by Paige Toon
I hope All Hype fans like me.
I peer up at the rafters and say a quick prayer to my rock-chick mother, then I glance to my left to see Johnny calmly watching me. He nods and gives a small smile. I look back at my new bandmates, watching as they work the crowd. It’s almost time for me to go on. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
My dad has faith in me. I can do this. And so, one foot in front of the other, I walk out onstage.
Chapter 29
‘That was amazing!’ Agnes’s high-pitched voice is the first I hear after we play our fifth and final song, but then I’m engulfed by my friends and Johnny is pushing past everyone to get to me. He swoops me up in a hug.
‘Awesome!’ he shouts.
‘Was it OK?’ I ask him, pulling away slightly, my heart racing from the unbelievable high that came with being onstage.
‘You totally rocked it,’ he says, looking at Miles and Brandon. ‘You all did.’
Where’s Jack? Johnny frowns, clearly wondering the same thing as me, and we look round to see Jack standing off to the side with a guy in his mid-twenties, nodding at something he’s saying. He rakes his hand through his hair. He’s so sweaty, but he still looks…
Stop it.
‘Journo,’ Johnny says.
At that moment, the journalist looks over at us and his eyes widen at the sight of Johnny. Jack glances towards us and then looks back at the man. He says something and the man’s brow furrows, but he nods. I wonder what he’s saying. A moment later he and Jack come our way. Johnny touches his hand to my arm and, without another word, makes himself scarce.
‘Jessie, this is Owen from Muso magazine,’ Jack says.
‘Hi.’ As I shake his hand, I don’t fail to notice his look of disappointment at the disappearance of my dad.
‘You were great up there. Was that really your first gig?’ he asks me with an American accent. He’s dressed casually and has messy brown hair.
‘Couldn’t you tell?’ I ask with a smile.
‘Actually, no,’ he replies.
Jack whistles at Brandon and Miles and they both come over to be introduced.
‘I’d love to do a piece on you guys,’ Owen says, pulling a card out of his wallet and handing it to Jack. ‘Call me next week?’
‘Sure,’ Jack replies, stuffing the card into his back pocket. They shake hands.
Miles and Brandon can barely contain their excitement once he’s gone, but Jack just grins. ‘First of many.’
Within minutes, Agnes is putting pressure on me to speak to Johnny.
‘Ask him now, while he’s in a good mood!’ she urges.
‘Are you sure there’s room for me?’ I check with a frown. ‘You did say campervan, not bus, didn’t you?’
‘It’s only the four of us,’ she replies with a shrug.
‘Wait, you, me, Jack and Brett?’ I’d assumed Brandon and Miles and the others would be coming, too.
‘Yeah.’ She nods like this should’ve been obvious. ‘Oh, come on, it’ll be fun! Let’s ask together,’ she says with a giggle, leading me over to Johnny and Lewis.
Johnny raises one eyebrow at us. ‘Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear?’
Lewis chuckles.
‘Mr Jefferson, we were wondering…’ Agnes starts, and I can’t help but snort at her referring to Johnny so formally. She shoots me a look of annoyance. ‘Can Jessie please come to the beach with us tomorrow?’
He frowns. ‘Which beach?’
‘It’s south of Pescadero. My friend has a kiteboard.’
Johnny starts shaking his head.
‘I won’t go kiteboarding,’ I say quickly. ‘I just want to hang out.’
‘Who’s driving?’ he asks.
I point at Brett, who’s talking to Drew and Billy Mitchell. Johnny follows the line of my extended digit and then looks back at me. My heart sinks at the expression on his face. Lewis folds his arms, but Agnes, who refuses to give up on anything easily, explains who Brett is and how he’s a friend of the family and can be: ‘totally trusted. Totally. Speak to my dad if you don’t believe me.’
To my growing astonishment, Johnny doesn’t give an outright ‘no’.
‘Please?’ I find myself begging.
He meets my gaze steadily, then his attention switches to Lewis. ‘You’ll have to scope it out.’
My happiness is instantly stifled. I can’t help but feel suffocated at the thought of Lewis watching my every move.
