to a single’s bar to help sort out my love life?
Apparently yes. That’s exactly what was going to happen.
9
Luke
“Earth to Lucas. Hey, you want another one?”
I looked down at my still-full beer and shook my head, giving Ginny a half smile. “Nah, I’m good.”
She gave me a look. “What’s wrong with you tonight? By now I would normally have you at least five deep and itching to get started with the dating thing.”
I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it. It wasn’t the fact that I had become the best Little League coach in history over the last two days. Hell, I was great at it. Those kids were awesome and really wanted to learn and with the first game up in the next week or so, I was stoked that they were all excited about it. No, it wasn’t that. It was a tall, long-legged blonde who had plagued my thoughts for the past two nights, in my fucking dreams and keeping me from getting a decent night’s sleep. I didn’t know why I’d come; I wasn’t even looking forward to tonight’s event.
“Hey, you.”
I turned to see a gorgeous redhead next to me, an unlit cigarette hanging from her fingers. She was giving me the look, the one that I would always take to mean that she was looking for a quick fuck and some free drinks. Normally, I would’ve been right in there taking her up on that offer, but that night, hell, I wasn’t in the mood. “Hey. You know you can’t smoke in here, right?”
She nodded. “Mind if I sit down?” she asked, pointing to the stool next to me. I shrugged in a non-committal sort of way, not giving her any reason to think that I was interested as she slid next to me. The smell of her flowery perfume was overpowering. It actually smelled like the color pink. “What’s your name, stud?”
“Get the lady a drink,” I said to Ginny, taking my beer and then getting to my feet. “Put it on my tab.” The redhead frowned, clearly expecting me to fawn all over her. “Where are you going?” she asked with a pout.
“I’m not interested. Enjoy the drink,” I said, gave Ginny a nod and walked away, weaving amongst the crowd. With it being the weekly speed-dating night the place was starting to fill up with hopeful singles. Usually I would’ve had the biggest smile on my face at the prospect, but for some reason, I couldn’t stay still. I was restless, and it all had to do with her.
Why was she on my mind so much? I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. Hell I didn’t even know her name, but I wanted her, badly. Every time she was around me I wanted her more. She kept me intrigued, gave as good as she got, and that was all within the small amount of time we had spent around each other.
The door opened and I turned, surprised to see the object of my thoughts walking through the entrance as if I’d somehow managed to conjure her. She was dressed in a long skirt and sleeveless top, showing off that fucking amazing tan and her toned arms once more. Her blonde hair was down, skirting above her shoulders. I never thought for one moment she would come back, to here of all places. Ginny was trying to class the bar up, give it a new lease on life, but it had and probably would always be a bit of a dive. And this woman who looked polished and so out of place right now, didn’t belong in here.
Without too much thought—I wasn’t going to let her get away again—I put myself in her path and lightly took her arm, dragging her back outside, much to both of our surprise.
“What the hell?” she said as I pulled her away from the entrance. “What are you doing?”
I sucked in a deep breath, mostly because my nerves were shot at seeing her and then let go of her arm. “I need for you to listen to me.”
“Hello to you, too,” she said, her eyes flashing anger. “Why did you do that?”
“Look, I know you are upset at me,” I started out, putting my beer down on the concrete before raising my hands. “I want to apologize for the other night. I was a total asshole.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, still looking pretty mad at me. I had to change that. “Yes you were. I thought we already established that. You: asshole. Me: not interested.”
I ran a hand through my hair, trying to find the right words for what I was trying to get across to her. I really just wanted to kiss the hell out of her, to pull her into my arms and feel her body against mine. But I didn’t necessarily think I would make it out alive, with all of my limbs intact, if I did that. And I really needed my hands to make a living. “I’m sorry. I want to make it up to you.”
“What? Are we going to have sex out here now? Maybe the alleyway?” she asked, though her eyes twinkled with laughter. “My you are so romantic.”
“And you are so hilarious I forgot to laugh,” I grinned. “Come on, let me take you out. Properly this time. We can go to dinner and then we can take it from there. No strings attached. Let me make it up to you? If you still hate me after dessert then fair enough.”
“You want to go on a date? What is this the Twilight Zone?”
She bit her lip as I stepped forward, not wanting her to get out of this one. “Come on, you have nothing to lose.” She had to say yes. I wanted her to say yes. If she didn’t, the thought of picking her up and slinging her across my shoulder sprang to mind.
“I don’t kn—”
“Cara!”
She looked over my shoulder and waved, and I turned around. There was a couple walking toward us and I did a double-take when I realized who it was.
“Is that Jacob Maddox?” I asked surprised. Jacob was well known in Jupiter, a star football player who’d taken the team to the championship and won the damn thing. We were lucky as hell to have him.
“Luke,” Lucia said, sticking out her hand with a smile on her face. “Nice to meet you. I see you already got started without us,” she said turning back to Cara, and I wondered what she meant.
“You, too,” I said, shaking her hand. Jacob did the same and I shook his, marveling at the fact that Jacob Maddox was standing right there in front of me, shaking my hand. Darren was going to have a shit-fit about this when I told him. The dude loved this guy and had followed him since his college days. We watched all of the games last season. “Nice to meet you.”
“You, too,” he said, wrapping his arm around Lucia. “So, are we going in or not?”
“Pipe down, husband,” Lucia giggled, laying her hand on his chest. I watched as Jacob looked at the woman beside him with a softening expression. “Unless you were looking forward to the speed-dating? Trading in for a newer, younger model were you?” Jacob’s eyes went wide and he shook his head, but Lucia smiled again. She was only teasing.
“No, of course not,” he replied, a little flustered. “But I thought we were going to help Cara out,” he said, looking over at the woman next to me. Cara. Finally, I knew her name and I had to admit her name fit her. “Though maybe she doesn’t need our help anymore?”
Lucia eyed me for a minute, until I became uncomfortable with her gaze and looked away. “Cara, what do you want to do?”
I heard her swallow next to me and wished, even though I was standing in front of Jacob Maddox, and a little starstruck, that they hadn’t picked this moment to interrupt us. A few seconds ago, I had her on the ropes, inches away from her coming out to dinner with me. But now with her friends turning up she had the perfect excuse to say no. I’d wanted to at least get her alone so that I could find out what in the hell she was doing at the practice the other night.
