by J. R. Grant
Our friendship started from the root of Parker’s dad, Paul, and my dad, Derrick, who met in high school and instantly became the best of friends after playing on the same football team four years in a row. After heading to Towson State University and rooming with each other, Paul and Dad graduated and moved back to Ocean City. The following year, they bought houses next door to one another. And sometime after that, Paul and Dad each married the love of their lives and started their own families. All of us have held a close bond ever since.
I fell somewhere between a girly-girl and a tomboy, never really caring to hang out with anyone other than Parker himself. Girls were too snobby for my liking back then, leaving Hawk to be my world, my everything.
Nine days before my twelfth birthday, he met a new kid in the neighborhood and started bringing him around the house to play after school. But before I realized what was happening, my best friend began ditching me a little more every day. Apparently, the new kid in town didn’t like hanging out with girls and would tease Parker all the time about being so close to me. I hated it. My Hawk didn’t deserve to be teased because he was my friend. I loathed Kade Foster with a burning passion and wanted him gone. He had stolen my best friend, my only friend, away from me.
One day in middle school, Parker was home sick with the stomach virus. Normally, he walked me to all of my classes every day. So, with him being absent, I was extremely lost. Sure there were other kids I could have befriended, but I didn’t want other friends. I just wanted my Hawk. He was my lifeline, and without him by my side, I felt utterly and completely lost.
That afternoon, I was standing at my locker, grabbing my books for the next class, when the door slammed shut in my face, causing me to jump back. I jerked my head to the side thinking it was another one of those girls who liked to play jokes on me sometimes, but I was wrong. Leaning beside me with a smirk on his face was Kade Foster.
Even though I disliked him, I always thought Kade was cute. But that day in particular, something encouraged me to be extra nice.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, pretty girl,” he said with a wink. “I just wanted to walk you to your class since Parker’s home sick. He said to be nice to you while he was absent, so here I am.”
From that moment forward, my feelings for Kade changed drastically. I no longer wanted him gone and I decided I didn’t hate him anymore. Nevertheless, before I could blink an eye, I fell head over heels in love with the boy who had dark blue eyes and shiny brown hair.
When Kade asked me to be his girlfriend, I warned him about mine and Parker’s closeness. Thankfully, he didn’t seem affected by our friendship. Regardless, no matter how much I liked him at the time, Parker always came first, no questions asked.
Over the years, the three of us attended the same middle and high school, becoming extremely close. We were like the Three Stooges.
There had also been tough times when the three of us disagreed with one another, but somehow, we always managed to make it through the fiascoes.
On the night of our high school graduation, Kade shocked me when he proposed. He said he didn’t want to start college at Salisbury University unless we were married. The two of us were close, but to be with Kade forever was like a dream come true. I had secretly been preparing for my wedding a year after he and I became an official couple. You could say I was kind of obsessed with the guy. He made my stomach do crazy summersaults whenever he was around me.
Both of our parents insisted we should wait on marriage until Kade finished college, but he refused, swearing he didn’t want anything to happen to our relationship once school started. Kade feared the two of us splitting up for some strange reason. I never fully understood why. Everything had been going good between us. Nevertheless, that same year, Kade and I said our vows on December 15, 2004.
A month before our wedding, I found out I was pregnant with our first son, Justin. Needless to say, the news was shocking. Before I delivered the baby, Kade insisted I stay home, and he would take care of me and our family. That was the life he wanted, the life I gave him.
The rest is history.
Chapter Two
Lani
My foot is uncontrollably bouncing on the floor. The anticipation right now is kicking me in my gut. I need answers. I need to know something. I soundlessly pray he’s ready to talk, his silence is killing me with every second that passes by.
“Can you tell me what happened, Parker? Where were you when all of this went down? Did you see the accident happen?” I ask, confused about the entire situation. I thought all of the guys were riding together tonight to celebrate Owen’s bachelor party.
Parker places his hand on my left leg and takes a deep breath. Closing his eyes for a split second, he shakes his head and starts talking.
“We all went to the Purple Moose for a little while; Me, Kade, Owen, Brandon, and Blaze. The bar was dead around midnight, and no one was ready to go home. So we went over to Secret’s to watch Shady Serum play for a bit. Around two, I was bent and ready for bed. I’ve been up working since six yesterday morning. I just wanted to get some sleep. But by the time I got out to the parking lot, something didn’t feel right. I told Blaze and Brandon we’d follow Kade and Owen home to be safe. Kade seemed fine driving his truck, we weren’t trashed or anything. Still, I couldn’t pin point this ill feeling I had. I don’t’ know, it’s hard to explain.”
Turning my body to face the window, I gaze out at the trees as they pass by quickly. I don’t know if I can handle hearing the details about the accident, but I know I have to, I need to. It’s time I start preparing myself for what I’m about to face when we get to the hospital. If Kade’s as bad off as I’m thinking, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
“I couldn’t shake this unsettling feeling, like I knew something bad was about to happen. Except I didn’t know exactly what it was. I’ve never felt anything like that before in my life. It was strange. Now look where it got us.” He sighs, his voice cracking with emotion.