‘Yes, sir,’ Lewis says.
‘If you’re happy, you can leave her in peace,’ Johnny continues.
‘Thank you!’ I gasp, jumping up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek.
He rolls his eyes at Lewis, who replies: ‘Anyone would think she doesn’t like me.’
Agnes runs over to tell Brett and Jack, but as I go to follow her Johnny pulls me back.
‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ he asks.
‘Of course,’ I reply nonchalantly.
‘That boy is a bit too much of a mini-me for my liking,’ he mutters, and I realise his comment is directed at Jack.
‘Well, I’m not like you. At least not in that way. I’d never be unfaithful,’ I add with a pointed look. I know a little about Johnny’s history with Meg – and my mum, of course. He’s a reformed man these days, but there was a time when he couldn’t stay in a stable relationship without cheating on his partner.
‘I hope To m knows how lucky he is,’ he says eventually.
But I hadn’t planned to tell Tom I’m going to the beach tomorrow.
Or with whom.
Especially not with whom.
Maybe he’s not so lucky after all, I think with a stab of guilt.
No. Jack and I are just friends. Isn’t that what he said to Brandon? Even if Tom weren’t my boyfriend, Jack wouldn’t break his promise about keeping things professional.
I can’t believe I actually feel flat at that realisation. What is wrong with me?
Despite the late night, the next morning we’re all up before sunrise, keen to get on the road.
Johnny asked me to come to his room before I leave and I’m happy to see that Meg and the boys are already awake in bed, watching the songs Johnny recorded on his iPhone last night.
‘You sound amazing!’ Meg cries, genuinely impressed.
Johnny smiles at me proudly from his position on the end of the bed and I feel warm inside. He’s already dressed.
‘Lewis is downstairs with Brett,’ he tells me.
I groan. Embarrassing!
‘Don’t look so worried,’ he says. ‘They’re just going through a few security measures, so they’re both on the same page. Are you ready to go?’
I nod. ‘Agnes has already gone down.’
‘I’ll walk you to the lobby,’ he says.
‘Are you sure? Won’t that draw attention to us?’
‘I’ll stay inside,’ he promises.
Today I intend to go distinctly incognito. The sooner Lewis realises I’m in no danger, the sooner he’ll leave me be.
‘Be careful,’ Johnny says, as we walk out of the lift.
‘I will, I promise. And thanks again for coming to watch the gig last night,’ I say. ‘You don’t really mind that I’m spending the day with my friends, do you?’ We’d initially planned to do some sightseeing in San Francisco. Meg was talking about taking Barney to see a real-life submarine.
‘No. I know you need a break, and Lewis won’t leave you unless it’s safe. If you’re being tailed, he’ll know about it.’
I lean up to kiss him on his cheek. ‘Thank you.’
I wave goodbye and walk out of the lobby.
Agnes jumps up and down on the spot and claps her hands at the sight of me. I smirk at her, then Jack appears from the other side of the van. He looks knackered.
‘Hey,’ he says, smiling sleepily. My stomach flips.
‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ Johnny’s words ring r
ound my head.
I ignore them and climb into the back of the campervan after Agnes. Jack gets into the front beside Brett.
‘Sorry about Lewis pestering you,’ I lean forward to say.
‘No worries, it’s cool,’ Brett replies.
I’m still uncomfortable about all the fuss, so I add: ‘It’s a bit ridiculous that he has to follow us to the beach.’
‘Your dad’s just keeping you safe,’ Jack says calmly. ‘You should be pleased he cares.’
‘I am really,’ I reply quietly.
‘Saying that, let’s see if we can outrun the bodyguard.’ Jack reaches over and slaps his pal on the leg. My mouth falls open and Jack looks over his shoulder at me as Brett laughs. ‘Kidding.’
We drive through the undulating hills of San Francisco towards the Golden Gate Bridge. I saw it when we passed over it from the airport, but now it’s bathed in wintry morning light, the sun turning the rust-red shade to a brilliant orange.
Jack has turned the music up and is tapping a beat out on his thighs with his hands. Agnes is on my right behind him, and I’m on the left, looking out of the window.
There’s a little fridge to Agnes’s right, and behind us is all of Brett’s stuff. Our seats fold down to make a double bed for him, although sometimes he says he ends up in a sleeping bag on the beach.
The thought of falling asleep under the stars makes me smile.
Occasionally, I turn round to check that Lewis is still following us, but, despite his presence, I feel free. Freer than I have in weeks.
Soon we’re on Highway 1, driving along the coast. The road cuts through creamy orange hills, rolling down to the Pacific Ocean, which is sparkling and glittering like a billion Tinkerbells have thrown handfuls of fairy dust at it. Big birds fly over white stretches of sandy beach in a V formation, parallel to the car, and, when I ask what they are, Brett tells me they’re pelicans. We pass a lighthouse and, soon afterwards, the water is peppered with fishing boats: black silhouettes against the sunlit ocean.
After a while, the rocky hills on our left become small valleys of farmed fields. We pass a lumberyard full of redwood pine tree trunks stacked precariously high and another farm with brown horses, goats and a lone alpaca wandering around.
Agnes opens a bag of candy corn and hands it around. It’s so sweet it makes my gums ache, and my mouth is sore from yawning as it is.
I may be tired, but I’m deliriously happy.
We round a corner and the ocean is suddenly full of kitesurfers. Rainbow-shaped, brightly-coloured kites soar above people on surfboards, whizzing through the water.
‘Is this where we’re stopping?’ I ask, sitting forward in my seat and peering out through the front window as Brett pulls off the road into a car park.
‘Yep,’ he replies, switching off the engine.
‘That looks like so much fun! Damn, I want a turn!’
‘Not likely with your bodyguard watching,’ he replies drily.
I groan with deliberately exaggerated disappointment and slump back in my seat as Jack and Brett laugh and climb out of the car.
‘Don’t feel too bad,’ Agnes says as they walk around to the back of the van. ‘It’s even more fun watching.’
‘Is it?’ I ask.
‘Yeah, we get to see Brett in a wetsuit,’ she whispers, as Brett opens the boot behind us. She fans her face and I giggle and get out of the car.
There are enormous flocks of birds – gulls, storks and pelicans – tipping and turning in a flurry of movement across the sky.
I stand and face the water, my hands in the pockets of my hoodie as I brace myself against the cold wind coming off the ocean.
Agnes is swamped in a chunky cardie. No coats necessary, at least not yet. She joins me, glancing over her shoulder at the van.
‘Lord, give me strength,’ she murmurs.
I look back to see what she’s talking about and am greeted by the sight of two boys wrestling to pull on black wetsuits over their bare, leanly muscled chests.
I quickly face forward again and gulp.
‘I’m glad you’ve got a boyfriend,’ she jokes.
‘He’s all yours,’ I joke back, shoving her playfully towards the sand dunes. Surely she knows that, if I didn’t have a boyfriend, it would be Jack, not Brett, who I’d be interested in. ‘Come on, let’s go and watch from up there.’
‘Take this!’ Brett calls, reaching into the van and throwing us a blanket. Agnes catches it. I don’t dare look at them again.
‘Right, dish it,’ I say, as soon as we’re seated on the cool sand, huddled together underneath the blanket.
‘Dish what?’ she asks innocently.
‘I haven’t been able to talk to you in the car, but now I want all the dirt. What’s the story with you and Brett?’
She sighs melodramatically. ‘Like he said, his mum worked for my parents. She’s American, but Brett’s dad is Australian and, when they got divorced, she moved back over here. I was ten when they came to live with us, and Brett was twelve, the same age as Jack. They were like brothers for four years – really close – but Brett never went to school with us. He lived with us, but he wasn’t like us. His mum was employed by my parents, but that didn’t bother him. He didn’t seem to mind that he didn’t live in the house with us, either. He and his mum lived in the game room, actually. We only recently converted it. He was just totally cool, totally chilled out. He was the first person I ever fell in love with.’ She looks over her shoulder. ‘Oh, look, there they go.’