My best friend is devastated, his tears have made his pain apparent. But from the sound of his voice, Parker is angry, very angry, and it looks like he’s about to lose all the self-control he has left within him. Regardless of how bad he breaks down, knowing Parker, I’m more than positive he’s mentally blaming himself for the whole thing. Even if it’s not his fault. He’s just that type of person; always looking out for others around him, pushing himself back- setting his own feelings to the side. It’s one of the main qualities I love dearly about him.
In all of my life, I have only seen him this upset once; when his mom passed away. Otherwise, Parker is the most calm, cool, and collected guy you could ever meet. He has a peaceful personality that is infectious, and a smile so bright it’s contagious. Everyone loves Parker Johnson, including me. I can’t thank God enough for placing him in my life. He will forever be my Hawk, my best friend.
“We were driving down Route 90,” he says and slowly shakes his head. “There are signs everywhere, Princess. Everywhere. Tractor trailers aren’t supposed to be on that damn bridge. My God, even little Justin knows you can’t drive out there in a truck that size without getting stopped, and he’s a little kid. The bridge wasn’t made for a vehicle that big.” He moves his hand from my leg and places it on the steering wheel, gripping it tight. His knuckles turning every possible shade of white.
“Out of nowhere- No. Where. We made it to the second bridge, by Assawoman Bay and St. Martin’s Neck Road, and came up over the hill. The fuckin’ idiot driving the tractor must’ve fallen asleep or was texting, or some shit. Something. Because as soon as he crossed the median, his truck spun around, clipping the front of Kade’s truck head-on. Shit started flying everywhere from the back of the tractor, blocking our view, covering my windshield. Even though we were a little ways back behind Kade’s truck when it all went down, we were still close enough where we could see everything that happened. I slammed on my brakes and watched Kade’s truck spin out of control, eventually caus
ing him to hit the guard rail. His truck rolled twice landing passenger side up. I was freaked the hell out.”
Tears are constantly streaming down Parker’s face, and it’s breaking me. I hate this. I hate everything that has happened.
“I was so fucking scared, Princess. I thought Kade’s truck was going to explode. The way it landed, it crushed….it crushed the gas tank and started leaking gas; all over the bridge, on the road, and on the truck itself. It was only a matter of time before the damn thing caught on fire. Brandon, Blaze, and I jumped out of the car and ran as fast as we could over to Kade and Owen. There was blood everywhere. The airbags had pushed them back, trapping them in. Neither Kade, nor Owen were moving. And I couldn’t leave them stuck in there. I knew I had to do something. Anything. I just couldn’t stand there and watch my two brothers lay lifeless. We had no other choice. Blaze, Brandon and I had to pull them out.”
Oh my God, I don’t know how much more I can hear of this.
Placing my index finger on the side of my neck, I soundlessly count my heartbeats when I notice they are quickly increasing. I can feel the anxiety coming on. It’s starting to make me more nervous than I already am. There’s nothing worse than when you’re already worrying to have a panic attack rush through your body, throwing you for another loop.
“The three of us did the best we could to wiggle out Owen and Kade. But we had to hurry. The fear of a fire starting didn’t help calm me down on top of making sure they were alive either. Once we got them free, we rushed them both away from the truck, over to the other side of the bridge. No matter how hard we tried, neither one of them would wake up. And when I couldn’t find a heartbeat on Kade, I fuckin’ lost it. Blaze called for help. That’s when the reality of it all hit me.”
“By the time the paramedics arrived on the scene, Brandon was helping me do CPR. I don’t know how good of a job we were doing. I was a nervous wreck, shaking and shit. Owen was knocked out but still breathing on his own, thank God. I don’t think I could’ve handled both of them needing CPR.”
Throwing my head forward, I lean my elbows on my knees and hide my face in my hands, and rock my body back and forth. Trying to keep myself in check right now is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I feel like I’m about to lose it.
I can’t believe this is happening.
“Blaze called Cruz and told him to meet them at Peninsula Regional Medical Center.” Parker says, keeping his eyes trained on the road.
“I ain’t ever seen anything look so bad before in all my life. It’s like my mind won’t stop replaying the accident over and over, no matter how hard or how many times I try blocking it out. The vision of it all is traumatizing,” he cries, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.
We pull up to a red light, and I sit up in my seat and look out the window again. When I notice we’ve already made it to Easton, I reach over and grab Parker by the hand and pull him into my arms so I can hug him. It’s the least I can do right now. No words are going to fix any of his bent up emotions or take away the pain he is feeling.
“I’m so sorry, Hawk. This is all just too crazy. But thank you for being a good friend and being there for the guys and being here for me. I don’t know what would have happened had you decided to go home the other way and leave Kade and Owen. It all could have been so much more worse had you not been there to step in and help.”
He sits up straight and takes off as soon as the light changes back to green.
“I would have never left them, Princess. Never. I just hope they are alright and nothing too serious is going on. If they don’t pull through…God…I don’t even want to think about that shit right now.”
Hearing those five words out of Parker’s mouth instantaneously hit me straight in the chest.
“If they don’t pull through.”
Desperately trying to get my emotions under control, the air suddenly feels trapped within my lungs. I feel like I’m in a hole. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. The only thing I can picture right now is Kade’s face being hit head-on by the tractor trailer.
“It happened so fast…” He continues to speak, but his words sound more like a whisper.
Sucking in a gulp of air, fear and worry take over my mind, and I begin to panic. “Oh my God…No…”
Grabbing my neck, my best friend pulls me back toward him and holds me in his arms while he continues driving.
No more words are spoken. There’s nothing left for either one of us to say. After hearing everything that happened, I don’t think I can handle anymore right this second. I know I’m Kade’s wife, but what Parker had to witness with his closest friends for the past twelve years must have been traumatizing- utterly and completely devastating.
<> * <>
My marriage began unraveling a little over two months ago. Around that time, Kade started working with Michael Williams. They had proposed on a deal with Taylor Enterprises, rebuilding their two-story office, when the owner, Mr. Frazee, invited the both of them out for drinks.
I didn’t trust Michael with the reputation he carried, and I loathed the idea of Kade hanging around him. But since it was for work, and Erik hired Michael a few months prior, there wasn’t anything I could really do to stop the two of them from hanging out with one another.
I spoke to Kade that one specific night around eight thirty. He told me Michael would drop him off at home within the hour. I tucked the boys in bed and took a relaxing hot bath. By the time I was all finished, it was near ten o’clock, and I hadn’t heard another word from my husband.
Deciding to kick back and relax while the house was quiet, I started a new steamy romance book called Pulse by Gail McHugh. When I began nodding in and out while reading, I knew I was done for the night. It had been a long day.
By one thirty, I still hadn’t heard from my husband and decided to give him a call to see what was going on.
“Yeah?” he answered his cell. I could tell Kade was completely hammered.
“Kade, where are you? It’s almost two o’clock,” I asked, hoping he would hurry up and come home. I’m starting to get worried.
“I’m fine, Lani. What do you want?” he slurs through the phone.
“Don’t drive, please. I’ll come get you. Where are you at? I’ll get Ryder over here to watch the boys,” I begged, hoping he wouldn’t be stupid and get behind the wheel. As drunk as he is, I highly doubt he’ll listen to me. Kade never really does anymore. Lately, he has been acting awfully strange. I just can’t put my finger on it.
“I’ll….be….home-….” He starts to speak but is suddenly cut off by a female’s voice.
“Put the phone down, baby, and come in here,” the girl purrs.
What the hell?
“Give me a minute, I gotta take this,” he tells her and walks outside. I can hear the sound of the wind blowing against the phone.
“Kade Foster, what the hell is going on? Who are you with?” My blood is boiling. Is my husband cheating on me?
“Would you just shut up, Lani? Damn… You’re always bitching about something.” He laughs as if this is some sort of joke. “Look, I’m hanging up. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”
“A couple of days? You’re not coming home? What about me and the boys?”
I can’t believe this is happening. I don’t even know what I did. He left here fine this morning, and now he’s with another girl? For the love of God, we’ve been together forever now. He has never acted this way toward me. Ever.
I don’t know whether to scream, cry, or break something. My entire body feels numb, my mind is blank. I’m at a loss for words.
“I said I’m not coming home. I have shit to do….. Fuck….. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”
Before I have time to talk back, he hangs up the phone. And now I’m left sitting on our bed, in our home, alone. What in the hell just happened?
Four days after Kade had taken off with Michael and whatever girls they were with, he walked through the front door in t
he same clothes he wore when he left the house the day of his meeting with Mr. Frazee.
To say I was pissed would be a complete understatement. I was freaking livid. In all my life, I had never experienced anger and rage the way I did that particular day. It was embarrassing. I had always been a nice girl with a positive outlook on life, but Kade Foster destroyed our marriage that week he left, and I knew we would never be the same again.
Over the next couple days, the two of us didn’t communicate, whatsoever. I couldn’t dare look at my husband without being disgusted. And when I refused to allow him back in our bed, Kade flipped the hell out and started throwing shit in every room of the house.
After breaking everything that was made of glass and valuable in our bedroom, kitchen, and living room, I had no other choice than to wrap myself up in my own blanket and let him back in our bed, still keeping my distance. I was scared he was going to hurt me.
Without bringing up what happened that night out of fear, our marriage continued to go on as if my husband never did anything wrong. Stupid? I know. But unless you’ve personally been afraid of a man who’s ten times stronger than you, don’t judge me. You have no right if you don’t know what it’s like.
Sometimes, we as women, have to do what’s necessary in order to survive, in order to give our children a peaceful home. So, I did. I had to keep my kids and myself safe, and if keeping quiet was what I needed to do, then so be it.
After everything went down, Kade started calling me vulgar names on a daily basis. His choice of words didn’t bother me at first, because I knew they were far from the truth. He had played this same exact game when we were in high school, for a period of time, until Parker set him straight. Then he had no other choice but to step back. But this time, what bothered me the most was the hurt my husband portrayed against the mother of his children, like I was some random piece of meat.