I follow her gaze to see them walking away from the campervan towards the beach. Brett is carrying what looks like a shorter than usual surfboard with blue and yellow fabric bunched up on top.
Agnes sighs appreciatively. ‘He’s so hot.’
My corresponding smile withers when I notice Lewis’s car parked further up the car park. I wonder if he’s watching me.
I turn back to Agnes.
‘Did anything ever happen between you?’ I ask.
She starts to chew on her thumbnail and nods hesitantly. ‘The first time we kissed was on my twelfth birthday. No one knew, not even Jack. At least, I don’t think he did. He never said anything. Brett didn’t kiss me again for over a year, and I was heartbroken. He went back to acting like my big brother and I didn’t think he liked me. I was miserable.’ She gives a little laugh.
‘Then, one night, our parents were out and Drew invited some older friends over for a party. They were all getting carried away, drinking and smoking, and I wasn’t happy. Brett let me hide out at his place and we kissed again. It was way more full-on this time.’
‘How old were you?’ I ask with a slight frown.
‘Not quite fourteen.’
‘What happened after that?’ I try to mask the fact that I’m shocked.
‘He backed right off. I don’t think he could believe he let it get that far. He was a lot older than me. Anyway, things were never the same after that, and a few months later his mom started talking about moving back to Australia.’
‘Did you stay in touch?’ I ask.
‘No.’ She shakes her head. ‘But he and Jack did. I had no idea he was coming last night until he showed up.’
I look over at the beach to see Jack standing by the pale green water, white foam crashing onto the sand by his feet. Brett must already be out on the kiteboard.
‘Jessie?’ I start at the sound of Lewis’s voice and quickly scramble to my feet.
‘Everything OK?’ I ask.
‘It’s all good,’ he replies. ‘I’m going to leave you to it.’
‘Really?’ I’m amazed. I thought he’d hang around for longer.
‘No one’s going to bother you here. Enjoy yourself, but Johnny expects you back by ten o’clock, latest. Brett knows.’
‘OK.’ I’m slightly mortified that Brett has been told to return me by a certain time or face my dad’s wrath, but I’m still grateful for the respite. ‘Thank you!’ I call after him, as he turns away from me to hea
d back across the sand.
I glance back at the beach to see Jack looking up at us.
‘You’re free!’ Agnes chirps. ‘Oh my God, we could run away to Santa Cruz and hide out in a motel room.’
‘That’s so tempting,’ I say with a laugh, as I sit back down on the sand with her. And it is. But I wouldn’t do that to Johnny, not after everything he’s done for me.
Agnes yawns after a little while, setting me off. I barely slept last night. In fact, I’ve barely slept all week, I’ve been freaking out so much about the gig. She lies back on the sand and closes her eyes, but I stay sitting upright. Brett has just surfed onto the shore and now Jack is having a turn.
I watch, riveted, as he wades out into the surf and bends down to strap his feet to the board. The kite billows out behind him and suddenly he’s off, whizzing through the water as the blue-and-yellow-striped kite soars up into the sky in the shape of an arc. A wave crashes towards him and he kicks up and over it, the kiteboard almost vertical for a split second before it crashes down into the surf and carries on zipping through the waves.
It’s one of the coolest things I have ever seen.
I feel movement beside me and then Agnes is sitting up again.
‘You still like him, don’t you?’ she says quietly.
I frown and jolt away from the sight before me, ready to brush her off.
‘I know you have a boyfriend. I get it,’ she says, a little wearily. ‘But that doesn’t mean you stop feeling. And you can confide in me, you know. You can trust me.’
I let out a small sigh, suddenly feeling desolate. ‘I know I can.’ I don’t want to look at her, so I find myself staring at the ocean instead. At Jack. ‘I’m not entirely sure I can trust myself, though.’ I breathe in sharply. ‘I shouldn’t have said that,’ I say quickly. ‘It’s just that I feel like I’ve been away from Tom for months, but it’s only been weeks.’ I half laugh. ‘And we were only together for weeks, but it felt like months. It’s all so confusing. I guess I’ll feel better when I see him at Christmas.’
